by Diana Nixon
I sat on my bed and looked at the charming prince from a fairy tale that was never supposed to become real. Why was it so hard to let my feelings for him go? Why did everything he did affect me so much? Why did every word he said go straight through my heart, making it trepidate like the wings of a scared butterfly ready to burn down to ashes in the flames of burning fire?
It never made sense…
I leaned back against the blanket on my bed and stared at the ceiling. There, at the very top of my hopeless life was a light. So far away, yet so close. I wish I could reach my hand and pull it closer, to feel it embracing me in its warmth and giving new hope.
Hope… Every time I thought it was about to become more than just another trick of my imagination, something happened and took me away from what felt like was lying right in the palm of my hand.
What Liam and I shared… It was a never-ending game; a game of bittersweet pain and toxic ecstasy. Two could play it, but only one of us always followed the rules, when the other one followed the calling of the heart – a small thing that led to major fuck-ups. And considering rules always hated me and it was mutual, I was being the very idiot whose heart thought it was almighty. When in fact, it was the weakest thing in the world.
A soft knock at the door brought me back to here and now. Stanley walked into the room and smiled, “I thought you might want to talk.”
I sat up on my bed and patted a spot next to me. He walked to the bed and sat down, wrapping one arm around me.
“How was your day?” He asked his favorite question. It was the first thing he asked every time he wanted to talk about something important.
“Perfect and terrible.”
He smirked. “What did Liam do this time?”
I stared at him, not sure how to react to his question. “Why do you think the terrible part has something to do with Liam?”
“It has always been like this.” He stared back; his eyes full of understanding and worry.
“You knew?”
He nodded in response. “I have eyes, you know? I always knew there was something between you two. I stayed out of it, because I thought you were mature enough to resolve whatever problems you had. But as far as I can see, you are even more hopeless than I could have ever imagined.”
I smiled sadly. “Is that so obvious?”
“Do you love him?”
I sighed. “I would do anything to make myself stop loving him.”
“You know about the baby, don’t you?”
Again, I was surprised about the level of my brother’s awareness. “How the hell do you know that?”
He pulled me closer to his chest and whispered, “For the brother of one of the most beautiful girls in the world, it’s my job to know what bothers her. Did he tell you about the baby?”
“No. I needed to talk to him and went to his place. He wasn’t there, but I met his girlfriend.”
“She’s not his girlfriend anymore.”
“What?”
“They broke up a few days ago, or to be exact - the night I saw you two kissing in the car.”
“Screw me dead…”
I felt my cheeks turn red. Now I knew why Stanley never asked any questions about the things that involved Liam. He knew the answers.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you. But mom said that Liam’s car was parked in the driveway and I went out to see what he wanted. Then I saw you sitting in the car…”
“You know I love you, right?”
“But you never hated having a big brother more than you do now, right?”
I giggled, still feeling my cheeks burning. “This is so embarrassing.”
“You are old enough to do whatever you want, sis, with whomever you want. And Liam is not the worst option. He’s a good guy, despite what everyone thinks about him. Yes, he used to fall for a new girl every week or so, but it was nothing. Because every time he crossed the threshold of this house his eyes searched for you, even if he was here to see me.”
Tears blinded my vision.
“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered. “I’m so lost, Stanley.”
He kissed my head, but said nothing.
“Why did he break up with Kim?”
“Why don’t you ask him about it?”
“I can’t.”
“Or don’t want to?”
I shrugged. “Both, I guess.”
“May this time be the first and the last time that I tell you what to do, but I think you need to talk to him. You are not the only person who’s suffering now. He suffers too. He’s living in a hotel, works like crazy and I swear I’ve never seen my friend so down. Something is happening to him, Crys. Don’t you want to go and find out what it is?”
“Do you really think it’s a good idea?” Just a few minutes ago, I was sure I didn’t want to see Liam, ever again.
“For once, do what I’m telling you to do, sis.”
Now that I knew what happened between him and Kimberly, many things started to make sense. Starting from his weird behavior during the last couple of months, and to the words he said a few days ago.
Sometimes we can’t decide what really matters until everything takes its place and we start to see the difference between what we have and what we could have.
He sounded as if he had made a decision he couldn’t make for a long time. He knew how much kids mean to me. He knew I would never tell him to abandon his child for me. As well as he knew I would never dare to stand between him and the baby. But now that he had a solution and knew exactly what to do next, it was my turn to make a decision.
“Okay, I’ll talk to him on Monday,” I said to Stan.
He nodded approvingly. “I hope you two come to an understanding. It’s just about the right time to do it.” He kissed my forehead again and stood up to leave the room.
“Stan, wait.” I knew my brother too well to believe that he started this conversation simply because he thought I needed someone to hear me out. “You are leaving, right?”
“I wanted to share the news after the remodeling of the lake house was over, but since you’ve asked… Yes, I’m leaving in a few weeks.”
“Good. I’m glad you are taking the offer. It’s what you always wanted.”
“Thanks, sis. I’m gonna miss you.”
“It’s not like you are moving to a different planet, right? Now get out of here before I start crying and beg you to stay.”
Laughing, he opened the door and said, “At least I won’t spy on your boyfriends anymore.”
“Thank God!”
***
Liam
The woman was out of her damn mind.
I took a deep breath and as calmly as possible, I said, “Mrs. Winters, if we make your breasts any bigger, they will blow out.”
“But I want them to be bigger! Is that too much to ask for?”
“In this case, yes! First, because it won’t do your body any good. It’s perfect and it doesn’t need more surgical modification. And second, like I said, making your breasts any bigger than they are now will complicate your life significantly. Trust me, your husband won’t stop the divorce even if you pump more silicone in everything that can be changed with its magical help.”
“How dare you!” She grabbed her purse and ran out of the office, slamming the door shut behind her.
“Have a nice day,” I muttered, staring at the shut door.
I went to my desk and took a seat in my chair. It wasn’t even noon yet, and I was tired as shit. All I wanted now, was to go back to my hotel room, fall asleep and wake up next year. Maybe that way I would feel more or less alive again.
My days had been hell. As for my nights, they were not much different. With my eyes wide open, I would lie in my bed for hours, trying to fall asleep with my head buzzing from the number of disturbing thoughts running through my mind. I could only sleep when exhausted, unable to feel my body. My mind turned off and if luck smiled at me, I could sleep for three hours or so. Then I woke up again and
hated myself for waking up in the middle of the night. 3:00 AM became my every night date. Seriously, we needed to end this not-romantic-at-all relationship. I was very close to giving up on sleep and changing my working schedule to nocturnal appointments. Maybe that’s why I acted like a dick and refused to comply with Mrs. Winter’s crazy wish. No doubt, she was going to tell my dad to fire me. Not that he would listen, of course. Unlike my ability to mature with age, he never doubted my talent as a surgeon.
I yawned and looked at my watch. There were fifteen more minutes before my next appointment. I pushed the button on the intercom and asked my secretary to bring me another cup of coffee, which turned out to be my sixth cup this morning.
“Miss Burk is here to see you. Will you see her now?” Lea said, putting a cup on my desk.
What? Crystal was in the waiting room? “Yes, please. Send her in.”
I rose to my feet and went to greet my unexpected guest.
“Crystal, what a surprise. Please, come in.” I closed the door behind her and said, “I hope everything is all right? Are you feeling well?”
“I’m fine. I came here to talk to you.” She sat in one of the chairs. I leaned against my desk and waited for her to tell me the reason for her visit. “I know about the baby…”
Shit…
“Who told you?”
“I went to your place and met Kim there.”
Double shit…
“She and I… We are not together anymore.”
“I know. Stanley told me you broke up with her. Did you do it because of me?”
“I did what was the right thing to do. I’m not going to be one of those Sunday fathers who think that sending presents and taking their kids for ice-cream once a week is okay. I will be around as much as I can. But coming home every night and falling asleep with someone I don’t love – it’s something I can’t do. I want to share my nights with the woman I can’t imagine my life without...”
Her dark-brown eyes watered. She cleared her throat and looked away for a moment.
“Maybe you are right and we do need to be with those we can’t imagine our lives without. Even if at times it feels too unreal to believe in.”
She stood up and walked over to me. Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around me and I felt like I was taken to heaven: warm, cozy and peaceful. I wish I could extend the moment, just to hold her in my arms at least a little longer. She was the only person able to calm the storm in my heart. When with her, there wasn’t anything to worry about or to be afraid of. When she was so close to me, my world reduced to here and now, with her. Nothing else mattered.
“I’m so sorry, Liam…”
“For what?”
“For not being able to make you happy.”
“What?” I cupped her face in my palms and shook my head; I couldn’t believe what she was saying. “You are the only person who makes me happy. The only reason that makes me wake up in the mornings and face a new day. I would be lost without you.”
“Maybe if we never met, things would be so much easier.”
“It’s a little too late to think about it. Don’t you think so?”
I pulled her closer to my chest. It was so unfair to let her go every time I wanted nothing more than to keep her all for myself.
She was the spark to the flame inside me. Without her, there was nothing to keep me burning. I could never let anyone so deep inside my heart and my mind. She held the keys to me. She was the only person who knew how to open the door that had been shut for anyone but her. And behind it, there was my soul, and she owned it.
“What do we do now?” She asked after a short pause.
“What would you like to do?”
“I would like to go to the beach again.”
I smiled. “Sounds good. Will you take me with you?”
“No. But I will let you do something for me.”
She moved a little and looked me in the eye. “I was thinking… Do you still want to help me get rid of the scar?”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “You want me to operate on you?”
“I was actually hoping your dad would agree to do it. But I want you to be there too. You know, to make sure that everything goes well.”
“Oh, Crystal… This is the best thing you could have ever told me. Of course, I will be there for you. I wouldn’t be able to stay away from the surgery, even if they tied me to my desk.”
A ghost of a smile touched her lips. “Thank you. I should have done this a long time ago. Maybe if I didn’t have any visible reminder of that terrible night, my life would be so much better.”
“This is exactly why I want to help you. By the way, why did you come to my place the other day?”
“The man from the plane… He’s been arrested. Can you imagine that? After all this time he finally got what he deserved.”
“Yeah...”
“You don’t look surprised to hear the news.” Her brows furrowed. “Did you have anything to do with the arrest?”
“Me?” I puffed. “I’m a plastic surgeon, not a policeman, remember?”
I could still read suspicion in her eyes.
“Right.” She gave me another thoughtful look. “Anyway, when do you think we can schedule the operation?”
“For that, I will need to examine your scar and talk to my father.” I looked at the clock on the wall. “I have an appointment in a few minutes. And then another one. How about you come back tomorrow morning? My first patient wouldn’t be here until 10:00 AM. We would have plenty of time to discuss the operation.”
“Sounds good. See you tomorrow then.” She stood on her toes and kissed me on the cheek.
God, I wanted to kiss her for real; stop pretending we were nothing but old friends and tell her how much she still meant to me.
“Thank you,” I said, walking her to the door.
“For what?”
“For not judging me. I know how much you love kids, and I swear I’ll be the best father in the world, even if I don’t marry Kim.”
Shades of sadness crossed her face. I knew what she was thinking. I would give away a lot to see her having all my babies.
“Judging people isn’t fair. Unless you are God and have never done anything others might start judging you for.”
With my palm, I touched her cheek and caressed it softly. “I’ll try my best to fix everything I have done wrong. I promise.”
It wasn’t just about the scar on her belly. I wanted to see her happy, truly happy. And for that, I was ready to do absolutely anything that was in my power.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Crystal
I walked into my father’s bedroom, holding a cup of tea with lemon in my hands. I still couldn’t get used to seeing him in a wheel-chair. In my mind, he was still the man he used to be five months ago – strong and full of life energy.
“Hey,” I said, kissing him on the cheek. “How are you feeling?”
He put the newspaper he had been reading aside and smiled gently. “I’m fine, Darling. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Have you taken your medicines?”
“Yes.”
“Have you eaten well?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want anything but tea?”
“No.”
“Seriously, Dad, you are the easiest person in the world to deal with.”
He laughed. “Then who’s the hardest one?”
I sighed and sat in a chair facing him.
Holding a cup of tea in his hands, he said, “I know something’s bothering you, Crystal. And I’m sure it’s not just about my current state. What’s going on?”
“It’s a long story…”
“I have plenty of time to hear it.”
“Maybe next time. Better tell me, do you want to see how things with the lake house remodeling are going?”
“I’m sure you and Stanley will do a great job redoing it. Mom and I have been thinking about moving there.”
“What? Why? This pla
ce is big enough for all of us.”
“Yes, but Stan is going to Washington, and you are grown up enough to live your own life, have your own family and be free to do whatever you want.”
“Not that sharing a place with you has ever stopped me from doing whatever I wanted to do. Besides, I hate being alone. I’m used to big family dinners and chaos in the house. I’m gonna lose my mind living here alone! Plus, you know how much I hate darkness. Remember those bears-like sleepers that scared the hell out of me? Well, nothing has changed since then - I still believe in ghosts living under my bed.”
“This is exactly why mom and I thought it was time for us to move out. Maybe if you find a nice guy to protect you from those imaginary ghosts, darkness won’t seem so scary anymore.”
I grimaced. “Easier said than done. Guys nowadays are cowards. I bet they don’t even wear slippers at home.”
“Maybe if you let at least one of them a little closer than within shooting distance, your opinion will change.”
I rolled my eyes. “I doubt it. But will try.”
“Good.” He smiled. “Are you sure there’s nothing you would like to tell me about?”
“Positive.” I stood up and kissed him goodnight. “Sleep well. Do you want me to help you get into your bed?”
“No, I’m fine. I’ll read for a little bit more.”
“Okay.”
Leaving the room, I bumped into Stanley.
“How is he?” He asked, nodding to the closed door behind me.
“Fine. At least that is what he keeps saying.”
“I talked to his doctor today and you know what? He said there’s a small chance to see Dad walking again.”
“Really?”
“He said there’s a new therapy treatment for people with the same problems our father has. It may take months or even a year before we see any positive changes in his state. But it’s worth a try anyway, right?”
“Absolutely! Have you spoken to our father about it?”