by Tahnee Fritz
It sounds horrible, I know it does. Giving up never seems like the greatest thing on the planet but I feel that I could benefit by letting the monster take over. So what if I lose a part of myself in the process and I can never actually bounce back from it. Maybe that’s what I want. I mean, who would honestly want to come back to a life they know they’ll never be happy with?
Not me, that’s for sure.
Trevor gets one last, loud word in the argument and the Mohawk goes inside without a question. He glares at me as he waits for the lock on the door to be released, then he goes inside and out of my hair.
Trevor looks frazzled as he runs his hands over his bald head. He lets out a sigh and I take a step closer to the bars of the cage. He slowly spins around and our eyes meet. I stare at the man who is responsible for everything that’s going wrong with me. The horrible thoughts, the maddening sadness that will never end. It is all his fault and now he needs to fix it.
Slowly, he saunters through the grass and stops a few feet from the cage, “You look like you have something on your mind.”
I shrug, “Maybe I do.”
“I hope it’s not something you’ll regret.” He states.
“No.” I say, confidently. “I just need your help with it.”
He raises both eyebrows out of surprise and says, “Oh really? What could you possibly need my help with?”
“I want a vampire.” I say and the surprise leaves his face.
Trevor inches closer to the bars and keeps his voice low so the crowd of followers cannot hear our conversation, “What the hell do you want a vampire for? I thought you said it was dangerous if you bite them?”
“It’s not dangerous. I just fall asleep for a few hours and I need that right now. I need to clear my head permanently and wake up as something I know you’ll like much better than this pathetic mess standing in front of you.” I reply.
“And just what do you think you’ll wake up as?”
I lower my eyes and glance to my feet for a second. I don’t even know if this will work and I have no idea what the hell I’ll wake up as if it does. Either way, I know the sleep I get from biting a vamp will grant me some time to be away from the world and have some amount of peace. Who knows, maybe I won’t wake up at all and I’ll be at peace forever.
Finally, I look back to Trevor and stare into those big, brown orbs of his and say, “I’ll wake up as something who wants the same things you do. Something that won’t fight or try to escape. She’ll want to join you and help you take control over the world with the cure.” I’m not sure if that’s true, but he might give me what I want.
He nods his head and says, “That would be a nice thing to have right about now. I don’t want you to be locked in this cage out here forever. It would be beneficial to my people if they saw you as an ally instead of a threat. But, how do I know that I can trust you?”
“You honestly have no reason to trust me, but I just want a vampire. I need it.” I say.
Again, he rubs his hands over his scalp and turns away from me for a moment to think. He stares up at the sky, watching the clouds soaring through the air above. Then he turns to the houses across the street and the few people tending to yard work and getting ready for the winter. Both of us look to crowd of people living in tents across the school yard and his growing army of used-to-be-zombies as they patrol the area. They don’t see me as anything other than a freak in a cage and he wants them to see me as a savior like they see him as one.
He slowly spins around and tilts his head to the side, studying me. I stand still, not giving him any body language to judge or read upon. He has heard my simple demand and I know a part of him wants to see a vamp get the cure. Trust will always be an issue, but soon it shouldn’t matter. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, then walks to the cage. His fingers wrap around the bars and he stares intently at the sunglasses covering my eyes.
“If I do this for you, you will be on my side no matter what you wake up as. You will see things my way and do things the way I want them to be done. Do you understand?” Trevor demands.
I slowly nod my head in agreement and say, “Completely.”
“Then I will bring you a vampire tonight just after the sun goes down. You will cure it and give me what I want so you can have what you want. We both win in this situation.” He states.
“That’s all that I want.” I say.
“Good.” He says, then releases the bars and turns away from the cage.
He strolls to the door of the school and taps on it three times. I hear the beep coming from the latch being released and he grips the door handle. Before he goes inside he passes me a long look of glee. The smile on his face tells me that he knows he has truly won the war between us. He gives me a wink of his left eye, then walks over the threshold and disappears inside.
If things finally work out the way I need them to, this war between us has only just begun.
* * *
Night fell and the sound of bewilderment has filled the voices of the crowd that is slowly making their way toward the cage. They all wonder about the show they are going to witness. The rumors that have gone through the small camp across the school yard have all been true. The few that have heard the story know that I will pass out a few seconds after I let the luxurious sweetness of a vampire’s blood flow between my lips. Some don’t believe that will happen, but they are curious to see the show regardless.
Trevor has not come out with my meal yet, but he has extra men on guard tonight. Vamps are pretty strong, no matter how detained they might be, they can still break through anything. A rope wouldn’t hold it very well and neither would one of those dog leashes they bring the zombies out with.
I stay put in the middle of the cage and stare at the faces standing a few meters away from my prison. The guards are making sure to keep them back in case things go wrong. A smart idea, but I have seen plans like this fail before. It was a mess back then and I can only imagine how it will be now.
There are two faces amongst the crowd that I am currently staring at. The father, Phil, shakes his head at me. Sarah has her hand wrapped tightly around his and she is still holding onto that damn stuffed dog. It would be weird to see her without it though.
The way Phil is staring at me, I can tell he’s disappointed. I doubt he has heard my reasoning for this or if he even knows the full story of it all, but he is still upset with me. I’m sure if he had the chance to get closer, he would lecture me just like my own father did when I was a child. Probably tell me how I’m making a horrible mistake and taking the wrong path and blah freaking blah. I’ve had enough lectures for one lifetime.
I’ve had enough of everything for a million lifetimes.
Finally, the door to the school squeals open and the entire crowd shifts their attention to the people stepping foot outside. A large man comes first, dressed in a black sweatshirt and dark jeans. He has a rifle tight in his grip as he leads the way for a tough looking woman to follow him. Her clothes are baggy and messy, matching the ratty mop on top of her head. She looks nervous and walks quickly to get out of the door and away from what is coming behind her.
It stumbles outside with a bag covering its pale face. The black sack is tied tightly around its neck and its hands are chained with thick metal behind its back. I’d like to meet the person who got close enough to the vamp to do that. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy task.
Trevor follows the beast through the door with part of the chain in his hand like a leash. The vamp isn’t even trying to get away, but I hear it gnashing its teeth and sniffing the air for the flesh it will not be tasting tonight. I take a big whiff of the air and instantly feel a familiar sense taking over. My hands are shaking and my mouth is watering as they bring my feast closer.
The crowd might be gasping in terror and backing away from the creature they’ve feared for the past few years, but I am enjoying this moment. I stare at the thing as he glides through the grass with such ease that he’s barely walking
at all. The paleness of his hands and arms are bright with the moonlight cascading down upon him. My lips are quivering and I move closer to the bars. I wrap my hands tightly around the cold metal and devour this creature with my eyes.
The dead blood under his skin is enticing and I simply cannot wait to try a taste. From what I remember about biting Katie back at the village with Adam and everyone I used to know, a vampire’s blood tasted like complete shit, but for some reason I am craving it this very instant. I need to have it and I need to feel the texture of it flooding my tongue and dripping down my chin. I can fight through whatever hell the flavor of it might bring me and force myself to fall into the slumber I so desire.
Trevor pulls the vampire closer to the bars of the cage and a young boy moves to the padlock with a key in his shaking hand. He fights with the lock for a moment, then it comes undone and holds the door closed.
“How long does this take, Bridget?” Trevor asks me before I am allowed to eat.
I take a moment to think, to remember what happened when I bit Katie. I passed out within minutes after the blood hit my stomach and woke up the next morning in a daze. The girl, however, woke up sooner than I did and was even more herself than before.
“All night. You’ll have to keep an eye on him and be there when he wakes up, just like the zombies.” I reply.
“And you?” he asks.
I shrug and shake my head, “Just keep me in here until I open my eyes.”
“I can do that.” he states, then motions for the boy to open the door.
The vampire gets shoved forward, but before he steps into the cage, he digs his feet into the ground and stops moving. He’s stronger than Trevor or any of his men and the crowd is backing further away.
“Smell...dead blood.” The vamp says, his voice is quiet under the sack over his head.
I move closer and stand right before him, “Of course you smell dead blood, you idiot. Don’t you want to try some?”
“No.” he replies, then takes a step backward.
He pulls on the chain and fights against Trevor’s hold on him. The guards step in with their guns aimed for the vampire’s heart and I wait for the blasts to fill my ears and take away the thing I need most right now. They are willing to take away my chance of finding peace and there is no way in hell I am letting that happen.
The vamp fights blindly against the chain and his teeth snap open and closed with the bag getting sucked into his mouth. He digs his feet into the ground, trying to go for the meal that’s closest to him. People are starting to scream and shout for the fear that this thing might get loose and attack them all. Their shrieks are deafening as well as an aide in the frenzy building even faster in the pit of my stomach.
I take a step out of the cage and the world slows down for me. Every movement the humans make appears to be going in slow motion. I take another step and the vamp is within inches of my reach. He digs his feet further into the ground, pulling against the chain being held by Trevor who is starting to lose his grip. His fingers are straining against the sharp steel, cutting into his skin until the blood loosens his grip completely.
The instant that chain falls from his hands, I leap through the air and tackle the vicious vamp to the ground. He might be strong, but at certain times when my monster is at its highest point, I can be stronger. I pin the thing to the grass, straddling over his midsection, then rip the ropes from around his neck and pull the bag from his head.
He’s much older than I am and has definitely seen his fair share of fights. His forehead is covered in tiny scars and one is sliced across his hazy left eye. His nose has a piercing with a metal spike sticking out and his black hair looks dull and lifeless. He fights against me and shouts at me with muffled groans of hatred. I tilt my head to the left and stare into his eyes. He gnashes his yellow teeth at me, frightening the humans standing within a few feet of us.
I grab hold of his throat and tighten my hand around it. I lean closer to his neck and take in the sour scent of his dead flesh. I lick my lips, then bite down hard, splitting the skin to let the juices flow. I suck in his blood, fighting through the horrid taste covering my tongue and close my eyes.
Here’s to the moment when my life stopped making sense. The times when everything fell apart and I found no way out. Here’s to the people that I have to accept are dead and I’ll never get to see again. There is no part of me that can survive long enough to deal with the fact that they are gone.
The longer I hold my bite on the vamp’s neck, the more weight is taken off my shoulders. The sadness is starting to disappear and my mind is fading to black. The memories aren’t trying to fight their way into my head and take over my every thought. I can breathe without the hatred clogging my throat and already life seems easier. I just need more of this blood to make the rest of my life go away.
I keep my teeth clamped against his skin and feel the vamp’s twitching body slowing down against my grip. My head feels light and the world appears to be spinning underneath me. My entire body is shaking and goose bumps take over my skin.
The vamp stops moving completely and I take one last, long sip of his blood. I open my eyes and pull myself away from him. The crowd looks shocked as they watch the red stuff dripping from my chin. They are spinning faster and faster as I stare back at them. Trevor’s face is a messed up blur and I fall to my side away from the body of the vamp. I try catching myself but my arms give out and I hit the grass with a quiet thud.
I can see the stars and the moon high in the sky above me. They are spinning in rapid circles. They don’t really look like the tiny dots of lights that they are as they move quicker and quicker, becoming one white line that eventually fades into the blackness that is overtaking my vision. The world outside of my head is gone and I only see the dark land my empty mind has created for me. I allow myself to slip away from the world of the living and rest peacefully so I can wake up as a completely different creature.
* * *
Stars fill every corner of my vision as I take a look at the place my mind has sent me to. It seems like I get sent to beautiful places when I’m unconscious and this starry night just about tops the flowery meadow in which I spoke to my mother on that first little trip of mine.
I thought I was really dead that time, but I know I’m lying on the grass in front of whoever has been chosen to watch over me until I wake up. There’s no saying how long that will be, so I’m going to revel in the magnificence of this comatose moment.
Everywhere I turn I see millions of bright dots floating against the navy blue canvas. I don’t recognize a single constellation or any order these stars might be in. They appear to be moving slowly through the air and stop when I take a step forward. Once I stop moving, they glide once again and their game brings a smile to my face.
I glance to my feet and take another step. The floor is solid yet it ripples as though I’m walking on water. The stars reflect off the shiny surface, but my image does not. I don’t create a shadow in this world of mine nor do I even feel like I exist here. I feel like a ghost banished to this place because I chose to give up on a life I can’t handle anymore. I’m not the first person who has done such a thing, but I’m sure the others like me didn’t wind up in a land full of stars inside of their wicked imagination.
I take a few steps forward smiling at the constant ripples under my feet. This place is peaceful and relaxing to a certain point. Sure, it’s completely lonely and barren of any and all other forms of life, but it’s the calmness of this place that makes me feel a lot less sad about things. I can breathe easier here and not think of the people that have ruined my life.
The stars float slowly through space when I stop moving and I try concentrating on the direction they are heading. Each one is drifting to a different place that I cannot dream to follow. There is one that catches my eye, it’s moving faster than the others leaving behind a tail of white stardust in its wake. My eyes follow it until it disappears in a flash of colorful light far off to m
y left. The silent blast illuminates the darkness and I shield my eyes from the bright colors taking over.
It lasts only a few seconds, then everything fades back to the slowly moving stars and the small waves under my feet. I keep my eyes focused on the spot where the shooting star landed and see a figure walking toward me. The dark shadow blocks out some of the white speckles as it moves. It walks on two legs and I see their arms swaying back and forth indicating that it is clearly a human being. Living or non, I won’t be able to tell until they get closer.
The figure moves swiftly and comes into focus. It’s a woman with flowing brown hair as wild as the look in her eyes. Her clothes are black and menacing, different than the filthy attire I am sporting. She stands taller than I do and has a much stronger desire in those metallic silver eyes than I could possibly imagine. She approaches me and I stare at her face like I am looking into a mirror that shows the future.
I know that devilish grin, that pale skin that used to be a light tan color during the summer months. Her hair is a bit more wild than mine and she doesn’t have the striking resemblance of a zombie like I do. But here I stand, staring at a version of myself I can only recognize as the monster hiding deep inside of me. The very creature I have fought so hard to keep hidden from the world and she is finally showing her face.
“I wish I could say that I’m happy to finally meet you, but a part of me doesn’t want that.” I speak and she tilts her head to the side in a confused manner.
She doesn’t respond or open her mouth to speak. That grin is plastered on her face as she glares at me. She floats over the water-like floor until she stands inches away from me, then she moves her face close to mine. Our noses are almost touching in this surreal moment and I feel her eyes piercing into my very soul. She lifts her right hand and my left one moves at the same time without my command. Our palms press together and I feel an odd force flowing from her body into mine.