by Lea Griffith
Her pain was obvious yet so much about what he did for a living was secretive and couldn’t be shared. But this time Sam had no choice. Zoe deserved to know. If anybody deserved to know, it was her.
“When I left last June we headed to Africa. We’d been sent to help moderate tension between some of Angola’s tribal leaders and a big diamond collective company that’s been in the country mining for nearly fifty years. The tribal leaders felt—hell, still feel—they’re getting railroaded. Their men are disappearing in the mines and no wages are being distributed. The diamond collective employed a bunch of mercenaries who for all intents and purposes started a fucking war. Men, women, children being forced to work the mines or killed on the spot. Uncle Sam thought some of his finest should intervene and off we went.”
He fingered the collar at her throat and felt the anxiety stalking him. He held Zoe closer, pulled her between his legs and rested her head on his chest. Her fingers toyed with his nipple through his shirt. Sam’s cock stirred but he had a story to tell. He had to rid his soul of this.
“I got the call and I left you. Three-thirty in the fucking morning and we had to go wheels-up. I kissed your lips in the darkness and tried to wrap the memory of you up tight in my head. I knew we’d be gone for a while but I never anticipated a year.” He cleared his throat, remembering how sweetly she slept that last morning.
She shifted against him, kissing his chest but staying silent.
“We were in Angola for about two months, keeping the tribal leaders under control while higher-ups tried to negotiate with the diamond collective. Things went south with a northern tribe and their leader lost his shit.”
He stopped there, the next step so damn difficult to take.
“What happened, Sam? What happened to you?”
His hands clenched in her hair, the soft, silky strands grounding him in the present. The sounds of gunfire echoed in his ears but it was his own screams he remembered best.
“A skirmish broke out between my Force Recon team and the northern tribal leader and I was shot in the chest. The bullet caught me at the side of my flak jacket, bouncing off a rib and breaking it. I fell and in the midst of the fighting, a renegade warlord captured Aaron and me.”
Her fingertips dug into the area over his heart. Sam felt the warmth of her tears through the cotton of his t-shirt. He kept his gaze on the ceiling and his hands in her hair.
“I spent almost six months in the care of Oko Kuduru. African warlord, murderer for hire and a fucking master torturer. Aaron and I had both been shot. Kuduru got us well, paraded us in front of the Red Cross, then trussed us up like Thanksgiving turkeys and marched our asses to the border with the Democratic Republic of the Congo. We were valuable bargaining chips and he wanted money, guns and helicopters. Kuduru had a war to fight, tribal leaders to kill and diamonds to steal. He needed the proper tools.”
Her hand touched the skin of his abdomen and Sam winced. Zoe had never been a shy one and he should’ve known she’d push. She roved over his chest, tracing scar after scar until she came to the puckered bullet wound. Sam was healed but her gentle hands on the proof of his horror hurt.
“Tell me, Sam. Let me carry this with you.”
He laughed and it was bitter. “You have. You didn’t know it but you were always right there with me.”
She sat up between his legs and tugged on his arm until he obeyed her unspoken command. He rose and Zoe went to her knees, lifting his t-shirt off his body. He hung his head and shuddered. It was dark but the light from the bathroom was plenty to see by.
“Goddamn him, Sam. Goddamn him to hell.”
His world crumbled. It was as he’d thought it would be. She was disgusted.
The touch of her lips on his skin stopped his breath, locked it right up in his chest. She kissed the bullet wound, traced the mark along his now-healed rib, laving it with her tongue. She located a scar beside that one, licked the reminder of the heinous knife wound and then moved to each and every scar she found as her tears ran in hot streams down his chest.
One by one she soothed every hurt she found and he wondered if she realized she’d healed the biggest one of all.
“You are mine, Sam. You will always be mine. He had no right to hurt you but each and every mark is one of valor. That you would give your life to protect others is a reason for celebration, not pain. But I would kill him, Sam, if I could. I would rip his fucking head off and eat his heart for what he did to you.”
She raised her head, searched his face but for what Sam didn’t know. Her eyes were filled with tears and they lashed him.
He didn’t deserve her. His hand clenched in her hair and it had to pull but she didn’t protest, just met his mouth halfway.
Zoe’s words rang in his ears, bouncing in his heart and settling in his soul. He ate at her mouth, biting, nipping, sucking her tongue deep into his mouth. Sam was desperate for her.
“I need you, Sam. I need you covering me, owning me, making me yours.”
He growled low in his throat, possession riding him hard. “Face down.”
Zoe moved around him, careful not to touch him lest he punish her. Sam gave her time to go to her stomach before he flipped the light on. He had to see her underneath him, her pretty pussy wrapped around his cock as he stroked into her over and over from behind.
“I won’t chain you but this will be rough.” It was the only warning he’d give her.
“I’ve got you, Sam.”
“Get on your knees, chest to the bed. Raise that ass up so I can see my pussy.” Sweat pooled at the base of his spine.
She responded so fucking deliciously, ass rising in the air, showing him heaven.
“Faster, Zoe, or I’ll spank that ass.” Her breath hissed in and her entire body clenched at his words.
His Zoe liked it rough sometimes. Which was good because right now Sam couldn’t do nice. She’d kissed his wounds and healed him. He had to have her right now.
“Fuck me, Sam.” Her fingers dug into the pillows as Sam settled behind her.
He swatted a rounded globe and she whimpered, moving her butt up higher, demanding more. He smacked her again, his hand leaving a red mark that he rubbed to ease the sting.
“Again,” she pleaded.
This time when he spanked her it was her pussy he aimed for.
“Yes!” she moaned. It was a beautiful sound.
“Mine,” he managed to get out between clenched teeth.
He settled his shaft at her entrance, watching the head disappear between her labia. He’d never seen anything more stunning than her body accepting his. One more tap on her ass to remind her he was in control and he slid all the way home.
“Yours!” she screamed, back bowing, head thrown back, body bouncing on his as he pushed into her over and over again.
It was a benediction. He’d left whole, returned in pieces and Zoe had put him back together again.
He rode her through an explosive orgasm—his and hers—then started the climb all over again. Sam was unable, maybe unwilling, to take himself from the heated depths of her. She warmed everything cold. He slid in and out of her body until they were both drenched in sweat and each other. And when he could give no more of himself because he’d given her everything, he laid them both down gently and fell asleep beside her.
Chapter Eight
Zoe hit the snooze button on her alarm and turned over, feeling every ache in her body and wondering for a second if she’d dreamed it all.
He was gone. The bed was cold and she was the only one in it. Pain bloomed inside her but she pushed it down. You couldn’t hold what didn’t want to be held. Sam was like a wild panther. Rough and cautious, he was a growly, feral animal. Zoe couldn’t hope to contain such wildness but she’d thought her love could.
There were no tears. She’d not allow herself to cry. She cautiously got out of bed and walked the apartment just to make sure. Verification was a knife in her heart. What had she expected?
Zoe made
up the bed, tidied up the room, noticing the Hitachi wand and her chains had been cleaned up and put back where she’d had them originally. Gone. As if he’d never even been here, in her apartment…in her body.
She removed the collar, heart fracturing into pieces as she laid the precious ornament in her jewelry box. She showered, dressed in her hospital scrubs, wrapped her hair in a bun and grabbed her purse and keys. Everything had been cleaned and put away in the kitchen, the chair he’d almost fucked her in during the darkest part of the morning pushed properly back under the table. She didn’t even glance at the couch.
Her breath caught and held. Brand-new fucking couch. She laughed but it was a sob and as she stood there staring at nothing, Zoe felt an agony unlike any other. Even when she’d thought him dead the pain hadn’t been this vicious.
But it was now. She’d given him everything and he’d left anyway.
She went to her knees and cried, arms wrapping around herself as she tried to keep from bursting apart.
* * * * *
“Hey, Z, you gotta a call on two,” Copper called out from the nurses’ station.
Zoe grabbed the phone by the med room and hit the blinking light. “Yeah?”
A woman snorted in her ear. “Yeah? Not much on formality at the day job, are we?”
“What’s up, Raleigh? I’ve got a possible code coming in that I’ll need to triage so the doctor can see them.”
“Have you seen Sam?”
Zoe closed her eyes and pressed against them, willing the tears not to form. “I don’t have time for this, Ral,” she bit out.
“I just need to know.” Something was off about her best friend’s voice.
Zoe recognized that tone. Pain. She sighed. “I’ve seen him but he left.”
“Aaron never showed up, Zoe, and I’m worried.”
Zoe would never divulge what Sam had told her in confidence but neither could she let her friend hurt because said friend’s man hadn’t bothered to let her know he was home. His reasons were his own, as were Sam’s, but Zoe couldn’t do that to Raleigh.
“They all came home,” she said softly.
Raleigh cleared her throat. “That’s all you got?”
“That’s all I’ve got. Besides, you’re the one who works at Lejeune,” Zoe reminded her.
“And I told you everything I knew. They were supposed to be home. Hell, Copper said she saw you leave with Sam last night and I’d hoped—”
“Z, the med lift is here,” Copper called out and hurried past her.
“I gotta go, Ral. Look, meet me at my place around nine and I’ll give you what little information I have, okay? He’s alive, though. Stop worrying. Later.” She hung up.
“Zoe, we need you!” Copper yelled from the ambulance bay doors.
She took a deep breath, pushed it all away from her and took off in Copper’s direction.
* * * * *
“I don’t understand why he hasn’t called me, Zoe. He never does this. I’m always the first one he sees. He doesn’t go to his mother’s, his sister’s or his dad’s. He comes to me,” Raleigh said as she angrily swiped at tears.
Zoe threw her purse on the coffee table, kicked her shoes off and headed for the kitchen. She reached into the wine rack for the cabernet Sam had opened last night, pouring both of them a nice big glass. She turned and handed a glass to Raleigh, taking a healthy swig of her own before she walked back to the living room.
“Raleigh, I don’t know what to tell you. I know he’s home because Sam told me they all came back but whatever they went through was bad. Really bad,” she whispered.
“You know something you aren’t telling me,” Raleigh said. She held up a hand. “It’s okay. I understand. How’s Sam?”
Zoe took another big swallow, let the wine hum down her throat and spread its heat to her frozen body. “Not here.”
Raleigh choked out a startled laugh. “No shit.”
Zoe shook her head. “He came, he fucked, he left. Not much else to say.”
Raleigh winced. “At least he showed up.”
“You know what? That’s not enough. That he fucking showed up just isn’t enough for me anymore. He should be here right now and he’s not, Raleigh.” Her voice broke and the tears she’d held on to all day spilled onto her cheeks. “He’s just not here. With me.”
Raleigh moved to sit beside her in front of the coffee table. She pushed Zoe’s glass toward her and said, “Drink up. By God, we’ll drown our damn sorrows and give them the middle finger.”
Zoe did as Raleigh suggested, draining the enormous wineglass and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “I’m tired of hurting, Ral. This isn’t the first time and I just—fuck, I deserve better. I know what to expect but I deserve better.”
“Now flip him off,” Raleigh encouraged, draining her own glass.
Zoe held up both middle fingers and they giggled like loons.
“Want another glass?” Zoe asked.
“Why not? It’s not like I’ve anything better to do than sit on this hard-ass floor and drink that delicious wine you always keep around.”
Zoe refilled their glasses and headed back to the living room.
“Why are we sitting on the floor anyway when you’ve got that brand-new couch right there?”
Zoe snorted. It turned into a laugh that turned into a cackle that devolved into a sob. Before she knew it she was a slobbering mess.
“Stop crying right now, Zoe,” Raleigh demanded.
Zoe drained the glass again and slammed it on the table, getting to her feet and going back to the kitchen to return with another bottle of wine.
“I’m not crying, Raleigh Blevins, I’m drinking. Surely you recognize the difference?” Zoe filled her glass and drained it for the third time, the numbness creeping up, doing its job wonderfully.
Raleigh pushed her glass aside and grabbed Zoe’s hand. “You’re crying, you big liar. What did he do to you, Zoe?”
“He came back and then he left. He demanded everything and then took it all, leaving nothing for me. He left me, Raleigh, and now I’d like to get drunk in peace, okay? No more talk of Sam or Aaron or anything that will make me cry. I’m tired of crying.”
“Can I sit on your couch?”
“No!” Zoe yelled.
“Okay then. Geesh! I’ll sit on your hard floor and drink your wine and we won’t talk about men or anything that will make you cry,” Raleigh reassured her as she moved to sit beside Zoe.
Zoe’s head dropped to her friend’s shoulder. “He hurt me pretty bad this time, Ral. I think I’m done.”
Raleigh patted her head and shushed her but didn’t reply.
“I’m going to move to Alaska and open a brewery,” Zoe said.
“Of course you will. I’ll move with you, we’ll find nice Eskimo men and—”
Raleigh’s cell phone rang and she scrambled to grab it. “Hello?” Silence, then “I’ll be over in a few.”
Zoe sighed. “Aaron?”
Raleigh hung her head. “Nope, his sister. Aaron has a message he wanted her deliver to me. I guess it’s my turn, Z.”
Zoe got up and walked her to the door, hugging her before Ral stepped out. “I’ll be right here for you when you need me.”
“I knew you knew something,” Raleigh said in a dead voice.
“What?”
Raleigh looked over her shoulder and her gaze was flat, knowing. “You said ‘when’, not ‘if’.” With that she walked to her car, got in and drove off.
Zoe stood there for a long time, letting the humid North Carolina air buffer her from the cold of her soul. Then she closed the door.
Maybe, just maybe, it would end better for Raleigh than it had for her.
And if wishes were pennies…
Chapter Nine
“Sam!”
He turned, watching as Aaron Crockett strode toward him. His friend and teammate still limped but he had a small smile on his face today. Or maybe that was a grimace.
�
�Aaron, I thought you’d be otherwise occupied.” Sam shook the man’s hand.
“Yeah well, I’m not. Listen, there’s a Knights game tonight in Charlotte. You interested in riding with me to see some baseball?”
Sam cocked his head, wondering why in the fuck Aaron wanted to watch baseball when he had a woman waiting. “Raleigh going?”
Aaron looked away, gaze distant, and Sam knew then. “You haven’t even called her?”
The other man shook his head. “I can’t, man,” he said in a low voice. “Have you seen Zoe?”
“Yeah. And then I left.”
Aaron snorted. “You’re no better than me.”
“Maybe not,” Sam replied, shrugging as he turned to leave.
“So no baseball?”
“Not tonight, dude. I’ve got plans.”
“Tiggy’s?”
“Nope.” Sam did turn away then, certainty sliding through him. This was the right decision—he just had to do it. “Call Raleigh, man.”
“I can’t…” he paused. “I don’t know…”
Sam held up his hand. “Call Raleigh, Aaron. Just go call your fucking woman.”
Aaron didn’t respond as Sam entered the commanding officer’s building and told the secretary he needed to speak with General Hakes.
She told him to take a number but she smiled, so Sam was pretty sure she’d get him in sooner rather than later.
Ten minutes and a shitload of worry later, she glanced at him. “Allmand, you’re up,” she said above the din of Marines milling to and fro.
“Thanks,” Sam replied and headed into Hakes’ office.
“Sam!” General Hakes held out his hand. “It’s good to see you, son. I hear you’ve got something on your mind.”
Sam shook his hand and took a seat opposite the man who’d been his mentor and friend for several years. “I do, General Hakes.”
“Well, don’t make me guess, son. Spit it out.” Hakes steepled his fingers and sat back in his chair.
“I don’t know…” he took a deep breath. “I’m not sure…” The words Sam had been practicing all day fled. Goddamn, he sounded like Aaron. He pressed his thumb and forefinger against his eyes.