It felt so weird walking through Bane's room whenever I had to do laundry—which was every day.
Well, actually I had some catching up to do since I hadn't been to the laundromat in a month. I'd been hoarding dirty laundry like a disgusting pack rat. The washer and dryer here were twice the size of the laundromat ones, and I loved getting to throw everything in together without thinking twice about it.
It had been a few uneventful days.
I woke up, drank coffee, went to work, and came home. Then I’d jumped into my queen bed in a cowardly attempt to avoid running into Bane. It was my new routine.
And that was why I was doing laundry at five o'clock in the evening. Rob had gotten home early, so he and Sharon were taking the kids out to see a movie. I’d been sent home early.
Bane usually worked until eight, so I was using my early day as a chance to finish up some laundry and go hide out in my room.
I folded another sweatshirt and added it to the stack. I couldn't believe I was hiding from him. I wasn't an avoider. I preferred to tackle my problems head on.
Rifling through the dryer, I found the other pink sock and folded it with its match. But what exactly was my problem with Bane? Was it my broken trust courtesy of Dad? Was it keeping my identity a secret? Was it Bane's attractiveness? Or was I afraid of my response? I didn’t want to get my heart broken again.
Someone so absorbed with business was definitely not my soul mate. But maybe I could help him. Show him that there was more to life than money and appearances. Show him there was nothing to be afraid of. Bane was a good guy. There was no reason we couldn't figure out how to coexist in an almost three thousand square foot house.
Besides, we’d already been doing the roommate thing and loading up on groceries. I taped notes with my name on my food, telling him which I was willing to share.
Starting tonight, I'd go about life as usual. Nothing would stop me from being at home.
I went into the kitchen and glanced in the fridge. There was still grapefruit in there. I was afraid it might make me sick to look at it.
Instead of forcing down another bite of that or Bane's dry-as-dust granola, I pulled out my phone and ordered Thai food. Estimated delivery time was forty minutes. I started to head for my room, but then reminded myself that I needed to make myself at home. No more hiding out.
I flopped onto the couch and opened my phone. Nate had texted again. Second time within a week. Not that that was a lot, but usually I was the one who started our conversations.
Nate: A) Sushi B) Food carts C) Voodoo Donuts D) Melting pot.
Me: Are we deciding which one we should eat first when I come to Portland?
Nate: Noooooo. Which of these is a good casual date option?
Me: What kind of car does she drive?
Nate: Jeep.
Me: Voodoo Donuts.
Nate: You can tell that by the car?
Me: No, but I thought it'd be fun to ask.
Nate: You're the most annoying sister in the world. I hope you're happy with yourself.
Me: I am. Besides, no donuts or food carts without me, so unless you're planning on a third wheel...
Nate: I never understood that saying. Tricycles run wonderfully with a third wheel.
Me: And you're fundamentally strange. But I like you.
Nate: I like you too. I'll save you a donut.
Nate: P.S. Dad says to tell you he loves you.
I didn’t respond to the last text. How could Dad love me and ignore my best friend’s plight?
The front door opened, and I lay perfectly still—trying to mold myself into the couch cushions. Either Bane was home early, or I was about to be murdered. Bane walked into the living room and set his man-bag on the recliner.
"Hey," I said.
Bane shrieked.
Shrieked.
He spun around and glared at me.
Sitting up, I bit my lip as I looked at his startled, disgruntled face. Deep, deep down, I knew it would be a bad idea to laugh. No man likes to be surprised. No man likes to be surprised so badly that he screams.
But that scream was so high pitched...
A snort escaped. Then a giggle. I bit my lip a little harder. It only made things worse. Soon I was doubled over, cackling. I fell off the couch onto the living room rug, but even that didn’t stop me laughing. "You screamed!"
"I did not scream," he argued.
"I scared you."
"You surprised me!" He barked out.
My entire body shook as I laughed hysterically. And here I'd been avoiding him all this time. If I'd been hiding in my room tonight, I would have missed out on the opportunity to scare him.
"Okay now," he growled.
"Do you—" I gasped for air. "Do you need some new pants?"
He tossed his jacket to the side and stalked toward me. "That's it."
I didn't have time to contemplate what those two ominous words meant because he was already scooping me off the floor and dropping me back on the couch as if I weighed nothing. He loomed over me.
"I'd be careful, Nola. Two can play that game."
I took a shaky breath as I finally got my laughter under control. "Actually, I don't think I can scream that high."
His eyes took on a dangerous glint, and he planted his hands on either side of my rib cage. His hands covered it entirely. His fingers flexed, threatening to tickle me.
The doorbell rang, and he stood up abruptly.
"Who could that be?" he asked.
I jumped up and leapt over the back of the couch. Opening the door, I held out my arms, happy to get the Thai food from the delivery man. It would be like a peace offering—for scaring Bane and avoiding him.
"Come on. Let's eat dinner!" I walked past him, careful to hold the bag under his nose where he could get a strong smell of it.
The spices wafting out of the bag nearly made me drool. I set it down in the center of the dining room table then headed into the kitchen to find drinks.
"I don't want to eat your dinner," he said.
"What—my dinner's not good enough for you?"
He looked surprised. "No! That's not what I meant. I meant I didn't want to steal your dinner."
I grinned. "I ordered a lot. I figured you could eat the leftovers when you got home from work."
"That was very...sweet." He smiled, and my world tilted on its axis.
I passed him a water bottle and a fork, then sat down.
"You like Thai food?"
He nodded. "I like any food."
"Oh, come on. Tell me your favorites," I said as I dug into a carton of Pad Thai.
"Hawaiian. Hawaiian food gets me every time."
"Hmm. Have you tried that food truck in town?"
He glanced up from his green curry. "They may or may not know me on a first name basis."
I laughed. "Oh, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I love that place."
His shoulders relaxed, and he smiled before he took another big bite.
"Bane," I started to say as I took another bite. Poor man would be traumatized between seeing my scary morning face and eating dinner with someone who keeps talking with a full mouth. I was probably going to have to pay for his therapy. I finished chewing before I spoke again. "Why were you living at The Market Street Apartments? I know you didn't have to. You have that nice car. I found out you own that real estate office you work in. I know you said something about a budget, but why would you live in such a crummy apartment?"
He took a big drink of water. The curry must have caught up with him. "There was an opening there," he said slowly.
I rested my chin in my hand. "I don’t buy it. You just didn't seem happy there, and you could clearly afford something better."
His eyebrows scrunched together. "I wasn’t happy, no. I was too worried the building might fall down with us inside."
I laughed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I was just trying to get to know you."
He set down his fork. "I—well
, I like to budget."
"Yes, I know. That's good. My parents always taught me budgeting was a good thing. You seem embarrassed by that, though."
"My parents didn't teach me. They loved to live to excess. Until they lost everything. Experiencing that at eleven-years-old left an impression on me. I want to make sure I avoid that situation as much as I can. So I only pay for what I can afford."
I nodded, "The world would probably be a much better place if everyone lived by that philosophy."
He smiled, and I was worried I’d inhaled a noodle. "You don't think I'm weird?"
"Well, I never said that. But no," I smiled. "Why would I think you're weird?"
He stirred the curry around the dish. "Most twenty-seven-year-olds are piled high with debt, fancy cars, and fancy clothes."
"Umm. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there a big SUV sitting in our driveway? And what about those suits you wear all the time?"
"I saved for those. Bought the car used, and I only own three suits that I rotate through. Everything I buy is paid for with cash."
My jaw dropped open. "Everything?"
He nodded.
"What about your business?"
"Everything. Everything is owned outright."
"What? That's incredible! You should be so proud of yourself." And now I was going to have to go cut up the credit card I’d paid for dinner with.
Bane relaxed. "You know, you're the first person I've told that to who hasn't treated me like I'm crazy."
"I have the benefit of knowing you scream when someone scares you, so I know you're not crazy."
He tried to scowl at me, but there was that smile sneaking out. "That scream will never be talked about again."
"It won't?" I asked as I stole a bite of his curry.
"You going to steal my food all the time?"
I nodded. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it."
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Homeowners Association Rule #18:
No trick or treating.
"Don't make me do this. You were the one who started all of this. Don't make me go by myself to another neighborhood event."
Nola lay on the couch with her phone in her hand. "Why do we have to go?"
"We want to stay inconspicuous, right? If we stay home, Carol is bound to notice. Then she'll be asking everyone why we're not there. Besides, it will be way more fun than sitting on your phone all night taking selfies."
"So, you're saying I should go with you to the block party, and we can take selfies together?"
"Yes. No, no that's not what I meant."
She laid back down.
"Actually, I’ll take a selfie with you if you go with me."
She shook her head.
I leaned forward and wrapped a hand around her bare ankle. "Don't make me face Carol by myself. She scares me. I'm not above dragging you off this couch and carrying you to the gazebo."
With a nervous laugh, Nola stood up and pocketed her phone. She gave me a forced smile. "You're right. I should get out and make some friends. Get to know people in the neighborhood. Start swapping secrets."
"No, no, no. Definitely not that. All we need to do is show our faces. Mingle with very little small talk. We want to be present, but unremarkable. When we leave here, I'm hoping as few people will remember us as possible."
"Now who’s the party pooper. Let's go not make friends." She stopped in front of the entryway mirror and ran her hands through her hair.
"You look great. Let's go."
"Ah, see? You're already sounding like a husband frustrated with his wife being late. We'll play the perfect couple together."
I rolled my eyes and closed the door after us. It wasn't a long walk to the green space, and I didn't mind the exercise. Nola and I walked side by side, not speaking as we headed to the party. It was a surprisingly comfortable silence.
When we drew closer, I realized that they went all out for this meeting. Entire families were there. Kids were running around the field, weaving in between adults. The smell of barbecued hamburgers filled the air.
"Welcome!" Carol rushed to us as we reached the grassy area between the gazebo and recreation building. "How are you two? I'm so glad you both could come."
She gave Nola a pointed look.
Nola smiled at her, but I realized it wasn't her real smile. Funny how quickly you can come to know a person when you live with them, even just for a short time.
"It's good to see you, Carol," I said as I placed a hand on Nola's back, gently pushing her away from Carol. "I'm looking forward to meeting more of the neighbors."
"She makes my skin crawl," Nola whispered as we walked away, weaving our way through the small crowd gathered outside. "She looks at you like you're a piece of meat."
"Imagine how it makes me feel."
She laughed. "Trust me. Women know what that feels like."
She inclined her head toward a man who was gawking at her.
"Touché." I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her a little closer, wondering at the sense of protectiveness I felt towards her. It was all part of the act, I reminded myself.
"Hey there!" It was Jan, the current HOA president.
"How are you?" I asked with a smile. "Have you met my wife yet? Jan, I'd like you to meet Nola."
"Hi there," Nola said as she shook the other woman's hand. "It's so great to meet you."
"You too. Now, why does your face look so familiar to me?" She continued holding Nola's hand. My heart sped up as I wondered if our charade was about to be over. "Oh, well, I'm sure it will come to me sometime. I hope you enjoy your evening. Do you mind if I steal your husband for a minute and ask a few questions about real estate?"
"Steal away," Nola replied breezily. I frowned. She didn't have to act like I was a nuisance.
For the next hour, I chatted with different neighbors while trying to keep an eye on Nola. A few times, I was asked a few personal questions about Nola and me, but I managed to steer us back to neutral ground: property values.
I spotted Nola sitting on a bench with a man and woman close to our age. It was the same man I'd met at the HOA meeting, Ian. The woman with him had bright purple hair. The three of them seemed to be laughing freely together. They looked much more interesting than the couple who were grilling me about how to get away without paying their realtor a fee. I started in their direction.
"Hello everyone!" A loud voice said. I glanced around to see Jan standing on a picnic table bench next to Carol. Of course, it was Carol getting everyone to quiet down.
"Oh, that's right, the ballots," someone said to my left.
Jan continued, "If the board members could make sure to drop their ballots off up here, we'll count the votes and announce the new head of the HOA."
"That would be me." A middle-aged woman brushed past me, her white-blonde hair shooting in every direction. Her perfume was potent, giving me an instant headache. She walked with a bounce in each step.
Nola stepped up next to me. "Is this the part where we leave?"
"You read my mind." I grasped her hand in mine and turned to go but came face-to-face with the young couple Nola had been speaking with.
"Bane, this is Tori and Ian." Nola made the introductions.
"Hey, good to meet you—again," Ian said as he shook my hand with a firm grip. "You survived your first HOA meeting."
The twinkle in his eye belied the serious tone.
"I hear you stopped them from destroying the green space too. I'm so glad," Tori said, brushing a purple strand of hair behind her ear. "I wouldn't have anywhere to let the dogs run free if another road cut through the neighborhood."
"Dogs?" Nola asked.
"Tori is the official dog walker in Willow Loop."
"I happened to notice you with a giant dog. Is he yours?" I asked Ian.
"Ah, yes, that's Mumford. You'll have to come by and meet him sometime. Do you know anything about Great Pyrenees?"
"No..." I shook my head.
"Neith
er do I," Ian laughed.
Tori piped up. "If it weren't for Mumford, we never would have met."
"Wow, that's so sweet!" Nola exclaimed.
Tori smiled. "Ian ended up in the ER thanks to that dog."
Nola gasped, and I chuckled. "How did—"
Our conversation was interrupted when Carol pushed the siren on the megaphone, pulling everyone's attention to the front podium set in the gazebo.
"Excuse me, everyone!" Carol said without speaking into the megaphone. She had a shockingly loud voice for someone able to sneak up on me twice. "We have all the votes in for the next president of the HOA. We are excited to announce that it is nearly unanimous with only a few outliers." Carol glared in the direction of the security guard whose name I couldn't recall. I'd had the misfortune of getting a lecture from him about locking the backyard gate.
I wondered where Jan was. Probably off celebrating her retirement. It wouldn't surprise me. When Nola and I had been busy making fun of the rules, all I could think was how difficult it would be to manage all the requests and rules people wanted to enforce.
"And I'm so glad Jan agreed to let me make the announcement. Our new HOA president is a man who recently moved to the neighborhood. We usually prefer someone who has been a resident for a little while longer, but there couldn't be a more perfect choice for the president of the HOA. As many of you have experienced tonight, he's very knowledgeable about properties and policies. I think he is the perfect addition to our neighborhood. I'd like you all to give a big congratulations to our new HOA president, Bane Fox!"
Cough. Wheeze. Gasp.
I couldn't stop coughing. A slender hand pounded on my back while a familiar laugh rang in my ear. "Now you've done it, Bartholomew," Nola told me quietly. "Good job not drawing attention to yourself. Better make a good, forgettable acceptance speech now. Carol looks especially proud of herself. You'll make a wonderful homeowner's association president."
I spun to face her, pressing my forehead against hers, grasping her by the shoulders. "Nola. This is serious. They've elected me. I didn't even know I was in the running. I can't be president."
Her eyes sparkled when I looked into them that closely. "Why not?"
I whispered furiously, "I'm homeless. That has to be in the bylaws somewhere. I’m pretty sure you have to own a home to be in an association."
Mr. H.O.A. Page 8