by Andi Jaxon
I stalk to Kristen, grasping her arms in my hands. “You know where he is?”
“I have a feeling I do. And if I’m right, it’s an unbelievably bad thing.” She’s worried, it’s clear on her face.
“Where is he?” My fingers are digging into her arms, I know I need to relax, take a step back, but I can’t. I have to know where Ben is.
“If he’s missing, really missing, I’m betting his foster father, Dan, has something to do with it.”
“Why? Ben doesn’t talk about him much, but by the sound of it, he doesn’t want to be anywhere near Dan.”
She lets out a sigh and quickly wipes away a tear. “I have my own theories on why he does what he does to Ben, but that’s all they are, speculation. The things he did to Ben were more than anyone should have to deal with. I tried to help, I really did, but it backfired every time. After we graduated, Ben ran and hid. Dan found him a few times, beat the hell out of him. I wish I understood why Dan was so obsessed, but I could never figure it out.”
“What’s your theory?” Alex asks.
“Honestly, I think he’s gay and hates it. He beats Ben but has never left scars, he would make Ben barter for clothes. It’s strange and seems like more than just a power trip.”
“Why didn’t he go to the police?” Alex is angry, not at Kristen, but at the situation. This is the exact reason he became a police officer to begin with. He wants to help and protect people.
“Because every time he tried, Dan would find out and the beating would be worse. Nothing ever stuck, he was never arrested or even taken in for questioning. Somewhere, there was a dirty cop always willing to help him.”
Alex’s jaw clenches, and the vein in his temple pulses. “I have to go to the station.” He heads to the door but turns at the last minute and points at Kristen. “You do not go anywhere near that house. Do you understand? If I catch you even on the same street, I’ll arrest your ass for impeding an investigation. Stay out of it.”
Kristen crosses her arms under her chest and cocks a hip, full of defiance. “Trust me, you won’t catch me.” The gleam in her eye says she’s going to do exactly what she was told not to. Alex stalks toward her, head down like a predator.
“Little girl don’t test me. You won’t like what happens, that’s a fucking promise.” He’s standing so close to her they’re almost touching, but she doesn’t budge, just lifts her chin at him.
“You don’t scare me. Do your job, find my best friend, and we won’t have any problems.”
With a growl he turns on his heel and stomps out of the house, slamming the door behind him. I chase after him, needing to know if he’s found anything.
“Alex! Wait!” He stops in the driveway and turns toward me. “Have you found anything?”
“Do you remember seeing squad cars at your apartment building last night?”
I close my eyes and try to think past the alcohol cloud that has taken over my brain. “Uh, yeah. There was something going on behind the building when I got home. Why? What does that have to do with Ben?”
“I’m pretty sure they were there for Ben. There was a report of an assault taking place in the alley by the dumpsters. The description of the victim matches Ben, but his name is never mentioned. I’m going to talk to the responding officers, something is fishy. I called the hospital he was taken to but they never ID’d him, someone showed up, and he was released. No information.” My heart is pounding in my throat, none of this makes any fucking sense.
“Please find him.” My voice cracks as I stand here, terrified of what he’s going to find.
Alex’s hand cups the back of my head and brings my forehead to his. “I’m going to find him, and I promise I won’t stop looking until I do.”
I nod my head, not able to speak. With a slap on the back, he leaves me standing in the driveway while he goes off to save my man.
I can’t stand around and do nothing. I need to do something. Anything.
The look of fear and pity on Kristen’s face when I enter the house is ripping my heart to shreds. Heading back to my old room, I find some sneakers in the top of the closet and pull them on, before heading outside for a run. I jog down the familiar street, finding my stride as I follow the path I ran as a teenager. It doesn’t take long for the anxiety to settle, my mind to clear. I don’t have a plan, I don’t know how to help Ben, but I trust Alex to do everything he can to save him. The law limits him, but he’ll find a way, and he won’t stop until Ben is back with me. I have to believe that.
***
The sun has set again, and I’m no closer to having Ben back. I left my parents’ house and went home, worked out at the gym in my apartment building, took a shower, and cleaned my place from top to bottom. I’m exhausted but can’t stop pacing. If I stop moving my mind will fill with every worst-case scenario possible. Ben being beaten and broken, and then left to suffer alone and in pain. A sob steals my breath. He doesn’t deserve any of this. I wish I could go back in time to find the baby he was and take him to a good family to raise him. Taking a steadying breath, I get back to pacing.
I’m out of things to do, my apartment has been scrubbed top to bottom, and I’m exhausted. From the front door, down the hall to the spare room, into the bedroom, then through the living room and back to the door. It’s going to be a long night…
Chapter 43
Ben Benjamin –
I was able to get all the broth down before it got cold and didn’t throw it up. The burns covering my body feel like they’re on fire, but the cold in the room seems to help. The stench of tobacco and burned skin still waft through the room, mixing with stale air, urine, and mildew. If I had the tools, I would start a fire in here, just to feel some warmth before I die. The smoke would knock me out before the flames touched me, hopefully. Even if it didn’t, it would be relatively quick.
How long have I been here? Has anyone noticed I’m missing? Does anyone care?
I’m pretty sure I have a concussion. I’m in and out of it, and my head is pounding. It feels like I’ve been here forever, my time with Alister just a dream. A cruel dream to make me realize just how good my life could be, then shoved back into reality where everything hurts, and everyone wants to make it worse.
Laying on my side to keep pressure off most of the burns, I close my eyes and drift into delirium.
***
A loud crash jolts me awake, then running and shouts beyond the door make my head pound, because it’s so loud, like an elephant stampede. Someone is in the hallway, yelling, “Found it.” And others shouting, “Clear,” from other rooms.
I understand what’s happening. Has Dan invited more sadistic freaks to cause me more pain? Why are they so loud? Don’t they know how much it hurts my head? Or is that the point, to cause me more pain? The locks on the door raddle and I curl into the smallest ball my broken body will allow, the burns and bruises screaming in protest.
The door opens, and I scream, flashlights scanning the room, leaving me blinded. People in dark uniforms come in rushing toward me, and I press my back to the wall, trying to get away from them. What do they want? Are they going to hurt me? What’s going on?
The one that gets to me first takes off his helmet, and I’m met with the emerald eyes I’ve longed to see. “Ben? Hey man, I’m so glad to see you. We’re going to get you out of here, okay?” I stare at the face, trying to wrap my muddled brain around an Alister look-alike being here in the seventh circle of hell. On his shoulder, the man kneeling in front of me, speaks into a radio. “I’ve got him, down the hall, second door on the left. I need a medic.”
Someone pops up, making me jump, and hands the officer a blanket, a brown blanket. Déjà vu hits me hard. I’m cold, and the clone of Alister in a cop uniform wraps me in a brown blanket. Who is it? I know that I know who he is… fuck… the harder I think the more pressure builds behind my eyes. Laying my forehead against my knees, I close my eyes and cover my ears.
“Guys, he looks pretty rough,” the offic
er in front of me says to the guys coming in the door. A blanket is wrapped around me, shutting the cold out and sticking to the open wounds still seeping blood.
“Hey, can you stand, or do we need to lift you onto the stretcher?” a soft feminine voice asks.
I lift my head and peel my eyes open a crack to see the gurney low to the ground. I may be able to get to it. Shifting my weight to my feet, my burns on my back rip off the wall, forcing a scream from my raw throat. In a rush, two guys lift me under the arms and lay me on the stretcher, hurrying me out of the house and into the waiting ambulance.
The lights are bright, and I have to clamp my eyes closed against them, lifting the edge of the blanket to cover my face. The doors slam closed and we start moving. The EMT’s are moving around, trying to start an IV, and calling into the hospital. It takes a while, but eventually we get to the ER. They ask me a bunch of questions, but I can barely keep up, answering only a few. Someone takes pity on me and gives me pain meds, letting my body rest while they clean and care for the burns.
***
A steady beeping makes its way into my drug-induced sleep, waking me. My memory is fuzzy, leaving me unsure of where I am and how I got here. A hand envelops mine: big, strong, and warm. “Ben?”
That voice. That’s the voice I’ve been dreaming of, hearing in my mind. I’m afraid to open my eyes, afraid I’m once again dreaming. Fear courses through me when the memories of Dan hit me, the beeping increasing as my heart pounds.
“Ben, you’re okay,” Alister’s voice says again, and soft lips and the prickle of his beard meet my forehead. I try to move, to keep him close to me, but fire shoots through me as injuries make themselves known. Slowly, I open my eyes, needing to know if he’s really here. “Hey, there you are.”
He smiles with tears threatening to fall from his lashes. He’s perfect, tired, but perfect. I’ve missed him. I’ve never craved anything like I crave him. It wasn’t until I was once again at Dan’s mercy that I realized just how much I need him. I can’t live without him.
“Help.” My voice is so raw and cracked, I can barely understand myself, but I have to try.
“Help? What do you need?” He hovers over me, ready to do anything I ask.
“You.” My hand reaches for his cheek, the soft hairs of his beard tickling my palm. “Love… you.” A tear rolls down his cheek as his eyes meet mine, his lips close enough to feel his breath on mine.
“I love you, Ben.” A second later, his lips meet mine, not giving me time to respond. A soft caress of lips, careful and sweet.
He ends the kiss and lays his forehead against mine, emerald meeting charcoal. His smile brightens the room, along with my life. Shuffling around onto my side, I move enough for Alister to get onto the bed with me. I need to be wrapped in him, his arms around me, feeling his heartbeat.
I try to talk but cough instead, like swallowing shards of glass. Alister hands me a cup with a straw, and in no time the cup is empty, he refills it for me. Since the first drink, my mouth feels bone dry, and I can’t get enough water. Alister fills the cup one more time then tells me to wait a few minutes.
“Lay with me? Please.”
“I don’t think I’m supposed to. I could hurt you.”
“Please.”
He looks around the room like someone will jump out and yell at him, then carefully climbs onto the bed and wraps an arm around my waist.
“Don’t ever leave me again,” he whispers as my eyes close again. “I need you too much.” The corners of my mouth lift in a small smile as sleep once again claims me.
***
I’ve been in the hospital now for a few days, mostly sleeping as my body tries to heal. The pain meds given to me ensure that I don’t dream when I sleep, which I’m grateful for.
Since this is the last week of school, Alister has brought his laptop in so I can try to get some homework done while I’m here. Next week is finals, and I really don’t know how I’m going to manage them.
The door to my room opens, and the shining green eyes of Alister meet mine. “Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” He leans down to kiss me before sitting on the edge of the bed.
“A little better I think.”
“That’s great. I talked to your nurse, Nancy, on my way in and she wants you to try to walk a bit today.”
“Okay. How about a shower? I feel disgusting.”
Nancy walks through the door, striding across the floor like she owns the place. She’s got a little bit of an accent, dark smooth skin, and a beautiful smile. “Well good morning there Sleeping Beauty, what do you think about taking a walk today?”
“How about a shower? I’m pretty sure I can smell myself.”
“Well now, we can’t have that, can we? As long as someone is in the bathroom while you’re showering, that should not be a problem, but I’ll double check with the doctor, okay?” She raises an eyebrow at me and has a hand on her hip, and I can tell she means business.
“Sounds good. Thank you.”
She checks my vitals, my IV bags, and leaves to find out if I can take a shower. The whole time, Alister sits on the bed next to me holding my hand, running his thumb against the back of my hand.
“How did I get here?”
“You don’t remember being rescued?” He turns and bends a leg up on the bed, facing me.
“Not really. It was loud, and I would have sworn you were there.” Closing my eyes, I try to focus on the details, but it’s like I’m missing some of the film to a movie.
“You saw Alex. He’s the one that found you. He told me he tried to talk to you, but you were pretty out of it, the EMT’s got you in the ambulance as soon as the house was cleared.”
“What happened to Dan?” I hate how my voice shakes when I say his name. He instils fear in me, even from a distance.
“He was arrested, no bail.”
Nancy comes in and lets me know I can take a shower as long as I have supervision. “I can sit in there with him,” Alister volunteers.
“Perfect, I’ll get you all disconnected and ready to go. Take it slow, you haven’t been up in a while, and your legs may protest.” I didn’t think about how long my legs have gone without use, but she’s right, my legs will probably just give out on me.
She gets me disconnected from the monitors and IV lines, then her and Alister help me to stand. It’s painful, but it also feels good to move. All my muscles are angry at the abuse and lack of use, screaming to let me know just how much so. It’s a slow walk, but we make it to the bathroom where Nancy gets a shower stool set up for me along with toiletries. “Thank you, Nancy. I can handle it from here.”
She gives Alister a nod and heads out to attend to her other patients. My gown opens and falls to the floor, giving Alister a clear picture of what I’ve been through. Humiliation weighs heavily on my shoulders, my head dropping to my chest. I will now wear the scars of my torment for the rest of my life. Proof that I’m fucked up, ruined.
A gasp sounds behind me as he sees the full magnitude of my injuries. The air around me moves when Alister comes to stand in front of me. I can’t stop myself from turning into the warmth of his hand as he cups my cheek. “This,” his voice cracks as he waves his hand up and down my body, “changes nothing. I love you. I need you.” He leans down and kisses my forehead, careful not to touch any burns.
My hand’s fist in his shirt, my face buried in his chest, and the dam holding my emotions breaks. Hot tears flood his shirt as all the fear, anger, physical, and mental pain slam through me. Through the tears, words tumble from me, a rambling of the horror I lived through.
“Everything hurt so much, I couldn’t breathe, my hands and feet went numb with cold, and my head screamed.” Alister’s arm barely touches my shoulders, afraid of hurting me. “It’s always his first move, freezing and starving. My hands and feet turned purple and blue. He comes in asking stupid questions, and when I answer wrong, I get the belt to my frozen skin. The sting on my skin and the slap against my br
oken ribs was more than I could stand. I don’t know how long I was there, how long I prayed for death to take me, to end the suffering.” I fall to my knees, Alister dropping to the floor with me, determined not to let me go. Both of his arms are wrapped around my shoulders, holding me together while I fall apart. “Then the burns. The fucking cigars. I hate them. I always hated them. One burn for every year I’ve been bad. What did I do to deserve this?” My voice breaks and the words stop pouring from me as I scream through the tears. My hands are balled up so tight in his shirt, causing my knuckles to turn white, and my fingers to scream.
“You’re okay, Ben. I’ve got you. I love you.” Alister’s words keep repeating until I’m weak and the tears stop. Wiping the last of the moisture away, Alister kisses me softly. He gets the shower going and strips out of his clothes, before helping me to sit on the stool in the tub, and then grabbing a cup to rinse me with, so the pressure of the shower head doesn’t hit open wounds. He washes me from head to toe, carefully rinsing each burn and washing the skin in between them, blowing on the wounds when they sting from soap and water. Massaging my scalp, neck, and shoulders, trailing his fingers over my skin to make sure all the dirt and grime is gone. Washing me clean of the nightmare.
He takes his time rinsing me off, the hot water feeling amazing on my sensitive skin even when it stings. When the water shuts off, and I’m finally clean, I feel better. My heart and mind lighter, my body tired but resilient.
Chapter 44
Alister –
Ben has been in the hospital for a week. I have barely been away from him, too anxious to be away from him for long. Since it was the last week of classes, I did have to go in and teach, but it was at least a distraction while I was gone. I took the laptop to the hospital so Ben could let his teachers know that he was in an accident and was unable to make it. They were all pretty nice about it and gave him the finals review they were all doing.