The Way You Smile

by Kiki Archer

  Scooping some of the clear aromatic liquid into the deep spoon, Camila made sure she avoided the chicken, she wanted to taste the soup first, plus it would be easier to eat the chicken from the bottom of the bowl instead of jabbing a spoonful of soup with a fork that was bound to cause splashage. She looked up. Harriet was watching her. “Carry on with yours.”

  “I want to experience your first taste of Thai with you.”

  “I’m only sipping some soup.”

  “Down the handle.”

  Camila looked at the grooved run, it looked plausible. She lifted it to her lips. “Don’t watch.”

  “I’m watching.”

  She tipped the spoon backwards.

  Harriet nodded. “I’m imagining Julie.”

  Laughing as she gulped, Camila choked on the chilli infused liquid as it hit the back of her throat, inhaling the spicy hot fumes before swallowing awkwardly. She gasped. She couldn’t breathe.

  “Are you okay?”

  Camila tried to inhale, her windpipe reacting in self defence to stop any more of the ridiculously spicy soup entering her system. She sucked in a tiny bit of air.

  “You sound like Darth Vader.”

  Camila shook her head; she honestly couldn’t breathe.

  “Here, have some wine.”

  She wheezed again, her eyes now watering with the fumes. She was half laughing, half dying, but it wasn’t funny at all. The tiny amounts of air being drawn in were all that were keeping her alive.

  “Shall I feed it to you?” Harriet lifted the glass.

  Camila shook her head as she held on to the table. She just needed to focus, and relax. She made another Darth Vader noise.

  “That sounded promising.”

  “Stop… it,” she managed between constricted, now laughing, gasps, trying her best not to draw employee attention their way. Yes, she was choking, but it would subside soon, it was only a bit of clear liquid after all.

  “It’s quite spicy isn’t it?”

  “It just…” wheeze, “went down…” wheeze, “the wrong…” wheeze, “way.”

  “Have a good cough.”

  Camila was now having to deal with a fit of the giggles as well as no air. She angled her chair away from the table. She needed to compose herself.

  “Breathe through your nose.”

  Camila shook her head, there were spicy fumes up there too. She focused, managing to take in a bit more air. She focused again, her windpipe gradually relaxing. Managing to clear her throat as best she could, she nodded as she turned back to the table. “All… better,” she croaked.

  “You sound like Joe Pasquale.”

  Camila coughed again. “Thank you… for your… help.”

  Harriet smiled. “I’m sorry, are you okay? It is quite spicy isn’t it? You don’t have to eat it if you don’t like it.”

  “Rather… embarrassing,” said Camila, relieved that her voice was almost sounding back to normal.

  “You styled it out well.”

  “Let me try it again.” Camila coughed. “I didn’t actually manage to taste it that time.”

  “Maybe just sip from the spoon. It does tend to shoot down the handle quite quickly doesn’t it?”

  Camila gasped as she saw Harriet sipping her soup normally. “Did you…” she coughed, “do that… deliberately!”

  “I didn’t think you’d choke.”

  Camila cleared her throat. “It was your Julie comment!”

  “Well your comment to me nearly knocked the platter out of the waiter’s hands. Now we’re even.”

  Camila managed a proper sounding laugh. “Oh you’re childish, aren’t you?”

  “The best people are.”

  Scooping up some more liquid, Camila paused before sipping carefully and swallowing slowly. She nodded. “Spicy and hot… but lovely.”

  “Julie?”

  “Enough! Don’t tease me when I’m eating this. I need to concentrate.”

  “So would I if I was with Julie.”

  “Harriet, seriously.”

  “Sorry, she’s your friend. I wouldn’t anyway. She’s not my type. She’s too horsey.”

  “She’s never usually horsey. I’ve never seen that outfit before.”

  “That’s what happens. People think they need to change for me.” Harriet reached out for a satay stick that was poking up like a peacock’s tail from the platter of canapés. “They think they have to impress me or alter who they are for me to be interested in them. That’s why I like you. You’re just doing you.” She took a bite and smiled. “And I’d do you too if that’s what your original question was asking?”

  “It wasn’t!”

  “Really?”

  “I just wanted to know if you’d…”

  “If I’d ever been with a straight girl? Of course I have, and I don’t actually believe anyone’s exclusively straight anymore. Labels are bad. They box people off. Most women are intrigued. You said it yourself that you are.”

  “Intrigued by you, not by the thought of having sex with you!”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  Camila laughed. “You don’t believe me?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Because you’re so irresistible?”

  “No, because most women would if they could. Not with me, but with someone of the same sex, especially if they knew they’d never get found out, if they knew there wouldn’t be any repercussions,” she smiled, “if they knew their secret was safe.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Fine. My question to you then. How often do you let your mind wander to women? In a sexual way?”

  “Never!”

  “Oh, stop it!”

  “Honestly never.”

  “Really?”

  “One hundred percent. I’ve never even thought about it.”

  Harriet signalled for Camila to try something from the platter. “These are good. Okay, so who do you imagine?”

  “When?” Camila reached for a carved flower.

  “That’s a raw potato. Put that back.”

  “It’s not a watermelon?”

  “No, it’s a potato. Try one of these fish cakes.”

  “Pretty potato.”

  “Focus. Who do you imagine when you’re… you know?”

  “No one!”

  Harriet bit into a spring roll. “Oh, Camila, please.”

  “What?”

  “So for the whole of your sex life you’ve only ever focused on the person you’re with?” She swallowed quickly. “You’ve never pretended they’re someone else?”

  “I’ve only ever been with Mick.”

  “Well Mick must be a total stallion then.”

  Camila tried to hold on to her laughter as she returned to her soup.

  “No?”

  She stabbed at the chicken at the bottom of the bowl. “Mick’s fine.”

  “You’re uncomfortable aren’t you? I’m sorry. I’m not your go-to sex gossip woman yet.”

  “I don’t have a go-to sex gossip woman.”

  “Everyone does!”

  Camila shrugged before chewing. “I don’t. Sex isn’t a huge part of my life.”

  “But it must have been at some point?”

  “Obviously I do it. Well, I did it.”

  Harriet smiled. “With Mick.”

  Camila nodded.

  Harriet smiled again. “The stallion.”

  Resting her spoon in her bowl, Camila shook her head. “Sex isn’t as important as everyone makes out. It’s not that big of a deal.”

  Harriet whistled under her breath. “Oh, I do feel sorry for you straight women.”

  “Why? Fine. My question to you. How important is sex in your life?”

  “Hugely. Massively. It’s second on the list to fun. And sex isn’t a rude word. It’s about intimacy. Feeling that other person in their entirety. Going there with them. Taking it to the next level. Seeing what your potential is together.”

  “Julie’s a right goer.”

&
nbsp; “Ha! Good re-direction. Okay so what do you get passionate about? What do you gush about? What gets you feeling all the feels?”

  “I’m not sure I really gush about anything. Choking on that soup’s the most excitement I’ve had in a while.” Camila picked up her spoon and tried again.

  “Oh, Camila, you have so much potential.”

  “For what?”

  “For life!”

  “I’m living my life.”

  “But you could be so much more.”

  “And that’s where it starts to get a bit offensive.” Camila blew gently on the clear liquid. “You’re saying my life isn’t enough. I love my life. I love my boys. I’m happy.”

  Harriet reached out for Camila’s arm, squeezing the elbow. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just want you to remember who you are.”

  Taking a moment to reply, Camila shrugged. “I’m not sure I ever actually had the time to find out who I truly am. I’m a young mum who’s been playing catch up ever since.”

  “Play it with me?”

  “Smooth.”

  “I’m serious. This is your time. That’s all I’m saying.” Harriet squeezed the arm once more. “Have fun with me.”

  “I’m not sleeping with you.”

  Harriet smiled.

  “I’m not!”

  “Did I say anything?”

  “Your smile did.”

  “And what did it say?”

  Camila leaned across the table. It said: “Mmm hmm.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Climbing into the black limousine, Camila giggled as she sank into the soft leather and saw the fully stocked bar. The whole evening had been such a mish-mash of elegance like this paired with childish nonsense like the drive over and the mishap in Boots; their conversations degenerating in much the same way after each subsequent glass of wine. Watching Harriet pull herself into the vehicle, Camila patted the leather seat beside her. “I can’t believe you’ve just given a uniformed chauffeur the keys to my car.”

  “Well I wasn’t going to give them to old Moo Pad in Boots now was I?”

  “Ha! We’re intoxicated, aren’t we?”

  Harriet reached into the display cabinet for two tall glasses. “Let’s open one last bottle. I’ve told him to drive the long way home.”

  “We’re definitely not doing iFly?”

  “You still want to do iFly?”

  “I think I’m too tipsy.”

  “We are. That’s what we decided. We’ll do it this weekend. I’ll book it in. Sorted. I’ll let you know what time, but definitely this weekend. Right. One last glass. You’re okay going the long way home? In fact, he won’t stop until I tap on the window.”

  Camila pulled back the cuff of her shirt to look at her watch but the hands were too fuzzy and she couldn’t read the dial. “Plenty of time. This is fun. Will he take your car too?”

  “The other chauffeur? Yes. He’ll drop yours off, collect mine, take mine to mine, then call for a lift back to the chauffeur place where the chauffeurs sit and wait for the chauffeur call outs. We have a different chauffeur driving us now. Two chauffeurs came. I guess chauffeurs are a bit like firemen sitting and waiting for work.”

  Camila laughed. “Look at that. I wait all my life for a chauffeur and two turn up at once.”

  “You’ve been in a limousine before?”

  The action of shaking her head took Camila slightly longer than usual.

  “Never? Wow. You get to lie down!”

  Camila watched as Harriet clumsily kicked off her high heels and lay on her stomach across the leather seats, her chin propped up as she rested on her elbows, her tracksuit sticking tightly to the outline of her bottom.

  “There’s space your way too. Do it. We can chat face to face.”

  Glancing out of the window, Camila could see they’d set off, even though it didn’t feel like they were moving. “Shouldn’t I wear a seatbelt?”

  “The window’s up, he can’t see us or hear us.”

  “But we’re still in a car and we’re still on a road.”

  “You’re right.” Harriet pulled herself up and buckled herself in next to Camila. “But now it’s like we’re sitting together on the bus.”

  “No, this is much smoother. Plus, this bus has booze.” Camila leaned forwards. “You’re strapped in, I’ll do it. Is Pol Roger nice?”

  “It’ll do. Fill us to the brim.”

  Popping the cork and doing the honours, Camila handed over the glasses before moving into the seat in the corner and nodding. “If I sit here we’re on an angle. Move up one so we can talk nicely knee to knee.”

  Harriet passed the glasses back before unstrapping and re-strapping. “Ooo nice position, what shall we talk about?”

  Camila took a sip of the bubbles. “Never have I ever. Let’s do it.”

  “You’re obsessed with that game!”

  “I never ever got to play it properly.”

  “Good one. Okay I’ll start.” Harriet swigged heartily. “Sex on the beach?”

  “The drink?”

  “No! The act.”

  Camila shook her head. “No. You?”

  “Yes.” Harriet continued. “Sex in a car?”

  “No. You?”

  “Yes. Sex in a cinema?”

  Camila squealed. “No! Surely not?”

  “Yes. Sex—”

  “Stop asking about sex!”

  “That’s what never have I ever is! It’s all about the rude stuff.”

  Looking out of the window into the darkness, Camila shrugged. “Fine. Touch yourself in the shower?”

  Harriet burst out laughing. “Oh, bless your little soul.”

  “What? I do it sometimes. There’s other stuff too.”

  “Shall we just drink and sing songs?” Harriet hollered loudly. “We built this city on sausage rolls.”

  Camila sighed. “I’m not interesting enough for you, am I?”

  “You’re fascinating.” Harriet nodded. “Because you’re pure.”

  “That’s not what my mother, father and brilliantly fantastic older siblings said when I got pregnant at nineteen.”

  “So you’ve had sex once then?”

  “Twice actually.”

  Harriet laughed. “Do you get embarrassed talking about sex?”

  “Well obviously not as here we are.”

  “Green light. Okay. Let’s continue. What turns you on?”

  Looking down at the bubbles fizzing in her glass, Camila could feel her cheeks flushing. She’d never been asked that before, by anyone, but her answer was easy. She smiled. “Feeling like they really want me.” She returned her attention to Harriet. “Like they’re really into me. You know what I mean? It’s that look in their eye. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it’s there it makes you feel so wanted.”

  “Oh, darling, and the rest of the time he just pokes it in there?” Harriet shook her head. “You deserve so much better.”

  “He’s fine! Or he was fine. Busy gifting his gifts to Jackie from the gym now though.”

  “Old Mick, the stallion.”

  Camila took a big gulp of bubbles. “I can live without it. There’s no way I care enough to go out and look for it.”

  Harriet winked. “You have your shower.”

  “Don’t you?”

  “Shower? Yes, I shower.”

  Camila laughed. “So you’ll pry, but you won’t fess up?”

  “You can ask me anything.” Harriet paused. “But on a serious note, you don’t find love, Camila; love finds you, through fate.”

  “I thought you forged your own path in life? That’s what you said, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, but people get drawn together for a reason. Look at us.”

  Lifting her glass, Camila clinked it against Harriet’s. “Chars to that.”

  “Chars?”

  “It’s what Julie says. It’s a posh cheers.”

  “You think she’ll let me inside when we pull up and I knock on her doo
r?”

  “Honestly? I think Julie would run a mile.”

  Harriet nodded. “I do too. It’s always the loud bolshy ones who talk the talk but never walk the walk.”

  “And the quiet ones?”

  “They’re the ones that need watching.”

  Camila smiled. “Are you watching me?”

  Harriet took off her glasses. “I can’t see a thing.”

  “Give them here! Let me try them on.” Taking hold of the gold frames, Camila studied them before focusing on the brand name that was engraved on the inside arm, it was either too small or she was too tipsy to read it. “Designer?” she asked.

  “Expensive. Pass them back please.”

  “You find that don’t you,” said Camila, continuing to play with the glasses. “Really cheap stuff hides their brand, like the plain white t-shirt from Tesco. The mid-range stuff shouts out their brand, like the Adidas t-shirt with the large logo. Designer stuff will quietly signal their brand, like the small horse on the Ralph Lauren t-shirt and the truly truly truly expensive stuff hide their brand again.”

  “So you’re saying my glasses could be Tesco?”

  “Or Poundland. Poundland do a good range of reading glasses.”

  “They’re not reading glasses.” Harriet held out her hand. “Could I have them back please?”

  Ignoring the request, Camila pushed the frames onto the bridge of her nose before gasping. “They’re clear lenses?! They’re fashion glasses?! Harriet, you’re a fraud!”

  “A tad harsh.”

  “I mean they’re fake!” Camila lifted them up and down between her first finger and thumb. “They’re clear lenses!”

  “And?”

  “And why do you wear them?”

  “I like them.”

  “You’re hiding, aren’t you! They’re a front! A security system.”

  “They’re not.” Harriet shifted in her seat. “Could I have them back please?”

  “No! I’m going to ask you more questions.”

  “Please, Camila.”

  “No. Right.” Camila peered over the top of the frames. “Who are you really, now I’ve unmasked you?”

  Harriet looked away. “I just like them.”

  “Do you ever not wear them?”

  “Sometimes. When I’m at home on my own.”

  “Why aren’t you looking at me?”

  “Could I just have them back please?”