Lary woke up and began telling a story about the abominable snowman. I recognized his voice easily, even when drunk. His snowman was really made of snow. He was quickly shushed. Apparently Lary had been telling this same story for years now, and everyone except me already knew it by heart. Lary said that they were just afraid. That it was the scariest tale in the world and that not many people were able to listen to it.
Then the water arrived. The glass disappeared somewhere, so I was waiting for the bottle making the rounds to get to me, but someone upended it on the way, spilling water on the bed. Everyone started yelling and jumping about. I got hit with a book, then another book, and a pillow. I scrambled out from under them and immediately dove right back, blinded by the bright light.
Once I came to and could open my eyes, I emerged again and right away found the glass. It was lolling in the folds of the blanket, quietly bleeding the last drops of pine. Blind’s hand was on the wall switch. He was the only one not screwing his eyes desperately as he gleefully waited for the groans to die down. In the other hand he held three dripping bottles, his impossibly long fingers interwoven around their necks, so I figured that he was the one who’d offered to go get the water. The chain of command sure manifested itself in mysterious ways in the Fourth.
Half of the pack had already migrated down. Humpback and Alexander opened the windows and tossed mattresses on the floor. I tried to climb off the bed as well, something I couldn’t reliably manage without help even when sober. Black caught me just in time, turned me the right way up, and deposited me on the mattress. I thanked him effusively, if not quite coherently. The boombox went back on, the lights went back out. Alexander threw a blanket over Noble and me, then another one over those who were lying next to us. Blind distributed the bottles.
I lay there wrapped up in my corner of the blanket. I was content. I became a part of something big, something of many arms and legs, something warm and chatty. I was probably its tail or paw, or maybe even a bone. Any movement made my head spin, but still I couldn’t remember the last time when I’d felt so comfortable. If, that morning, someone had told me that I was going to be spending the night like this, mellow and happy, drinking and listening to stories, would I have believed it? Probably not. Stories. Fairy tales. In the dark, complete with harmless dragons, basilisks, and stupid, stupid snowmen . . .
I almost cried from all the empathy for my packmates that was now flooding me, but managed to stop myself. Those would have been the wrong tears, drunken and maudlin.
“I’m beautiful,” said one of the ugly ones and started crying.
“And I’m ugly,” said the other and started laughing . . .
And the night went on.
THE HOUSE
INTERLUDE
The House belonged to the seniors. The House was their home—counselors existed to maintain order in it, teachers to make sure seniors weren’t bored. Seniors could make fires in the dorms and grow magic mushrooms in bathtubs, there was no one to tell them off.
They would say things like “a spoke of my wheels,” or “the lurch is stale in the bones,” or “vigorously present body parts,” or “liturgically challenged.” They were shaggy and motley. They threw sharp elbows and icy stares.
They could marry and adopt each other at will. Their malicious energy made the windowpanes rattle, but the cats luxuriated in it, acquiring an arcing glow. No one could enter their world. They invented it themselves. The world, the war, and their places in it.
No one remembered how their war had started. But they were now divided into Moor people and Skull people, into red and black, like chess pieces. On the eve of their rumbles, the House froze and waited with bated breath. The juniors would be locked in their dorms, and that’s why for them the rumbles were always a burning, itching secret behind the two turns of the key. Something beautiful, something into which, someday, they would grow themselves. They waited for the battles to end, desperately scraping at the locks and pressing their ears to the doors. The ending was always the same. The seniors would forget to unlock them, and the squirts would remain prisoners of their dorms until morning, when the counselors returned. Once liberated, they would rush to the battlefield, sniffing around for the traces—of what, they didn’t know, for there never were any. They would learn the details later, from the overheard snippets of conversations. Then the Great Game entered into their little games in the backyard, teased and twisted until they grew tired of it.
Once he reaches the doors of the Fifteenth, Grasshopper tiptoes like an enemy infiltrator. There are voices coming out of the room. Suddenly they stop, and all he can hear is soft rasping. Grasshopper peeks into the half-opened door.
Purple Moor sits with his back to the door, not two steps away. Grasshopper is mesmerized by the sight of his neck. If someone were to be covered with myriad little tattoos, and then they all mingled and ran together, it would look like this neck. The ears seem tacked on above this strange neck. Moor is wheezing softly, and the prickly words bubble out of him with each jerk of his head. The small pink rat ears move out of sync, as if of their own volition. Grasshopper looks at Moor, at the back of his wheelchair, which sports an umbrella holder and also some kind of hook and many other strange protuberances and implements he’s never seen on other wheelchairs. He also tries to listen to the wheezing more closely but still cannot make it out. A bespectacled wheeler in pajamas talks back, respectfully holding a hand to his mouth. Then he notices Grasshopper and his eyes open wide; his lips form the word “Out!”
Moor’s curly-haired head starts turning. Grasshopper shrinks away from the door and flies down the hall like the wind. He is the only one among the walking juniors who is barred from Moor’s rooms. Numbers 15, 14, 13. Others can enter, but not he. In the Moor’s room one can serve—carrying this and that, boiling water, shining shoes, or washing dishes. Or slicing bologna for sandwiches that Purple One consumes in enormous quantities, one after another. This is the price of socializing with the seniors. For those who fail at their duties, Moor keeps a belt somewhere in his wheelchair. This belt features prominently in the juniors’ nightmares. Moor’s belt, Moor himself, and his voice—the rasping wheeze of Livid Monster. The boys curse Purple One when returning from his rooms and parade the welts his belt left on their hands.
Grasshopper secretly envies them. Their wounds, their stories, and their complaints—everything that unites them in their hatred of Moor. It’s their adventure, their experience. He’s not a part of it.
Grasshopper slows down. Now he’s crossing into Skull’s domain. These three rooms equalize Grasshopper with the rest of the boys—they are just as barred from here as he is. They also sneak through on their tiptoes. They’ve never been there, but they know everything about how the rooms look inside. They know that one doesn’t have any beds at all, just the mattresses that are stacked in two enormous piles every morning. Then the wheelers while away the hours playing checkers on top of those mountains. The floors are sticky in there, and the windowsills are crowded with rows and rows of empty bottles. Everyone sits on thin red straw mats. Skull lives in this room. The narrow-eyed predator, the owner of the soul-deadening nick, warrior, Leader, and living legend. The idol of each and every junior, the hero of all their games, the unattainable ideal.
There’s also the Eleventh, with a real bamboo hut in the middle. With the star attraction—Lame’s hookah. With Babe the old cockatoo, who can swear in three different languages. The boys know the exact time to go past the open door to catch a glimpse of hunchbacked Lame blowing bubbles in his transparent water crock.
And then the third room, the one with the messages on the door. Where Ancient lives with his box of amulets and the two fish in the tank. Ancient, who can’t stand bright light. This room is more mysterious than the other two because its door is always closed. Grasshopper sees Ancient’s room in his mind as he goes past; it’s easy for him because he’s been in there and seen it for himself. He presses his chin against the amulet under the
shirt, regretting that he can never tell anyone what happened to him behind this door. Ancient’s gift brings him closer to the seniors. Power that is equal to Skull’s; he carries it in secret, hidden from the world. Every day it becomes harder and harder to keep believing in it. He walks on, and the mystery walks with him, and also his pride and his doubt.
There are also two more packs of walking juniors in the House. They have their own dorms, and Grasshopper tries to avoid those.
The Singings pack is in a state of permanent cold war with the Stuffagers. Actual fights are rare, but both packs watch their sides of the hallway closely to warn the enemies away.
The inhabitants of the Cursed room are not bothered with that. Their room is considered the worst since it is the only one on this floor with the windows looking out. Outcasts live there. Those who were banished from the other packs. There are four of them. Sometimes Grasshopper thinks that this is what Sportsman is driving at. To force the Cursed status on him. So he never goes near that room. The mightiest amulet in the world would be powerless to turn him into a second Skull were he to become one of them.
For Grasshopper, the House resembles a gigantic beehive. Each dorm is a cell, and each cell a separate world. There are also empty cells—classrooms and playrooms, the canteen and locker rooms, but they are not shining at night with the honey-amber light from their windows, so they are not real, in a sense.
Sometimes he stays outside in the yard late into the evening, on purpose, to count the living cells in the coming darkness and to think about them. This always leaves a melancholy taste in his soul, because only four such cells exist for him behind the blazing windows in the entire enormous hive of a building. Four little worlds that are accessible to him: Elk’s room, Ancient’s room, and the two rooms of the Stuffage. This thought makes him a bit depressed. He knows all too well that Stuffage is not his home, never will be his home. He doesn’t want to escape from the darkness in it or to unwind after classes, and there’s no one waiting for him there if he’s late. Stuffage is a place in itself. For many it is home. They cordon off their beds, mark them with signs of their presence the way dogs mark their territory with urine. They pin up pictures over the headboards, make shelves out of old crates, and throw their things on them. For them the beds are private fortresses, bearing the imprints of their owners. His bed is bare and anonymous, and he never feels completely safe, whether lying down or sitting up in it.
Each window means a room, with people living inside. For them that room is home. For every one of them except me. My room is not my home, because there are too many strangers in it. People who do not like me. Who do not care whether I come back there or not. But the House is so big. Surely there must be a place in it for someone who does not like to fight? For two someones. This thought cheered him up. He felt like he’d stumbled upon something important. Found a way out. All he needed was a room of his own, a room without Sportsman, Whiner and Crybaby, and Siamese, and the rest of them. Naturally, there still would be more people living in it besides Blind and himself. A lot more, actually. Because all the living quarters in the House were accounted for. Every little nook capable of providing a bit of privacy was taken over by the seniors. Which meant that he needed a dorm. And a dorm meant at least ten people. If only he could find them . . . Even four would do! Then they could occupy the room where Rabbit, Bubble, and Crook slept. They only spent the nights there. Switch places with them and have it for themselves. That would be really cool!
Grasshopper sighs. He knows those are just idle dreams. Even if he and Blind did move into an empty dorm, it would still remain a part of Stuffage. And if anyone, say Humpback, decided to join them, Sportsman never would permit that. The place where three of his Pack sleep would be as much a part of Stuffage as the sleepers—a part of the Pack. Come to think of it, he might not allow even the two of them to leave. Isn’t there anything we can do, anything at all?
Thirty-four days after his first visit, Grasshopper once again stands before the door of the Tenth. He has on a green sweater over his shirt, boots instead of sneakers, and a zipped corduroy jacket instead of a blazer. His lips are moving as he reads the messages again. This helps him calm down. He moves closer to the door and raps on it softly with the tip of his boot. Then, without waiting for an answer, just like Blind did back then, he brings his heel down on the handle, opens the door, and enters. The smoky gloom falls on him like a stuffy tent.
The mysterious shiny world of the seniors smells. The room looks exactly the same as it did a month ago. Time stopped here, got tangled in the invisible net, caught in the glint on the bottoms of the bottles under the bed, precipitated in the bedpans, settled on the wings of the insects pinned to the walls. The butterflies, so pretty in the sunlight, are uniformly black in the eternal dusk of the room, resembling nothing so much as winged cockroaches. The boy’s breath is shallow; he is trying to tame his fear. The fish tank still glows green, the smoke still curls in the air. The striped mattress is still in the same place.
Ancient, wrapped in a blanket, turns his bony face around. He is wearing dark shades that make his skin seem even whiter than it is.
“What’s this?” he asks. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to ask about the great power. May I?”
Ancient frowns, then remembers and smiles.
“Have a seat. Ask. But make it short.”
Grasshopper approaches Ancient’s mattress and lowers himself to the floor in front of it. Since their previous meeting, he has become a month older, a full month at this age of rapid growth. His face is sad and somber; his nose still bears the traces of freckles, a reminder of the summer gone by.
Ancient smokes, dropping ash in the folds of his blanket. The mattress is covered in wine stains. The ashtrays are full of orange peel. The plate is occupied by the remains of a sandwich going stale. All of this has a calming effect on Grasshopper. Those things seem to bring a measure of domesticity. He clears his throat.
“This . . . Great Power,” he says timidly. “I can’t feel it anymore. For some reason. Could it be that the amulet’s broken? I’ve never opened it, I swear. I could feel it when I put it on for the first time. But not now. So I came.”
The black holes of the sunglasses glimmer teasingly in the dark.
“And you thought you were going to move mountains? Then you’re just a silly little boy.”
The boy bites his lip, unable to look up.
“I wasn’t thinking about any mountains. And I’m not silly. It’s just that I had something then, so I thought that was the Great Power. And now there’s nothing.”
Tears make his eyes sting. He holds his breath to gain control over them. Ancient, intrigued in spite of himself, takes off his glasses.
“Tell me what you were feeling. I can’t know that until you tell me. Let’s talk.”
“It was . . . like arms. Not like they grew out all of a sudden. More the other way around. Like I could choose to have them or not have them. As if arms are not something everyone needs.” Grasshopper is shaking his head and rocking back and forth. “I can’t explain. It’s like I was whole. I thought that’s how the Great Power was.”
“You were whole? When you left here, you were whole?”
“Yes.”
Grasshopper finally lifts his gaze and looks hopefully into the albino’s wine-colored eyes.
“When did it go away? When you returned to your dorm?”
“No. It was there through the night, and the next morning, and for a while after that. And then it went away. I thought it would come back, but it didn’t.”
Ancient’s colorless eyebrows shoot up.
“And even when you tried to do something that you couldn’t do by yourself, you still felt whole? Is that what you’re saying?”
Grasshopper nods. His cheeks are burning.
“I was a bird,” he whispers. “A bird that could fly. It may walk upon the Earth when that’s what it wants, but if it decides . . . as soon as it decides
. . . Then it just flies.”
Ancient leans over to him, across the mat, the plates, and the ashtrays. His face no longer seems purely white.
“You felt that you could do whatever you want whenever you decide to want it?”
“Yes.”
“You are a marvel, my boy.”
“It’s not me! It’s the amulet!”
“Ah, yes, of course,” Ancient agrees. “I seem to have forgotten. Well, it looks like it came out even stronger than I thought. I wouldn’t mind making one like that for myself. Pity that’s impossible.”
“Why?” Grasshopper’s voice is full of sympathy.
“Things like that are only given to you once.” Ancient stubs the cigarette in the ashtray. “So you’re saying it stopped working?”
Grasshopper shifts uneasily and licks his parched lips.
“That’s why I came. I mean, I thought I’d wait at first. In case it returned. I waited and waited, and then I decided to come. Ancient, can you help me? Only you can fix it. Put it back.”
Ancient realizes too late that the trap has sprung. He makes a face and looks at his watch.
“I’d love to, but I’m afraid we don’t have much time left. They are going to return soon. And we can’t discuss things like that when others are around. So, some other time. And the power might still come back by then.”
“Tonight it’s a double,” Grasshopper reminds him. The suspicion that Ancient is trying to get rid of him drains all color from his voice. “The movie is a double feature,” he repeats softly.
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
Grasshopper gets up.
“You can’t help me,” he says and shrugs his shoulders, looking down intently. “I would have thought it was all fake, except I still remember the way it was in the beginning. And besides, the water pan fell down,” he adds desperately. “They were mopping the floor when we returned. It doesn’t just happen like that, when it all comes together, does it? By accident? It doesn’t, right?”
The Gray House Page 13