by Laura Ruby
“Relax, Roma,” the vampire said in a bored tone. Georgie recognised him instantly. It was the vampire that had first come to her window, the one with the fabulous velvet trousers. Tonight he was wearing fabulous suede trousers. Georgie decided that it probably wasn’t a great time to nudge Bug and point out the fabulousness of the trousers and suggest that he, Bug, might think about getting some fabulous trousers of his very own.
“And what’s HE doing here?” Roma shrieked, pointing at Bug.
Phinneas put both hands over his ears and walked to the other side of the room. Roma stamped her foot. London England and Bethany Tiffany, who were also in the gallery, tried hard to calm Roma down. London offered her a piece of Juicy Mint Bubble Fresh gum.
“What is that going to do?” said Roma.
“Blowing bubbles always cheers me up,” London said.
“Your head is a bubble,” Roma snapped. The three girls marched past Georgie, Bethany Tifffany bumping Georgie with her shoulder.
“Sorry,” she said automatically.
“You’re always bumping into people and you’re always saying you’re sorry,” said Georgie.
Bethany Tiffany crossed her arms and glared. Roma barked, “Phinneas! What are you doing all the way over there? Come back and stand by me.”
Mandelbrot yelled, “Did any of you cheeseballs bring any cheeseballs?”
“What kind of host makes you bring your own snacks?” said Roma. “And anyway, I don’t eat snacks. I eat caviar. Why don’t you send out some of your people to get me some caviar.” This did not seem to be a request.
Mandelbrot nudged Bug and hooked at thumb at Roma. “Oi, oi, high maintenance, that one.”
Bug nodded.
“But rich. Almost as rich as your girlfriend Georgetta Blooooooomington,” he said, drawing out the “oo” until he sounded like a baying dog.
Bug flushed at the word “girlfriend” but said nothing. There was a desk in the corner of the large space, a desk piled with books. Bug pointed to the paintings that hung near it. “I want to take a look at some of those,” he said.
“Look away!” sang Mandelbrot.
“Uh, thanks,” said Bug.
A few minutes later, Bug found Georgie standing in front of a painting called Hugs and Kisses. He whispered in her ear: “That’s got to be the worst painting I’ve ever seen.”
“I know,” she said. “Good thing that’s not what we’re here for. Did you see the pile of books on the desk in the corner?”
“I did better than that,” said Bug. He lifted his T-shirt a couple of centimetres and showed her the leather-bound book that he’d tucked into the waistband of his jeans.
“Are you sure that’s the book?”
“None of the other ones were bound in leather. And the rest of them all had titles about fractions or something. This is the only one that looked old enough.”
“OK,” said Georgie. “Now all we have to do is get out of here.”
“Do you think Mandelbrot will care if we leave?”
“I don’t know,” Georgie said. “Maybe we should buy a painting first. Though I’m not sure if this guy even uses paint,” Georgie said. “As a matter of fact, I’m positive he doesn’t.”
“OK,” said Bug. “Why don’t we circle the room one more time until we get to the painting closest to the door. We’ll pretend to look at it for a while and when we can, we’ll duck into the hallway. You make us disappear, and I’ll get us back uptown.”
Georgie took a deep breath. “You think my parents will know that I was gone?”
“Probably.”
“Yeah,” said Georgie. “And then I’ll be grounded till the twenty-fourth century.”
“It will be worth it,” Bug said.
“Easy for you to say.”
Pinkwater, who had been quiet for so long that Georgie and Bug forgot he was there, chirped, “Don’t look now.”
They looked. Standing in the doorway was Hewitt Elder in a long orange caftan and a matching head scarf and messenger bag. Her eyes were glittering, and she seemed to be extremely happy about something. Georgie wondered if maybe she got another poetry book published.
“Hello, Hewitt,” Mandelbrot boomed.
“What’s SHE doing here?” Roma shrieked. “I thought I was the honoured guest! I don’t hang out with book geeks. And Phinneas, weren’t you going to get me some caviar?”
Phinneas had had enough. He grabbed Roma’s arm and sank his fangs into her wrist.
“Hey! HEY!” she yelled. “Ow! That hurts! Ow! Ow!” Phinneas released her arm and walked away, leaving Roma dazed and drained (literally).
Mandelbrot fell to the floor giggling. “You know what you just did?”
“I bit her,” Phinneas said sullenly.
“You didn’t just bite her, you turned her into one of the undead, you idiot! You just made sure you’ll have to spend the next four centuries listening to her whine. That. Is. So. Funny. I. Can’t. Breathe.” He curled into a ball, wheezing with laughter.
“What do you mean, undead?” Roma wanted to know, which made Mandelbrot laugh even harder. Already, Roma’s fangs were starting to show. Some of the other vampires glared at Phinneas, clearly not thrilled that Roma would be around a lot longer than they’d expected her to be. The other rich kids started to look a bit nervous.
“Roma’s a vampire,” said Georgie in near disbelief. Somehow, it seemed rather appropriate.
“We should try to get out of here while they’re all distracted,” Bug murmured.
“OK,” Georgie said. The two of them began to drift through the crowd counter-clockwise, stopping at different paintings to “admire” them before moving on to the next one. No one glanced in their direction; no one seemed to notice what they were doing. They made it all the way around the gallery and slipped into the hallway easily. Georgie took Bug’s hand and turned them invisible, though she had a bit of trouble. Her right hand didn’t want to cooperate and stubbornly stayed visible for a few awkward minutes.
Finally, they completely disappeared. As quietly as they could, they crept down the stairs, slipping past the stray vamps hanging out in the stairwell. They were almost out the door when someone clamped a hand on Georgie’s shoulder.
Phinneas the vampire smiled sadly with red, red lips. “Going somewhere?”
Chapter 24
Hangman
Phinneas sighed. “Yes, I can see you. I can see you both. I’ve walked the earth for a thousand years and I know your type. You’re a Wall. But that’s not going to help you here.”
Bug squeezed Georgie’s hand and she squeezed back. He gathered himself and then yanked on Phinneas’s arm as hard as he possibly could.
Phinneas sighed again. “That’s not going to help you either.”
Mandelbrot appeared on the landing, the rest of the vamps and rich kids piling up behind him like water behind a hair clog. “Don’t tell me that someone is trying to leave my party.” He was holding a baseball bat and he pointed it at Phinneas and his captives.
James Todd Sean said, “No one’s there, dude.”
“Yes, there is,” said Phinneas. “Two of them.”
“If Phinneas says someone is there, then someone is there,” Mandelbrot said.
“Whatever, dude. We’re out of here,” said James Todd Sean.
“Thank you for your money,” said Mandelbrot. “Money, money, money. It makes the world go round. It makes the head go round. It makes the Mandelbrot go round.” Mandelbrot spun in a circle as the rich kids filed past him, down the stairs, and out the front of the building. Bug kicked at Phinneas but could not break his hold. It was like kicking at a statue.
Hewitt popped up behind Mandelbrot. “Why’s everyone leaving?”
“Because they gave me money, that’s why. All I wanted was their money.” He gestured down to Phinneas with the bat. “But I’m not letting these two leave, because they didn’t ask my permission and they didn’t give me money. Why didn’t they give me any money? Also, a
friend of mine wanted me to ask them a few questions. I figure I owe him that much.”
Hewitt peered at Phinneas. “I see one vampire. There’s no one else there.”
“Yes, there is,” Phinneas said indignantly. “Vampires have excellent eyesight. And we use sonar. There are two people standing here, a boy and a girl.”
“A boy and a girl who did not give me any money,” said Mandelbrot. “A boy and a girl who stole my book.”
Bug felt himself go cold. He’d been seen! He’d been caught!
Mandelbrot seemed to read his mind. “You can’t punk a Punk,” he said.
“Besides,” Phinneas said. “You’re not a very good thief. Not like your dad at all.”
“You got that right,” Bug muttered.
“Who?” said Hewitt. “Who isn’t like their father?”
Though Bug and Georgie were holding on to each other as tightly as they could, Phinneas pulled them apart as easily as tearing a piece of wet newspaper. Because he was no longer touching Georgie, Bug appeared. And since Bug was already visible, and since the vamps could see her anyway, Georgie popped into view.
Hewitt gasped. “I don’t understand,” she said.
“Who said you had to understand everything?” Mandelbrot told her. “Who said you had to understand anything? And who invited you here anyway?”
“What do you mean?” said Hewitt. “You invited me. We had a deal.”
I knew it! thought Bug. I knew there was something weird about her! He felt like punching something. And then he did punch something, Phinneas, right in the rib cage. Wham!
Phinneas didn’t even blink.
Mandelbrot shrugged. “I changed my mind. Go away.”
“But I gave you the book!” Hewitt said.
“So?” Mandelbrot said. “If I were you, I would have given me books too. That doesn’t mean you can crash my parties whenever you want to. That doesn’t make us friends. You’re not the boss of me. Nobody is the boss of me.” Mandelbrot hopped down the steps, the feathers on his headdress flying. He held out his hand. Bug didn’t see any other choice. He pulled the book out from under his shirt and gave it to Mandelbrot.
“Now for my question. Uh… what was it again?”
Phinneas exhaled heavily. “You’re supposed to ask them if they have any information about the pen.”
“Right!” said Mandelbrot. “So, you kids. Do either of you guys have any idea where the pen is?”
“We don’t know anything about any pen,” Bug said quickly. Too quickly.
“Really?” said Mandelbrot. “Not sure I buy that one. So, I’ll ask again. Do you guys know where the pen is? It’s a really special pen, and my friend really wants it.” He laughed. “Though I’m not sure I’ll give it to him. Why should he have it? Why can’t I have it? “
“I said, we don’t know where it is,” Bug repeated.
“Oi, oi, oi!” Mandelbrot said. “We’ve got a sassy one, here, boys.” Mandelbrot picked up one of the long feathers trailing off his headdress and tickled Bug’s nose with it.
“We don’t know anything,” Georgie said. “Really, we don’t. We just heard there was a cool book here and we thought maybe we could take it. We used to take things and—”
Mandelbrot interrupted. “I say we play a game. Phinneas, let’s take the kids outside.” He swung the baseball bat menacingly.
“OK,” said Phinneas. He dragged Georgie and Bug out the door of the building. Bug couldn’t believe how unbelievably strong Phinneas was for someone so pale and skinny. (And, um, dead.) Phinneas barely seemed to be making any effort at all, and yet nothing Bug did made the vamp relax his grip – he and Georgie might as well have been newborn chickadees in the clutches of a gorilla. Pinkwater zoomed around their heads chirping, “Unhand them, you fiend!” which had little effect but to make Phinneas smirk fiendishly and Mandelbrot erupt in fiendish giggles.
Bug wished Georgie had brought Noodle. Maybe Noodle could have grown fourteen times her real size and used the vampires as chew toys. But all they had was Pinkwater, and Pinkwater zooming around sounding like something out of a superhero comic book wasn’t going to deter any fiend from doing fiendish things. It would probably encourage fiendishness.
Speaking of fiendishness: all the vamps followed Phinneas, Georgie and Bug as they moved in the direction of the East River. What were they going to do? Drown them? Bite them? Drown them and then bite them?
Hewitt Elder, who had also followed the group outside, said, “Why don’t you let Georgie Bloomington go? She’s The Richest Girl in the Universe and I’m sure—”
“Boring!” Mandelbrot announced. “I don’t want to talk about boring things. I don’t want to talk full stop. I want to play some games. How about Hangman?” Mandelbrot danced a jig in front of Georgie and Bug. “You guys know Hangman?”
That doesn’t sound good, thought Bug.
Mandelbrot thrust the bat up like a warrior charging into battle. “To the Brooklyn Bridge!”
Before Bug had time to think about it, Phinneas launched himself into the air, dragging Bug and Georgie along with him. Bug could hear Hewitt yelling below. “Wait! I can’t fly like that! Wait! Someone take me!”
Mandelbrot, who was getting a piggyback ride from one of the vamps, waved at her. Hewitt got smaller and smaller, a bright orange splotch on the glazed city street.
The vamps flew even higher, lurching and pitching so hard that Bug thought he might be sick. Bug remembered The Professor telling him and Georgie long ago that vampires could only fly in bat form, but the only bat-like part of Phinneas was the pair of large leathery black wings that beat thunderously at the air. Pinkwater, who had been struggling to keep up, got further and further behind until Bug couldn’t see him any more. Bug thrashed and kicked, hoping it might throw the vamp off balance, but Phinneas merely crushed the breath from his lungs with one squeeze of his iron arm. The wind lashed Bug’s face and drew tears from his eyes, blurring his vision, but not enough that he couldn’t see the Brooklyn Bridge snaking out underneath them, its thick cables like yarn on an enormous loom.
The vamps made a bumpy, shuddering descent and landed on the bridge’s wooden pedestrian walkway. People in passing cars stared curiously out their windows as they passed. Bug could only imagine what they were saying to one another: Honey, did you see that? That guy had wings. Actual wings!
“So this is what we’re going to do,” said Mandelbrot, climbing off the back of a vamp with blond hair. He dropped the baseball bat, pulled Georgie away from Phinneas, spun her round, and marched her to the edge of the bridge. He lifted her arms over her head and made her grip the cables that formed the structure of the bridge. “We’ll put Georgetta Bloomington over here. Then, I’m going to think of a phrase or a saying or some random words. You, Bug Boy, will have to try to guess what I’m thinking of letter by letter.
Every time you guess the letter wrong, we’ll move Georgie up a little higher. Maybe even a lot higher. Till she’s hanging from the cables. Like Hangman. You get me?”
Even though he knew it was futile, Bug tried to yank away from Phinneas, who was behind Bug with his iron hands locked on Bug’s elbows. “Look, I’m sorry I took your book, but it wasn’t Georgie’s fault. It was all my idea.”
Mandelbrot made a sound like a buzzer.
“And didn’t you say you wanted money?” Georgie said. “We have a lot of it. If you could take us to a bank, we could get some.”
Mandelbrot made another buzzing sound. “The other kids gave me plenty of money. And besides, if I need more, I’ll just get it from your parents.”
“What do you mean?” Georgie said.
“Plan B. After I have Phinneas bite them, I’ll take their money.”
“What if he doesn’t want to bite them?”
“Oh, he will,” Mandelbrot said.
Georgie twisted her neck to look at Phinneas. “Do you always listen to everything he says?”
Phinneas shrugged. “We had another boss originally, but t
his one gives us fresh bagels. Plus, it’s something to do.”
At this, Georgie tried to run away, but one of the vamps scooped her up and put her back where Mandelbrot had positioned her.
Mandelbrot whipped round, headdress feathers flying. “So! Bug! I’m thinking of a phrase. It’s really easy! And hard! And chaotic!” His wolfish eyes twinkled evilly. “Unless you want to tell me where that very special pen is, pick a letter.”
Bug closed his own eyes. It had seemed so easy – lift a measly book from an art gallery, what could go wrong? And now it was all wrong. This was insane. Perfectly insane. But he had to play along, at least for a little while, till he could figure out how to get Georgie away from these stupid vampires.
“The pen’s hidden,” Bug said, opening his eyes. “In my apartment.”
“Phin? He telling the truth?”
Phinneas stared into Bug’s eyes. “No,” he said.
“It’s in Georgie’s apartment.”
“Lying,” said Phinneas.
“I’m waiting,” said Mandelbrot. “I don’t like to wait.”
Bug’s eyes flew open. How was he supposed to guess this? It could be anything. “Usually in Hangman you get categories,” Bug said. “Like you’re thinking of a film or book title or whatever.”
Mandelbrot thrust his face into Bug’s, his pupil-less eyes like black holes. “Haven’t you figured out that there’s nothing ‘usual’ about The Chaos King? Pick. A. Letter.”
Bug’s brain worked frantically. What were the most common letters in the alphabet? E? S? T? “T,” he said.
Mandelbrot smiled. “Nope.” One of the vamps moved towards Georgie. He took her by the wrists and moved her hands a few centimetres to the right, forcing her to grip the twisting metal cable. Even though she was tall, she had to stretch to reach it.
“Pick another letter,” Mandelbrot said.
“S,” Bug said.
“Oops!” said Mandelbrot. He jerked his head and the vampire moved Georgie up another few centimetres. Now her toes were barely scraping the wooden planks of the walkway.
“Another,” Mandelbrot said.