Since You've Been Gone

by Samantha Chase

  Unfortunately, now that he had done something, the only thing he regretted was that he was going home tomorrow.

  “Look, what is it you want me to say here?” he softly demanded. “You asked me a question and I answered it. You know I don’t lie, Em. If I’m telling you I kissed you because I wanted to, then you should know it’s the truth.”

  She didn’t look the least bit convinced.

  “It’s fine, Garrett,” she said wearily as she looked out at the rain. “I get it. You were curious and…I don’t know…bored or whatever. It’s not a big deal.”

  It took a lot to make him angry–to push his buttons–and it was like she had the complete list and was checking them all off. He moved to stand in front of her and had to seriously fight for control. “Curious? You think that I’m so shallow that I would do something like that? Just…just kiss you to pass the time?” He muttered a curse and paced a few feet away before standing in front of her again. “I thought you knew me better than that. Hell, I guess I figured you thought more of me! But you’re no different from everyone else I’ve been telling you about. You look at me and you don’t see me–the real me. You see some guy who doesn’t exist except in your damn imagination!” And if it weren’t raining, and he weren’t holding the dog, he would have stormed off.

  It was one thing for his brothers to tease him; they’d been doing that to each other their whole lives. And it was another thing for strangers to make blind judgments about him. But knowing that Emmaline thought them too?

  That gutted him.

  He mentally cursed himself for being impulsive and ruining a relationship he’d treasured for most of his life. But he also quietly cursed her for thinking so little of him.

  Screw the rain, he thought, and handed Axel back to her. “I gotta go,” he murmured once she had the dog securely in her arms. He stepped out into the rain and went all of ten steps before he heard her call his name, but he refused to stop. There was no way he could talk to her right now because he was mad at her for simply being herself, and even though Garrett knew he was being unreasonable, he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

  “Garrett, wait!” she called out again, and he heard her footsteps pounding through the mud and puddles.

  His curse was vicious, but he did stop and turn around. “What?” he snapped.

  She came to an abrupt halt two feet away, her eyes wide. “I don’t understand why you’re so upset! You tell me that I’m acting like I don’t know you, and you’re right! I don’t know the Garrett Coleman who would kiss me!”

  Her voice was shaking and he could tell she was frustrated and part of him hated how they were both getting soaked to the skin, but he was too damn stubborn to move.

  Emma took a tentative step toward him. “We’ve been friends for far too long and you…you can’t just throw something like this at me and expect me to just roll with it! It’s not who I am!” He saw her swallow hard. “And you know what? It’s mean, Garrett. It was just plain mean to do that. You resent me for saying what I said? Well, I resent you for doing what you did. So…there.” Her shoulders sagged as she turned and walked back to the barn.

  He stood there for a solid minute before following after her.

  Once in the barn, he found her sitting in the corner where they had found Axel and he took another minute to collect his thoughts. A few minutes ago, the simple response seemed like the best response. But now? Now he knew he would have to lay it all on the line or risk losing her friendship forever.

  It was crazy how they’d gone for years without talking to each other, but after this one weekend, he wasn’t willing to let that happen again. She didn’t have to want him the way he wanted her–hell, they never had to kiss ever again. But if she told him they could never be friends again, he wasn’t sure what he’d do.

  Letting out a long breath, he walked over. She was sitting on the floor and the dog was back in his little pile of hay, but Garrett remained standing.

  “Do you remember our eighth-grade dance at school?” he asked quietly.

  She looked up at him like he was crazy. “What?”

  Nodding, he went on. “Eighth grade. At the end of the year, there was a dance. Do you remember it?”

  It was her turn to nod, but she didn’t say anything.

  “You wore a pink dress and your mom did your hair in some sort of elaborate style that had a ton of curls that you held up with a sparkly clip. We danced together to Chasing Cars.” He paused and let out a small laugh. “It was your favorite song and I remember asking the DJ to play it. Do you remember that?”

  “What does this have to do with…?”

  “I wanted to kiss you that night,” he blurted out. “Even before we danced to that song, but in my head, I thought we’d dance a slow dance and then I’d kiss you, but…I chickened out.”

  “Garrett…”

  “Then when we went on the field trip to the battleship, you had a panic attack because you got claustrophobic. Mrs. Greene let us go sit up on deck by ourselves until they were done touring the lower part of the ship, and we sat outside, just the two of us. I wanted to kiss you then, too.”

  Slowly, Emma stood up.

  “Sophomore year, I was failing Spanish, and I was freaking out because I didn’t want to have to go to summer school, and I didn’t want to mess up my chance to go to a good college. You worked with me every day after school for a month.” He saw her expression soften a little. “When I got my final grade and it was a C, you were waiting out in the hallway for me and I picked you up and hugged you. But what I really wanted to do was kiss you right there in the middle of the crowd of people changing classes.”

  “Garrett, I…”

  But he had one last thing he had to say.

  “You went to the junior prom with Steven. I had planned on asking you, but he got there first,” he said gruffly, forcing himself to hold her gaze. “I remember asking you to dance that night, but he told me to get lost.” He shook his head. “And I always regretted not pushing back harder. Not that I think that would have changed anything, but sometimes…”

  He never got to finish.

  Emma launched herself at him and kissed him. Her arms were around him, she was up on her tiptoes, and they were both soaking wet, but it was perfect. It took him less than a second to wrap his arms around her, to press her even closer. Her hand raked back up into his hair and he couldn’t believe there was a man alive stupid enough to let her go.

  Their loss…

  This kiss was nothing like the one they’d shared only a little while ago. This was incredibly hot and needy and Garrett wished there were someplace soft that he could lay her down and do this right.

  There was nothing wrong with what they were doing, but…he wanted it to be better–special.

  She was all wet curves and she smelled so damn good that he felt his control slipping. He wanted to touch more of her but didn’t want to spook her in any way. Slowly, one hand smoothed up and cradled the back of her head. Her hair was clipped up in a ponytail and he gently released it and let the clip fall to the floor. At the same time, his other hand smoothed down and rested on her bottom and gave a tiny squeeze.

  She was perfect.

  From head to toe, she was perfection and he wanted her more than he had ever wanted a woman before in his life.

  Maybe it was the fact that he had wanted this for so long that his senses were on overdrive, but he was reasonably sure it was more because Emmaline was…well…she was everything he admired and wanted. To him, she was flawless.

  Slowly, the kiss became less urgent before it was nothing more than the two of them tenderly sipping at each other’s lips. When Garrett lifted his head and looked down at her, her cheeks were flushed, her lips were red and wet, and her eyes were closed.

  She was the epitome of beautiful.

  When he rested his forehead against hers, he let out a shaky breath before whispering, “You okay?”

  Wordlessly, she nodded.

  “Shoul
d I apologize for that?” And he silently prayed that he didn’t.

  Emma’s eyes were slightly dazed as she opened them, giving him an impish grin. “I believe I was the one who kissed you that time. Does that mean I should apologize?”

  “Never,” he stated. His hands gripped her hips and held her close.

  When she pulled back and met his gaze, her smile faltered. “Where did that come from?”

  “I told you…”

  “No,” she quickly interrupted. “I know what you told me, but…why now? Why didn’t you ever say anything to me about how you felt?”

  Good question.

  “You were such an important person in my life and you never showed any interest in me beyond friendship. I didn’t want to do anything to lose you.” He shook his head but didn’t release her. “Everyone thought I was a confident person–and in a lot of ways, I am–but where you’re concerned, I didn’t want to take the risk. And you have to know that I’ve regretted it for years.”

  She nodded and let out a soft sigh. “I wish I had known.”

  All he could do was nod solemnly. “I wish I had been brave enough to tell you. I should have told you. Maybe if I had, you wouldn’t have…”

  One slim finger pressed against his lips. “Don’t,” she whispered. “Just…don’t think like that. I don’t want to go down that road of what-ifs, Garrett. I can’t.”

  Her forehead rested against his chest and his hands released her hips so he could wrap his arms around her. Garrett rested his chin on top of her head and wondered where they went from here.

  For right now, it was nice to just hold her. Over the years, they’d hugged–like buddies–but this was so much better. His hands rubbed up and down her back and it made him feel good that she wasn’t pulling away.

  Unfortunately, they really did need to talk because now that he’d kissed her and had a taste of the woman she’d become, he didn’t want to go back into the friend zone. He’d do it if that’s what she truly wanted, but…

  “Where do we go now?” she asked quietly, as if reading his mind.

  Looking around, he wanted to find a comfortable place for them to sit and talk. The rain was still coming down hard and it looked like they were going to be here for a while.

  “What’s up there?” he asked, looking up at the loft space. “Do you think Ed’s put anything up there?”

  Emma turned in his arms and looked for herself. “No idea. In the other barn, it’s where he keeps extra hay. So maybe it’s the same here?”

  As much as Garrett hated letting go of her for even a second, he knew it would be worth it if they found someplace to relax and wait out the storm. He walked over and scooped Axel up in one hand and held the other out to Emma. There was a narrow set of stairs in the barn's front corner that led up to the loft. Normally it would just be a ladder, but he was glad Ed had upgraded. They climbed up in silence and his smile grew when he saw all the possibilities for them up here. Straw covered the floor, but there were also several bales that would make excellent seats. He placed Axel down and led her over to sit on one of them.

  But when she looked up at him, words escaped him. All he could do was cup her face and lean in to kiss her again simply because he could.

  So good…

  Emma melted against him and Garrett realized another benefit to all these bundles of straw.

  They were big enough to recline on.

  At first he feared he was going too fast, but her hands came up and gripped his shirt and pulled him down with her when he hesitated.

  They laughed and smiled against each other’s lips before sinking back into another kiss. On and on it went–slow and tender one minute, wet and needy the next. He stretched out beside her before Emma shifted and wrapped one leg over his hip. Every kind of erotic image he could imagine involving her came to mind, and he was about to reach for the button on her jeans when he stopped himself.

  Breaking the kiss with every reluctance, he let out a long breath as he sighed her name. His gaze scanned her face, and he loved how breathless she was. “This wasn’t why I brought us up here,” he said, forcing himself to sit up.

  Once she did the same, he took her hand in his and marveled at how small it was and how soft her skin was.

  Focus on your words…

  “Em, I…” And for the life of him, Garrett had no idea what to say. He stared down at their hands as he tried to find his voice.

  “How about I start?” she said, nudging his shoulder playfully. When he nodded, she said, “I think it’s safe to say that neither of us planned this, right?”

  He nodded again.

  “You’re leaving tomorrow to go back to Norfolk, and then you’ll be traveling to work at a couple of different clinics to try to figure out where you’re going to settle and which job you’re going to take.”

  Another nod.

  “So it’s safe to say that…you’re not going to be coming back to Magnolia any time soon.” This time, her words were soft and she didn’t even try to hide her disappointment.

  That’s when Garrett knew he needed to speak up.

  “I can come back on the weekends. I’m not on anyone’s formal schedule at any of the clinics. I’m going to observe and meet with the staff and see where I fit in best. I know it’s not much, but I can be here on Friday nights and head back late Sunday afternoon. It’s not ideal, but…”

  Then he held his breath because he had a feeling this was the point where she was going to tell him it was too much work and not enough time and that the time just wasn’t right for them.

  He knew it was all true and the thought of all that driving back and forth exhausted him already, but she was worth it. He’d do it every weekend he possibly could–and maybe she’d be willing to come to see him too. It would practically take the planets aligning for this to work out, but that was a risk he hadn’t thought about before kissing her.

  One minute turned to two, and the suspense was killing him.

  “Em?”

  She looked up at him, her expression grim. “I hate to think of you driving so much after working all week,” she began, and Garrett’s heart sank. He’d waited too long and now he was going to lose her before they even had a chance to start.

  “Like I said, I know it’s not ideal…”

  Her smile started small and then grew a little. “But I’d really like for us to try,” she said, effectively blowing him away.

  They celebrated by reclining on the straw again and kissing until the sun went down and the rain stopped.

  6

  “What are you doing tonight?”

  Emma got comfortable on her bed and cradled the phone in her hand to her ear with a smile. “Hmm…not a whole lot. I was just planning on getting comfortable and talking with you.”

  It was Thursday night, and she and Garrett had gotten into the habit of talking every night after dinner until one of them was just about asleep. It was crazy how they never ran out of things to say and how much she realized she missed having someone to talk to. It wasn’t like she didn’t have friends–she did–but…she just hadn’t spent much time with any of them because she felt like they had nothing in common anymore.

  But with Garrett, she found they still had everything in common.

  And it made her miss him even more.

  “What about you?” she asked. “It sounds like you’re in your car. Did you work late?”

  “I did. The clinic was a bit overscheduled and understaffed today. I was happy to help out, but I don’t think it’s where I’m going to stay permanently.”

  “Oh, Garrett, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. That was the point of this little exercise. I needed to work at the different clinics to see how I felt about them.”

  “I know, but…it’s only been a few days and that’s the second one you’ve crossed off your list. At this rate, you’ll have no more options.”

  “Not really. These two weren’t my first choice. The clinic up in Delaware is where I
’m heavily leaning, but I needed to rule these others out before I made my final decision.”

  “So does that mean you’re going to head up to Delaware sooner then?” Her heart was racing because she knew if he took that job sooner rather than later that there weren’t going to be any weekend trips.

  There probably wouldn’t be any monthly trips either.

  Disappointment washed over her, but she didn’t want to bring him down. It was likely that she was just getting ahead of herself.

  “There’s a lot I need to take care of before I go back up there. They aren’t expecting me right away, and I have to start looking for a place to live and then hire movers and work out all the logistics where that’s concerned.” He paused. “Hey, can you hold on a minute? I’m at the drive-thru getting some dinner and it’s my turn.”

  “Of course. Go ahead.” She pulled the phone away and sighed. It was crazy how much she had been looking forward to seeing him this weekend, and now it sounded like everything they had talked about and planned was never going to happen.

  Then she wanted to kick herself because it wasn’t anything new. This sort of thing always happened to her–well, maybe not this exact scenario–but her low self-esteem made her believe that she wasn’t enough to keep a man.

  Any man.

  It didn’t usually bother her because she was thriving in many ways and was stronger than she ever imagined she would be. Steven had left her in a horrible financial and mental mess, but she was taking care of it all. The debts were getting paid and she was starting to believe in herself more.

  Except where men were concerned, obviously.

  Her job was wonderful, she was in great demand, and she knew if she ever put herself back out there socially in any capacity, she’d find a better version of herself.

  And then something like this had to happen and bring some old insecurities back to the surface.

  Dammit.