A Reclusive Heart

by R. L. Mathewson

  To watch porn, she almost blurted out but somehow held it back. Tonight for the first time ever she was going to watch porn. She’d never seen it before, always avoided it, but tonight she was going to watch one and take notes. Admittedly she was curious.

  It wasn’t as though she was completely oblivious to the act. She read romance novels and saw love scenes in movies so she felt that she had a pretty good knowledge base of the act, but she’d never actually seen the real act, but tonight she would. She’d pay attention, learn what men liked and what she could expect when it came time to have sex. She might be a virgin, but that didn’t mean she wanted the first guy she slept with to know that. It was her business.

  Granted she’d didn’t necessarily need to shell out a lot of money to watch a porn, but she didn’t want to use Nick’s computer in case it left evidence behind and she sure as heck didn’t want to have to order one of those movies she’d seen advertised in some of the hotels and have anyone find out that she was doing this.

  She also didn’t understand why anyone would pay thirty bucks to watch a movie.

  “I’ll take you after this,” he said, not sounding particularly happy about it, but then again he had been spending all of his time with her. She imagined a man like him wasn’t used to going without sex and probably needed a night off so he could do that. Then another thought occurred to her, one that made her curious, could men get cranky if they went without sex? If so, was it like PMS? Could she expect mood swings and sudden urges for chocolate from him?

  She really didn’t think she could deal with a cranky Nick. An irritated Nick was bad enough. No, if he got worse she was going to grab the first bimbo she saw and throw her his way. She’d do anything to avoid Nick getting crankier.

  “Jamie?”

  “Huh?”

  “I said we could go after this if you want to,” he said, looking up long enough to send her a frown.

  “Oh, okay. Thanks,” she mumbled, feeling giddy. Who knows maybe by this time next week she wouldn’t be a virgin. That would be fantastic. She was also sure that having experienced the act first hand would probably benefit her writing. If anything she should have sex for her job. Yes, she definitely owed it to her readers to go out and have sex.

  ******

  “Nick!”

  He looked up from his computer and nearly groaned. A half hour ago he realized that someone fucked up and double booked them next week and he’d been trying to figure out how to fix it. He’d just come up with a solution that would work for everyone, meaning him, when the banging started.

  Shouldn’t she be off working? he wondered as he pulled on a pair of jeans.

  Then again she probably had another question about her computer. Granted, he thought he’d covered everything during the two hours they spent setting her new computer up, but maybe he missed something.

  “Nick!” she yelled again.

  “What?” he demanded as he opened the door to find the little recluse hugging her laptop tightly to her chest and looking close to tears.

  “I broke my computer.”

  “Did you drop it?” he asked, already taking the computer from her hands to inspect it.

  “No,” she muttered, sounding miserable.

  He threw her a curious look as he took her computer over to the couch and placed it on the coffee table. He opened the lid and felt his eyebrows jump as pop up window after pop up window featuring sex in various acts kept popping up on the screen.

  “What the hell did you do?” he asked, already having a pretty good idea that she’d downloaded a virus.

  “Research,” she mumbled pathetically.

  “What?” he asked absently as he did his best to stop the attack.

  She mumbled something that he didn’t quite understand. “What was that?”

  he asked as he opened and ran the anti-malware program he’d installed only hours ago.

  “I said I was watching sex for research,” she said, shocking the living hell out of him.

  “You were watching porn?” he snapped. “What the hell kind of research requires you to watch porn?” he demanded as he stood up and walked over to his computer, half afraid that she’d done something to his computer.

  “That’s personal,” she said, trying to sound firm, but the woman just didn’t have a clue how to pull it off.

  He ran the malware scanning program on his computer and was just about to go recheck her computer when a thought occurred to him. This morning he spotted a peculiar file in her folder and at the time hadn’t thought much about it, but now he did. He clicked the file open and received his second shock of the night as he quickly read through the list.

  “What are you doing?” Jamie asked, sounding nervous and for good reason.

  Holy shit, was she serious? He looked over the list again as dread shot through him. Yes, she was. She’d made a list, started to do the items on the list and was curious. He’d bet everything he had that brown bag she’d hugged to her chest this morning hadn’t been tampons. His damn recluse had bought condoms and was now watching porn.

  She wanted to try new things. Hell, he’d encouraged her to try new things so that he had something to hold over her head and now it seemed as though she taken it one step further. His little recluse was getting ready to start a little sex revolution.

  For a moment he wondered how she planned on approaching him about helping her out with this, but then realized that she hadn’t planned on approaching him at all. She didn’t want his help. For everything else he was fine, but he wasn’t good enough for this. No, for this his little recluse planned on approaching a strange man and trusting him not to hurt.

  He glared up at her as she shifted nervously in front of her computer as she wrung her hands together. Although she was a sexy little thing now and he wouldn’t have minded a go between her legs he’d decided that she was off limits. He also had a firm rule about touching virgins, he didn’t.

  Virgins were too much work, too much drama and he didn’t care enough to introduce them to sex patiently. When he had sex he wanted to get off. He didn’t really care about anything else and he sure as hell didn’t care about making things perfect for a woman. He got them off and that was enough in his book. It was the main reason he decided not to act on his attraction to the little recluse even though he thought she was developing a bit of a crush on him and he knew he could have had her on her back within seconds if he wanted, but damn…..

  She really didn’t want him. She wanted a stranger and that was not the reason why he surged to his feet and suddenly found himself glaring down at her. It wasn’t. He was concerned for her because she was doing something stupid. That was all.

  “Are you out of your fucking mind?” he snapped, grabbing her by her arms and giving her a rough shake. “Do you have any idea what could happen to you by going around and letting some guy fuck you?”

  She winced, from his crude words or the tiny shakes he was giving her he didn’t know or care. Didn’t she realize she could catch something? Get pregnant? Or worse, go home with some asshole that got his thrills by beating the shit out of women? Didn’t she realize how stupid this was?

  “T-that’s why I was doing research, you jerk!” she snapped back, surprising them both by the expression on her face. “I don’t know anything about sex and have no one I can ask!” she said, getting good and mad as she pulled her arms back only to give him a good shove.

  “I’m sick of not knowing! I want to have sex! I want to know what it feels like to be with a man and if I want to have sex with a thousand men then that’s my business, buddy!” she said, giving him a good shove. “And if you don’t like it then……then……then that’s too darn bad!” she said, giving him a final shove that knocked him back onto his ass on the edge of the bed.

  She turned to grab her computer and storm off when he found himself saying something he knew he’d regret. “I’ll teach you.”

  Chapter 11

  Was it possible to die from mortificati
on? Jamie was pretty sure she was about to find out. Did he just offer her sympathy sex? Admittedly she didn’t know much about sex, but she didn’t think she wanted some guy having sex with her because he felt bad for her.

  She wanted what the heroines in her books got from their men, blinding passion and desire. She wanted a man who couldn’t keep his hands off of her, not a man who was willing to take one for the team.

  “Um,” she cleared her throat uncomfortably, “no thanks. I’ll just stick to videos and books.”

  His eyes narrowed on her as he got to his feet. “I meant,” he bit out tightly, “that I’d help you, not that I would sleep with you, Jamie.”

  “Oh………,” she said, thinking it over before asking, “Why?”

  “Why what?” he snapped, looking agitated as he walked over to her computer to check something.

  “Why do you care?”

  “I need you healthy and whole to do this tour, Jamie,” he explained, keeping it short and sweet, but she got the point. He was only offering to help her for his job, not because he cared. It was foolish, but she couldn’t help but feel a little hurt and disappointed that he didn’t care.

  Maybe that was for the best, she decided. If they kept a professional distance she’d feel more comfortable about asking him questions. If they were friends she’d feel a little awkward and embarrassed with some of the questions that she was dying to ask.

  “Okay, where do we start,” she asked brightly, ignoring his scowl as he gestured for her to sit on the couch.

  Trying to hide her nerves, she quickly sat down, at the far corner of the small sofa. Nick sent her a questioning look, but said nothing as he turned the television on and went to the pay-per-view menu. When he scrolled down a list of titles that could only belong to adult movies she gasped and lunged for the remote.

  “What the heck are you doing?” she demanded as she did her best to steal the remote away from him before he could do something that would embarrass them both.

  “I’m helping you go through your list,” he said, holding the remote just out of reach as he selected a movie.

  “Oh my god!” she gasped. “They’ll know!”

  “Who?” he asked, frowning.

  “Everyone!”

  “That I watched a skin flick?” he asked, frowning.

  “Yes!” she hissed as she shot a nervous look at the door, half expecting someone to break down the door to yell at them.

  “No one’s going to care as long as I pay for it and besides, no one will know you watched it, Jamie. This isn’t your room,” he pointed out.

  “Oh,” she mumbled, thinking it over and realizing that he was right. As long as no one said anything no one would have to know that she’d watched this with him. Maybe it would be for the best to have him help her with this, just the learning and asking questions part. For the rest she’d find a willing man who wanted her, which she hoped wouldn’t be too difficult because she was really ready to have sex soon.

  Well, if they were going to do this then they needed to do it right, she thought as she rushed out of the room.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To get my notebook!” she yelled over her shoulder as she opened the door and ran out.

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  ******

  Nick shot a look over at his little recluse as she scribbled something else down on her notebook and couldn’t help but sigh. She hadn’t been kidding after all.

  Fifteen minutes into the movie and the woman hadn’t stopped writing for more than a second.

  “Doesn’t that hurt?” she suddenly asked.

  He followed her gaze to the television and nearly groaned when he realized what she was asking. “No, it doesn’t,” he said tightly, shifting on the couch, again, which sadly had nothing to do with the brunette giving head in the movie and everything to do with the little recluse sitting by his side taking notes.

  “It doesn’t hurt when her teeth glide over it?” she asked, looking entranced with the action as he struggled not to imagine Jamie on her knees in front of him doing exactly that. What the hell had he been thinking to offer to help her with this?

  He really was an idiot.

  Any other man would have shoved the woman out the door, but instead of doing that he’d offered to teach her about sex. Now he was stuck sitting here sporting the hardest erection of his life and wishing like hell that he hadn’t offered to put himself through this hell.

  “Why is she moaning when he’s not even touching her?” she asked, sounding curious.

  “Because it’s a movie,” he said, shifting again before reluctantly adding, “And some women enjoy the act.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes,” he said tightly, praying the movie would end soon and he’d be able to get her the hell out of here so he could relieve himself, again. For almost two weeks he’d been forced to seek relief from his hand as she drove him crazy and wonder why the hell the little recluse affected him like this.

  She was cute, pretty and had a great body, but he’d seen better, but no other woman left him hard and aching like her. The only explanation he had for this temporary insanity was the fact that she was forbidden fruit and virginal, untouched. He nearly whimpered when his cock jumped at the thought.

  This was hell.

  “I don’t think he’s doing that right.”

  “What?” he asked, refusing to look over at her, knowing that his poor dick didn’t need a visual.

  “She looks bored and, um, well, his tongue is barely touching her,” she pointed out.

  He looked back at the screen and cursed softly as he watched the man go down on the admittedly bored looking woman. Normally that was something he liked to skip with a woman. It was too intimate and he sure as hell didn’t trust any woman enough to do that. He might like one stands, but that didn’t mean he liked to take chances. Growing up with the type of women that he did he knew damn well what could happen. It also didn’t hurt that he didn’t like doing that for a woman and didn’t have much of an interest in doing it.

  Until now.

  Now he wanted to do if for Jamie. Hell, who was he kidding? He wanted to do it for him. He wanted to strip her naked, lay her on the bed and lick between her legs where he knew he’d find her soft, so damn soft and wet. He’d take her with his tongue, but not like this idiot was doing, and he’d make damn sure that she wasn’t bored. Until she screamed his name he wouldn’t stop licking her, sucking her, fuck”I don’t think I want some guy doing that to me,” she muttered, sounding disgusted.

  He just barely stopped himself from telling her that he damn well was going to do it to her and she damned well was going to like it when he remembered that he was going through a momentary lapse of sanity. She was a shy little recluse who didn’t know the game and was so far from his type that it wasn’t even funny. He liked his women practiced, who knew what they wanted in bed and most importantly how to give him what he wanted. Jamie didn’t know shit and was going to be completely dependent on whatever guy she took to bed to introduce her to sex.

  Why the idea of being the one to teach Jamie how to fuck had his poor dick twitching, he would never know, but he wished like hell that it would stop. He rubbed his hands over his damp face and had to wonder when he broke out into a sweat. Probably about the same time he thought about Jamie’s lips wrapped around his dick, he thought, shifting, again.

  “Wait, why is he putting his-“

  Whatever she said was lost on him as his eyes shot to the screen. He felt is eyebrows arch impossibly higher as he dove for the remote.

  “Wait, I wanted to see that!” Jamie grumbled, but he didn’t care. A man could only take so much.

  “It’s time for bed,” he blurted out as he swiped up a magazine off the bureau and held it discretely in front of the huge tent in his pants.

  “What?” Jamie asked, shooting a nervous look between him and the bed. The fact that she didn’t look excited over the idea did not piss him off
.

  It didn’t.

  “I meant that I’m tired and that we’re going to have to call it a night,” he explained tightly.

  “Oh,” she mumbled, shoulders slouching as she stood up, hugging her notebook to her chest as she headed for the door only to pause halfway there and worry her bottom lip. “You’re still going to help me, right?” she asked softly as she stared down at her feet and he just barely stopped himself from going over to her and taking her into his arms.

  He was not a hugger, damn it!

  “Yes,” he gritted out, knowing that the sooner he helped her