by Andi Jaxon
“Hey, I’m just trying to spend quality time with our old man, watching the Seahawks kill… uh, whoever this is,” I say, turning away from Alex and focusing on the TV.
“Alister, don’t think I’ve forgotten what we were talking about!” Mother’s voice singsongs from behind me.
“He said he’s got a boyfriend, Mom!” Alex hollers over his shoulder, laughing into his hand. I swear, the second we both get into this house, we are no longer adults but fifteen years old again.
“Just wait until you bring a girl home, you’re going to pray for death,” I whisper so only he and Dad can hear me.
Mom comes out of the kitchen with hands on her hips. “Why didn’t you bring him to dinner?” Not bring my imaginary boyfriend to dinner has offended her, great.
“I do not have a boyfriend. Alex is being an ass.”
“Language!” she scolds. “Dinner is ready, turn off the TV please, David.”
*****
Dinner consists of freshly made salad, garlic bread, and spaghetti with my mother’s famous sauce. Mother, of course, chooses the moment my mouth is full to start asking me questions.
“Alister, what is his name?”
I glare at Alex while I chew, his smirk clear. “Mother, I don’t have a boyfriend. One of my students is an interesting person, but they are a student and therefore not a dating possibility, even if I was interested in dating them, which I’m not.”
Looking up at her, she is still expecting a name.
“Ben. He’s twenty-three, taking his last classes before graduation, and is scared of losing his scholarship.” Alex is snickering, so I shoot him another glare.
“Well, you should bring him to dinner. I would like to meet him.”
“That’s completely inappropriate. I can’t invite a student to my parents’ house.”
It’s her turn to sigh, and lifting her glass to her lips, she eyes me while she sips her wine. She’s plotting a way to make this happen. This is going to be bad for me.
Chapter 8
Ben -
After a warmish shower, I’m huddled in bed with a flashlight and homework. It’s freezing in here, but I can’t afford to turn on the heat. Unfortunately, I’m also out of ramen, and my blanket is at least a decade old.
Having wet hair is not helping me at all, and my hands are shaking, so my writing is almost illegible. Fuck it, I’m not doing any more homework right now.
Grabbing my extra hoodie, I pull it on over the one I’m already wearing and curl up under my threadbare blanket. Someday I’ll have a safe place to live, be able to eat real food, and stay warm. Maybe I’ll even get to take hot showers.
Closing my eyes, I try to ignore my hungry stomach and force myself to sleep. Grumbling and starting to cramp, hunger pains aren’t anything I’m unfamiliar with. Unfortunately, closing my eyes has me picturing Alister. I groan as blood surges to my dick.
Rolling onto my back, I don’t stop myself from imagining him here with me, keeping me warm with his body against mine. Reaching into my sweats, I wrap my fist around my dick and stroke it. Picturing his hands in my hair, lips claiming mine, his hard cock rubbing against mine while my thighs cradle his hips.
My hips jerk, cinnamon and nutmeg surrounding my memory of him as my vision changes. Now, he’s inside me, stretching my hole. Spurts of hot cum shoot onto my stomach when he’s as deep as he can be, thighs against my ass, then flexes to make me take just a centimeter more while his bright eyes are darkened with arousal.
Out of breath, I throw my arm over my eyes. What kind of masochist falls for someone unavailable to him? I’m going to hell for lusting after a man. It’s unnatural, wrong. I hate that I can’t just be right, be attracted to girls like I should be.
At least I’m not cold anymore.
Grabbing a shirt off the floor, I wipe up the mess and fall into a deep sleep for the first time in weeks.
Chapter 9
Alister – 15 Days Later
It’s Friday evening, and I’m heading home after a long week of classes, I can already taste the cold, dark beer sitting in my fridge. I’ll turn on an episode of Game of Thrones, have dinner, and enjoy the Irish Death waiting for me while pretending Ben’s eyes on me every class isn’t eating away at me. He always sits in the back row of the class, as far away from me as he can get, never asks any questions. He turns in his assignments without a glance at me, accepts any returned work without a word, and is always careful not to touch my hand. He’s not doing well, he needs a tutor, but I doubt he’ll use one. If he doesn’t do something soon, he’s not going to pass the class.
Lost in thought about a student I care too much for, I almost miss the commotion in front of the library.
“Please! I just need another hour! I have to finish!” I know that voice, it haunts my dreams… the desperation and fear go straight to my gut.
“I’m sorry, but we’re closed, you have to go home,” the librarian says with her arms crossed over her chest, two security guards in front of her. Since I saw someone get up off the ground, it’s clear they physically removed him from the building.
From across the lawn, I can tell he’s tense. His hands are running through this hair over and over as he tries to calm his nerves. Something isn’t right here, and I can’t stand by and let them manhandle him. With my bag thrown over my shoulder, I break into a jog toward them. The closer I get, the more I notice about the situation. He’s not just tense, he looks on the edge of a breakdown. He’s breathing too fast, pacing like a caged animal. What is going on with him?
“Ben,” I holler as I get closer to him. He spins around and pierces me with his stare. “What’s going on?”
Panic and frustration fill his eyes, and his hands go back to his hair and pull on the shaggy locks. “I need to finish my outline for my paper, but she kicked me out! Literally, they threw me out! The outline is due tonight, and this is the only place I can work on it.” He sounds on the verge of tears and it breaks my heart.
“You should have thought of that before the night it was due!” Mrs. Carter’s shrill voice shouts over her shoulder as she makes her way back inside.
Without thinking it through, I put my hands on his shoulders, so he’s facing me. “Come on. I’ve got a place you can work on your paper.”
His eyes snap to mine, searching for something, then wrapping his arms around my chest, he hugs me, saying “thank you” into my chest. For a moment I’m too shocked to move, but slowly, my hands sweep along his back, and I hug him to me. His hair smells like rain, his sweater like musk and laundry soap, it’s a heady mixture I’m trying as hard as I can to ignore. His body is flush against mine and I can tell how thin he is, even through his sweater I can feel the indents between his ribs. When a shudder rushes through him, it sets off goosebumps across my skin.
Laughter nearby shakes me from the cocoon I’m enveloped in where only the two of us exist. We’re on campus. I can’t be seen embracing a student like this, especially a male student. This entire situation, me offering him a place to study, has to stay between the two of us, or I’ll be fired so fast my head will spin.
Stepping away from him, I clear my throat and awkwardly pat his shoulder. “Ahem, grab your backpack and come with me. You can study where I’m going.”
Fixing his hood back over his hair, he grabs his bag off the steps, no doubt where it landed after being thrown, and shoves his hands into the hoodie pocket. It seems strange he’s not asking me where I’m leading him, I could be a serial killer for all he knows. Perhaps he’s too grateful for the opportunity to finish his homework, and he’s afraid to ask questions, for fear of me changing my mind or of seeming ungrateful.
I slow my pace until he’s walking next to me, looking around to make sure no one will overhear me, I whisper, “I live right off campus, within walking distance.”
Surprise brings his brows together, but he stares intently at me for a moment before he nods. He tenses again, the air between us awkward. I’m sure he’s think
ing I’m some kind of pervert only helping him to get sexual favors from him, or leading him into a trap to have him beat up, but we can’t have this conversation here. It will just have to wait until I can guarantee no one overhears us.
Chapter 10
Ben –
His house? Is he taking me to his house?
I don’t know what to think about this, about him allowing me into his home, even the fact he offered is mind-blowing. Is there a catch? This feels like a trap. The only person that has ever helped me is Kristen. What is he going to want from me in exchange for his help? The thought of him wanting sexual favors for payment isn’t as distasteful as it should be. But he isn’t gay, so I can’t picture what he could possibly want from me. Except he hugged me, in front of the library, he hugged me like I mattered, and for just a second, I let myself believe I did.
Walking beside him is awkward, because he’s so much bigger than me, it looks like I’m walking with my dad. If this damn paper wasn’t so important, I would blow it off or would have sent what I had when the damn librarian kicked me out, but it’s worth half of my grade.
We enter a nice building, obviously well maintained and expensive. I already feel out of place, and we’re just in the hallway. My stomach is in knots, partly from not knowing what will happen when we reach his apartment and partly from hunger. I ate half of a bagel this morning, the last of yesterday’s meal. Hopefully, my scholarship will come through soon so I can get some groceries.
Opening the door, Alister walks in, turning on lights as he goes. I want to follow him, but he has light colored carpet, and my boots are dirty. Again, I’m afraid I’ll leave footprints on his perfect floor. I would take them off, but I’m sure my socks stink, not to mention the holes in them. These are the only dry socks I had, so even though I wore them yesterday, I had to wear them again today or get blisters from not wearing any.
“Ben?”
Looking up, Alister is standing at the end of entryway hall his brows pulled together. “Are you going to come in?”
“My boots are dirty.” Before thinking of a good answer, words tumble from my mouth. Could I be any more awkward?
“It’s alright. I’m going to get the carpets cleaned next week anyway. Come on in, have a seat.”
Waving me in, I decided to take his word for it and enter the apartment, closing the door softly behind me. I hear the heater turn on and am hit with a pang of jealousy, not only do I have to keep the heat turned off ninety percent of the time, I only have one light on at a time too.
Everything in this place says comfort and class, money. Overstuffed dark leather couch and recliners, solid wood tables, and a huge TV mounted to the wall. Soft blue blankets are folded over the back of the couch and each recliner and a large family picture is centered on the wall behind it. Alister, his parents, his brother, they look so much alike, they could be the same person, twins. They look happy, smiling, with laughter in their eyes, love obvious in the way they stand together with arms around each other. I always wanted that, a family to love me. Instead, I was wrapped in a dirty blanket and left in a dumpster behind a restaurant. I’m not sure if I’m grateful or angry that a bus-boy heard me crying and found me.
Turning toward the sounds in the kitchen, Alister comes out with two bottles of water and hands one to me.
“Go ahead and get comfortable, there’s a plug next to the couch for your laptop, and when you’re ready. I’ll get you signed into the Wi-Fi.”
Shame colors my cheeks, looking at my boots, I inform him of my situation. “I don’t have a laptop.”
“Oh. How do you normally do your homework?” I don’t hear judgment, just intrigue. Risking a glance at him, I notice he’s watching me curiously.
“In the library, it’s my only option.”
“Hmm, okay. I’ll grab mine for you.”
He disappears down the hallway into what I assume is either his bedroom or an office, rummages around for a minute, then comes back. “Would you prefer to work at a table where you can spread out, or here in the living room where it’s more comfortable?”
“It doesn’t matter, beggars can’t be choosers. Thanks.” Sitting down in the closest recliner, I sink into the buttery soft leather and cushioning surrounding me. A grateful groan escapes my lips without my meaning to. Hearing a chuckle, I look up and see that Alister is standing in front of me with that damn smirk on his lips again, holding the laptop out to me. Clearing my throat, I sit up and set my bag on the floor and sign into my school account to find my essay. I can’t help but stare at his ass when he bends over to plug in the cord. His eyes meet mine before I can turn away and my face heats, yet again, in embarrassment. Shit. He caught me checking him out. Will he kick me out? Will he be disgusted and angry? Turning away from him and closing my eyes, I refuse to look at him again. I don’t want to see the repulsion on his face.
Chapter 11
Alister –
Chuckling at catching Ben staring at my ass, I head to the stove. It’s obvious he doesn’t have much, if any, experience in these types of situations, but it’s an ego boost all the same. The moan that escaped his lips when he sat down had my dick hardening. It was the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. Then to catch him checking out my ass when I was plugging in the laptop, I’ve had a semi since.
Cooking steak, potatoes, and green beans, I make sure he will get a good healthy meal full of protein and starch. I’ll send leftovers home with him too, and make sure he eats tomorrow.
Making dinner, my mind wanders, taking in what I’ve just learned about the boy in my living room. I can’t imagine what other necessities he lacks in his life. With no computer, he wouldn’t have internet or cable either, two fewer bills he would have to pay. Does he have access to a phone, either a cell or a landline? From the hug I gave him at the college, I can tell he doesn’t eat enough, and if he struggles to afford food, it’s a good bet he struggles to pay for his rent and utilities.
He was afraid to enter my apartment because his boots were dirty, which tells me at some point he was probably beaten for tracking dirt into the house. You don’t get that type of intense fear without a painful memory attached.
Hearing a pain filled groan, I glance into the living room to check on him. He’s doubled over clutching his stomach, the laptop on the side table forgotten. Concern for him has me leaving the food, placing a hand on his back and kneeling next to him.
“Ben? What’s wrong?”
His forehead is resting on his knees, and he’s breathing erratically. He’s obviously in pain, but I don’t know why, where, or how to make it stop. It’s a minute before he speaks to me. “Nothing, I’m fine.” His voice is strangled, obviously not fine. I’m about to comment on it when I hear a loud growl from his abdomen, followed by a groan of pain. He’s hungry. Very, very hungry.
“Hang on.” Getting up, I hurry to the kitchen, and since the food isn’t ready yet, I smear a thick layer of peanut butter on whole grain bread and hand it to him. Before I can even tell him to take it, he grabs it from me, folds it in half, and shoves half of it in his mouth. He barely chews before swallowing then finishes the bread.
“Dinner is almost done, are you okay for a few minutes or would you like another?” Squatting down next to him, I rub his back almost unconsciously, trying to comfort him. His breathing is still too fast, and his eyes are clenched tight, but the groaning has stopped. I get up to check on the food and make another piece of peanut butter bread for him, dropping down onto my haunches again. “Ben?”
He lifts his head when he smells the peanut butter. Not looking at me, he takes the offered bread and eats it slower this time.
“Ben, what can I do to help?” No one should be this hungry, ever. I can’t imagine how it feels to literally be starving. His head lifts, his forehead shiny with sweat from pain, tears on his cheeks.
Hopelessness is clear in his eyes. I’ve never seen someone look so defeated. “Why me?” he whispers.
I don’t have any answers fo
r him, and I doubt platitudes will help. I hesitate for just a second before pulling him into me for a hug. It’s all I’ve got. I can stuff him with food tonight, but I doubt I’ll be able to charm my way into administration to find his address off campus.
Shifting to sit on the floor, I give him a gentle pull to encourage him to come to me. Ben climbs into my lap, arms around my neck, and his face in the crock of my neck. I can feel his tears as they hit my skin and soak into my shirt. My arms tighten around him, holding him securely. I want to protect him, soothe him. I wish I could tell him everything will be okay, but I don’t know that. I don’t know what his life has been like, what it will continue to be. The way he clings to me, I have a feeling he craves physical touch, who knows how long it’s been since he’s had a hug.
The front door opens behind me, which can only mean one thing, Alex is here. Ben tenses against me before quickly scooting off my lap, pulling his knees up to his chest and hiding his face.
“Ali! What’s for dinner? Smells great man!” Alex’s voice is hollering down the hallway. It’s obvious when he’s noticed I have a guest, and I can only imagine what the next words out of his mouth are going to be. “I knew you had a boyfriend, you lying son of a bitch.” His laugh is carrying as he goes in search of food.
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes for a second before focusing on Ben again. His arms tight around his legs, face buried behind his knees, he’s preparing for an attack. I don’t know if it’s a verbal or physical attack, but he’s preparing for either one, maybe even both.
“Alex, now is not a good time.” Standing between Ben and my brother, I know he’ll say something inappropriate, but he won’t say anything hurtful. By the shit eating grin on his face, he’s going to give me shit for this, get Mother in on it too.