by Tahnee Fritz
I stop walking and tilt my head to the side. From what I know of this ritual, marriage is the one thing people do to cement their love to the never-ending status. I don’t feel that way towards Jason. It’s more about the strength and the passion I feel when we touch. Not the soft, mushy feeling that love brings with it. That’s more of what I felt when Ryder kissed me last night. That feeling was very familiar to me.
“I told you I’m still here.” That voice is in my head once more and I grit my teeth and push those horrible feelings from my mind.
I clench my hands to fists and leap through the air, tackling the woman to the concrete. She shouts at me and claws her nubby fingertips against my back. Her feet kick wildly at the ground and she thrashes her teeth at me. I stare into her pitch black eyes, seeing my own reflection staring back and wrap my hands around her destroyed blouse.
I lift her torso from the ground and bring her face closer to mine. She claws at my face and neck, reaching behind me for the true prize in her eyes. I bring my teeth to her neck and chomp down hard, breaking the skin and letting that dead blood rush into my mouth. This is to bring an end to that voice in my head and the constant feelings of weakness and emotion that seem to be making an appearance in my life.
I slurp down as much of her blood as I can until she stops grasping at the air behind me and her arms fall limply to her sides. I carefully let her body fall to the ground and rise to my feet. The other zombie has completely ignored the fact that I just saved his wife and is quickly making is way across the median.
The humans he is walking toward all have their guns raised and aimed for the zombie’s head, but none of them fire a round. I guess they believe that I have the cure and it would be unfair to this man if they allowed him to die. I quickly walk up behind him and grab onto the hood on his sweatshirt, stopping him from taking another step closer to Ryder.
I bite down on the back of his neck and he tries walking away from me. He takes a step, dragging me with him as I suck the dead life from his veins. This one tastes even better than his wife lying on the ground behind me. I can feel myself getting stronger and the last hint of the old me is gone entirely this time.
Once his body goes limp, I let go and he crashes to the ground. I wipe the remainder of his blood on the back of my hand and smile down at my handiwork. It won’t be long before these two wake up and add to the number of humans I am stuck travelling with.
I stare at the others who are gawking at me. It’s like they have never seen a thing like me attack zombies. I guess that’s true for most of them. I’m sure it is a sight to witness the miracle of giving life back to the dead. If only there were two of me, then I could witness it as well.
That first gasp fills the air and an astonished Elliot aims his gun at the woman lying on the ground. She starts coughing and hacking, trying to catch a breath of fresh air. Neil grabs his backpack and rushes to her side. I turn around and walk backwards toward the rest of the humans. Neil helps the woman to her side so she can breathe, then he feels for a pulse and smiles.
“Where am I?” she asks in an ever pleasant tone.
“You’re safe and alive now.” Neil replies as she sits up. “Do you remember who you are?”
The woman nods and says, “Yes, my name is Amanda. My husband and I were on our way to the city and we were attacked by zombies and...oh no.” her eyes find her husband on the ground, still waiting to wake up.
She quickly scrambles across the street to be with him. She holds his head in her hands and rocks him gently back and forth. Neil slowly walks up behind her and as soon as his feet stop moving, the man sucks in a heavy breath and opens his eyes.
“Richard?” Amanda speaks quietly. “You’re alive. Oh thank God.”
He coughs and holds onto his wife. I glance to the others around me and see that all of them are smiling. I don’t know if they are happy about seeing the cure or about the love that has been reunited between those two. Either way, it’s annoying. We can’t waste time admiring my miracle every time I give it to someone. It’s old news and soon it won’t be news at all.
As I stare at them, something creeps up into the back of mind. These two can go back to the life they were given the day they were born. They can be happy when we make it to the city and start a family or do whatever they do to feel joy. Where does that leave me once the whole world has the cure? I will be just another part of the apocalypse that will fade throughout history until I am forgotten. I don’t quite like the idea of that. This cure and these creatures that kill human beings are my only future. It saddens me to think that I will be nothing without them.
I run my fingers through my hair and shake my head as I turn away from their happiness. Elliot and his people are helping the two cured ones by giving them water and telling them about our plan of going to the city. I meet with Jason on the curb and he pulls himself to his feet.
“You did a good thing just now.” He states. “You know that, right?”
I nod without saying a word.
“Then why do you look so unhappy about it?” he asks. “This is why we’re going to the city, ya know. You’ll be able to cure the whole world once we get there.”
I sigh and look away from him, “I’m sure that would be a good thing.”
“But...” he says.
“I don’t plan on staying once we get there.” I confess.
He turns his shocked eyes to me and says, “What are you talking about? You can’t just abandon the world and let this pandemic continue. The world will need you, just like those two needed you.”
I shake my head, “They won’t need me for long once they have what’s in my blood.”
He rolls his eyes and turns away from me, “What’s your plan then? Leave and never look back?”
“I will help all of you get to the city and I will make sure that if Trevor attacks I get to kill him. But once you’re safe on the other side, you will never see me again.” I state, staring straight ahead of me and feeling absolutely certain. “I can promise you that.”
He looks down to his feet and shakes his head, “You know they won’t let you leave once they see that the cure exists. They will force you to stay there.”
I shrug, “Then I guess they’ll just have to fight me for it.”
* * *
Once again, I am left to walk alone behind the rest of them. They keep a watchful eye on me, simply to make sure I am not going to take off. As much as I know things would be easier on my own, I made a promise to get these people safely to the city. Once that task is accomplished, I am the only thing I need to worry about.
Jason doesn’t quite agree with my new plan, but I am not about to change it. I can’t let the people in that city use me for what’s in my blood then shove me aside. I know that’s what will happen and I am not meant for that. The old Bridget wasn’t meant for it either. It was the only thing we had in common.
Neither of us wanted to be locked in a cage.
We have turned onto another highway that should take us straight to the city walls. According to Elliot, we will get there sometime tomorrow afternoon and all will be well. I am still counting on Trevor catching up with us. In fact, I want him to find us. His pathetic army could come at us this very instant and it would be absolutely perfect. Our guns would slow them down and I would finally get this vengeful feeling off my back and eliminate him from existence. I could taste the blood under his tanned skin and enjoy every second as I watch the very life fade from his eyes.
That thought is making me hungry again. Zombies wouldn’t be enough and vampires aren’t out just yet. The sun still has a little ways to go before it disappears completely and by then, we will be safe in some building where they cannot harm us. I don’t want either of those things anyway. A human is what I crave. They have a flavor that cannot be matched by anything else on the planet and there is a small group of them ripe for the picking a few paces in front of me.
I just need one of them. The weakest one perhaps. That little
girl up there is small and not strong enough to fight anything off. She wouldn’t be very filling and I would be longing for more the second her blood hits my lips.
I pass my eyes over the others and they are all pretty healthy. Their flesh is pink and luscious, probably a bit tough to bite through even. Most of them appear strong enough to fight back, except for one.
He limps next to Neil and still holds onto the wound on his stomach. The scent of his blood catches my nose once in a while and I can almost taste him. It wouldn’t take much to render him helpless. He’s halfway there right now and I just need one quick bite and the rest would be over.
Who am I kidding. I could never hurt Jason like that. Our relationship might not be perfect or even intact at the moment, but he is still important to me. The type of important that needs to live on for as long as he can without me there to threaten it.
That’s why it won’t be good for me to stay in the city. Not like this. I am stronger out here and that is where I must stay.
“Not without Ryder.” There is that voice I love so much.
I guess that bitch can hear my every thought as it roams through my head. I hate to tell you, but Ryder is not for me. Sure, he’s handsome and has a sweet voice, but that’s not what I want. I need someone equal to me. If I knew how to do it, I would find the perfect match and turn him into another creature like me.
“No,” the voice whispers in my head, “We want a cure for this.”
“There will never be a cure for this. Don’t you see that?” I argue quietly, catching the attention of no one.
“You don’t know that.” she says.
I grit my teeth and clench my fists. She isn’t supposed to be in my head and here she is telling me about some magical cure that’s going to take care of all her problems and make her human again. She would get rid of me in a heartbeat and I am not going to let that happen. She can live in my head and haunt me all she wants, but she will never have this life back. She gave that up when she chose to be weak and forget about everything she cared for. Her family, her friends, Ryder, she wanted those memories to go away and I did that for her. She just needs to shut the hell up and thank me for ending her pain.
“I was wrong.” She says.
“No, this was the best decision you ever made. I just wish you would have made it sooner.” I snap.
One of the humans glances over their shoulders after hearing me argue with the air. The older woman with her hair in a tight bun on top of her head raises a confused eyebrow and I glare right back. It’s none of her business if I am yelling at the voice in my head. She can just turn around and go about her day until we get to the city.
“You can’t just leave them there. You have to give them the cure.” This voice is driving me crazy.
“You are not in charge so you don’t get to tell me what to do.” I reply.
“It’s the right thing to do. It’s what I would do.” She states.
“Well you’re not here!” I shout. “You wanted to give up on this life and you willingly gave it to me. So just shut the hell up and leave me the fuck alone!”
I look up from my feet and see the entire group staring at me. Elliot has a hold on his rifle and he looks at me with worry in his eyes. Jason has his mouth hanging open and his eyebrows raised in surprise.
“What?” I snap at them.
One by one and very slowly, they turn around and start moving again. Amanda and Richard keep their distance as they hold hands. Phil lifts his daughter and carries her over his shoulders. Jason doesn’t bother looking back and Elliot slows down to be closer to me in case I lash out again.
Ryder moves to my side and matches my pace. He is the only one that doesn’t seem to be judging me and actually has a stupid smile on his face.
“You okay?” he asks.
I shove my hands in the pockets of my jacket and say, “I’m fine.”
“It doesn’t seem like you’re fine. It seems like you’re at war with yourself right now.” He states, that smile still glued to his lips.
“No, I’m at war with an idiot who lives in my head.” I retort.
The smile on his face grows wider, “That idiot happens to be the old you trying to make her way back. I told you she was still there.”
I scoff at him and move a little faster to get ahead of him. Of course that doesn’t keep him from matching my brisk pace and he stays by my side.
“Will you please just leave me alone.” I seethe.
Ryder shakes his head and says, “I’m not going anywhere and you can’t stop me from walking with you. With this being the end of the world, I can pretty much do whatever I want.”
Those words sound very familiar to me. I turn my eyes to him and stare at the annoying smile on his face and it’s like I have been in this moment before, hearing those exact words.
“That’s what he said the first day we met.” The voice chimes in, answering my unasked question, she sounds a bit snobby this time.
“Oh my god, just shut up already.” I say.
“What?” Ryder asks, turning his eyes to me and the smile on his face goes away.
“I wasn’t talking to you.” I reply. “Although you can keep your mouth shut too.”
Again, he passes me a ridiculous grin and keeps walking next to me. Sure, I have the option to run as fast as I want to get away from him and the rest of these humans and a small part of me wants to do that. However, when I look back at his smiling face and stare into those hazel eyes, I find myself wanting to stay. Maybe it’s the voice in my head that won’t let me run or maybe I want to see that these people get to the city without getting caught up with Trevor. Whatever it is, it’s annoying and pathetic.
* * *
The next few hours of walking were very uneventful yet the time seemed to rush right by me. Elliot found a spot under an overpass to stop for a short meal. There isn’t a house or building anywhere near here, so we’ll have to risk moving in the dark in order to find a place. The sun hasn’t set just yet, but the sky is getting darker by the minute.
I stand just out from under the overpass and stare at the long stretch of highway we still have to cover. There are cars and trucks scattered about the road, most of them are smashed beyond repair. I notice dead bodies belonging to zombies and even a few vamps are piled on the grass on the side of the road. The stench from their decomposing bodies is repulsive, but the humans still manage to eat through it.
I glance down at my feet and eye a smear of dried blood on the concrete. The stain has settled into the pavement and there is something about this spot that strikes me as familiar. I can see the violence and bloodshed that occurred here and can almost hear the screams of people shouting for help. Whatever happened here was sad and horrible, I can feel it straight through to my bones. My hands are shaking as I look away from the blood and turn back to the pile of dead creatures.
“I hoped I’d never have to see this place again.” The voice has made a comeback to interrupt the already annoying thoughts in my head.
Out of sheer curiosity I ask the voice, “Why? What happened here?”
I look around the place and listen to her answer, “This is where you were created.”
She sounds so upset in my mind, I can almost picture the weak girl bawling her eyes out by being in this spot again. She is stuck reliving the memories of the worst day in her life, yet it happened to be the best day in mine. I might not remember it as she does, but I have no reason to hate the vampire and zombie that bit me and granting me life. I glance down at the blood stain by my feet and feel my lips curling into a smile.
“This wasn’t a good thing, monster.” She argues with me. “This was the worst thing to ever happen to me.”
“I find that hard to believe considering how we got the cure with what happened here. This should be named as a historical landmark in my name.” I reply.
“You don’t understand.” She says solemnly, “I lost everything because of what happened.”
I feel my hea
d turning toward Ryder and my eyes linger on him for a long moment. He is sitting beside Elliot, talking about something that has to do with the city. He notices my stare and our eyes meet. He passes me a smile and I quickly look away from him.
“Love gets in the way of things. If you would have noticed that a long time ago, you wouldn’t have erased it all from your mind.” I say. “That’s why I’m here. I know how to survive a hell of a lot better than you.”
“You’re wrong.” She retorts. “Love is the best feeling in the world. If you were able to look past the hatred in your eyes, you’d be able to see that.”
I grit my teeth and shake the voice from my head. There is no sense in arguing with her when I know I am right about this. She let me out so I can live a life where nothing will get in my way. I won’t feel the sadness that she does nor will I ever do something as foolish as allow myself to be captured like she had done when Trevor got a hold of her. I am not that stupid.
A set of footsteps approaches and I don’t need to see who it is to know that Ryder is standing right next to me. He has a very particular scent that stands out above the others and I could pick him out of a crowd filled with hundreds. He stares at the oncoming stars and lets out a sigh.
“Never thought we’d be back here again.” He states.
“Apparently you’re not the only one.” I say.
“Is she talking to you again?” he asks.
I nod and say, “It is getting to be rather annoying. I’ll need to find a better way of getting rid of her.”
“I don’t think you should do that. You need her around.” He states.
“No, you need her around. I am fine living with the emptiness in my head.”
“Then stop thinking so much. I’ve warned you about that time and time again.” He says with a smile. “Thinking only gets you in trouble.”