by Dawn Norwell
“The bathtub, for example, was created by melting down dishes and porcelain that we found in abandoned houses several miles from here. The chandelier is made of glass bottles that were scattered throughout the wasteland. They were broken down and refurbished to create the elaborate light fixture you see before you. It took three months to find enough material to finish it.”
I gaped at the ornate chandelier, at the beaded, teardrop strands dangling from the ceiling like cascading waterfalls. To think that it was made by hand with only refurbished goods amazed me. I felt a hint of envy as I stared at the light fixture. In Concord, we never made anything for ourselves. The genmod labs created whatever we wanted within a matter of seconds. I’d never taken the time or energy to construct a beautiful piece of art the way the unsuits had.
I walked around the room, amazed that all of the lavish decorations and furniture were created from wasteland scraps. It was truly inspirational how far Nova had come since the unsuits were first banished, but it also helped explain why the Syndicate wanted them dead- They were survivors who would do whatever it took to stay alive. That was a dangerous thing in our world.
“It’s beautiful, Athena,” I said, still gaping at the beautiful room. “But I couldn’t possibly stay here. What would people think if they learned that you were treating me- a suit suspected of murder- like some sort of royalty?”
“If they have anything to say about it, they can say it directly to me,” she said, squaring her shoulders. “You showed me loyalty when I had given you no reason to do so. You took the blame for a mistake that wasn’t yours and saved a stubborn, old woman from humiliation and persecution. I should have listened to Zander from the beginning,” she sighed. “If I had, maybe none of this would have happened.”
“Then, why didn’t you?” I asked gently. I could see the guilt in her bright, blue eyes and didn’t want to cause her further remorse. Still, I couldn’t fathom why she wouldn’t listen to her own son.
She ran her hands through her golden locks and took a deep breath. “We had no concrete proof that there was an issue, though I’m sure I could have found the evidence I needed if I’d bothered to try. I guess I was so focused on the threat the Syndicate posed, I couldn’t see the one that was right in front of my eyes. It was a mistake, and I see that now. But that won’t bring back the one hundred and fifty-seven lives that were lost.”
She gave a sad smile. “Sometimes I think I still see Zander as a child, as the little boy who needed my help with his math homework, and couldn’t reach the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet. After his father died, Zander clung to me like we were joined at the hip. It’s hard for me to accept that he’s not that kid anymore, but an intelligent, mature man who knows what he’s talking about. If I had realized that sooner, things might have been different.
“But that’s my burden to bear, one that I will not encumbrance you with,” she said with sad eyes. “You, Ms. Markavitch, deserve a chance to relax. What you’ve done for my people was extremely brave. This makes twice now that you’ve sacrificed your own well-being for us. We are, and will forever be, in your debt for your courageousness.”
A blush creeped into my cheeks as she wrapped me in a warm embrace.
Athena pulled away and gave a small smile. “I better get back before someone notices I’m missing, but I’ll come visit you when I can. In the meantime, please make yourself at home. There are books on the shelves, along with something Zander calls a ‘CD player’ from the old era. Whatever that is,” she laughed.
Then she wrapped me in one more hug, whispered another thank you, and left the room, locking the door securely behind her.
**********
Even when I was alone in Concord, I was always vaguely aware that the Syndicate could be keeping tabs on me at any given moment. In Nova, I didn’t have to worry about the prying eyes of the government, or filtering my thoughts for fear of retribution. It was the first time in my life that I truly had peace and quiet.
I basked in the solitude, using the seclusion to soak in the massive bathtub, cleansing the dungeon squalor from my body, and using the hot water to warm my chilled bones. I lounged on the sectional for a bit, while reading through an old book called Moby Dick. I wasn’t exactly sure what a ‘whale’ was, since most aquatic life had been lost before I was born, but it sounded like a terrifying creature.
After some tinkering, I finally managed to slip one of the metallic discs into the CD player and was amazed when music began flowing from the speakers. I wasn’t sure who Taylor Swift was, but I liked her. The lyrics brightened my mood, and I soon found myself dancing around the bedroom in my underwear.
It was in this condition, pirouetting gracelessly around the suite with my butt hanging out, that I turned to see Zander hovering awkwardly at the bedroom door with a tray of food in his hand. I let out a yelp of horror and dived onto the bed. Zander averted his gaze, keeping his eyes trained on the floor until I had the chance to cover my nearly naked body behind one of the dozens of throw pillows.
He pressed pause on the CD player, and silence filled the room.
“What are you doing here?!” I asked, my face warm with humiliation.
“My mother assigned me as your bodyguard- bringing your meals, inspecting the security of the room, stuff like that,” he muttered, rolling his eyes.
I gaped at him, unsure what Athena was thinking. She must know how much her son hates suits because she didn’t bat an eye when he lashed out at me in the auditorium the previous week.
By his mannerisms, I could tell that Zander wasn’t any happier about the situation than I was. I made a mental note to inspect all of my food carefully before ingesting it.
“Fine,” I retorted. “But a knock would have been nice!”
“I did knock, but you must not have heard it because you were too busy… you call that dancing?” he asked, the semblance of a smile on his lips.
“Thanks for the food, Zander,” I said through gritted teeth, dismissing him.
Taking the hint, he set the tray at the edge of my bed and turned to leave, but hesitated momentarily at the bedroom door.
“Can I just ask… what were you… why did you do that?” he stuttered, hardly able to formulate words. “Taking the fall for my Mom, I mean. You don’t even know her. What’s your objective here?” He narrowed his blue eyes in suspicion.
I shrugged. “I don’t have an objective. Athena has done so much for me since I arrived in Nova, so I thought I would return the favor. It just seemed like the right thing to do,” I said, taking a bite of my pot roast.
Zander stared at me, his forehead creased. “Do you make a habit of jeopardizing yourself for strangers?” he finally asked, sarcasm coloring his voice. His brows were furrowed in confusion, unable to ascertain why I would do something so risky for someone I’d only known for a few days.
“No, I don’t,” I said, laughing at the inquisitive look on his face. “Just for people who are kind to me.”
He paused for a moment to consider this. His face contorted with frustration. “You’re either a really good actor, or you’re the strangest suit that I’ve ever met,” he said. Then he walked out the door in a huff.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: BREAKING BARRIERS
R epurposed or not, the mattress in the Athena suite was so comfortable that I would have been content to lie on it for the rest of my life. After a peaceful night’s rest, I reluctantly opened my eyes. The clock showed seven, but with no windows in underground Nova to let in the sun’s rays, I wasn’t sure if it was morning or night. The hours seemed to run together.
When I was finally able to drag myself from the warmth of the thick fleece covers, I enjoyed another steaming bubble bath in the exquisite tub, submerging my body until my skin pruned and the water had turned cold.
After I toweled off, I went to the large closet, gaping at the colorful clothes like I was a kid in a candy store. The closet was, by far, my favorite part of the suite. I stared at the fabric for a solid ten min
utes before I picked out a bright yellow dress, and a blue jean jacket, thrilled to wear something other than white for the first time in my life.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, I was startled to see that Zander was, once again, standing in the bedroom with another tray of food in hand. I let out a sigh as I plopped onto the bed. He didn’t seem to understand civil boundaries; I guess I would have to get used to him lurking around without my realizing it.
“Good morning,” he said, a small smile on his face that looked almost painful.
“Good morning?” I replied, leery of his sudden attempt at amiability.
“You look nice,” he said. “That shade of yellow compliments your eyes.”
“Erm, thanks,” I mumbled. I narrowed my eyes at him, distrustful of his flattery, and trying to decipher if he was serious or mocking me.
What was with the sudden change of attitude? Wasn’t Zander just telling me how much he hated me a few days ago? Now all of a sudden, he was bringing my food and complimenting me. I didn’t buy it.
I glanced down at the tray of food- scrambled eggs, bacon, blueberry pancakes, and orange juice- it must be morning time. I immediately bit into the pancake, my taste buds rejoicing as the sweet syrup filling my mouth.
Zander sat down on the bed, careful to keep his distance- change of clothes or not, I was still a suit, and he had to be careful. I glanced at him through my lashes, trying to get a read on him. He seemed just as uneasy as I did, running his fingers through his hair and tapping his foot anxiously. Yet, he seemed determined to stay in my room for some reason, despite his discomfort.
Only then did I notice the large scab on his lower lip, and the hint of a bruise starting to form around his bright blue eye. Zander’s gaze met mine, and I looked away, but not before he noticed me staring at his injuries.
“It was Jax,” he answered my unspoken question. “We aren’t on the best of terms after what happened.”
The fact that Zander was still at odds with his friend made me feel a little guilty. Though Jax’s actions were unforgivable, I didn’t want to be the reason Zander was at odds with him. Especially not if Zander was getting assaulted as some form of payback.
At the same time, a part of me was thankful they weren’t on good terms. It said a lot about Zander’s character that he wouldn’t stand for the way Jax had treated me. Knowing that he didn’t agree with Jax’s behavior made me realize that maybe he wasn’t a bad guy, after all.
Still, it was weird to see how different Zander was behaving compared to a few days ago. He no longer glared at me like he despised me. I didn’t feel the anger radiating from him like normal, and his muscles flexing defensively in my presence. It was almost like the fight with Jax had knocked some sense into him, and now, he realized that I wasn’t the enemy, after all.
Regardless of the reasoning behind it, I wasn’t going to question this change in Zander’s behavior. I had enough people in Nova who hated me now, so having one less enemy to deal with sounded like a good thing.
“Would you like to sit down?” I asked, unsure if I wanted him to stay. Personality change or not, it was still ingrained in me to keep my distance from unsuits.
Zander shifted from foot to foot, just as conflicted as I was. After a moment of back and forth, he gave a small nod, his face set with resolve as though determined to prove a point. He sat on the very edge of the bed, staying as far away from me as he could manage.
“I’m sorry about, you know, the situation last week. I wouldn’t have told those guys you were a suit if I had known that would have happened,” Zander said, his lips curling in disgust at the memory. He had the good graces to keep his eyes trained on the floor.
I hadn’t allowed myself to reflect much on the bathroom incident, for fear that I might not be able to handle the heinous memories. But Zander’s apology forced the recollections into my mind. An involuntary chill ran through me when I remembered the pain of the unrelenting blows. Even though several days had passed since the assault, the bruises on my face were still prominent, my ribs still tender when I moved too quickly.
I subconsciously pulled my jean jacket tighter around my body, remembering my nakedness. I blushed a deep scarlet as I realized that Zander and his friends had seen more of my body than anyone else ever had. I set my fork down, my appetite fading at the idea.
I looked up to see Zander watching me cautiously, trying to gauge my reaction. I cleared my throat, blinking away the tears that pooled in my dark eyes.
“Thank you for coming back for me,” I said softly, averting my gaze. I thought about how close Jax had come to crossing the line. “The situation could have been so much worse.”
“Never thank me for that,” Zander said, a flash of anger coloring his pale face. “I’m mortified that I ever even left. I was the reason you were in that situation, to begin with. If I had just kept my mouth shut, if I had used my brain instead of letting my hatred cloud my judgment, the whole incident could have been prevented. It’s something I will never forgive myself for,” he said, his forehead creasing.
“I thought you were revolting when you arrived, just because you are a suit. But the only disgusting person here is me. I let my hatred for suits consume me, and then I abandoned you when you needed me. You have gone out of your way to help our people ever since you got here, and as a thank you for your sacrifice, I nearly got you killed. I’m ashamed, and can only hope that one day you will accept my apology.”
Zander was right. I knew that I should have been angry with him for letting his biases sway his actions. I should hate him for the physical and emotional damage he’s caused. But I couldn’t hold a grudge against him. Just as I had been taught that he was my enemy, he was taught to detest me, too. Suits hadn’t exactly made life easy for his people, so of course, he despised us.
Could I really hold him accountable for his behavior when I could see the sincerity in his eyes, could feel the guilt radiating from him as he assessed my injuries? I couldn’t make him feel any worse than he already did. How could I not forgive him when he was genuinely sorry for his actions?
I let out a resigned sigh. “It wasn’t your fault, Zander. Jax and his friends would have found out I was a suit eventually anyway. Who knows what would have happened if you weren’t there to stop them then.” The hair on my arm raised at the idea. “You knew what Jax was doing was wrong, and that’s why you intervened. You can’t control how someone else behaves, but you can control how you react to it. You came back for me, and that’s what matters. You’re a good man.”
I knew as soon as I said the words that they were true. Despite our differences, Zander seemed like an honorable man. His hatred for suits made things a little awkward between us, but I couldn’t blame him for that.
“You’re wrong,” he muttered, picking at a string on his pants. “If you knew the things I’ve done to the other suits who came from the wastelands, you’d never say that. You don’t even know the real me.”
I pondered this for a moment. No, I didn’t know Zander, but I recognized how protective he was of his people. I saw him fight for them, standing his ground against his mother and his commander when he suspected they were in danger. A selfish person could have ignored the fissures in Compartment A, could have gone about his business knowing that he was safe in the lowest levels of underground Nova, but Zander didn’t do that.
“I don’t have to know you, to know that you’re different than Jax and his posse,” I said. “You seem like a good person, Zander, when you want to be. So why do you waste your time hanging out with people who will just drag you down to their level?”
He shook his head. “Jax isn’t always like that. Sometimes he really is a good guy.” I eyed him skeptically. “I can see why you wouldn’t believe me, given your experience with him so far. But Jax is alright deep down, a decent guy who was dealt a shitty hand in life. He does terrible things, sure, but no person is inherently bad. None of us were born corrupt. It’s the world that makes us that way. I wi
ll always believe there is still good in everybody, even if it’s hidden deep inside. We may have bad moments, but that doesn’t make us bad people.”
I wasn’t sure I agreed with Zander, but I wasn’t going to argue with him. No matter how elegantly he spoke about our inherent human nature, he’d never convince me that Jax was a decent person.
“Good or bad, I’ll never see what draws you to Jax.”
Zander shrugged. “Jax and the guys are the only ones who don’t treat me differently because I’m the commander’s son. When I hang out with Jax, I get to let off a little steam without my actions affecting how the residents of Nova see me. With everyone else, I have to put on a façade. Everyone expects certain things from me, so I can never truly be myself. It’s all for show.”
This was the one thing that we had in common.
“Believe me, I know a lot about pretending to be someone you’re not,” I mumbled. “I had to do it every day in Concord; I didn’t have a choice. I may have never had a scarcity of food or had to battle the elements like unsuits do, but you have no idea what life was like inside the walls, how suffocating it was to wear that incorrigible disguise all the time,” I said. “Even in the privacy of your own home, you’re constantly being watched. At least in Nova, the Syndicate leaves you alone and lets you live your lives.”
I immediately regretted my words when a flash of anger crossed Zander’s face.
“They hardly ‘leave us alone’,” he said through gritted teeth. “Once the Syndicate realized that the unsuits they’d banished formed a community, they tried everything in their power to make our lives a living hell. As if trying to survive in this toxic desert wasn’t hard enough, they regularly send TIMs to spy on us and poison our lands. That’s why we began growing our crops beneath the city. Not only is the soil more cooperative, but the TIMs can’t reach scan that far below the Earth’s surface, so the Syndicate doesn’t know where our greenhouses are. I suspect if they knew, they would find a way to ruin that as well,” Zander muttered.