by Diana Nixon
I nodded slowly. “Sometimes.”
“Why haven’t you reported those guys? Was what they did to you not worth making them pay for it?”
A shudder went through me. I put my fork down and wrapped both arms around myself, as if it would help me shield myself from the painful memories. The familiar fear traveled in my veins. I had been trying to suppress it for years. I would no doubt win a Casual Indifference Face Award.
“What would I tell the police? I didn’t even know their names.” I brought a glass of water to my lips and took a few sips.
“But you saw their faces. You could have described how they looked like.”
“Police wouldn’t have found them anyway.”
Trevor stayed quiet for a long five minutes, no less. I pretended I was too busy eating my salad. I put on a mask of defiance and never let if fall from my face, unless I was alone, and no one could see the traces of weakness breaking out from the inside of me.
“Okay, why don’t we talk about something else?” He finally said.
“I’m all for it.”
He wrapped one arm around my shoulders and pulled me to his chest. He kissed my head and said, “If you agreed to marry me, you would never have nightmares again. And you know why?”
“Why?” I moved a little so I could see his face.
“Because I wouldn’t let you sleep.”
I laughed under my breath. “Like ever?”
“Well, considering your desire to have at least three kids, I guess we would have a lot of work to do.”
“Dirty you. You never stopped thinking about sleeping with me again, did you?”
“Hmm… Let me think.” He rubbed his chin, pretending he was thinking too much about my question. “It was kind of hard to stop thinking about it. I have a very good memory, which in this particular case, was not helping.” His quiet laughter vibrated beneath my palm, resting on his chest. “We had a lot of fun together. Sometimes I really miss that time…” He rubbed my back gently and then added, “Not that we can’t repeat a few things from back then.”
I punched his chest playfully. “Not gonna happen.”
“Too bad. I’ve learned a few things since then.”
Giggling, I said, “No doubt.”
“What about your passion for kids? You are planning on having kids, aren’t you?”
“Of course I want to have kids.”
“But you do realize that for that, you will need to get married first.”
“Marriage is not the only way to have kids.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I have a plan… But promise, you won’t laugh.”
“If you think it will make me laugh, I can’t promise you anything.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. Here’s my plan: I want to find a man willing to donate his sperm. I will have his baby, but I will raise him or her on my own. That’s it.”
I don’t think Trevor’s eyes had ever been bigger than now. First, he stared at me, without saying a word, then he frowned and asked, “Is this some kind of a joke?”
“Nope. That’s what I want.”
“A test-tube baby?’”
“Yes. That way, I will save my baby’s father from obligations. Isn’t it what you - men - want most of all?”
“Definitely not me. I want to be a part of my babies’ lives, if I ever have babies of course.”
“What about marriage?”
“What about it? Have I ever told you that I don’t want to get married?”
“No.”
“I’m not afraid of obligations. Even if I can’t imagine going to the altar first thing in the morning, I do want to have a family: a wife to bring me coffee in bed and then stay there for a completely different reason, and a couple of little troublemakers to complicate my existence.”
I watched him with the only thought in my head – Why have I never fallen in love with him?
“I’m sure one day, you will find a woman to complete this picture of a perfect future.”
“Don’t you want your future to be perfect?”
“I do. But with my past, there will be no perfect future for me.”
He took another sip of his wine and said, “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
“Change my mind about what exactly – sleeping with you for fun or having kids with you?”
“Both.”
“What if I snore at night, and wake up grumpy, and refuse to bring you coffee in bed? Are you sure you can handle a wife like that?”
“You don’t snore. I have spent enough nights with you to know it for sure. You never once woke up grumpy. As for the coffee part, I don’t mind making it for you.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Liam
6 years ago
I was falling in love with Crystal…
I was helpless against her beauty and her rebellious character that I never knew what to expect from. But more than that, I was falling for what she made me feel whenever she was around. It was like she was giving me a very powerful drug that I kept coming back to try, over and over again. The more time I spent with her, the less I cared about the consequences of what I was putting myself into. She filled a hole I never knew existed. Before her, I thought I was fine with what my life consisted of. Until one day, I realized that I wanted so much more than that. I wanted her.
Without knowing, she had the power to save me and destroy me. I felt her in the air, longed for her smiles and accidental touches; every day I felt like today I was even more in love with her than yesterday. She stole my heart and I never wanted it back, as if I knew that with her, it would be safe and sound.
At some point, I stopped worrying about what Stanley may say about my feelings for his sister. I tried to avoid him as much as possible, not sure how to act in his presence. But since I couldn’t make myself stay away from Crystal, from time to time I needed to come up with very stupid explanations for my staying in their house. Like the day I told Mrs. Burk I ran out of salt. She looked a little puzzled, probably knowing that I lived right around the corner from a supermarket, and she – on the other side of the city. Or the day I said my parents were redecorating my room and I didn’t have a room stay in, so I asked Stan if I could stay for the night at their place. He looked as puzzled as his mother did the day I came for salt, because there were at least three spare bedrooms in my parents’ house, but I just didn’t want to use any of them. Lame excuse, I know. But I could go a long way just to see her again, even if that was a ten-second meeting.
Today was Crystal’s birthday, her eighteenth birthday. I felt like a bunch of nerves. After her graduation night and our dancing on the roof of Storm, her attitude towards me changed. She no longer minded my company, rather on the contrary – every time we met, I knew she was glad to see me. And I, in turn, was glad to see her.
I bought her a golden chain with her name letters hanging on it, put it in a blue velvet box, gathered all the courage I could muster, and came to her birthday party.
And, of course, Stanley had to be the person who came to open the door for me.
“Liam? I didn’t expect to see you tonight… Did Crystal invite you to the party?” I could hear notes of doubt in his voice. Up until two months ago, his sister and I had been enemies, and now I’d come to her birthday party, with a gift in my hands and the most idiotic smile on my face.
“Um, yeah… She thought it was time to end that stupid war between us. Hope you don’t mind?”
“I don’t. I’m glad to know that you two have come to an understanding. Just about time. Come on in. You will help me watch the kids. I feel like the only ‘grandpa’ at this pink-balloons party.”
I plastered another smile on my face and entered the house decorated with what felt like a million pink balloons. They were everywhere: on the staircase leading to the second floor, all over the living room carpet and on the ceiling. For a moment, I felt like running away. Not because I hated pink balloons, rather because I felt like t
he second ‘grandpa’ in the house.
But when I saw Crystal coming down the stairs, I knew I wouldn’t go anywhere even if they called the police to drag me out of the house. She was wearing a knee-length snow-white dress, tied in a ribbon over one shoulder. The skirt of the dress danced with every step she took. Her long hair was done in curls and I suddenly wanted to sink my fingers in it and kiss her senseless.
God, her beauty did terrible things to my self-control.
She spotted me in the sea of other guests greeting her, and our eyes locked. She thanked everyone for their wishes, but the only person she was looking at at the moment was me. Her bright-red lips twisted into a mysterious smile, and I wondered what she was thinking. Because all I could think about at that moment was making her mine…
Simultaneously, we started to walk towards each other. I met her in the middle of the room and said, “I heard there would be cake here tonight. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. You know I have a sweet tooth.”
“So you have come only because of the cake?” She asked, with a smile dancing in her eyes.
“I was actually curious to know if there would be more delicious things at this party…” I gave her a head-to-toe careful look and added, “Now I know for sure that I have chosen the right party to join in.”
She giggled. “Make yourself at home. I’m sure Stan can offer you something stronger than punch.”
I wasn’t sure alcohol could make me feel even drunker than those chocolate eyes of hers, which promised trouble I couldn’t wait to get into, but I didn’t mind a little of something to ease the tension building inside me. Before joining Stanley for a drink, I gave Crystal the velvet box, and said, “It’s not that I thought you wouldn’t remember your own name after the party was over, but I wanted you to have something to remind you of me...”
She took the box, opened it and gasped. “My goodness, Liam… It’s gorgeous!” She took the chain out of the box. “Will you help me put it on?”
I gently moved her hair aside and locked the chain on the back of her neck. Into her ear, I whispered. “Happy birthday, Beautiful. Can’t wait to share another dance with you.”
She turned around and I saw her cheeks reddening. “Thank you. I promise to keep one dance for you.”
“Crystal, more guests are here!” Stan called from the hall.
She endued me with another smile and then walked away to welcome her guests.
I ran one hand through my hair, thinking of how fast she was able to make me lose my damn mind. A few minutes in her tempting company, and I felt like a fifteen-year-old boy before his first date. My palms started to sweat, I felt a little lightheaded and I could swear there was a movement happening in my boxers… Not that it was the first time my body reacted that way to the girl I couldn’t take out of my head, but tonight was the worst night to think about satisfying my tool’s curiosity.
“Liam!” Stan waved for me to follow him to the kitchen.
I let out a long breath and told myself to calm down, otherwise, my friend who was going to become a plastic surgeon, just like me, would practice his surgical skills on a certain part of my body.
Once in the kitchen, Stanley took a bottle of Jack Daniels from one of the cupboards and poured some into two glasses.
“I never thought this house was small until Crystal decided to invite the entire city to her birthday party.” He took a sip of his drink and said, “I think I need to find my dad’s gun. I have no idea how else to make them leave the house when the party is over.”
I laughed. “I’m sure Crystal will appreciate that kind of hospitality.”
“It’s not funny at all. Have you seen her dress?”
Oh, hell, I sure have…
“I can’t believe mom let her wear it for the party.”
“What’s wrong with that dress? It looks decent.” Not that any decent thoughts crossed my mind when I saw Crys wearing it.
“For you, maybe. Because you are not one of those horny eighteen-year-olds wandering around the house, waiting for a moment to slip his dirty hands under its skirt.”
Little do you know, dude…
Aloud I said, “But we are here to not let it happen, right?”
“Thank God.”
I raised my glass. “Cheers?”
“Cheers.”
The party dragged on and nothing promised trouble until I realized that my ‘Jack Daniels attempts’ to relax ended up with a buzz in my head that I couldn’t stop.
“I’ll pass,” I said to Stanley, watching him pour another glass of amber liquid.
I stood up and went to look out into the hall where the guests gathered for one final round of Happy Birthday song. I leaned against the door frame and watched Crystal from a distance.
She looked very happy. Young and beautiful, she had a whole life ahead to enjoy.
I started to ask myself if I had a right to become a part of it. I knew the age difference between us was not a problem, not to me anyway. We had known each other since childhood. I cared about her as if she were my youngest sister, until the moment I realized that my feelings for her were far from brotherly.
I had never felt anything like that before. And this is exactly how I knew I was in love with her. It was like I was lost in a long tunnel of something that I had never experienced with any other girl.
Crystal and I were not dating, or anything of the sort, and holding hands occasionally was probably the most sinful part of our meetings. But still, I could feel the pulling between us. The looks she was giving me, the way she acted around me, the way I reacted to her presence – everything gave away the unhidden attraction that was the strongest of things I had ever felt filling me from within.
Whatever happened to me – bad or good – I wanted to share it with her. We joked around and laughed a lot, but when laughing stopped and our gazes locked, just like right now, nothing else mattered, but this very connection that broke the walls of resistance and shame, that could shatter the ground we walked and set on fire hearts beating inside our bodies.
I knew I was in love with her when I realized that her happiness meant so much more than my own. I would do anything in my power to make her smile, to see those lips of hers twisting and then saying something that would make my heart race in my chest. She was a temptation wrapped in the most surreal of my dreams. I didn’t want to wake up, I just wanted to dream of her forever…
I waited for the guests to leave and helped Stan check the house for those who might have thought they could stay until morning. After we were done, Stan said he was too tired to clean the mess left after the party, so he went to his room, and Crystal and I stayed in the living room.
I could see that she felt a little uncomfortable, or maybe even a little shy, which was so unlike her.
“I’m still waiting for my dance with the birthday girl,” I said.
She bit her lower lip, which was so hard to not stare at. God, I wanted to kiss that lip so bad.
“Come here,” I said, offering her my hand.
She hesitated, as if she knew that by accepting it, she would give in to something that had been building between us for a long time.
Slowly, she stepped closer and put her hand into mine. I wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her closer to my chest.
Her eyes stayed focused on the upper button of my shirt; she wouldn’t dare to look me in the eye.
“Did I tell you how stunning you look tonight?”
She smiled, even though I still couldn’t see her eyes. “I think you forgot to mention it,” she said quietly.
“My mistake.” I put one finger under her chin and made her look at me. “When you are so close, I feel like I’m lost to everything but you, Crys…”
She swallowed; her chest rose and fell against mine.
“I can’t explain this, but what I feel whenever you are around is something I don’t want to stop feeling…”
She didn’t say a word.
“You can’t even imagine h
ow much I want to kiss you, right now.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, but when she opened them again, I knew the decision had been made.
She leaned into me, with her lips getting dangerously close to mine.
“Let’s go to my room,” she breathed into my mouth.
Oh, dear Lord, who could say ‘no’ to such a tempting invitation? Me - never!
She pulled me to the staircase, occasionally turning around to see if I was still for whatever she had in that mind of hers. You probably wanna know if I cared about Stanley waking up and breaking into his sister’s room to kick my ass, but not even for a second did I think about facing his anger. I was too worked up to think at all, and the amount of JD in my blood didn’t help a thing. Rather on the contrary – it made my every sinful wish about Crystal get even stronger.
We came to her room, which was in the opposite direction from Stan’s part of the hall and she locked the door behind me.
She leaned against the closed door and looked at me with unhidden desire flashing in her spellbinding eyes.
“I want you to take this dress off me,” she whispered, watching my hesitation.
In any other situation, I would take it off her even before we would be able to get to her room, but tonight everything was different.
“Are you sure about this?”
A part of me, a very small part of me, wanted her to say ‘no’. Probably because somewhere deep inside I knew it would be a mistake. When the other part – the one that was hard and ready for the best night of my life, was all for anything that this girl in front of me had to offer.
“Come closer,” she said, killing the remnants of my conscience with those two simple words.
I moved forward. She reached out for my shirt, grabbed the fabric and pulled me even closer.
“Just don’t tell me you don’t want to see what’s hidden under this dress,” she said with a challenge in her voice.
I chuckled. “I don’t.”
“Liar.” It was the last word she said before her lips crashed into mine, kissing away every small doubt that still burned within.