A Reclusive Heart

by R. L. Mathewson

  Her thoughts kind of drifted off as her brain registered the feel of Nick’s mouth on hers. As she tried to figure out what was happening he reached up and gently cupped her face in his large hands. His lips moved tenderly against hers and she couldn’t help but relax against him. The kiss was tender, sweet and did funny things to her stomach and it was also perfect. She honestly could not have hoped for a better first kiss.

  He pressed one last kiss against her lips before pulling back. She opened her mouth to say something only to find her mouth covered with his again, this time with a pained groan that had her toes curling.

  “Don’t let them bring you down, Jamie,” he whispered against her lips before pulling back.

  “What was that for?” she asked in a daze as she fought against the urge to throw herself at him for another kiss.

  “Now you don’t have to worry about going out tonight for a kiss. Go relax, take a hot bath and get some work done,” he said, taking the keycard out of her hand and opening the door for her and giving her a gentle shove inside the room before closing the door and leaving her slightly confused.

  It didn’t take long to figure out that he’d done that to get her mind off of her family drama. It was kind of sweet, but the fact that it had been done out of pity and probably to get her to focus back on work kind of spoiled it, but not enough to stop her from smiling as she went about doing exactly what he asked her to do.

  Chapter 13

  This was sure to be an awkward moment, Nick decided as he stood outside of Jamie’s door. What the hell had he been thinking last night? He had no business kissing her, but even knowing that he couldn’t force himself to regret doing it. As much as he would love to say that he did it for her, he knew the kiss had been for him.

  All day yesterday he’d struggled against the urge to reach out and touch her, hold her and kiss her and when she looked so damn miserable standing in front of her room yesterday he couldn’t help himself. He’d kissed her. It wasn’t wild or out of control, but it had been the most pleasurable kiss of his life. The kiss had been simple and controlled, but still managed to leave him hard and aching for her.

  He’d shocked even himself by walking away from her last night when everything in him screamed to take her to bed. It would have been easy. She was desperate to lose her virginity and for the first time in his life he was more than eager to take it. He’d never wanted a virgin before her, but he wanted her. He wanted to be the first man to touch her, taste her and take her until she could barely scream his name and that was why he walked away from her.

  Jamie was not the screw and leave kind of woman. She was the type of woman any man, besides him, could happily do forever with. She might think that she can handle having sex with a man and never see him again, but he knew her well enough by now to know that wasn’t the case. She might be able to go through with sleeping with a man she didn’t know the first time, but he knew the moment it ended she would be racked with guilt. If the guilt that she slept with a guy didn’t get to her then the loneliness afterwards would.

  This type of life wasn’t for her. She needed to wait for a guy that loved her and wanted to take care of her. Wasting her virginity on some loser she met at a bar was only going to cause her pain. He couldn’t let her do this and it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn’t like the idea of another man touching her.

  He knew he was just worried about her because he felt responsible for her in a way and that was why he didn’t like the idea of some asshole touching her. It had nothing to do with jealousy because he didn’t get jealous. When she announced that she was going to hit a bar last night to get that first kiss and he wanted to put his fist through something it was because he didn’t want to see her hurt.

  It was his job after all to make sure that she was safe. He had no problem teaching her about sex, especially if it kept from doing something stupid like trust some asshole. He’d teach her and discourage her from doing anything stupid. She was a timid little thing so he didn’t think it would take all that much to get her to stay clear of men while they were on tour. When they got back he would ask Dana if she knew any decent available men for his little recluse. Of course he would have to meet them first to make that they were good enough.

  Before he could do any of that he was going to have to break her heart. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but it had to be done. There was no doubt in his mind that the little recluse probably thought that last night meant more than just a kiss between friends. She probably had her heart set on the two of them becoming involved, but that couldn’t happen. He didn’t do relationships and she shouldn’t accept anything less.

  With a sigh he knocked on the door. He really had no idea how to do this without hurting her. He’d never cared before about letting a woman down, but his little recluse was his responsibility and he was surprised to realize that she was indeed becoming a good friend. Of course he’d let her down gently. It really was the least that he could do for her.

  Jamie opened the door and he prepared himself for her tears, but all he got was a warm smile. Of course she’d be happy to see him, he realized, feeling like an idiot. She probably spent the entire night doodling his name all over her notebooks and imaging what their kids would look like. It was sad, cute, but sad.

  “Hey, Nick,” she said, smiling. “I’m so glad that you’re here.”

  He couldn’t help but sigh. Of course she was happy to see him. Maybe it would be best to quickly explain that last night’s kiss had meant nothing. Sure, he’d be destroying all her hopes and dreams, but it was for the best.

  “I’m starving,” she said, walking past him as she pulled the door shut behind her. “I was just about to head downstairs and grab something to eat. Do you think that we have time to grab breakfast before the signing?” she asked as she headed for the elevator.

  “I think we should talk about something first,” he said quietly as he tried to think of a way to break it to her without breaking her heart. Sadly, he just didn’t see any way around it. He was going to break her heart, but he’d do it quickly. It surprised him that he actually cared if he hurt her, but he figured that was because he genuinely cared about her, another surprise, but one that didn’t matter at the moment.

  “Okay,” she said, pulling her beautiful strawberry blond hair up into a messy bun. “But can we talk while we walk? I’m starving,” she said, pressing the elevator button.

  “It’s about last night,” he said as they stepped into the elevator. When she frowned up in adorable confusion at him he added, “About the kiss,” he said, knowing it was for the best to get it over with, but hating that he was about to hurt her. Maybe they should return to her room for this talk. He didn’t want his little recluse embarrassed when she broke out in tears.

  “What about it?” she asked, looking so damn pretty at that moment that all he could think about was kissing her, but that would just send the wrong message.

  “I just wanted to make sure that you understood why I did it,” he said, inwardly wincing when she smiled. Oh god, did she expect a declaration of love?

  That would never happen. Maybe they should go upstairs after all, he thought just as the elevator doors opened to the lobby.

  “I know why you did it and I should thank you. That was really sweet, Nick.

  You’re a good friend,” she said, reaching out and giving his arm a quick squeeze.

  For a moment he could only stare after her as she walked across the lobby. It took the elevator doors shutting to snap him out of his shock. That was it?

  Seriously? He’d given her, her very first kiss and it meant nothing to her, he thought with disgust as he shoved the doors open and went after her.

  It didn’t mean anything to her? Well, that was fine because it meant less than nothing to him. He was relieved, glad even, that she didn’t misconstrue that kiss to mean more than it really was. As long as they were both on the same page then everything was fine, just fucking peachy.

  *****
*

  “Are you okay?” she asked as she took her water from Nick.

  “Peachy,” he said tightly.

  “You wouldn’t be so crabby if you’d eaten breakfast,” she pointed out quietly as he glared down at her.

  “I am not cranky,” he bit out, narrowing his eyes on her.

  “No, of course not. My mistake,” she said, barely managing to bite back a smile as that glare intensified. When she started to think of his glares as cute she didn’t know, but they were. It really had been silly to be intimidated by this man.

  He might come off as a jerk, but he really was a big sweetie pie.

  “Damn straight,” he said, running his eyes over the large crowd that had gathered to meet her. The bookstore manager had booked them for only three hours, but she had a feeling they wouldn’t be getting out of here until after dinner time.

  “Do you think we could do something off the list tonight?” she asked, trying not to sound too eager, but it was difficult. She’d wanted to do this for years, but never had the guts to try. Now that she had Nick she was excited to go for it.

  “Which list?” Was his voice hoarser than a minute ago? She wondered if he was getting sick. If he was they would have to put off her plans for another night.

  She’d be disappointed, but she’d get over it.

  “The original list,” she said, stepping out of the way as one of the cashiers carrying a large cardboard sign with a picture of her books on it walked past her.

  “Oh,” he said, looking a little disappointed.

  Well of course he was disappointed, she realized, feeling like an idiot. He hadn’t been with a woman since this tour started and was probably hoping that they’d hit a bar or a club so that he could rectify that. The realization that he wanted to be with another woman hurt so she shoved the thought away, knowing that it wouldn’t do her any good to wish things were different.

  They were two completely different people and nothing she said or did would ever change that. When this was all over she doubted that she’d see very much of him. Maybe they’d share a laugh while they waited for the elevator together, but she doubted there would ever be anything more than that. Right now she was going to focus on what they did have, a friendship of sorts.

  When the manager, a short woman with thick glasses and a nervous smile, removed the red ribbon that kept the people in the line forming in front of the small table they set up for her Nick pulled her chair out and gestured for her to sit down.

  Biting her lip, she did just that, hoping that the large breakfast she ate before coming here would help settle her nerves.

  She’d been doing this for about a month now and although she thought she was improving with making small talk with her readers and not freaking out, it was still stressful for her. The only times she found herself relaxing was when Nick was close by. Thankfully he’d been staying closer the past couple of weeks, probably to make sure that she didn’t scare off the fans, she thought as she sat down and took a quick sip of water. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Nick spoke to the bookstore manager, but was thankfully still close enough that she didn’t feel like panicking.

  Six hours later everything was still fine. Thankfully Nick wasn’t too far away and the fans had been great. A few made her nervous, but that was mostly because they treated her like a freak of nature. Okay, maybe freak of nature was a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s how she felt when they wouldn’t stop gushing and going on and on about how excited they were to meet her. It was flattering, but it also made her really nervous. She preferred it when her readers didn’t make a big deal out of meeting her. She liked meeting them and hearing what they had to say about her books, but the gushing was a little unnerving. Several times Nick had to step in and calmly get the over-enthusiastic fan to move along.

  As she said goodbye to the sweet woman who’d given her a copy of her family’s cookie recipe because Jamie mentioned on her Facebook page the other night that she was dying for a homemade cookie she noted the young college guy behind her. Her eyes shot to the trio of guys waiting for him near the Sports section.

  They kept gesturing for their friend to move up in line.

  Why were they holding cameras? she wondered as he finally moved up in line and stood in front of her. He cleared his throat nervously.

  “Um, J.L. Lewis?” he said, sounding unsure.

  “Yes?” she asked, wondering if he was here to get her autograph for his girlfriend or mother. That was the reason most of the guys used when asking for her autograph, but a few of them she suspected were closet romance novel junkies.

  Something about this guy told her that wasn’t the case.

  Before she could wonder what he was doing he reached over and grabbed her hand, yanking her to her feet and had his mouth plastered against hers, surprising the heck out of her and everyone in line if the startled gasps and nervous chuckles were any indication. Just as fast as it happened it was over.

  What the heck just happened, she wondered as her eyes landed on Nick and widened. He was kneeling in front of the table and it wasn’t until he pulled his arm back that she realized what he was doing.

  “Stop!” the guy on the ground cried as Nick pulled back his fist and punched him again.

  “Oh no,” Jamie mumbled, scrambling out from behind the table to stop him, but before she could get close enough to stop him the guy’s friends were there trying to pull Nick away. Nick didn’t bother to look back as he shoved them away and focused his attention on the guy on the floor.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” the blonde guy with a buzz cut demanded as he tried to yank Nick back. “It was just for a frat scavenger hunt. Let him go!”

  Nick ignored him and focused on the guy throwing wild swings as he tried to fight Nick off. A few connected with Nick’s jaw, but if they hurt it didn’t show.

  Having had quite enough of this nonsense, Jamie shoved two of the college kids who were in the way and did the only thing she could think of at the moment.

  She launched herself onto Nick’s back.

  “Get the hell off of me!” he snapped, trying to gently shrug her off even as he moved to punch the guy again.

  “No!” she said, wrapping her legs around his waist in an attempt to use her weight to throw him off.

  “Jamie!” he snapped, pausing mid-punch to try and shrug her off again, but she wouldn’t budge.

  The guy on the floor took the opportunity to make a run for it with his friends not far behind him. With a growl of frustration, Nick got to his feet to go after them, but apparently he refused to do it with her still on his back.

  “Get off!”

  “No!”

  “Get the hell off my back so that I can go kick his ass!”

  “You already did!” she pointed out and then added. “He left bloody and crying! Is that not good enough for you?”

  He paused briefly and shook his head as he reached back to pull her off, but she refused to let go. “Jamie,” he growled out in warning. Once upon a time that would have sent her screaming for the hills, but not anymore. He wouldn’t hurt her.

  She knew that, but just in case he decided to get even with her for this little stunt she made a mental note to hide all her chocolate.

  “Um, excuse me?” the bookstore manager said, grabbing their attention.

  With a sigh, Nick turned so that they were both facing the woman, who looked a little freaked out. Not that Jamie could blame her. She just hoped the woman didn’t call the cops on Nick because she had absolutely no idea how to bail someone out of jail and she really had no interest in learning how.

  “I’m afraid I’m going to have ask you to leave,” she said much to Jamie’s relief. She really hadn’t liked the idea of Nick becoming some guy’s “special friend”

  for the night.

  Chapter 14

  “Go. Away,” Nick bit out tightly, but the damn woman refused to leave. At least she was on the other side of the door, he decided, otherwise he�
��d be tempted to strangle his little recluse.

  “You can’t still be mad!” she said in exasperation. “I eventually got off your back.”

  He paused mid-sip of his beer and glared at the door. “You didn’t get the hell off my back until I was in front of your door!” he snapped.

  “I had to make sure that you wouldn’t do anything stupid,” she pointed out and he barely stopped himself from storming over to his door, ripping it open and kissing the hell out of her.

  Now that would have been stupid.

  Perhaps not as stupid as attacking some dumb kid in front of a group of J.L.

  Lewis’ fans at a signing, he thought with a groan. What in the hell had he been thinking? He’d never lost it like that and certainly never over a woman. Several of the women he’d taken out over the years received attention from other men and he hadn’t cared at all. He didn’t get jealous, never cared enough to, but today he’d been ready to kill the little bastard.

  For any other client he would have simply pulled her away and signaled for either store security to handle the guy or the manager. There was no way he would have taken a chance screwing up his career for anyone. He’d worked too damn hard to get where he was and wasn’t about to let anyone come between him and what he wanted.