“Maybe this is the danger.” Lydia smiled softly, getting settled on the couch and turning around to face him, leaning on its back. It was one of those moments that made her feel young again. She remembered sitting on the kitchen counter in the Strauss’s fancy kitchen watching Eric cook for her. It was usually something he’d learned from Cody, who had always been a natural in the kitchen. “Maybe you’re gonna burn yourself on scalding hot coffee. That’s it, that’s all my nightmare was about.”
Eric chuckled at that. He watched what he was doing as he carefully scooped grounds into the filter. Lydia watched his every move, happy to let her gaze rove over him as he worked. He had fine lines around his eyes now. He was still young, but she had spotted just a couple. She liked them. They pointed to a lot of laughter and smiles.
“That would be nice,” he murmured, flipping on the machine. He spun around and leaned against the small counter. “Would it have been worth the trip then?”
“Of course.” Her gaze dropped to the floor. It was hard to look right at him when things got more serious. It was frightening. “It would always be worth the trip to see you.”
“Then why didn’t you come before?” His voice broke. He sounded truly hurt.
Lydia breathed in and the silence of the moment was deafening as she tried to think of what to say. The coffeemaker gurgled.
“I didn’t think you wanted to see me,” she said it so quietly she wasn’t sure he heard her or that she wanted even him to. “The last time I came… It didn’t feel right-”
“You left out of nowhere-”
“Eric-”
“No,” he said fiercely. “We’re talking about this.”
He clamped his mouth shut and the juxtaposition would have been funny, if anything could have been funny at that moment. The silence stretched on until the coffee was done and she heard Eric sigh and turn around to put together two cups for them and bring them over.
Lydia turned around and sat properly on the couch before taking a long sip of coffee.
Eric sat across from her in a small easy chair that made him seem somehow larger.
She was halfway through her coffee, trying to get up her nerve, before she finally said, “I thought I was helping you. When I left.”
His eyes flashed and she saw the way his jaw clenched subtly, the little tremble of his cheek. “You broke me,” he said. “You broke me. I never… I pretended you didn’t. I didn’t want to admit it. I never got over you even a little bit.”
“You’ve forgotten what it was like,” Lydia said. She already had tears brimming and she blinked, wishing them away, but one stubborn drop slid down her cheek. “You were still at home with your family and your parents… You wanted to pretend it wasn’t a problem because it wasn’t a problem for you but your parents hated me-”
“They hated your sleuth.” He rubbed his eyes and she gaped at him.
“You know that’s the same thing, Eric.” She shook her head, annoyed. “It’s not like I loved where I came from. My childhood was miserable. You know that. If they’d cared they could have helped me, but they didn’t want to help me. They wanted me to just go away. Leave their perfect son alone to marry some perfect rich girl-”
“I would have left it all for you,” he said fiercely. “You know I would have. You didn’t give me the chance-”
“I didn’t want you to leave your family for me!” Lydia cried. “I would have felt worse!”
“But you ended up leaving your sleuth anyway,” Eric said. “You could have-”
“They would never have accepted me-”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Eric said. He grabbed her hand, gazing into her eyes. “They’re far away and I’m not eighteen years-old anymore.”
Lydia burst out laughing, snatching her hand from his. “Oh, like that’s it?” She threw up her hands. “It’s all fine now? You’ve been angry at me all this time but it’s all wiped away because-”
“It doesn’t matter,” he insisted. “If we were together, I won’t… That’s the past.”
Lydia got to her feet. It was tempting. She couldn’t deny it. But none of it felt right. You couldn’t just dismiss history. She knew too much about life now to think that would ever work.
“So you’re not still angry?” She paced in a circle. Her blood felt like it was humming. Eric didn’t answer. That was answer enough. “Exactly.”
“You should have given me a chance,” he said, rising from the couch. “You should have given us a chance to fight for what we had.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing!”
When she looked at him, she only saw anger and that was too much.
“I have to get out of here,” she whispered.
“Lydia, no!”
“I have to…”
“Don’t run away again!”
“I just have to…” Hot tears came one after the other. “Just get out of here for a bit. I can’t take that look from you, Eric. Not from you.”
“All you do is leave,” he hissed. There was a ferocity in his voice that made it feel like her heart was shattering in her chest.
She wiped her eyes and nodded. “At least you’re not surprised.”
She shut the door behind her when she fled the suite. She didn’t stop running until she was outside the lodge, heading up into the woods beyond the slopes, shifted and free and far from Eric Strauss’s angry eyes.
25
Eric
Not again.
Eric had a much different feeling this time watching the love of his life run out the door. He’d screwed up. This time, that much was clear. For the first time, he truly realized how much he’d screwed up the first time around. He had always wanted to blame Lydia for breaking his heart. But the two of them had been young and stupid. It was obvious now. Lydia had been just as heartbroken as him.
“Lydia, wait!” He was mostly speaking to himself as she was already rushing down the hall.
This time will be different, he thought.
He ran after her. She was already out of sight by the time he ran out into the hallway, but she was well within range for him to follow her scent. He could have picked it out of a crowd of a million people. He had known it since he was a boy.
Eric followed her outside, chasing along the big paw prints she’d left in the otherwise pristine snow. As soon as he hit the tree line, he shifted, and continued tracking her. But he hardly needed to look at her tracks to know Lydia’s trail exactly as he bounded around firs and pines, a flurry of tiny flakes dusting his thick winter’s coat of reddish brown fur.
Eric gave chase, following that slightly sweet, warm smell that felt like home and also turned him on, all the way off the lodge’s grounds, through the woods, out beyond the ski slopes.
He could feel that he was on the righ track. It was that connection they shared, he thought. It was bringing them together.
I’ll find you this time.
He had never even tried the first time around. She’d vanished but if he’d tried, he might have been able to track her. He hadn’t tried. He was too angry.
He’d always been angry, more angry than he had even realized. But now it all seemed like such a small matter.
Eric found Lydia once she’d stopped running. It hadn’t taken him very long to catch up. Bears, especially shifters, were faster than they looked. Eric had always been a particularly good runner.
As bears, their fur was of a similar coloring. Eric had even joked when they were young about how they looked like a perfect pair. Lydia had dark brown fur with a lighter, auburn belly. Eric was just a couple shades lighter but he also had a reddish belly unlike any of his brothers.
Lydia was standing by a small creek, ducking her head to drink some icy water. She looked like a vision to him as she stood there in the snow. As pretty as a postcard. Her ears perked up. She had sensed him. She had likely sniffed him out a long time ago, but she’d stopped and she wasn’t running now.
Things felt fragile and yet
much more peaceful than they had in the lodge suite. Nothing was resolved, but there was a truce, at least, for the moment.
Eric padded through the snow and stood with Lydia looking out at the small stream of water rushing over rocks and chunks of ice. She didn’t move, but he saw her glance up at him with eyes as tear-filled as her human pair.
They had lost so many years, he thought. They had lost out on countless runs and hunts together in the years they’d been apart. They’d missed birthdays and dates and cuddling on Sunday mornings and playing in the woods together. They’d missed reminiscing and bickering.
His bear, always more willing to be more emotional than he was, felt a terrible grief about it all suddenly. He leaned against Lydia, nudging her under the chin with his nose in a gesture of comfort and also impotent sadness for what they’d missed out on all this time.
It’s not too late, he thought desperately. It can’t be too late.
Lydia let him nuzzle her and they rubbed noses. That felt like more affection than they’d shared since she had arrived in Black Bear Lake. It was different than the sex. It was something more intimate, something quiet and important.
Eric shifted back almost before he knew he was doing it. It was freezing out, especially this high up the mountain, but his shifter nature kept him a bit warmer than most. He hugged himself and waited for Lydia to shift back as he stood there in the snow, his breath steaming in the chill. Lydia finally shifted and shivered before adjusting to the icy cold. Eric stepped up close and ran his hands up her arms. Lydia bowed her head and leaned against him.
“I was angry,” he said quietly. “I’ve been angry for a long time. But it was not all your fault. I didn’t see what I didn’t want to see. But I do now.”
“I’m sorry,” Lydia said. Her voice was soft, it didn’t quaver or crack. She sounded strong. “I’ve never said it. Not even once. Not to you. I am so sorry that I left the way I did. I’m sorry I broke your heart.”
Eric blinked at her and he rested his hands at her waist. He hadn’t even known those were the words he had been waiting for. “I’m sorry too,” he said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention. That I didn’t take things seriously. I’m sorry I’ve been angry and that I didn’t even try to call you after you came down here the first time. We should have fought for each other. For our friendship.”
“For our friendship and for everything else,” Lydia said. “For us.”
“Lydia…” He cradled her cheek and didn’t realize he was smiling until he saw her smiling too. “I love you. That’s why we have this connection, that’s why...everything, really. You’re my mate and you always have been and I love you.”
Lydia gasped and he saw a kind of smile he hadn’t seen since she had come back. He hadn’t seen it since they were young. It was brilliant and girlish and it made her eyes so bright the sun might have been shining through them.
“You’ve always been my mate,” she said. He swallowed and rested his forehead against hers again, revelling in the connection between them that had always been there since the day they’d met as kids; two little cubs in the forest fighting over the same fish until they’d decided to share. “And I’ve always been yours.”
“God,” he whispered. “Say that again.”
“I’m yours,” she said. “I love you, Eric Strauss.”
Eric kissed her. It was just one soft, almost chaste kiss but it was somehow packed with feeling. Her lips were soft on his and he tasted the strawberry of her lip gloss and also the cold, clear chill of the creek bed she had drunk from in her bear form.
To Eric she felt cozy, soft, and holding her like this made him feel like the strongest man in the world as he wrapped his arms around her and luxuriated in the simple sensation of her lips on his. He took his sweet time to taste her bottom lip and tease and nip at her precious mouth until he finally nudged it open and tasted her tongue.
Lydia hummed into his mouth, urging him on, and he reached up to rub the back of her neck and tangle his hands in that thick hair he loved so much. They licked into each other’s mouths as if they would swallow each other whole.
He had a hundred thoughts all running in different directions, his mind running amok as he imagined the future they could finally share together.
I’ll take her to the movies.
I’ll spoil her rotten.
I’ll give her the world.
I don’t need the world, I just need you.
That last thought had come from her and he pulled away with a little gasp, startled. She laughed and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I guess it happens randomly,” she said. She buried her nose in the crook of his neck, resting there for a moment, and he got his head around the idea of occasionally sharing a telepathic connection with his mate. It was a quirk that occasionally occurred between mates but it was fairly rare from what he’d heard.
I need you too, he thought.
Lydia pulled back and whispered, “I know.” And, began kissing him again.
26
Lydia
“You know when I always thought of you most?” Eric said.
They were walking hand in hand back down the foot of the mountain to the lodge. It was bracingly cold. Her shifter’s strength helped a little with that, but she still shivered. Eric had already mentioned more than once that he wished he had a jacket to loan her, bear shifter or not. She decided it was sweet the way he wanted to take care of her.
“When?” Lydia said.
“Watch out…” He stepped over an icy puddle in the middle of the trail through the trees and before she could dodge it, he grabbed her around the waist, picking her up easily and carrying her over the puddle before letting her back down. It was a cute kind of boyfriend move and Lydia smiled, laughing into his neck before they started walking again. They had found their clothes and she was wearing booties. However, they weren’t great for snow and she kept slipping on ice, so he kept his arm around her to help her along.
Eric took a breath and said, “I mean all the time, I guess. But the most was always Christmas. I guess that’s cheesy. It’s a human holiday, really. I just…We always had such big, fancy Christmases with my parents and some years we go back to Oregon to visit. But a lot of the time we just stay here. Now, we’ve started our own traditions. Part of it is just decorating the lodge. Picking out the big tree that goes in the lobby…Connor has these goofy wicker reindeer decorations he likes. We have to dig those out every time. And Cody makes way too many pies and really boozy nog and we sit around and watch all the Christmas specials and get drunk. You just missed it.”
“We could have next Christmas,” she said, squeezing his hand. Her heart was in her throat. It still felt so presumptuous to even suggest that they could have a future together. “If you want?”
Eric stopped at the gate that separated them from the bunny slope and spun her to face him. He took her other hand in his and gazed at her steadily. “That’s all I want. Us.”
“You have to tell me you forgive me first.” Lydia sniffed and felt a tear she hadn’t realized was falling touch her lip. Eric looked a little shattered and ducked forward to kiss it away. “If you do,” she whispered. “Never lie. But-”
“I do,” he said. He smiled against her mouth and kissed her again. “I do, I promise. Do you forgive me?’
“I always did,” she said, shrugging. “I just wanted you to understand.”
“Then let’s go home.”
Eric was eager to get Lydia back to his place. She was sure there was more they needed to talk about. But the hard part was over, it seemed.
I love him and he loves me and we’re mates.
She had to keep saying it over and over in her head for it to sink in. She couldn’t help but smile every time and when she caught Eric’s eye, he was smiling too.
“Come with me,” Eric said, biting his lip as he led her through a locked employees only entrance next to a storage shed. They walked down a short, dark hallway to a narrow flight of stairs that
let out into a hallway near Eric’s suite.
“Can’t believe you live here,” Lydia said, sighing. “I can’t imagine it.”
“The place is so big, we figured four penthouses wouldn’t make too much difference. We renovated and expanded after buying the place,” Eric said. The wall of warm air inside was comforting and she smelled apple cider somewhere and realized how hungry she was.
Though right now, with the way Eric kept looking at her, she wasn’t eager to spend time eating food.
“I like this carpeting,” Lydia murmured. Everything in the lodge was decorated with rich warm colors - reddish browns, oranges, burgundies. The carpeting in the hallway on the way to Eric’s suite was a pattern of dark red autumn leaves.
He chuckled and squeezed her hand. “Tell me what you don’t like, I’ll have it changed.”
Lydia rolled her eyes at that. It was both sweet and over the top. But he spun her around and pulled her to him. “Really,” he whispered. “I mean, I know we haven’t gotten this far, but I want you to stay here with me. If you don’t want to stay with me in my suite, that’s fine. You can stay in your suite-”
“I’ll stay with you,” she said quickly. It sounded like her every dream was coming true. She hugged him tight and kissed his neck. “Are you kidding? It’s all I want.”
“Okay,” he said. She heard the smile in his voice. “Good. Just checking.”
As soon as the door was shut behind them, Eric swept Lydia into his arms and swung her around the room, laughing. His joy was contagious. Lydia hugged him tight, chuckling into his neck, getting a little teary. This time though, her tears came from happiness.
“Are you hungry?” He leaned back, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. His eyes were bright. She didn’t see even a little bit of that anger she’d seen before. There was only love and adoration. She wanted to bask in it forever.
“A little,” she murmured, kissing him. “But I don’t want to eat right now.” She kissed him again, more deeply, letting her intentions be known. He hummed, his arms firm around her and walked her backwards into the suite, stumbling down a couple carpeted steps.
Billionaire Bear Shifters: A Paranormal Romance Complete Series Boxset Page 19