“Is the council looking for me?” He stiffened, not wanting to hear the answer.
“Gavin, if the council wants to find you, they will. They’re powerful. Little gets by them. They aren’t hunting you down to wipe your mind or anything. So stop worrying about that. You have enough issues on your plate without adding fake problems.”
“Maybe.” She could have a point. “You sound like Dale.”
“I’m sure. He’s sensible. I’m surprised he didn’t slap you around to get you to see reason.”
Gavin flinched. Her choice of words was so close to home. He wasn’t ready for her to know about his sexual preferences when it came to submission. He wasn’t even ready to admit that to himself, let alone his best girlfriend. He decided to blow it off. “He tried. I just didn’t listen.”
“Shocking,” she teased.
For a long time, they sat there. Gavin let his mind wander back to that fateful day when his best friend was raped, hoping the universe would take away the pain and set them free. He assumed she was thinking similar thoughts.
After a while, he turned toward her. “We should go. I’m sure Wyatt is worried and bored out there.”
“He’s in contact with me. He’s patient.”
Right. Of course. One of the many things Gavin was getting used to. Not only could shifters communicate with any other shifter in close proximity, but bound shifters could communicate even at a distance. It was hard to get used to. Suddenly, he jerked his attention to her again. “Wait. Did you bind to him?”
She smiled, her face flushing. “Yes. Last night.” She pursed her lips as though she’d just revealed private sexual secrets.
“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.” He put an arm around her and held her to his side. “I’m happy for you. And so damn glad you took a chance. I know Wyatt will make you happy.”
“He already has.”
“Okay, you can keep the details to yourself. I know we’ve always been the closest two friends could be, but how about in this new world we’ve entered, I keep the details of my sex life to myself, and you do the same,” he proposed.
“Deal.” She breathed out in relief. Funny because he doubted she could possibly rock his world as hard as he could hers if he told her about last night.
He stood and pulled her alongside him. “I could hardly find this place. The trees and bushes around it have grown so large it was hidden.”
“Yeah, but I could have found it blindfolded. From memory. I’m glad we came. Cathartic. Now let’s get back to Silvertip before it gets late.”
He hesitated at the entrance as he jumped down and took her hand to help her. “I don’t know. Maybe I should stay away for a while. Find myself.”
“You don’t even have a place to stay. You gave up your apartment to come with me for the summer. You have a perfectly fine apartment in Silvertip. Please. We’ll follow you on your bike. Silvertip is a much better environment anyway for you to be yourself right now.”
“True, but it’s not that big. I’ll run into Dale before the end of tomorrow.”
“Good. You need to talk to him anyway. He’s worried. If you have a checklist of things to do to prove something to yourself, you should probably put facing Dale on the top of the list.”
She was right. He was an idiot for thinking he could avoid the man anyway.
Finally, he nodded. “Let’s go.”
Chapter Thirteen
It was late when Dale heard the sound of Gavin’s Chieftain pulling up out front. He recognized the motorcycle’s engine before he scented the man, but his shoulders relaxed a fraction instantly.
He opened the front door before Gavin was off his bike and leaned against the doorframe, trying to look casual.
Gavin dismounted, tugged his helmet off, and shook out his messy hair. His face was sober as he approached. Damn if he didn’t look even sexier than the first time Dale laid eyes on him. He stepped onto the front porch in his black leather jacket and dark blue jeans. The T-shirt he wore underneath was white and visible between the open top few buttons.
Dale wanted to rip the jacket off and force Gavin to his knees so he could circle him and admire what he knew would be the tight fitting cotton across his chest and back.
What he wanted to do was make the man strip down to nothing and punish him for leaving without a word by teasing his cock mercilessly without letting him come.
What he wanted was to own this kid in every possible way and rock his world for the rest of their lives.
But none of that was possible. Three feet and a world of differences divided them on the porch.
Gavin spoke first. “I’m sorry.”
Dale stepped back and swept a hand out, indicating he should come inside. He hadn’t decided how to play this yet. So many emotions bombarded him at once. Relief. Frustration. Anger. Arousal. Denial.
Half of him wanted to spank Gavin’s already pink ass, and half of him wanted to pull him into his embrace and tell him everything was going to be okay.
“I stopped by Wyatt’s place. The deck looks great. He said you worked on it half the day.”
“Yeah.” Dale crossed the room and headed for the refrigerator. He pulled out two beers and lifted one toward Gavin.
Gavin dropped his jacket on the armchair, followed in his wake, and took the offered bottle. “You’re pissed.”
“No. I’m frustrated. There’s a difference.” He crossed to the living room and plopped down on the couch, not meeting Gavin’s gaze. He needed to say a few things, and he didn’t want Gavin’s expression to influence him. “Mostly I’m mad at myself for giving a single fuck where you were today.”
Gavin lowered himself onto the couch next to Dale, not touching him.
Dale continued, “Did I push you too far?” he asked the floor. “Is that why you ran off?”
“What? No. God, no. What we did… It had nothing to do with me leaving.”
Dale lifted his face, narrowing his gaze.
“Okay, maybe I was a little freaked out by how strongly I reacted to you dominating me like that, but it wasn’t the only reason I left.”
“Ran. Gavin, you snuck out in the night and didn’t leave a note. That’s so not okay. You can’t scene with me like we did and then take off without discussing your concerns.” He took another long drink of his beer.
Gavin nodded. “I honestly didn’t think of it like that. I felt like I was smothering or something. I needed to clear my head. It wasn’t all because of…what we did last night.”
Dale watched him for a few moments, trying to read him and feeling the frustration of not being able to reach into his mind like he would a shifter. That was the crux of the problem. No matter how well he got to know Gavin or how long they were together, he would never be able to fully understand him like he could a shifter. And that bothered him more than anything. Or was it Gavin’s mortality? That too.
“Where did you go?” he asked.
“Calgary.”
Dale lifted a brow.
“I talked to my parents this morning.”
“Talked to them?”
Gavin took a breath and leaned his back against the couch. “I told them I was gay.”
“Seriously? Today? Just out of the blue?” Dale was proud of Gavin but also concerned about his motivations.
Gavin shrugged. “I woke up feeling like a ten-ton brick was weighing me down. Like I had this list of things I needed to handle to ease the pressure. That was high on the list, so I did it first.”
“How did they take it?”
“About as expected. They thought they could fix me. My mom wanted me to get counseling and go talk to her pastor. Save my soul and all.”
“What did you say?”
“I told them this was who I was and I wasn’t going to change. I didn’t need help. I don’t need to be fixed.” He sighed. “And then I left. I don’t know if or when I’ll ever see them again, but that wasn’t the point.” He turned his head toward Dale. “I was never c
omfortable in my skin in their house. I was always an outsider. Watching sort of. We didn’t have a real relationship. I’ve been closer to Paige and her family since I was young. No one ever spoke the words out loud, but I always thought deep inside that her parents knew I was gay. I always imagined them loving me anyway.”
“I’m sure that’s the case. I mean, I don’t know how much they suspected, but it’s unusual for shifters to be homophobic. We have a more deep-seated belief that people are born perfect just as they are. We don’t tend to be as judgmental.” He shrugged. “Besides, if that weren’t enough, it’s much more difficult for us to deny the connection between two people no matter what their biological sex is. We can scent their connection.”
Gavin nodded.
“No matter how messed up your childhood was, I’m sure it was hard to come clean and walk away like that. I’ll never fully understand that part of humanity. It’s so rare among shifters.”
Gavin shrugged again. “Honestly it wasn’t that difficult to tell them. I’m relieved. Checked that off my list. Now I’m free to live openly without worrying about someone seeing me and telling my parents.”
Dale finally set a hand on Gavin’s shoulder. It was kind of awkward and from the side, but at least he could squeeze and provide support. “What was next on your list?”
“I needed to think, and I didn’t have any place to go in Calgary, so I went to the tree house in the woods behind my parents’ home.”
“Tree house?” Dale smiled.
“Paige’s dad and my dad built it for us when we were kids. It’s not really much of a tree house, but more of a wooden shed a few feet off the ground. We spent hours there when we were kids until…”
Dale’s breath hitched. “Until Antoine came along and stole her childhood. Did it happen in the tree house?”
Gavin nodded. “Yes.”
Fuck. Dale swallowed the bile that rose up in his throat. “I’m so sorry.” There were no words.
“Yeah. Me too. That was the day I found out about shifters. That weird fucker didn’t even care that he shifted in front of me.”
“Wait, you were there?”
Gavin shook his head. “No. I arrived late. After. In time to see Antoine shift into a bear and traipse off. I was the one who picked up the pieces.”
“Damn. You were so young to deal with all that at once.”
Gavin didn’t respond. He tipped his head back and took another drink.
“So you came here next?”
Gavin shook his head. “Not right away. I stayed there a long time. Paige found me there.”
Dale flinched. “She found you in the tree house?”
He nodded. “Neither of us had ever been back. We faced our demons so to speak. And then she convinced me to come back here.”
“I’m glad you came back,” Dale admitted.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, finishing their beer, and then Gavin shocked Dale by getting up and heading for the kitchen to grab two more beers. When he sat back down, he spoke again. “I have concerns.”
“You should. But you should also talk to me about them.”
“I’m not very good at that. Talking, I mean.”
“Well, you need to get good at it because the deck is stacked against us, and we’re nothing if we don’t communicate.”
Gavin nodded, taking another long drink, probably for fortification. “I don’t have the experience you do, with relationships I mean. Or anything for that matter.”
“I know. It’s refreshing in a way. It also scares the fuck out of me.” Dale reached over and grabbed Gavin’s hand, holding it on top of the kid’s thigh. He couldn’t stand not touching him for another moment.
Gavin squeezed his fingers in response and turned his body sideways to fully face Dale. He threaded their fingers together and stared at their combined hands as he continued. “What we did last night… I liked it. And that scares me a bit.”
“Why?” Now they were getting somewhere.
“What sane individual wants to be punished with a spanking like a child? It’s weird. It embarrassed me that I not only liked it, but I loved it, and I came harder than I’ve ever come.” His face was a bit pale as he forced the words out.
Dale knew it was hard for Gavin to admit all that. “You’re a submissive, Gavin. It’s just who you are. It’s a lifestyle. A fetish. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. Believe me. I’m a little scared myself, and not because of what we did, but because of how well we mesh together. You make me so hard sometimes I can’t think.
“It’s rare for two people in the world to find each other and fit together like that. I wasn’t looking for a submissive. I wasn’t even looking for a boyfriend. It scares the hell out of me. I didn’t want another human boyfriend. Ever. I’m torn in pieces because you scramble my brain.”
Gavin smirked. “What do you think my brain looks like?”
“That’s half my problem. I can’t stand not seeing into your mind. It makes my skin crawl, wondering what you’re thinking. Feeling. If I made a mistake. If you’re hurting. If you’re sad. If you’re happy.”
“You usually seem to intuitively know my emotional state almost all the time.”
“Yeah, but it’s not the same.”
“So, you’re saying you don’t want to continue this relationship because I’m human.”
Dale shook his head vehemently. “No. I’m saying I don’t want to want to continue this relationship because you’re human. Also because you’re so green. It worries me. I feel like I’m corrupting you.” He nudged Gavin’s thigh at the slight tease.
Gavin licked his lips, his head cocked to one side.
“But those same qualities also attract me to you. I’ve always been drawn to humans. Maybe it’s because it’s hard to find a submissive shifter.” He chuckled. “Most grizzlies are rather alpha.”
“I don’t doubt that.”
“So, I’ve often been attracted to human men. Your lack of experience both unnerves me while at the same time makes me rub my hands together, knowing I can be the one to train you.”
“Train me?”
Dale took a deep breath. “Mold you I guess. Teach you how to be your best self in a way that complements my dominance.”
Gavin nodded slowly. “I’m like putty in your hands.”
“Yes.”
“Why does that make me so fucking horny?”
Dale smiled. “Oh, baby, you have no idea how hot it makes me.” He tugged their combined hands to his cock and flipped Gavin’s over to press his palm against the stiff erection.
Gavin shuddered as he pulled away. “It’s all happening so fast. I was living the life of a het man with a girlfriend just a week ago. Now, I’m out and still wrapping my head around what that means. I’ve never been in public with a man. I’ve never held someone’s hand or kissed them or pushed my fingers into their pocket arm in arm. It’s all foreign to me. So, adding kink to the equation is almost over the top.”
“Don’t think so hard. Just do what feels good. What comes natural to you. You’re not alone. Billions of people practice some form of BDSM, many of them privately behind closed doors. And I’m not asking you to tell everyone you know about our private relationship in the bedroom. I’m asking you to be your authentic self when we’re alone.”
“How do I know who that is?”
Dale lifted one shoulder. “We figure it out together.”
“Like I said, it feels so fast, like I jumped on the express train from my normal life to an entirely different world where I’m not only gay, but it turns out I’m submissive.”
Dale chuckled. “First of all, the other world you lived in was fake, and you knew that all along. This didn’t sneak up on you. Second of all, somewhere deep inside you also knew you were not only gay but submissive. Even if you’ve never encountered anyone who fulfilled that need, you surely at least fantasized about having a partner who dominated you in the bedroom.”
Gavin’s face flushed. Bingo.
“I’m not suggesting we rush into anything. I’m just asking you to open your mind and explore the possibilities. You liked me spanking you. That’s a start. Give yourself over to me in the bedroom, and we’ll explore and see what happens. If you think about it, I’ve dominated you from the moment we met. We just haven’t put vocabulary words to what we’re doing.”
Gavin bit his lower lip.
Dale reached with one hand and pulled the lip free. He set his thumb on Gavin’s bottom lip and pulled it down, forcing him to open his mouth. “Let’s start with that lip of yours. When you tuck it between your teeth, it makes me so fucking horny my cock wants out of my jeans. So, I’m going to request you not do that, especially in public.”
Gavin’s pinkened cheeks turned white. He swallowed and nodded. “Okay.”
“See, it makes you hot for me to command you like that. It’s a simple thing. Biting a lip, but my directions are for you to stop it. If I catch you biting that lip again, I’ll punish you.”
A slow grin spread across Gavin’s face.
Dale smirked. “Yeah, so here’s the thing. You might do it by accident. I might take that into consideration and drag you into a corner and fuck you hard. Or I might decide you did it on purpose to get a rise out of me—literally—and then your punishment won’t be nearly as pleasant. Understood?” He lifted a brow, hoping his face was serious.
“Yes, Sir.”
Dale shivered. The word Sir alone, coming from Gavin, made him want to yank his jeans down and ram his cock into Gavin’s ass.
“I have questions.”
“Ask them. Anytime. Any place. You can always stop me to clarify or ask anything you want. Open communication is the name of the game.”
“Does this dominance mean you’ll want me to fix your dinner and wash your sheets?”
Dale laughed. “Never. Some people like that sort of thing. Some people live the lifestyle twenty-four-seven. I’m not into a domestic servant. I want an equal partner in life who happens to submit to me in the bedroom—though I use the term bedroom loosely. I’m attracted to your strength. The fact that you’re a hard worker. You have some sort of post-graduate degree in a language I can hardly speak.”
Grizzly Survival: A Paranormal Shifter M/M Romance (Arcadian Bears Book 5) Page 15