by V. K. Ludwig
“And if I refuse?”
He shrugged. “You better tell them now so they can go back to sleep, ’cause all three of them got shift tonight.”
Nausea tickled my throat once more, leaving the inside of my mouth more rancid tasting than this bar ever did. Any regular guy would have married one of them on the spot and put a baby in their belly leas than an hour later.
But I wasn’t normal. I had tasted a woman’s body before, and I understood nothing spiced it up more than being in love with her while driving inside her.
I shook my head and placed some weight on the handle, ready to tell Knox to shove it and jump on my bike. Then that one girl gazed up at me from sad eyes, a please lining those lips I had kissed just to hear my heart break once more.
For the first time in my life, I hated myself for being brought up halfway decent.
“Her,” I said and confirmed it with a finger pointing in her direction.
“You’re sure?” Knox asked, the tone of his voice telling me he must have had at least one brow arched. “She’s a feisty one.”
I walked up to her, grabbed her hand, and pulled her behind me, saying, “That’s how I like them.” We left the bar, and I swung her around the corner, escaping Jack’s curious eyes before he’d had something smug to say.
“Now you pay attention to me,” I said and cupped her face, the little resistance she offered confirming she was used to being formed and molded at everyone’s pleasure. “I’ll get you out of here, but I sure as hell won’t marry you. Understood?”
“But —”
“Sh…” I held a palm to her mouth and glanced around the corner, where Jack threw both hands in the air in a what-the-fuck kinda way. I turned back to whatever her name was. “We’ll worry about finding you a husband once we get to the Clan, and trust me there’ll be plenty to choose from. Just… just don’t tell anyone about… you know.”
When she nodded I let my palm slip off her mouth, adding, “Most of our men would expect a vir… someone who isn’t quite as experienced as you, okay? Things are different where I’m from.”
What I had said sounded shittier than anything ever exiting my mouth, but that didn’t make it any less true.
When I walked out from the corner with her in tow, I bounced back against the tug of her arm.
“What is it?”
She leaned in closer but at the same time sunk her head some more, her lips opening and closing as if she had to think twice about what she was about to say. One syllable. Delivered by her vocal cords like something so fragile she had to whisper it. “Kim.”
“Huh?”
“Kim,” she said again, this time more energetic as if those three letters had something freeing to her. “That’s my real name.”
When she smiled, I felt a big, fat grin tug on my mouth. I squeezed her hand and gave it a good ‘ole shake. “Hi Kim, I’m Adair. Now let’s get the fuck out of here and bring you home.”
“About time,” Jack snarled as we walked up to my bike, and roared up his engine.
I handed Kim my brain bucket since I didn’t plan for two, then we both hopped onto my bike and took off. My hands shook, camouflaged by the suspension on the handlebar, and my muscles turned stiffer with each mile we put behind us. I was finally going home. I would see Ruth again after almost three months apart. For a moment there, something warm and comforting wrapped around me at the thought. I shifted up and sped away from the sensation. Ruth and I were through.
Chapter 24
The Woodlands
Ruth
“Are you crazy?” I shouted at Oriel, who had knocked my door like a mob and stumbled into my room less than twenty seconds ago. “Ugh… there isn’t even light outside yet!”
“He’s back,” he said and placed a plate with two small crackers on my nightstand. “The scout called Rowan, and now half the village is awake. We should get dressed, too. Shit, I have a bad feeling about this.”
I stretched the sleep from my bones, oblivious to the why’s and when’s and how’s. “Who is back?”
He gave a snort. “Baby-daddy…”
A heavy sensation landed in my stomach, and I immediately grabbed for one of the crackers, nibbling along the edge and caring little about the crumbs falling between my aching boobs. No, this was all wrong. He was supposed to return almost three months ago. Not now. Not two days after Oriel and I had announced our engagement…
“You want me to make you a fennel tea for your stomach? Or can you get dressed today without barfing into the pillowcase?”
“Please…” I said with my beggar voice, my eyes already darting for the bucket he had placed by the side of my bed ever since I had moved in.
He disappeared into the kitchenette. Dirty dishes clanked. Cabinets opened and closed. And the water faucet gulped. All the while, I hurried down my cracker and got up, taking a few extra minutes to choose an outfit.
Not that I had many options left. Most pants pressed uncomfortably against that tiny, almost not-visible bump I was growing. Some of the dresses hugged my breasts a bit too tightly, making them sting and burn at the touch of the fabric.
After I settled for a long tunic and loose pants, I dragged my paralyzed feet into the bathroom, splashed two extra loads of water into my face and got ready. For what I didn’t know, but I agreed with Oriel. I had a bad feeling about this.
What would Adair say once I told him I was pregnant? Shit. What would he say if anybody told him about my engagement to Oriel? All I might hope for was that I’d find the perfect moment to pull him aside, so I could clear things up before someone else did it for me.
“Here,” Oriel said and handed me one of his thermos mugs with a lid on it. “We better get moving right away. Apparently, he’s in company, and I don’t believe this is something I want to miss.”
His pillow still leaned folded and bunched up against the couch, the red fleece blanket hanging half on and half off the backrest. He grabbed my poncho from a pile of jackets and draped it around me. A final nod and we both set into motion, his body as stiff as mine and his mouth pressed so hard together they had gone bloodless by now.
We drove down to the village in his truck, and I opened the window by a few inches, letting in the milder-by-the-day air and offering my foggy mind some distraction. It didn’t help much. All I could think of was how I would tell Adair that I carried his child — and how Oriel would raise it.
Now that we announced our intention to marry, things had gone from complex to quantum-physics-complicated. Even after I would tell him the truth, it wouldn’t solve a thing. Besides, who knew if he still felt about me the same way? My heart stuttered like the engine of Oriel’s old truck, bumping against my ribcage like rocks knocked against his tires.
They had lit the fire in the pit in front of the longhouse where Rowan sat on the stairs surrounded by a handful of people, sipping away on a mug of his own.
“Nothing yet?” Oriel asked and stepped outside, then walked over to open the door for me.
River stepped down the stairs and rubbed a knuckle across his eye. “Shouldn’t be much longer now. Scout said they’re on bikes, so they move quickly.”
“And the women?”
“Snoring away in their beds,” Rowan said and took another sip. “Didn’t expect you’d bring Ruth with you. Though I can’t say it surprises me, considering the odd circumstances…”
Circumstances. He had butchered the pronunciation of the word in any way possible, shooting me suspicious glances from narrowed eyes. They had emerged two days ago. Probably because a few weeks back I confessed my love for Adair to him… off circumstances indeed.
“I’m getting nauseous,” I whispered against Oriel’s shoulder.
He gave a quick nod and walked over to the truck, pulling a bag of crackers out from the glove compartment. The way he had committed himself to my care was admirable. At the same time, it drove the shame deeper into my bone-marrow for dragging him into this mess. The moment engines coughed from be
hind the tree line, I realized the mess had just gotten messier.
Two bikes pulled up to the longhouse and boots dug their heels into the dirt, the engines going into a brief idle before they turned off. I couldn’t look up. I stared at the shiny exhausts instead, letting my eyes dart from rubber to metal. Anywhere but up. Anywhere but to his face. I had waited so long for this moment. Now it was here, and it felt all wrong.
The steps to the longhouse creaked underneath the weight of the men. Max had joined us, and so had Uncle Peter. Their deep voices rumbled into the early morning, and I heard claps and shouts and palms slapping against shoulders and backs.
“We figured you were dead,” Rowan said. “I almost cried a bit for letting you go.”
“An accidental layup, nothing else.”
That voice. It hadn’t changed a bit, but I sensed the tension in it. It drew all strength from my muscles. My knees buckled. My hand darted for Oriel’s shoulder who was quick to wrap his arm around my waist, stabilizing my sway. Did Adair see it? See how another man had touched me? Did he still care?
“We were stuck in town for over two months,” his voice continued. “The storms out there are scary as shit I can tell you that much. We tried to send word to one of the outposts, but communication was down for the better part of it. In the end, I figured I’d show up and prove that motherfuckers like me don’t die quick. Nor easy.”
More pats against backs and shoulders. Laughter. Good mood all over but certainly not inside me. I wanted to look at him. Wanted to see if his eyes still sparkled when they caught with mine. At that moment, it tempted me to blurt it out. Can we talk alone for a moment? Because I was wrong and I love you and I am carrying your child and I want you to marry me.
My mouth opened like on rusty hinges.
The back of my throat turned dry.
Say it, Ruth! Can we talk?
I cleared my throat. It wasn’t a word, but it was a start. Then I turned my eyes toward where his voice came from, and where he explained and talked about wind and rock formations and brothers. My eyes climbed his sturdy stance and dangled on his strong arms for a moment.
Another throat clearing. “Can we —”
“Who’s the woman?” Rowan suddenly asked, drowning my words with some sort of curiosity that quickly spread through our group. Me included.
My eyes made a jump to the left. Then up.
A young woman stood right beside him, her hair long and black, her eyes sparkling as if she was caught in her very own happy place.
Who is SHE?
Another wave of nausea punched me in the stomach, and something bitter and sour seeped into the back of my throat. Then it happened like on reflex. My eyes went searching for Adair’s face. When they found it, our eyes immediately locked. He shrunk back as if my gaze had cut him somewhere.
“A compliment of our president and a sign of his goodwill,” a strange voice came from somewhere behind Adair. “This young lady is Adair’s fiancee, and I’m here to attend their wedding.”
Fiancee?
Wedding?
My body shook. Or perhaps the world shook, waiting to crumble and fall apart right beneath my feet. Oriel gave a squeeze against the nape of my back, but I was already caught in a free-fall, and nothing and no one could save me from that moment I’d hit the ground.
Three… two… one. Something shattered inside my ears. It must have been my heart. A crest of agony surged through me. Digging itself into my stomach. Surrounding our child with something dark. Something cloudy. Something so painful I feared she might sense it, too.
Adair pressed his eyes shut, and a tremble went through his eyelids. When they opened again, they searched for mine once more, veiled in what looked like a mix of worry, frustration, and… something else I was unable to name though it seemed so familiar.
My greatest fear had come true. He left because I refused to give him what he needed. What he deserved. Now he was back — with someone much smarter than me. For a fraction of a breath, I wanted to hate this woman, but I couldn’t blame her for my mistakes.
“Hey… Ruth.”
I swallowed hard and gave a nod. “Hey… Adair. I’m… I’m glad you’re back. Safe.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
The air around us now turned below-freezing again. She must have noticed it, too. The girl. His… fiancee.
Her eyes darted around the village as if on trial, and she folded her hands awkwardly in front of her lap. Perhaps he had told her about me. Good for them for being honest with each other. That was one of the things I couldn’t be. Not with him. Not even with myself.
“So, um…” Adair scratched the back of his head, his stance shifting the weight from one side to the other. “What’s, um… what’s new with you? I guess Oriel got assigned as your guard now?”
Oriel tensed beside me. River’s gaze drifted to the very, very far side of the village. Max and Uncle Peter threw blinks into the group, equally confused at the stagnant energy between us.
On the inside, I was ready to yell it at him now. We need to talk. But on the inside? On the inside, I cowered like a defeated little thing, my voice once more hiding the truth. After everything I did to him, how could I forgive myself if I ruined his chance of happiness now? His opportunity to get what he wanted with a woman who willingly gave it?
“Actually…” I stammered. This was the right thing to do. Break it off for good. “Oriel and I are getting —”
“Getting a new project assigned,” Rowan blurted. “We were planning to loosen up the law a little bit, and these two are going to figure out a way how to.”
“We are?” Oriel asked with furrowed brows.
Rowan stepped in front of us and grabbed us by our shoulders. “You already forgot that we talked about that? As a matter of fact, now that we’re all here fresh and early, how ’bout you two come inside with me so we can work out some details?”
He turned us in his hands like puppets and marched us to the longhouse, shouting a “good to have you back” toward Adair before he closed the door behind us.
“The truth,” he barked and let two chairs skid toward us, then placed his hands in front of his chest and gave us a no-nonsense stare. “Are you guys getting married because you want to, or because Adair knocked her up and you’re trying to cover up for him?”
A deep sense of gravity pulled me down onto the chair. The same must have happened to Oriel, who sunk down along with his gaze.
“You knew?” I asked.
“Of course I knew, I’m not fucking stupid. Although the way everyone always tries to sneak around behind my back shows me y’all think I’m stupid. What do you believe why I decided to loosen up the law?”
When I gave him a confused stare, he continued. “Because it’s obviously not fucking working. It’s like a god damn rabbit hutch here. Everyone’s banging each other as if I’m too dumb to notice.”
He paced a few steps and pointed at me. “It’s not like I’m clueless, okay? You lost weight, and you hurried off into the forest quite a few times. Morning sickness, I guess. And your face looks like a pot of bacon grease.”
My fingers automatically darted for my cheeks.
Oriel shoved in his seat. “I simply wanted to —”
“Help her. Yeah, I get that, and I’d say it’s very honorable of you. But now he’s back, so why not tell him the god damn truth?”
“But he has a fiancee now! Adair left because I turned him down. Are you really expecting me to just blurt it out now? What about her?”
Rowan shrugged. “What about her? I never met that girl. What I do know is that they aren’t married yet and you’re pregnant with his child. Shit… I wanna strangle him.” Then he squatted down in front of me and searched for my eyes. “Look; clearly, I’m not the relationship expert here. But if I learned one thing, it’s that you should sit down and talk to him. Tell him the truth and take it from there.”
The moment Rowan stomped off, Oriel turned after him. “Where are you going?�
�
“Hauling my ass back to bed,” he shouted in return. “And you should do the same, so you got a clear mind when you sit him down. And I hope Adair’s doing it too because y’all need it.”
The moment the door shut behind us, Oriel took my hand. “You know he’s right. Let me call him and invite him over. We’ll sit him down together, and you can explain it all.”
It’s not fair. It’s not fair. “I need to think about it. Please don’t say anything to him yet until I figured this out for myself.”
No answer. Just a set of sagged shoulders.
“Oriel! Please promise you won’t tell him about the baby.”
He nodded. “Let me get you back home.”
Chapter 25
Adair
Well, shit. The last thing I expected to see when we arrived at zero-three-fucking-dark was Ruth. What I expected even less? That my heart drummed a badass beat the moment my eyes brushed her outline, her head hanging low, and her body tense as fuck. Whoever said time would heal all wounds obviously never met Ruth because, after three months in the Ash Zones, it took less than a breath to rip my wound deeper than before.
She was gorgeous and smart and kind and fun. And I didn’t want her any less than I did a quarter year ago. Fuck. Perhaps I wanted her even more because I realized no lifetime might heal me from how much I loved this woman.
And just as I wondered if she had missed me. Asked myself if she had thought of me. Jack opened his mouth and fucked it all up.
“A compliment of our president and a sign of his good will,” that asshole said. “This young lady is Adair’s fiancee, and I’m here to attend their wedding.”
Motherfucker.
The way Ruth’s eyes darted at me like a freshly sharpened blade made a pain stab between my ribs. If looks could get arrested for manslaughter, they would have carried her off to jail. A day ago, I wouldn’t have cared if she thought I had a fiancee. But now? With the way her body trembled, and her knees shook?