“That’s not what I meant. I just hope he didn’t make that up to gain sympathy, that’s all. Honestly, I wouldn’t put anything past him. That’s why I want us to talk to Mom before he does.” He glanced at his watch. “Do you think we should call her now?”
“I hate to have to call her at all. It doesn’t seem fair that she’s finally dating again and then he has to come and ruin it.”
“Don’t be dramatic,” Austin chastised. “He’s not going to ruin anything. Mom isn’t an idiot. If anything, this is going to be great for her. She’ll finally get her divorce and then she and Dom can do whatever they want. I don’t think it’s a big deal.”
“Then why do we have to be the ones to break the news to her?”
His brother growled before sitting in the spot their father recently vacated. “Why are you like this?”
“Like what?” he demanded. “You’re the one who’s not making sense!”
“Okay, fine, I do think Mom’s going to be a little shocked and upset to see him. That’s why I wanted to talk to her first. Once she gets over that initial jolt, I think she’s going to be fine.” He paused. “And not only that, I don’t like the idea of him coming around calling the shots. We all had to live by his rules for years–before and after he left–so he doesn’t get to show up and have the upper hand in any way.”
“How did we live by his rules after he left?”
Austin glared hard at him. “Why are you so literal?”
“Again, why don’t you make sense?”
“Dad left us and we had to pay the price, Garrett! We had to struggle because he didn’t want to stick around and have any responsibilities! So maybe rules wasn’t the right word, but you do get what I’m saying, right?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” With a weary sigh, he leaned back against the cushions.
“You okay?”
“No. I think I’m still in shock. When I saw him walk through the door at the restaurant, it didn’t register at first. Then he looked over at me, and…I froze. I completely froze. Emma was about to call 911 on me, I swear.”
Smiling, Austin leaned forward. “So…you and Emma. How about that?”
Garrett seriously felt himself blush. “Yeah. Me and Emma.”
“And I didn’t even have to do anything drastic! I love it!”
“You still owe a donation to the animal rescue, don’t forget about that.”
Austin waved him off. “That’s nothing and I’m happy to do it. I’m just glad that I didn’t have to get involved and embarrass you or anything to get your butt in gear.” He laughed softly. “So, how long are you here for? Are you driving back to Norfolk tonight?”
“Nah. I’m staying the week to help out at Happy Tails.”
“Really? But…what about your plan–the whole working at different clinics thing? How are you going to make an informed decision if you don’t work everywhere first?”
He knew his brother was mocking him, but he didn’t care. In the grand scheme of things, his problem with the job offers had to take a back seat to what just went down with their father. So he shrugged and said, “I’ve got it all under control.”
“Good for you then. Are you staying with Mom?”
Shaking his head, he said, “I’m at Emma’s.”
“Wow! Look at you moving fast!”
“I wouldn’t say this is fast, Austin. We’ve known each other for eighteen years.”
“I don’t know,” he teased. “I figured you’d be all slow and methodical with this too. Testing the waters, not moving too fast…you know…overthinking all of it.”
Garrett stood and did his best not to take the bait. “I guess you were wrong.” Walking over to the kitchen, he helped himself to a bottle of water. “You got anything to snack on? Thanks to Cash, I missed lunch.”
Austin joined him and grabbed a drink for himself. “I think it’s funny that you won’t call him dad.”
“He doesn’t deserve to be called dad,” he replied simply. “He lost that right.”
Neither spoke for several minutes while Austin pulled out some cheese, crackers, and grapes. “I’ve got the makings for peanut butter and jelly, but I figured this would do. Mia and I were about to walk into the grocery store when I got your call, so…”
“This is fine.” They ate in silence before Garrett asked, “So you want to call Mom or should we just go over?”
“Why don’t you go back to Emma’s and I’ll go over and talk to her in person?”
“You sure? I don’t want you to have to do this alone.”
“It’s fine. If we both go over, she’ll feel like it’s a big deal and be worried more about us than she needs to be. Besides, your date got interrupted. Don’t let Dad ruin that for you too.”
It was hard to argue that logic.
Popping another grape in his mouth, Garrett pulled his keys from his pocket. “In that case, I’m gonna get going. Call me if you need me.”
“I will. Tell Emma I said hello and I’m sorry I didn’t think to do that at the restaurant.”
“Are you going to call Mia or should I just tell her what you’re doing?”
“I’m going to call her now.”
“Alright.” He turned to leave and felt oddly guilty. Glancing over his shoulder, he asked, “You sure you don’t want me to go with you?”
Austin smiled. “I’m positive. But…thanks, G.”
Returning the smile, he said, “Anytime.”
Outside, he jogged over to his car, anxious to get over to Emma’s. Maybe she could help him make some sense out of everything because even though he felt confident minutes ago, the truth was he wasn’t okay.
With any of it.
Not his father, not his job options, and not his future.
9
Emma waved goodbye to Mia and watched her drive away, but she stayed where she was because she knew Garrett would be back in a matter of minutes and she couldn’t wait to talk to him.
“Maybe I should warm up his lunch…” Glancing over her shoulder toward the kitchen, she considered her options and ultimately walked over to preheat the oven. If he wanted to eat, she could heat it up for him right away. If he didn’t, then she could just turn it off. No big deal.
Five minutes later, she found herself pacing and almost sagged with relief when he knocked on the door before letting himself in. She held herself back and tried to judge his mood, but he advanced on her and wrapped himself around her hard. She could feel the tension and it broke her heart.
“Hey,” she said softly. “Are you okay?”
She could feel him shake his head and decided to let him set the pace. When he was ready to talk, he would.
So she held him and marveled at how lean and muscular he was. It was something she’d always admired about him, but being able to touch him like this was still new. They had spent every minute together since he arrived Thursday night up until he left her with Mia earlier. She hadn’t had a proper moment to herself to think about the change in their relationship and how it didn’t feel as strange as she thought it would. They had been friends for so long that she thought things would be awkward–especially the getting naked with each other part–but Garrett had put her at ease and made her feel confident.
Beautiful.
And Emma couldn’t remember anyone ever making her feel that way. Her ex-husband had tried in his own pathetic way, but it always felt…dirty…like he complimented her simply to get his way. There was no sincerity in his words or actions. And with Garrett, it was in his eyes and the way he touched her. Closing her eyes, she could still see the look on his face Thursday night when he was completely naked beneath her. He’d looked at her with awe and it was the most significant moment of her life.
And so much more special because it was with him.
“Sorry about that,” he whispered before placing a soft kiss on her neck. Pulling back, he smiled down at her. “And I’m sorry I left you at lunch the way I did. I hope it wasn’t too awkward for
you with Mia.”
“Are you kidding? That was pretty much a major fangirl moment for me,” she teased as she led him over to the couch and gently pushed him to sit. “I’ve got the oven heating up. Are you hungry? I can reheat your lunch for you.”
“That would be great, Em. Thanks.”
She went to the kitchen to put his food in the oven. “So? Do you want to talk about it?”
He hesitated, and Emma busied herself to give him time. “He’s dying.”
“What?” she cried, walking back over to him.
Nodding, he explained his father’s illness, plans, and how Austin was going over to talk to their mother right now.
Taking one of his hands in hers, she gently squeezed it. “I don’t even know what to say. That is a lot of information.”
“I know.” He paused, kissing the back of her hand. “And I feel guilty because I don’t trust him.”
“He hasn’t given you a reason to. You have a lifetime of distrust to get past.”
“Yeah, but…I was a kid then and didn’t know any better. Now I do. If he pulls one of his stunts now and disappears, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“Garrett…”
“No, that’s not true. I think I’d go and hunt him down and beat the crap out of him and I’m pretty sure Austin would go with me.”
“Good thing Jackson’s not home,” she murmured.
He turned and looked at her. “I wanted to believe him,” he admitted quietly. “I wanted to believe what he was saying and hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright, but I held myself back like a coward.”
If her heart wasn’t already breaking for him, those last few words sealed the deal. She hugged him tightly. “You are not a coward. There’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself, Garrett. This man has a history of letting you down and breaking promises. The only coward in this situation is him.” Pulling back, she gave him a weak smile. “You’re a good person and it’s in your nature to look for the best in people.”
“This is different, Em.”
She sat back and got comfortable. “You know my situation with my father,” she began carefully. “He left when I was a baby and I’d see him maybe once a year. He was a stranger to me for most of my life. Then he started coming around more when I was older, and I honestly had zero interest in having anything to do with him.” She let out a small laugh. “But he just kept coming around. He didn’t push or make any big promises, but he was there.”
“Emmaline, it’s not…”
“The night before my wedding, my father came to see me and asked me if I was sure about what I was doing. At the time I was a little offended, but he said he was just looking out for me and if I ever needed a place to go, he would be there.” She paused because she hated talking about this but knew it could possibly help Garrett. “Three years later…well… when Steven left me, I was mortified. My mom wanted to coddle me and I knew I could let her, but…in that particular instance, I needed my dad.”
When she looked at him, his expression was grim.
“For some reason, I knew he would let me talk without trying to either defend me or bash Steven. He knew the importance of just letting me talk.” She smiled at the memory. “I spent a week with him and he never once said ‘I told you so’ or mentioned how I should have listened to him. That week was a turning point for us. I realized I could be mad about all the years he wasn’t there for me, or I could focus on all the years we still had ahead of us.” She shrugged. “I’m not saying that’s the attitude everyone should take, but I know it worked for me. He hasn’t made me regret that decision, but I didn’t know that then. I had to have faith.”
Garrett nodded. “I want to be angry. I want to punch something and just feel better.”
“Then maybe you should punch something. Keeping all that anger inside isn’t good for you. Go to the gym or go for a run or maybe just talk to Austin or me or anyone about how you feel. I’ll always be here for you, Garrett, and unlike most people, I do know how you feel.”
His expression softened as he reached out and caressed her cheek. “I don’t know how I survived so long without you and I don’t know how I got so lucky to find you again.”
“I was always right here. I wish you hadn’t stayed away for so long.”
“Yeah, well…you were married, Em. There was no way I could come around when you were still with him. It wouldn’t have been right.”
“We were friends, Garrett.”
The look he gave her was almost comical. “Now you and I both know Steven didn’t like that fact at all. As far back as junior year of high school he didn’t like it. The last thing I wanted to do was cause any problems. I thought it was better for me to keep my distance. I didn’t like it, but I thought I was doing the right thing.”
That was a major confession, she realized. All these years, she had wondered what she did wrong to make Garrett stop talking to her.
Now she knew and she felt terrible about it.
But something else also occurred to her–this was a pattern for him. He didn’t want to make waves. He didn’t say how he really felt because he didn’t want to upset or offend anyone. In some cases it was noble, but it seemed like he was a man just inches away from exploding from all this pent-up emotion.
And it just made her feel even worse for him.
It was her turn to reach out and caress his jaw–his beard a little scratchy against the back of her fingers. “I think you need to stop putting everyone else first,” she said carefully. “You worry so much about everyone else’s feelings that you’re neglecting your own, Garrett. That’s not healthy.” She paused and chose her next words carefully. “I understand the situation with Steven–I really do–but you have no idea how hurt I was because I thought I did something wrong.”
“It was never you,” he said gruffly, taking her hand and kissing her palm. “This is just how I am. Always.” He shook his head. “Austin was the hellraiser, and even though Jackson and I followed right along, there were things I tried to keep to myself to cause a little less worry for my mom.”
“Like what?”
“How much I struggled in school.” He hung his head. “She knew I struggled with reading, but after that–all the stuff you tutored me on?–she never knew. I think she was thrilled that I wasn’t failing anything, but she had no idea how much work I put in just to get a C in most of my classes.”
“Oh, Garrett…”
“This is who I am, Em,” he repeated as he looked back up at her. “I don’t know any other way.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” she said fiercely. “I just hate seeing you so unhappy, and to think this is something you keep doing…it just breaks my heart.”
He was quiet for several minutes and during that time, the oven beeped, letting her know his food was ready. She kissed his cheek before she went to go and make his plate. Two minutes later, they were sitting at her kitchen table but he made no attempt to touch his lunch.
“Garrett?”
Once again, he hung his head. “For years, I thought I was the reason he left.”
There wasn’t anything she could say to that. All the years they’d known each other and all the things they’d shared with each other–including how much not having a father around bothered them–and this was the first time he made this admission.
“I thought he was ashamed of me for being stupid,” he went on quietly. “As I got older, I realized there was a possibility that I was wrong, but I never quite believed it. And over the years, whenever his name came up, I lashed out so I would sound just as angry as everyone else. Then as more time went on, I just felt nothing.” He shrugged. “And up until the moment he walked over to us at lunch, I would have sworn that was the way I still felt. But I was lying to myself.”
“It was a shock,” she reasoned. “Anyone would have felt that way in your situation.”
But he was shaking his head and looked up again. “I didn’t say what I really felt because�
��” He swallowed hard. “Because I didn’t want Austin to think less of me, and worse, I didn’t want to risk being rejected by my father right to my face.”
Emma was out of her chair and crawling into his lap so she could hug him. She had no idea if it was what he wanted or needed, but she knew she should do it. Fortunately, his arms banded around her as he buried his face against her neck. Her hands smoothed down his back as she struggled to find the right words. And then something happened…
He was shaking…trembling in her arms.
She felt the dampness against her skin and knew he was crying.
Oh, my sweet, sweet Garrett…
There weren’t any words she could speak to make things right. The only thing she had to offer was herself to comfort him in whatever way he needed.
And apparently, this was it.
So she held him.
Long after his lunch had cooled, and long after the sun started to go down.
And she vowed she’d do it again and again if it gave him some peace.
Late Monday afternoon, Garrett was driving over to his mother’s and wished he could just crawl into bed and sleep.
Yesterday was emotionally exhausting, and after breaking down in Emma’s arms, he wanted to just go someplace and hide.
But she wouldn’t let him.
Instead, they had ordered takeout for dinner and she fussed over him most of the night. Sadly, he had let her because he felt completely drained.
Until they went to bed.
Then it was like he had all the energy in the world and spent the remainder of the night and into the wee hours of the morning loving her and showing her how much she meant to him.
When Emma’s alarm went off this morning, they had both groaned unhappily. She had told him to stay in bed and sleep, but he couldn’t do that. It wasn’t fair. So they got up, and when she left for work, he drove over to Happy Tails to volunteer his services for the week. Both Ed and Christine were thrilled to have the help, and it was nice to be working someplace that just wanted him there to work with no ulterior motives.
There was a time earlier in the day when it was just him and Ed, and Garrett considered talking to him about everything that was going on, but Ed had been the one who needed to talk. He was nervous about the back surgery and worried about how things were going to go without him. So Garrett did what he could to reassure him that it was all going to be alright, and it seemed like they had a long list of volunteers to help out.
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