His brother, Grant.
For some reason, Willow's hopes for him to work things out with his brother Blake filled his head with a buzzing that refused to go away... at least until he answered this call.
"Grant, do you have any idea what time it is here in the States?"
"It's the morning."
"An early Sunday morning. Too early."
"You were always an early riser, so no harm done, eh? We're about to eat lunch on this side of the pond. You're a tough man to track down, big brother," Grant said over the line. "I'd thought you dropped off the face of the earth."
"Been busy. Saving lives and such."
"You haven't returned my calls. I have to keep track of you by flipping through the pages of the Daily Mirror to see what celebrity you're hobnobbing with this week."
"You grossly exaggerate."
"I'm just worried about you. Mum is especially worried you never received her care package."
Shayne grinned over his mother's love. "Yes, yes. I'd just sent her a note about it." He chose not to mention the photo of his brothers and him tucked inside, a reminder of his past. Troubles followed him no matter where he went in the world. Even in the form of a well-intentioned care package.
After a long pause on the line, Grant sighed. Never a good sign. "Mum's not doing well."
Shayne stiffened. "What is it?"
"She's heartbroken you won't come to Blake's wedding, you prat. Face it, Blake and Fiona are getting married and they want you to come to the ceremony. He wants his brother there. Say you'll come."
Shayne sneered at the news. "Right and I'll be sure to bring a lovely gift."
"I mean it, the best gift you can give them is your presence."
Shayne responded with silence.
"It was a worth a shot," Grant grumbled. "Look, Shayne, I know this is tearing you up inside. But you and Blake have to resolve this if you are to move on."
"And how do you suppose we do that?"
"Come to terms with what happened. Accept it."
"How does one accept something like this, Grant?"
"Through forgiveness."
"Impossible."
"No, Shayne, you're the one who's impossible. Fiona told me how you two were already through by the time she ended up with Blake. Your stubbornness will tear apart the family for good."
"Fiona tore apart the family, not me. Just because she and I were having troubles didn't mean she had to run into Blake's arms. I'm not the villain here."
"Neither is Blake. He's your brother. Please don't hate him. You were halfway around the world when this occurred. You've got to believe he didn't intend for this to happen."
"He didn't intend it but he still allowed it once he knew."
"He was already in love with her by the time you came around to committing to Fiona. And she was having his baby—"
"Which she neglected to mention the baby was Blake's while we were trying to work things out."
"Maybe she was confused."
"Maybe she was manipulative."
Grant sighed again. "Shayne, you can't control the world and everyone in it."
"Can't I?" he snapped back. "Fiona lied to me, letting me think the baby was mine. All the while she hid the truth until I pushed for commitment."
"Your so-called commitment was a last-ditch effort to make a failed relationship work."
"Is that how you see it?"
"It's how Fiona sees it."
The haunting truth, spoken aloud, startled him. He'd believed he attempted to do the right thing, committing to Fiona. All the while she was hiding a life-changing truth. He never wanted someone to have such control over his life—or his future—again. He never wanted someone to withhold the truth again.
"I wanted to be there for my son," Shayne said. His son. How strange the words sounded now. "I would have been there if he were mine. But he's not. And I certainly won't be there at Blake and Fiona's wedding. I control my own life on my terms and it doesn't include them."
"Blake is family. You can't refuse to talk to him forever. He misses you. So do I." Grant murmured the words with powerful angst. It hurt Shayne to hear the torment in his brother's voice. But Shayne couldn't let go of the resentment, not when anger had already carved up his heart.
* * *
Willow woke to find herself alone in bed. She recalled feeling Shayne stir earlier when she was drifting in and out of much needed sleep. She rose, pulled on a short satin robe and went in search of him.
She wended her way through the kitchen and saw Shayne's strong backside out in the patio. Probably enjoying the view of the ocean on this amazing morning.
"There you are." She stepped through the back door, reached out and embraced him from behind. He stiffened. Not the response she expected.
She pulled back. He turned toward her, his cell phone gripped in his hand.
Willow lowered her gaze to the phone. Her mind whirred, fearing bad news. "Is everything all right? Is it about Baby Jack?"
Shayne shook his head. "I just talked to Grant."
What should have been good news came across as dreadful. Shayne looked like a man broken. She didn't know what to say, didn't know if she should reach for him. So she simply asked, "Did something happen to Grant? He is okay?"
Shayne hmphed. "He's fine. So are Blake and Fiona. He wanted my answer on the wedding. I gave him my regrets."
"I'm sorry. But I'm glad you at least talked to Grant."
Shayne's Adam's apple dropped low in his throat in a hard swallow. She could tell he swallowed back the loss. The sun shone on him, making his skin golden, but couldn't reflect any light in his eyes.
"Fiona held back the truth about our child. She lied to me. Living a lie is an unforgivable act I'll never go through again."
Dread whirled in Willow's belly. She wanted to bring her hand to her abdomen to stop the hateful whirl, but stood too fearful to make a move. She remained still as she came face to face with the truth; Shayne merely had to swap out Fiona's name for her own and he'd know he'd been living a lie once again.
"I understand," she whispered.
"Which brings me to us."
"Us?" She swallowed. She feared his sobering tone and the tumultuous energy surrounding him. "What about us?"
"You're hiding something from me. I've seen the signs before, hell, I've lived them. You can't lie, Willow." Defeat pushed aside his usual commanding tone.
Fissures crackled along Willow's heart as it threatened to break fully. Her heart thumped in her chest so hard she feared her rib cage would split. Her quickening pulse throbbed through her arteries until the rushing blood roared in her ears.
"I wanted to tell you... I did try but, but," she stuttered, her tone drifting to silence.
"Say it, Willow. What do you want to tell me?" His imploring expression only made her pulse race harder... and her heart break a little louder.
"I can't have children and I know why. I have MTHFR. I couldn't have a worse genetic combination for the blood clotting disorder."
Shayne looked at his cell phone and then back at her. Could he be reliving the conversation with Grant? The one about the wedding? And Fiona? And her lie? Oh, God, what must he think of her right now?
"You knew the whole time? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his hurt deepening before her very eyes. "I told you about what I'd gone through and yet you didn't tell me about your situation?"
"I couldn't tell you because of what you'd gone through."
"After everything that's happened between us, you couldn't tell me the truth?"
"I just didn't know where this would go. How far we'd take this... I didn't trust..."
"Trust what?"
Like a steam kettle, Willow's frustration reached a boiling point. "Face it, Shayne, you were leaving."
"So that's your reasoning? You kept me on a shoddy need-to-know basis despite how far we've taken things?"
"What was I supposed to do? Tell you all my deep dark secrets and have you t
urn your back on me for London?" she snapped. "What good would that do?"
"I'd done everything in my power to get you to trust me, including opening up my very soul, damn it." He slung his hands on his hips and shifted in disdain. "You let me go on and on about wanting a wife and children, and let me think—no—let me feel, like maybe we had something. A future perhaps—
"I knew all along we had no future," she blurted.
Taken aback, he glared at her. "You've made a fool of me."
"I didn't mean to."
"All your concern about my playboy reputation. And your not wanting to be a conquest. But really, who's the conquest here, Willow?"
"Is that what you think? That I was looking to score a rich, famous doctor?" she yelled. "Don't do this, Shayne. Don't put your fears on me."
"I could say the same to you; you're the one who just dropped a bomb."
An angry tear escaped her. "I wanted to spare you, wanted to spare us," she paused to wipe away the tear, but another took its place. "Your reaction right now is exactly why I didn't tell you."
"I'd already told you; you don't know what I'm capable of."
"I'm learning awfully fast exactly what you're capable of." She crossed her arms around her waist, keeping her satin wrapped tightly. In doing so, maybe she could keep her heart in check. "I still believe you're capable of a relationship, just not with me."
"I'm sorry you see things that way. Perhaps it's for the best. Like you said, I'll be going back to London. Apparently, I have nothing to keep me here." Shayne brushed past and left Willow alone on the patio.
Chapter 16
Twenty hours. Shayne hadn't spoken to Willow for that long. From the moment he'd first laid eyes on her, he'd barely gone but twenty minutes without talking to her, seeing her, touching her, smelling her, or obsessing over her. Let alone twenty hours. But yesterday morning's events had been a shuddering blow. He'd walked away from Willow and had been miserable ever since.
Trying to have a normal Monday morning, he began his usual pre-dawn run on the beach. He started out slow, eased into the workout. His unsteady footing on the sand added extra resistance to his run. Along the ocean horizon, a ripple of pink colored the sky, promising a beautiful day. But he'd have none of it as he wallowed in his own personal storm clouds.
He couldn't wipe the image of Willow out of his head, of her standing on her back patio, holding her satin robe to her chest tightly, looking so full of regret.
Shayne kicked up his pace, pumping his leg muscles to push harder through the sand. Anything to chase thoughts of Willow out of his head. But he hadn't managed to stop dwelling on her in the last twenty hours, why did he think he could do it now? Not when he'd be seeing her shortly at the hospital.
How were they supposed to work together today, acting as if nothing had happened between them? He recalled the first time he'd kissed her. Mind blowing. Shortly after, they'd reached a decision to behave like professional adults while inside the walls of Baycoast Memorial.
Easier said than done.
But he'd never jeopardize the lives of his patients. He would remain focused and not allow his personal life to interfere. After working with Willow, he trusted she'd do the same.
Speaking of trust, his morning run did nothing to excise the memory of Willow's confession. She'd revealed the truth about her blood disease that kept her from having children—having his children. The reality jabbed him. Willow should have shared this tiny detail with him sooner.
He'd built her up in his mind, been so intimate with a wonderful woman only to discover the truth. A hot chill coursed through his blood.
Despite his frustration, if he were honest, he could recall times she'd tried to tell him. He remembered her cryptic words, saying he could never fix her circumstances. He'd been so mired in his attraction to her, he'd ignored the signs of her tentativeness. He'd wanted nothing to interfere with the magic of his time with her, no matter the outcome.
Yes, he'd held her to an impossible standard and forgot about her humanness. So capable of loving everyone around her. But also capable making a mistake. She had made a mistake, hadn't she? Maybe not. She admitted that knowing how he'd react drove her to keep her medical condition a secret.
He'd always thrown himself on the side of caution. Yet the more time he'd spent with Willow, the more he leaned on the side of trust. He'd let his guard down and opened up. Just a crack. He shouldn't have. He had too much at stake. Too much at risk. His career. His future. And yes, his old wounded heart. With so much on the line, he shouldn't have gotten close, leaving himself vulnerable.
And yet, Willow made it easy to do just that.
Willow had proven one thing; his heart may have been cracked, but not completely broken. After what Fiona had done to him, keeping the truth from him, he could have completely raged out on her. Instead, he kept his cool for the sake of her son. And now Willow had kept the truth from him but did so to spare him. Were the two circumstances different? Could he believe Willow's heart was in the right place?
Yes, the inner voice told him. He recalled the anguish in her eyes when she'd confessed the truth. Surely, it had been eating her up inside and hard for her to admit something so painfully private.
And what did he do after she revealed the heart-wrenching truth?
He'd turned on her. Laid into her for it.
He'd allowed the demons of his past to dictate how he'd respond. And he'd responded horribly. His own stubbornness and yes, distrust, got the best of him. And it all occurred on the tail end of the conversation with his brother Grant. After the call, a long withheld seeping anger had filled his insides, only for him to unleash it on Willow.
While hiding her condition from him could have been construed as living a lie, that wasn't what struck a bitter cord. She couldn't share the full truth with him, which confirmed his suspicions all along about himself; he was not trustworthy. He'd proven that point with his reaction to her.
What a wretch.
How could he act that way to her?
He had to see her.
Shayne pumped his legs and sprinted back toward the flat.
An hour later, before his shift began, Shayne stalked the hospital halls in search of Willow until seeing her at the nurse's station. He'd missed her terribly in the short time he'd gone without holding her in his arms. With a determined stride, he approached the desk. Willow glanced up at him. He waited for her to light up like a roman candle like she always did when she saw him.
Her eyes dimmed; her lips settled to a flat line.
No roman candle. No delight.
His chest knocked at the chilly reception.
Bloody hell.
* * *
Willow couldn't believe her eyes. Was Shayne actually standing before her? But why? Their shift hadn't begun, so what did he want? To start another fight? Give her a good dressing down? He'd annihilated her enough with his false accusations over the weekend and she didn't want to hear anymore.
Her nerves firing off, she looked back down at her paperwork in a refusal to acknowledge him. She would have nothing to do with him until the little red seconds-hand hit the twelve on her watch, indicating the start of their shift. Until then, she would pretend he didn't exist, feigning interest in her papers. But the papers became too blurred to read due to her shaking hands. She tried to calm her nerves. Had to appear outwardly strong. Unaffected. Disinterested. Maybe then he'd just go away because she couldn't handle it if he reamed her out again.
Shayne continued to take up the space before her; she continued to ignore him. Why wouldn't he take the hint? She wanted nothing to do with him. Why wouldn't he leave her alone? Why not just bolt out of her life as sharply and quickly as he'd bolted in that first night? Surely he'd have to give up on her any second now and leave her alone.
The man didn't budge.
He was infuriating!
She continued to fake-read the paperwork she couldn't even see, despite her pulse raging and her temples throbbing. O
h, he was impossible. Stubborn to no end!
Shayne laid steady palms to the desk. He leaned in close. The hot energy coming from him swirled around her. Like a giant vortex, his commanding demeanor sucked her in. Against her own will, she drew her gaze to his. She found herself staring into those dark brooding eyes. Even now, Shayne demanded her undivided attention. She hated her own feebleness when around him. Trying to stay strong, she put on airs that she wouldn't be kicked around like a dog.
She challenged him with daggers in her eyes and thrust an angry chin up at him.
"What do you want?" she snapped, surprised by her own exasperation.
"Willow, it's not the blood disorder that threw me," he said then took a breath. "It's that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. Or care enough."
"I care more than you know," she retorted. "That's the problem."
"If so, then why didn't you tell me?"
"I was scared."
"I never want you scared around me."
"I'm sure you don't, but truthfully, you scare the hell out of me."
She was mostly scared of her future with him. Of disappointing him. Of not giving him the life he wanted deep down. She was scared of eventually driving him into the arms of another woman who could give him what he wanted, his own flesh and blood. One woman had robbed him of a child in his past. She couldn't rob him of one in his future.
She had to be rid of him. Spare herself the inevitable heartbreak. And spare him the emotional expense of... settling.
"I don't blame you for being scared, especially after how I treated you. I never should have reacted the way I did, not with you. But after Fiona—"
"I get it. Another woman broke your heart and I suffer the emotional aftermath."
"A thousand sorries can't express how I feel about hurting you. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I only knew I wanted you. In my arms. In my bed. I took advantage, knowing how much I wanted to be with you."
His sincere words wore her down. She was just as selfish. "I gave willingly," she admitted.
"I'm leaving," he said. "Tonight."
"What?" Willow's heart jumped into her throat. "A week early?"
Playboy Doctor (Heartthrob Heroes, Book 2) Page 14