“She hates the way she looks, then she overeats, then she hates herself even more.”
“You got it,” he said. “And with Rachel in the mix, Amanda was exhausted. I remember coming home lots of times to find all three of them crashed out on the bed, sleeping.”
“What did Robbie think of Rachel?”
“Oh, he hated her. The little prince got kicked to the number two slot, and he didn’t like it.”
Robert turned sideways at the railing to look at Suzanne.
“You know, that’s when he started getting so obnoxious. He’d do crazy things, like tipping over her bouncy seat, or yanking a bow so it pulled her hair and made her cry.”
“It’s odd, isn’t it? I’ve read studies on how children misbehave when they know, without a doubt, that they’ll get slapped, or spanked, or even beaten. But they crave any kind of attention they can get. And the more Robbie acted up, the more attention he got from Amanda, right?”
“Yeah. And Rachel was such a quiet little thing that it was easy to just let her go off in a corner and play by herself. Robbie was the one that had to be watched like a hawk.”
“We saw that all the time in the classroom. Children demanding, and getting center stage.”
“I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to see what was happening.”
Turning from the railing, Robert drifted over to an empty deck chair and slumped onto it, lying back to stare up at the stars. Suzanne perched on the chair next to him.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. It happens a lot more than you’d think.”
“Did Angie come between you and your husband?”
“Oh, she tried. And believe me, sometimes she succeeded.”
Easing back, Suzanne reclined on her chair.
“But Phil and I both insisted on good behavior. We weren’t tyrants, but we kept Angie within general boundaries.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe we just got lucky that she had a more easy-going personality, like Rachel.”
“Why only one child?”
“I had a lot of trouble with Angie, both the pregnancy and her birth. Then there were two miscarriages. We talked about going to one of those fancy specialists, to see what was wrong, but our insurance wouldn’t pay for it.”
“I have a feeling if you’d had ten kids, they’d all be well-adjusted.”
“I’m beginning to question how we raised Angie. How could she be falling for that weasel, Mark?”
“He’s a good guy.”
“Whatever.” Her toes tapped together rapidly, like she was agitated but refused to argue any further.
The dinner crowd came up on deck to walk off a few calories, and the drinkers brought their cocktails out so they could enjoy the sea breeze and a smoke.
A young couple, probably newlywed, stood at the rail for a moment before he pulled her toward Suzanne’s lounge chair. He flopped down first, and Suzanne jumped away before he tugged the woman down on top of him. There was instant groping and wrangling.
“Exhibitionists,” Robert grumbled as he rolled off his chair to stand beside Suzanne. “Why don’t they take it to their room?”
“Maybe it’s an onboard romance,” Suzanne suggested. “They just met, and they aren’t ready to take it to the next level.”
“Oh, trust me, he’s ready to take it up a notch. He’s just waiting for her to give the signal.”
“You’re probably right,” Suzanne said with a laugh as they strolled along the deck. “And what is your opinion of ‘public display of affection’?”
“It has no place in public.”
She laughed again.
“I never saw much affection between my parents,” Suzanne said, “even at home. But they were . . . tender with each other. Gentle things they said to each other, small touches.”
“Oh, there was no PDA when I was growing up. At times, it seemed like they could barely stand to be in the same room.”
“So who were you closer to, your mom or your dad?”
“Definitely my mother,” Robert said. “I think that’s one of the reasons why I thought the relationship between Robbie and Amanda was normal. I had no use for my dad.”
“Why not?”
“Oh, you’ll love this,” Robert said. “He was too busy with work to pay much attention to me.”
“History repeating itself with Robbie?” she asked with a smile.
“Definitely.”
Robert strolled nearly the whole length of the ship in silence, noting how the passengers were slowly drifting back to their rooms. Most of the stragglers on deck were still buzzed with alcohol and feeling rowdy.
As he and Suzanne rounded the bow of the ship, he said, “After my mom killed herself, I hated my dad.”
“You think he drove her to it?”
“I know he did. She was already obsessed with Audrey Hepburn, but when My Fair Lady came out in the movie theater, my mom got a little crazy. She started trying to make hats like Audrey wore in the movie. They were a disaster, all lopsided and gaudy. But what the hell, it was just a hat.
“Then one Sunday morning she put one on like she was going to wear it to church. My dad went ballistic. He dragged her in front of the mirror and pointed out all the flaws: the uneven bow, the goofy bird she’d tried to wire to the hat, the misshapen felt. And once he got going he just couldn’t stop. He criticized her clothes, the way she wore her hair like Audrey, everything.”
Robert stopped to let the catch in his throat ease. “He told her to wake up.”
“Oh, my,” Suzanne sighed.
“Yeah. It was like he took away her dream. And evidently, her reason for living, because a week later she drove into that telephone pole.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
The first day at sea, and already Robert was bored. He and Suzanne had wandered through the casino, mocking gamblers who were losing at eight o’clock in the morning. They’d also perused the paintings in a gallery that were going up for auction that afternoon.
Next on the agenda was shopping the boutiques in the massive atrium, and it wasn’t even noon yet.
“I never wanted to go on a cruise because I didn’t want to take time off from work,” Robert said. “But it’s much worse than I imagined. There’s nothing to do but eat and spend money. And on what?” He tried to flick a dangling price tag. “Over-priced Tommy Bahama? Please.”
“We’ll be in Georgetown tomorrow,” Suzanne said, using a tone of voice Robert suspected she’d used on sulking students. “And this afternoon, there’s a travel talk in the grand salon to tell us all the things we can do on shore.”
“Are you going to pat my head now and tell me to be patient?”
She winked an eye closed. “I’m thinking about it.”
Just as she headed for the shop door, Robert heard a blustery voice bellow, “You ain’t gonna get away wit dis!”
The sexy bimbo from yesterday strolled into the shop on the arm of Guido, the boyfriend. Today she wore a tropical print mini skirt and matching halter-top, with high-heel sandals that laced to her knees. The boyfriend sported a skin-tight muscle shirt in turquoise with khaki shorts.
“Sooner or later, somebody’s gonna figure out what youse did,” the mechanic yelled as he followed them into the store. “You and dis cocksucker are gonna pay!”
Suzanne skittered out of the store and across the atrium to a perfume shop. As she browsed bottles in a bargain bin, she continued glancing across at the apparel shop.
“What an awful man,” she whispered. “No wonder she left him.”
“I’m guessing wifey and her boyfriend bumped him off.”
“Really?”
“Men like him don’t let go easily,” Robert said. “She probably thought her only escape was to kill him. I just don’t know if the boyfriend was involved.”
He took another look at the woman from across the atrium.
“By the looks of those legs,” he said, “I’m pretty sure Guido would do anything she asked.”
�
�But evidently they got away with it, because here they are.”
“Or they’re on the run. Maybe they’re planning to jump ship in Mexico.”
The mechanic let loose with another string of profanities that carried all through the atrium.
“Let’s go back up on deck,” Robert sighed. “I’d rather walk in circles than listen to this.”
According to the schedule, the captain’s dinner was that evening.
“Makes sense,” Robert said. “The women have had all day to get their hair done or whatever. And they want to be able to squeeze into whatever evening dress they brought for the occasion. God knows by Friday, it’ll be too tight.”
“Let’s go,” Suzanne said. “I’d love to see everyone dressed up.”
The dinner crowd did look elegant. Men, mostly in tuxedos, escorted ladies in an endless variation of the ‘black dress’. Robert enjoyed scrutinizing the crowd for Audrey fashions. He was pleasantly surprised at how many women were sporting his merchandise.
“Hey,” he scolded as a stylish woman walked by. “That was in our evening line three years ago.”
“So what,” Suzanne said. “I’m sure no one here has seen that dress. I say good for her.”
“You, my dear,” Robert glowered, “Are not the kind of customer Audrey’s caters to.”
“You miserable, cheating slut!”
With a groan, Robert turned to see the bimbo and Guido entering the dining room. She was wearing a trendy strapless number in teal, with elastic shirring down the middle of the front. The gathered look displayed her magnificent 36 double-D bust. The skirt barely covered her ass.
Robert involuntarily sucked in a breath and blew it out with a short huff.
“You find her attractive?” Suzanne said. “I agree with the husband, she looks like a slut. And they look like they’re going to the high school prom. His cumberbund matches her dress.”
“You fucking whore!” the mechanic shouted, standing smack in front of his wife. “You never dressed like that for me!”
She pranced right through him, her chin jutted up, her breasts front and center for everyone in the room to admire.
“That guy is making this cruise even more unbearable,” Robert said.
“How long do you think he’ll keep trying to get through to them?”
“Who knows? The man Maggie and I met in Florida had been trying to haunt his brother for months.”
As the wife and her boyfriend took their seats, the mechanic jumped up onto the table and tried to kick a goblet of water in her direction. Then he rose into the air and tried to slam down on the vase of flowers in the center of the table. When nothing worked, he simply stood with hands clenched and screamed.
“Maybe I’ll try Maggie’s technique,” Robert said.
“Wait a minute,” Suzanne said. “Where are you going?”
Robert waved a confident hand over his shoulder as he crossed the room.
He looked up at the mechanic on the table.
“Excuse me, sir.”
The blustering mechanic stopped in mid-screech, his eyes darting around the room beyond Robert.
“You appear to be quite angry at this woman,” Robert said. “Am I correct that she was responsible for your death?”
The man tilted his head, like he still couldn’t understand what was happening. But his eyes finally focused on Robert’s.
“Fuck off!”
There was no reason for Robert to back away. Even though the man looked like a thug, and probably outweighed Robert by a good fifty pounds, he posed no threat. And Robert had seen how Maggie had diffused Stan’s anger by commiserating with him.
“How long have you been trying to make contact with your wife?” he asked.
Without warning, the husky man leaped at Robert, a primal scream drowning out the din of conversation in the room. Robert actually felt an impact, and then an overwhelming sense of drowning, like he and the mechanic had fallen overboard.
Down, down they went, deeper into a chasm of darkness. All sound stopped. Robert tried to fight, to push himself away, but his arms and legs seemed to be paralyzed.
The sensation of not being able to breathe caused Robert to panic, and he struggled harder. He tried to cry out, his mouth gaping open, but nothing happened. Frantically, his eyes skittered back and forth, searching for familiarity, but all he saw was swirling darkness, like smoke.
A feeling of light-headedness swept over Robert, and he thought he was going to pass out. Or worse. There was a moment when he might have actually lost consciousness, because even the black shroud he was under disappeared. Illogically, he considered that he might be dead.
And then a laugh burst from him. Of course he was dead!
The ridiculousness of the situation eased the tension across his chest. Looking up, he thought he saw a glimmer of light, like the sun shining down through deep, deep water.
He kicked with both feet, like a mermaid, and seemed to move a bit closer to the surface. Concentrating on his arms, he managed to wriggle one free. He pushed against a force that reminded him of holding his hand out the window of a moving car and shoving the wind back.
His other arm broke free, and with hard, steady strokes, he pulled away from the tendrils holding him to the bottom. He moved faster toward the light and away from the murky depths.
An instant of panic gripped him when he thought he might not make it in time, that feeling of running out of air, but he shook off the irrational fear and lunged for the surface.
When he broke through, he gasped.
“Oh, my God, oh, my God!” Suzanne screamed.
She was on her knees, hunched over Robert. And she was crying. Her shaking hands tried to touch his face.
“What happened?” he croaked.
“I don’t know!” she cried. “All of a sudden you both just disappeared. I thought you were gone!”
Her head jerked as she glanced away from him.
“Get up!” she said, “Get up! We’ve got to get out of here!”
She looked past him again, and grew even more agitated.
“Get up, Robert! Hurry!”
She even tried to pull him to his feet.
He was too groggy to understand the urgency. “What’s wrong?”
“He’s going to wake up,” she moaned. “GET…UP!”
Rolling to his knees, Robert wobbled to stand. That’s when he saw the mechanic on the floor just a few feet away, his arms splayed.
“Let’s go,” Suzanne urged. “Just start walking.”
Robert took a tentative step and thought he might tumble back to the floor. All he wanted to do was sleep.
“That’s right,” Suzanne coaxed. “A little more, a little more.”
A crazy notion made Robert smile. Had his tangle with the mechanic scared everyone away? There was no one in the room but waitstaff, clearing away dishes.
At the first cabin they came to, Suzanne motioned for Robert to go inside. But he couldn’t clear his mind to concentrate.
“Go!” she cried from behind him. “Go! Go! Go!”
Groaning like an old man, Robert forced his way through the door and into an empty cabin. He immediately collapsed on the bed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Light was streaming through a window when Robert slowly eased open his eyes. Suzanne lay stretched out beside him, her face in the same worried furrows he’d seen when Angie lie unconscious at the hospital.
He offered a weak smile.
“Did I die again?” he asked.
Suzanne blubbered out a nervous giggle.
“I don’t know what you did,” she said, “but don’t you ever do it again.”
He rolled his eyes around the room.
“Something’s different.” He sat up. “We’ve stopped.”
“We pulled into port about thirty minutes ago. We’re in Georgetown.”
“I’ve been out all this time?”
She nodded. “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to w
ake up.”
Slowly, Robert rose to a sitting position.
“That was bizarre.”
“Oh, really? Which part? The part where you and that oaf turned into a bag of gas? Or the part where you were gone for more than three hours.”
“Three hours?”
“Then when you finally reappeared, he did, too. And you both started twitching. I thought you’d go at it again if I didn’t get you out of there.”
Robert stood and stretched. Then he looked around the tiny berth, at the small porthole.
“What happened to our stateroom?”
Suzanne’s eyes flared. “All I wanted to do was get you out of the hallway. I swear that idiot was right behind us.”
“I don’t mind telling you that scared me. I was afraid that bonehead and I were both going to tumble into some alternate universe somewhere. I tried to get away, but my arms and legs were all tied up, like I was in a spider web or something.”
“You were laughing.”
“Yeah, well once I stopped hyperventilating like a little girl, I understood nothing was going to happen. We’re both already dead. I can’t disappear. I tried that back at the center. Suddenly, it all seemed funny.”
“Well, as soon as you’re able, I want to get off this ship. I don’t ever want to see that jerk again.”
The cruise director had explained that Georgetown had no dock, so passengers wanting to go ashore were to meet at the gangplank door at the lower level, and ride a tender to the island.
Robert and Suzanne cautiously made their way to the bottom of the stairs, but encountered a massive huddle of people jammed in the entryway, waiting.
“Are you kidding?” Robert asked, “These people will be here for hours just to get ashore.”
He pushed through to the head of the line and stepped out onto the roof of a bobbing shuttle boat.
Suzanne nervously glanced at the crowd still boarding, afraid the mechanic would show up at any minute. Robert wasn’t eager to hang around either. Gazing at the shoreline, he spotted a grass shack at the end of a dock with a dive flag flapping in the breeze.
“Let’s head over there,” he said.
Concentrating on the flag, Robert willed himself there, and an instant later, he was standing at the counter of the dive shop. Suzanne appeared right next to him.
The Ups and Downs of Being Dead Page 20