by Rebecca Rose
“Psychotic is when you don’t know you’re crazy. Neurotic is when you do. Now that you know which one you are, the healing can begin!”
Kathy closed her eyes and had a good laugh. “I need to shower. I’ll call Dave afterward.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I want this so badly. It makes me sick to be without him. I don’t know if I can make it work though.”
“Now’s not the time to doubt yourself. You’ve overcome so much already.”
“You’re right. And I will talk to him. Promise.”
“Good. And anytime you need a butt kicking, just let me know. Heck, I’ll do it even if you don’t need it!”
* * *
“Damn, I’m looking scruffy.” Dave rubbed the long stubble on his face. In the last week he began to see where he went wrong with Kathy. In the last few days he understood he shouldn’t have said she was like her parents. God he missed her. Countless times he picked up the phone to call for their morning chats and then remembered he messed things up and needed to be apologizing. He let her down when he pushed too hard. Hadn’t she asked him to be patient and to trust her? Dave wanted what Jake had with Sophie. Unconditional love. But instead of trying she left; like he always knew she would.
He sprayed the foam in his hands and rubbed it all over his cheeks and jaw. With a few swipes of the razor, he began to look more like himself. The last glide drew blood and he swore ripe when the phone rang at the same time.
“Hello,” he snarled.
“Dave.”
His heart leaped in his chest as hope sprang to life inside him.
“Kathy, please don’t hang up,” rushed out of his mouth. “I’m so sorry. Please—”
“Dave, you don’t have to take the blame for everything. I had a part in it also,” she said.
“Yes, but I said some terrible things and I didn’t mean to. I… and… I miss you so much. Please come back to me.”
“I needed space, Dave.”
“I know. I tried. Well, in the past week I’ve tried.” Five days to be exact. He hadn’t sent flowers, cards, phone calls, nothing. He gave in to the fact she didn’t want him in her life.
“I’m sorry. I made a mess of things.” When he attempted to interject, Kathy cut him off. “Don’t even say I didn’t. There was no reason for me not to tell you it was Sophie on the phone.”
“Why can’t you trust me, Kathy? I’ve never done anything to make you to think I wouldn’t understand.”
“Maybe that’s it. You’re too understanding, too perfect, and it scares me.”
“Do you want this to work?”
“I…” She took a deep breath and the agony of the wait elevated his anxiety. “I love you, Dave, and that’s all that counts. I don’t care about my parents and what kind of marriage they have. I don’t want to be scared of us because we might fail. Dave, I’m not perfect. I need a lot of maintenance and sometimes I might get scared and attempt to run. But just promise you’ll help me. Work through this with me. Can you do that?”
His mind spun with what she’d told him. “Ummm, can we go back to the beginning? To the part where you said you loved me. Because I want to know exactly what that means to you.”
Razor forgotten, Dave grabbed a towel for his face then headed to answer the pounding at his door. There, with her hair a mess and dark shadows under her eyes, stood Kathy.
“It means I won’t accept anything less than all of it. I want a picket fence, a dog, kids, and you by my side every night. If I go a little crazy from time to time, I want you to pull me back and show me how much you care. I didn’t grow up with the kind of life I want to have with you. But I think your parents will help show me how to be good at it.”
“They’ll show us.”
“I love you.” A tear rolled down her cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb.
“I’ve loved you all my life. Even when I didn’t know it was you.”
“Damn it, Dave! How the hell am I supposed to react when you say stuff like that?” She walked away from him and back again while his laughter filled the doorway. “I don’t think this is funny.”
“I think it’s great!”
“Why?”
Dave grabbed her hand and pulled her into his home. “Because I love you and we don’t have a clue what we’re supposed to be doing.”
“I didn’t want you to be in love with me. Still don’t. I don’t understand what I’m feeling. I look at you and I think to myself, ‘you’re gonna break his heart. Run.’ Then I wonder what it is that makes me want to be with you, near you.” On a huff she placed her hands on her hips. “What makes you think you’re in love with me? Because I know I’m not easy to handle sometimes.”
“Let’s see.” He tilted his head in examination of her. “You talk soft but have a mean streak.”
“Is that supposed to make me swoon?”
“Ha! No.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “You have a wicked sense of humor. Your eyes mesmerize me like I’ve been put under a spell. You put me in my place when it’s needed. You’re truthful, loving, and a little unsure.” Leaning in, Dave’s smiling lips kissed hers gently when he saw the flash of insolence in her eyes. “Damn, you turn me on with those defiant looks, Kathy.” He lifted her into his arms. “I’m going to strip you down and keep you that way for the next twenty-four hours. Then we’re going to have dinner with my parents and let them know we’re getting married. Can you handle that?”
“I love it when you tell me what to do.” She wiggled her brows at him.
“Oh, then you’re going to love what I have in mind right now.” He headed back to his bedroom. “You have a lot of making up to do for the crap you did.”
“Oh, no. Please don’t make me be your sex slave.”
“Too late.” He grinned. “You need to be taught a lesson.”
She bit his earlobe and lust shot straight to his groin. “What if I’m naughty again?”
“Then I tie you up and have my way with you.” Her small gasp delighted him. “Thought you’d like that.”
Chapter Seventeen
Dave rounded the city block corner whistling. No, he never thought his life would turn out this way. But here he was ready to take the next step with the woman he loved. Asking Kathy to marry him hadn’t been a hard decision. She understood that he had certain quirks and respected them, just as he did hers.
The week seemed to pass quickly. The two of them made plans to work on the outside of his home again. And when his mother tried to give her input on what plants and flowers to put in, Dave only smiled. Maybe she was right about the bushes being a pain to take care of but she wasn’t going to talk him out of getting the yard fenced in. Someday they wanted kids, even talked about it after a sweaty romp in the hallway. Then he’d taught her how to flip burgers on the grill. They laughed so hard when the patty flew into the air and landed on the grass.
Perfect. That’s what his life was.
A crease of worry formed on his brow. Why couldn’t she come to dinner tonight? She just said there were some things she needed to take care of and to trust her and she’d explain everything later. It was too bad because his parents were looking forward to seeing her before they went back to Florida and he wanted to tell them the good news together. Kathy’s lease would be up in two months, she would be moving in with him, and they would be starting wedding plans. He imagined his parents being ecstatic. Could see his mother crying and his father cheering. Dave figured a ring for Christmas, wedding in summer, honeymoon wherever her heart desired, and a child the following year. Of course with Jake and Sophie’s news, his parents probably would have had a couple heart attacks from being overjoyed. An uncle. He was going to be an uncle. Jake looked scared, Sophie seemed tired but happy. They’d wanted to wait until Kathy was there too but Sophie couldn’t stay quiet any longer. They had found out only an hour prior and hunted Dave and his parents down to tell them.
With his feet barely hitting the ground, Dave skipped acr
oss the street to the parking lot to his new pickup truck. It was just one more thing that made his life wonderful. He had his woman, his parents, his brother, his health, and a brand new black Ford F-250.
The night had become warm and with it the night life heated up. Women with low-cut shirts and short skirts flaunted their legs with high heels. Men whistled as they walked by and flexed their muscles while smoking cigarettes. Did he miss that? Naw. He couldn’t see the purpose of it anymore; not with Kathy in his life and a future ahead of them.
About to unlock his door, Dave spotted her familiar silhouette. Walking with careful steps, Dave made his way over. Four car lengths from the couple he stopped and stared. His mind rejected the image before him while his body refused to move any closer. There she stood, Kathy, the love of his life. The woman he had been waiting for and couldn’t wait to marry standing there embracing someone else.
A dark cloud of hate shrouded his thoughts. She’d been too busy to meet him and his family for dinner because something came up. Yet here she was locked in another man’s arms while they talked closely. When the mysterious man tried to kiss her, Kathy moved her face away and exposed her neck. She likes that spot being kissed.
Taking a half a step toward them, Dave stopped. He knew he should confront her, confront them, but he couldn’t bring himself to take another step. She’s your woman, go and get her.
But as he willed his legs to move in their direction, the man’s lips captured hers. By the streetlight Dave could see Kathy’s hands fisted in his shirt. Unable to torture himself anymore, he turned and walked away. He’d gotten about ten steps when he heard her voice.
“Oh, God! No! Dave!”
“Too late!” He yelled over his shoulder and jumped into his truck.
“Dave, wait!”
He could hear her calling his name as she ran toward him but he paid no mind and pulled out of the lot. In his rearview mirror he saw Kathy and her lover standing side by side. The man put an arm around her shoulder and Dave’s stomach twisted from disbelief.
“What the hell were you thinking? Stupid!” He punched his dashboard, the pain never registering from the hit to his fist. “Idiot!”
Jesus, even his parents loved her. They were going to be devastated. The weight on his shoulders was substantial.
Instead of heading home, Dave drove to the seedier side of the city. The place he used to call home and one, he figured, would always welcome him back.
“Fuck it!” He pulled into the back of the strip club and parked in the darkest spot he could find. No use advertising his presence. Outside of the bar stood a man smoking. The nostalgic smell of cigarettes and marijuana filled his lungs. Yeah, he was home.
* * *
“No! And get your damn hands off of me, Todd!” Kathy fell against the stop sign pole. How did this happen? She just lost her dream man for the second time. How? Violent tears streaked down her face. Her heart wasn’t only broken but destroyed.
“Sweetheart. Come on.” Todd put a reassuring arm around her shoulders and tried to bring Kathy to her feet.
“You asshole!” Her fist connected to his groin and Todd went down. “I hate you! I hate you! Why did you come here?”
“I wanted to make it right,” he grunted out.
“I told you I’m with someone. I love him!” Saying it aloud startled her. At first she had doubted the love, then questioned if she was capable of being in it, now she knew she would give anything for it.
“You loved me too, once.” Todd coughed. “Damn it, Karma.”
“I never loved you like I do Dave!” Kathy swiped at the black mascara smearing across her face then ran to her car.
“What the hell? You’re going to leave me here?” Todd yelled. “He’ll never love you like I do! He’ll leave you and you’ll be back because I’m willing to forgive your limitations.”
Zipping out of the parking lot she saw a cruiser with flashing lights come roaring toward the scene. Good.
Kathy pulled out her cell and dialed the only person she was certain would know where Dave could have possibly gone. “Sophie, this is an emergency. No, I haven’t gotten into an accident but I think… actually it wasn’t me it was my idiot ex who really screwed things up. I’m looking for Dave. This is a mess. Please call me back!” Kathy drove straight through the red light and passed the strip club.
* * *
“Hey, Dave, haven’t seen you here in a while.”
“How’s it hanging, José?” Dave took a seat at the bar. “I’ll have a shot of the strongest thing you got.”
“Comin’ right up.”
José poured the dark liquor and Dave downed it. When he pointed for another, the bartender obliged. “So how’s the family, José?”
“Divorced,” Jose told him with his heavy Spanish accent.
“Told you not to marry a stripper, didn’t I?”
“I believe you did. But damn the things that chick could do.”
“Kids?”
“Naw. You?”
“Nope.” Dave stared down at his empty glass. “Thought I might someday.”
“Me too.”
José moved down to the other end of the bar after he filled Dave up. The numbing effect of the auburn liquor soon spread throughout his body. Good, don’t want to think anyway.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes. Now I think I’m dreamin’. Sanders, what the hell brought you back to me?” Charlie sniffed hard and rubbed his nose. It didn’t take a seasoned coke addict to know what the man had been doing in the back room.
“I needed to drink and a place to hide.”
“Well out here isn’t gonna do it.” Charlie gestured for Dave to go with him. “Come on.”
“You know, Charlie, I think I’m gonna stay out here,” Dave said. “Hey, José! Set me up again.”
The bartender smiled. “I can do that.”
“Sanders, when an old friend invites you to their private party, it ain’t nice to turn ’em down.”
Dave glanced at the heavy hand on his shoulder. “You’re right. I’m not partying, though. I’m drinking.” What are you doing here, Sanders? Look at this guy, he’s drunk, high, and you should get your butt out of here. Dave turned on his bar stool to face the stage. “And watching a show. Got some nice-looking girls.”
“Could get you a private dance in the back.”
“Thanks, Charlie, but I’m really not looking for that kinda fun.”
“Suit yourself. You know what to do.” Charlie nodded and walked to one of the bouncers. Dave saw the mountain of a man look at him and then back at his boss. Yup, I’m being watched. This was such a mistake.
Turning to catch José again, Dave asked for a beer.
“You know that’s gonna make you sicker than a dog tomorrow,” José advised.
“Yeah, but I deserve it,” Dave announced.
“I’m surprised to see you here.”
“I needed something familiar.” Dave watched the woman on the pole, while trying to clear his mind.
José spoke something in Spanish and turned away from him.
“What?” Dave asked.
“Nothing”
“Speak your mind, José,” he slurred as he contemplated leaving to find a quieter place to sulk. “You never were shy about it before.”
After filling an order the old friend leaned on the bar toward Dave. “You’re loco. Get out of here,” he told Dave in a hushed tone. “You got out with your life and now you’re back? Stupid, amigo. You’re real stupid.”
Dave studied the scene around him. He once thought of this place as his home—somewhere to do whatever he wanted to. Now he understood it was a lifestyle that pulls you down deep into the abyss of darkness and then chains you there. What was he doing there? Instead he should have been making things right with Kathy. He could have misunderstood the whole scene he saw. Right? Dave scoffed. He deeply wanted the whole thing to be a mix-up but he saw what he saw.
Against his better judgment Dave planted his emp
ty beer on the bar. “Get me another, José.”
* * *
“For God’s sake, Dave, pick up the damn phone!” Kathy was pulled over in front of Jake and Sophie’s place trying to think of anywhere else Dave would be. She had already been by the Lion, his house, called Mitch, and her own apartment.
Dragging her feet and with slumping shoulders, Kathy confronted the front door with guilt, disgust, and hope. If anyone would know where Dave went, Jake would. Before she could raise her hand to knock, the door swung open and Jake stood there, hands on his hips and a scowl on his face.
“Hi, Jake.”
“What the hell is going on? You look terrible.”
“Nice to see you too,” Kathy mumbled.
Jake moved out of the way and swept a hand to signal her to come inside. “Have you heard from him? I’ve called and called but he’s not picking up. What the heck happened?”
“No, I haven’t heard from him and was hoping you’d think of a place he’d go.”
Jake shook his head “no.” “Honestly, Kathy, the guy doesn’t do much so you’d think he’d be easier to track down. What happened now?”
Kathy opened her mouth to confess the sin but Sophie came into the room groggy and a little off balance. “Have you found him?” she asked.
“No,” Kathy told her.
“You want some coffee or something?” Sophie yawned and then moved toward the kitchen. “I’m making myself some tea.”
“I’ll take coffee,” Jake announced.
“Okay, but you’re putting your own cream in it,” Sophie joked.
Kathy’s heart yearned for an understanding like that. To know each other so well that even the smallest of jokes made you smile and love the other person more. She wanted that with Dave.
“It’s not my fault you can’t get it right.” Jake kissed her on the top of the head. He then turned to Kathy. “What happened?” he growled.
“Umm,” Kathy cleared her throat. “Well, it’s this whole crazy thing with my ex.”
Sophie dropped a tea bag in her water. “Todd?”
“Yeah. You see Dave kinda saw him kissing me.” Kathy bit the side of her lip and closed her eyes tight. She didn’t want to see the disappointment in their eyes due to her betrayal.