Eva said, “I don’t know why she wouldn’t just give it up to him. That boy is too fine to be dissatisfied. She better be glad she’s still sort of my girl or I would …”
“You wouldn’t do nothing,” Ella said to her. “Charli’s getting on my nerves too, but we’re not going to betray her.”
“Tell that to Whitney. Look at her hands all over him,” Hallie said, since she was in front and able to see in the parking lot.
She turned around to face Ella, Eva, and Randal. I was behind them, and Hallie felt like she’d said too much. My big-mouthed friend put her hand to her mouth.
“Oh my gosh, Charli! I didn’t know you were right behind us,” Hallie said, trying to explain.
The other three turned around. Randal had an I’m sorry look on her face. Ella mouthed the words “Sorry.” Eva shrugged her shoulders like, You get what you get. Then without real concern, they all kept walking.
Sure enough, the sun beamed on me like I was in a hot oven. The real sweating occurred when I was most uncomfortable. There was no way I could prepare myself to see Blake leaning on his car with his hands on Whitney.
“You’re cute, but you’re in high school,” she said, “and you’re a junior too. My man’s in college, honey. Take your hands off the thighs.” She lifted both Blake’s hands off of her and tossed them to the side.
A few other seniors ran up to him, not caring that he was just sixteen. My car was not that far away, but it seemed like miles. I knew Blake could spot me. I did not know whether to look directly at him or to intentionally look away.
When I looked down, I heard a strong, forceful voice say, “Black, are you okay?”
I looked back and realized that it was Blake’s dad, Coach Strong. I did not want to appear wounded, but I was keeled over. I wasn’t hydrated, and I was hurting.
“Yes, sir, Coach. I’m good, sir,” I said, lying to him and myself.
Coach Strong asked, “My knucklehead son giving you problems?”
Blake had to be looking over here because he stepped away from all the girls, went over to some of his teammates, and tried to act as if he was not showing off. I was in his dad’s PE class in ninth grade, but since Blake and I started dating, he spoke to me sparingly.
I wanted to say, “Could you talk to your son? Could you tell him he’s making a huge mistake? Can you make sure he knows I’m the only girl he needs to be with, and he’s messing up his life? These girls just want to get with him, give it up, and give him something. Come on, Coach, help me out …” But I knew it was not my place to share Blake’s business with his father. Blake had serious issues with his dad. Since my mom and I weren’t close, I understood. Blake and his dad were surely night and day. It was dark or light, never sunset, and if there was any chance the two of us could get back together and work things out, I knew I needed to keep my mouth shut. Certainly I would not say anything to Blake’s father to get him into trouble.
“You know, I got a younger daughter at home,” Coach Strong said. “She’s just going into the seventh grade, but I’m going to tell you like I tell Lola. No joker is worth losing yourself, and I know how you feel about my son. If he breaks your heart, if he doesn’t act right, if he mistreats you, move on … always someone more deserving of you. Right, Brenton?”
And I jumped because I did not even realize his nephew was on his other side. I certainly needed to come out of my daze. I was desperately trying to keep it together.
“See y’all later,” Coach Strong said, not waiting for either of us to say anything.
He yelled out to Blake, “Straight home, son! You got some chores to do.”
“Yes, sir,” Blake called out quickly.
“Come on, Brenton. Dang,” Blake shouted across the parking lot at his cousin.
A part of me thought he did not want his cousin talking to me. Another part of me realized he was probably just taking out his frustration on his cousin because he was embarrassed about his dad calling him out.
Either way, Brenton jogged off. Then he turned back to look at me and said, “My uncle’s right, you know. Always somebody better waiting …”
He turned back around and was gone. I wanted to say, “Coach Strong said somebody more deserving, but if that’s what you want to think—that you’re better—that’s fine.” Then I saw Jackie head over to Blake with her girls. Blake was all standoffish until his dad pulled out of the parking lot. Then he pulled Jackie real close and kissed her hard. I do not ever think we kissed like that before. I realized that this breakup was going to be extremely hard.
I felt Brenton’s heart trying to console me. Maybe someone else was waiting? Maybe someone else was better for me? Maybe I didn’t deserve to be hurt so badly?
Blake saw me standing there. Why would he just disrespect me like that? He knew I still loved him. He looked my way and kissed her again. I couldn’t get to my car fast enough. I could feel Hallie, Ella, Eva, and Randal’s eyes on me. I looked up, and I was correct. But they offered no sympathy. They piled into Hallie’s car and drove away.
When I saw Blake tell Brenton to get out of his car and find another ride home, and Jackie got in the car with him, I could not stop the tears from falling. I did not want anyone to see me broken, but the truth was I was more than broken. I was shattered.
I barely listened to any inspirational music on the radio. Usually I had to have the latest jamming numbers blasting, but as I drove home, I needed the uplifting songs to mend my spirit. However, when I replayed Blake’s crazy actions in my mind and visually saw him all into everybody but me, I turned the radio off.
I was not used to seeing my dad’s car in the driveway, but it was there. I was mad at him. He did not need to say anything to me. He did not need to call my name. He did not need to try to act like everything was all right because I knew things were not good, and I was tired of pretending.
As soon as I entered the house, he had his arms wide open like I was supposed to go to him and hug him. Yeah, he gave me a car, provided for all my needs, and had an open wallet where I was concerned, but I needed loyalty and love. I did not need bribes. Maybe the reason why my mom and I bumped heads a little bit was because we were so much alike. She was not going to take being handled just any kind of way, and neither was I. So I walked straight on past him.
My dad said, “Wait, baby doll. Wassup with that? You can’t give your dad a hug?”
Though he was a judge, he tried to act pretty cool. His problem was that he thought he was too cool. He thought could he get away with having another lady on the side. I was not buying it.
“Dad, just please,” I said. I kept walking.
“What’s going on, Charli? It’s that Blake boy again. What did he do?” my dad asked, following behind me.
I went to the kitchen and wanted to make myself a sandwich, and he had the audacity to ask me to make him one too. I turned around and looked at him.
Then he snapped back, “I know you don’t have an attitude. I just asked you to make a sandwich. Goodness gracious, girl. You are not paying any bills around here. What is the problem?”
“You’re the problem, Dad!” I said, unable to hold it in.
Shocked, he said, “Excuse me?”
“Last night I was out and about, and I saw my father with some lady I did not know, holding each other all laughing, giggly, and stuff. It was crazy, and it wasn’t right. You are the problem. What was that about, Dad? You’re married, or did you forget?!”
He stepped over to me and raised his hand. I stepped back, and I guess he caught himself because he pulled back and didn’t slap me. If he would have hit me, he would have been wrong because I didn’t deserve to be punished for bringing out his indiscretions.
“What were you doing, following me? You’re a kid, girl. You have no business being in mine! That was a colleague and—” he defended.
Cutting him of, I huffed, “Dad, are you serious? I just happened to stumble upon you and whoever she was in that black dress, and she wasn’
t going to a funeral, more like a night club. Your lips were practically touching hers! I wanted to follow you, trust me, I did, but I got lost. Another car jumped in front of me, so who knows which way you went? But when I got home at eleven, you were nowhere in sight. Colleague meetings run that late?”
“You misunderstood what you saw. You had absolutely no right to follow me. What were you doing out that late anyway? I’m going to have to talk to your mom about this. Did you talk to your mom about this?” he asked, realizing what he was saying.
I just went over to the sink and washed my hands. I put soap on them and was thankful for the wonderful aroma of the soap, which usually calmed me down. Unfortunately, the smell could not diminish the intense moment. I was getting more upset.
Quickly, I rinsed off the suds, dried my hands, and went over to the refrigerator. He was talking. He was saying all kinds of stuff. Who knew what he was saying because I refused to listen. Besides, the brash tone he was using was not right.
With lettuce in one hand and sandwich meat in the other, I turned to him and said, “Dad, I love you. I thought you loved Mom. I thought you loved us. But what I saw, what I know—though I might be a kid, I’m more mature than you think—wasn’t right. No, I didn’t tell Mom. I would never tell her that. I didn’t want to break her heart, but you’re breaking her heart anyway.”
We both were startled when my mother came to the kitchen door and said, “Roger, our baby is growing up. I don’t know whether to be angry that she saw what she saw or thankful.”
My father didn’t know whether to calm my mother down or come to me. Both of us thought that she was out doing her afternoon jog. My dad was so on a rampage, tearing me up for calling him out, that we did not even hear the door open. But there she stood with her world just as shaken as mine—probably even more so because she was supposed to have a firmer foundation. She was married, for goodness’ sake. They were going on twenty years. My dad was throwing all this away for nothing.
“How could you say that?” my father said to her.
With a vulnerable voice, my mom said, “Because she idolizes you. She puts you on a pedestal. You are the Honorable Judge Roger Black. The world admires you. You can do no wrong. But you have been doing wrong, and had I not seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it either. And our daughter is right! You can’t do this to us!”
“It wasn’t what she thought—”
Needing to make this mess go away, I said, “Mom, I don’t know if it really was what I saw.”
“Don’t try to explain it, Charli. Don’t try to cover up for your father. I just can’t believe that you didn’t think you could come to me and talk about this.”
“For what? So I could break up my family? You guys got to stay together. You guys got to work it out,” I cried.
I now understood what had been tearing my parents apart. I so wished that I didn’t know and had not spotted him. My dad’s eyes welled-up. Thankfully, my dad chose to walk over to my mom.
She looked at him with an It’s over! expression and said, “No more hiding. No more lying. No more trying to change your story. You’ve been caught, Your Honor. To think that you sit on one of the highest courts in our land—you have moral standards to uphold. What irony! You’ve been proven guilty, and the one person you love most now knows that you’re not perfect. Wow, now you’ve been broken. Can you see how I feel? Losing something you really care about is hard. Well, deal with it, because payback hurts!”
CHAPTER 6
Sometimes
Down
I hated running out on my father as he tried to comfort me. Though I loved him, I was upset with him. I certainly felt bad that my mom found out what I had stumbled upon.
I just wanted my pillow. As soon as I got in my room, I locked my door. I buried my head in it and let the tears flow.
School was about to start, and I would never have thought that I would be on the other end of fantastic. My world was upside down. Nothing in it was going right. The school mailed my schedule, which was all screwed up. I wanted to scream, but what would that do? I had to ask myself a question: Did I bring all this bad karma on myself? Did I deserve to have everything snatched away? Was my tough situation my fault?
As if my mom knew what I needed, I heard a soft tap on my door, followed by the sweet words, “Baby, open up. It’s Mom. Let me in. I want to talk.”
As bad as I felt about all of this, I knew this had to be affecting her much worse. So I got up, wiped my face with the sheet, and headed over to the door. Her arms were extended, and I just fell into them like an Olympic swimmer dives into the water. And for a moment I felt so safe, so secure, so loved, and nothing else mattered except for the fact that I was her little girl. As much as I tried to be tough, sassy, grown, smart-mouthed, and independent, it was clear I needed my mother’s protection.
Looking up from her bosom, I said, “I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean for you to hear any of that. I didn’t wanna break your heart.”
“Charli, I’m sorry you had to see what you saw. I’m sorry that this house hasn’t been the haven it has been for you in the past. Life happens, and it pulls people apart sometimes. This is hard on us both, and I don’t want you to own any of this. Your dad’s got to make this right. This is not your fault, and I don’t want you to be bummed out about it.”
“Mom, how can I not let this affect me? So much is going wrong.”
“Yeah, but you must be tough, baby.”
“Mom, Blake broke up with me.”
Rubbing my hair, she said, “I’m sorry, honey. I know you really cared about him.”
Continuing, I said, “And the cheerleading squad … they don’t even want me to be captain anymore. Unlike your situation with Dad, I did some things that probably led to both of those situations going awry for me.”
She lifted my chin to face her. “Well, honey, I don’t want you to think I’m blameless in this whole thing with your dad.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t make him go out and cheat on you.”
She looked away. She swallowed hard. My mom held back her tears.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I guess I shouldn’t have said it that way.”
“I know you’re growing up, Charli, and some of these things I want to keep from you. But if I want you to be ready for the real world, we must really be able to talk. And that’s probably your dad’s biggest problem with me. It’s hard for us to be transparent with each other.”
“What do you mean?” I said.
Huffing, she voiced, “I don’t make it easy for him to always shoot straight, bring me all his problems, all his issues, and all the tough dilemmas. I have him feeling like he’s weighing me down … like I want him to leave work at work and not bring it home. However, I’ve been doing some evaluating of my life, and I realize that he should be able to say whatever he wants. I’ve gotten so caught up in a lot of my civic organizations: PTA, the sorority, the church group, and everything else, that I am available to everybody but you and your father. I am not blameless in all this. I’ve got some things I must work on. Sometimes we go to our lowest point so that we can do self reflection. You’re going into your junior year of high school, Charli. You’ve got a lot of great things going on.”
“Had a lot of great things, Mom,” I said to her, feeling melancholy.
“Well, getting a new car, being captain of the cheerleading squad, having a stud boyfriend, not having to worry about what a lot of kids have to worry about, like where you’re next meal is coming from, paying the bills, having a roof over your head, being safe. None of this is your concern. You’re a great student and you’re beautiful. I figured one of these days that you were going to get a big head, and while I hate that you are hurting, being arrogant, cocky, and selfish is surely no way to be.”
My mom had not been walking daily with me for the last couple of months, but she was right on with all that she was saying. Though I thought I was confident, I was alienating people. Though I wanted to stay focu
sed on cheerleading, I had completely left out someone who needed me. Though I wanted a car badly, I got in the middle of what my parents wanted for me. I had gotten a little too big for my britches, and I knew it.
“So how do I fix all of this? I mean, I can’t fix you and Dad. Blake’s moved on with another girl. Honestly, seeing him today hugged up on some other girl makes me think …”
“Okay, okay, okay, enough about Blake. Yes, let him move on. The right boy will come along when it’s time. I told you that before. What about the cheerleading squad? If you feel like you lost their support, maybe you do need to step aside for a minute. But you’re not a quitter, and you do have some assets that you can bring to that team. You’re a smart girl. School’s about to start. Let’s go shopping so we can enjoy each other. The rest of the drama is going to work itself out. Though it is a little dark for the black women … I see light on the horizon.”
I just hugged her. She left, and I turned on my computer, waited for it to boot up, went to my e-mail, and clicked on my address book. I pulled up all of the cheerleaders’ e-mail addresses as well as Coach Woods’s. I typed:
Dear Ladies,
First of all, I want to apologize for being overzealous as your captain. There’s no excuse for how I treated you guys, and I do want the best for our team. Like I always truly believed, I know we can win state; therefore, to help us do that, I am resigning as captain—effective immediately. Again, thank you all for your support, and I know the next leader won’t make the same mistakes I did. Forgive me.
Charli Black
As I pushed send, I could only hope this email would be received the right way. I knew I lost friends, lost respect, and lost my job as captain, but I did want to earn back their trust. This was the best way I knew how to do that. It was hard, but it was right.
Always Upbeat / All That Page 7