by Dawn Norwell
Ximea’s smile widened, and she shook her head. “Leave it to you to mess up a breakup.”
**********
Zander and I spent the evening lying in each other’s arms and absolving one another for the mistakes that had been made on both ends. We held each other tightly, like we might never embrace again. It felt like the old days, from before my capture. All of the anger and guilt just seemed to ebb away. We simply picked up where we left off before the Syndicate got in the way. The weeks so turmoil and uncertainty faded away; it was just me and him, back where we belonged.
Lying in his arms, I realized just how much I missed having Zander in my life. He was the missing puzzle piece that I never knew I needed, the lost fragment of my heart that made it complete. Now that he was back in my life, I was whole. I knew that I would never question our relationship again.
Though things were back on track with Zander, I couldn’t deny that some things had changed. Nova waged a major attack on Concord, something that had been unheard of. Every suit in the city had been gathered together in the courtyard for the ceremony, and they all witnessed the incident for themselves. They would realize that the Syndicate had been lying to them, that there was a world beyond the dome. No matter how hard the Syndicate tried, there would be no denying that Nova was a real community now. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing yet, but at least the truth was out there so that the suits could make this determination for themselves.
Unfortunately, I knew that the Syndicate wasn’t going to take the Nova attack lightly. They had been embarrassed in their own home, in front of their own people. They had been humiliated by the unsuits, and they would want retributions for that.
In fact, I was surprised that they hadn’t already tried a retaliation. Zander said that Nova caused damage to Concord’s aircraft carriers and armories, so perhaps they needed to regroup. But I had a horrible feeling that the Syndicate was simply biding their time, that they were preparing their troops to organize an attack so momentous, that Nova would never be able to recover.
As I pondered these disturbing thoughts, my hands instinctively wrapped around my abdomen, subconsciously trying to protect my baby from whatever horrors were waiting for us. In the Syndicate’s eyes, I was at the center of this insidiousness that had befallen them. If they attacked- when they attacked- I would have a large target on my back, as would my little one, by default. The idea that this unborn baby, so pure, so innocent, could be harmed, made me want to vomit. I just held hope that the baby would be born before anything happened; the farther they were from me, the better.
I still hadn’t told Zander about the baby. I was afraid to change anything now that things were going well. If I brought up the baby, he might freak out again. Was it too much to ask that I wanted to enjoy a few more hours with him before life gave another twist? So, I kept the secret to myself a little longer, and nuzzled closer to him, breathing in his intoxicating aroma, as I drifted off to sleep.
I was lying in this same position, when I woke up, my abdomen in excruciating pain.
“Aargh…” I groaned, pulling out of Zander’s arms and doubling over in agony. My heart hammered against my ribs. Sticky perspiration covered my skin and soaked into my hair.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Zander asked, turning on the bedside lamp and staring at me in alarm. His arms hovered over me as if to help, but unsure where to begin.
I yelped again, the pain intensifying with each passing moment. I kicked off my blankets, feeling like I might need to use the bathroom, and was terrified to see that the bed was filled with blood.
“Kai, what’s happening?!” Zander cried, panic filling him at the copious amounts of scarlet staining our sheets.
“Call… Ximea…” I managed to mumble, before falling unconscious.
**********
“Kai… Kai, wake up,” I heard Zander calling me from some faraway place. I opened my eyes and saw his sweet face staring back at me. “Hey there,” he greeted me with a tight smile.
“Zander, what happened?” I muttered. I wanted to lift my arms and caress his face, to smooth the worry lines creasing between his brows, but my arms were too heavy. My body was fatigued, the effects of a substantial amount of pain medication coursing through my veins. Only then did I realize that I was back in the hospital.
My heart pounded as I remembered the gut-wrenching pain in my abdomen and the blood-stained bedding. I sat up abruptly, my hands grasping at my stomach in terror.
My baby…
“Shh, careful,” Zander said, gently pressing my shoulders back into the bed.
“He’s right. You should try to relax, Kai,” I heard Ximea say from nearby.
“Xi, what’s going on?” I asked, desperate for answers. Was my baby okay, or… I couldn’t even think of the alternative.
“You had a small placental abruption. Don’t worry; we caught it early enough to stop the bleeding before it became life-threatening. The baby is fine,” she said, in response to my panicked expression. I let out a sigh of relief.
She shook her head, irritation coloring her features. “Considering all of the physical and emotional stress you’ve endured during the last few weeks, we shouldn’t be surprised that there were complications. The damn Syndicate and their tyrannical methods… I should,” she mumbled, stopping short when she saw me staring at her. She took a deep breath to calm herself and gave me a reassuring smile.
“I gave you a blood transfusion and some medication that should keep this from happening in the future, but you need to take it easy from now on. I think we’ve finally got the bleeding under control, but I don’t want to take any chances.”
My gaze shifted to Zander, who was watching me carefully.
“I’ll let you two talk,” Ximea said, going to check on a patient across the room.
I bit my lip nervously as Zander’s blue eyes burned into mine. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “There was just so much going on, and it never seemed like a good time. You and I weren’t on the best of terms until recently,” I admitted. “Besides, I was still trying to process it myself. Pregnancy is not exactly something we do in Concord, so it came as quite a shock. And then there was everything that happened with Athena, and you taking over as commander of Nova. I just didn’t want to add more stress to your already chaotic life.”
His eyebrows furrowed in worry. “I know that I’ve been AWOL lately, and I’m sorry about that. But you and I, we’re a team. You have to tell me things like this, especially when they affect me, too.”
“You’re right. I should have said something sooner. I was just nervous. I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it.” I sighed. “But now that you know about the baby, how do you feel?” I asked, watching him anxiously.
He paused, contemplating the question. “Well, it’s quite the surprise,” he said, running his fingers nervously through his hair. “I’m not sure what to think yet,” he admitted. “Do you want this baby, Kai?”
“Yes,” I said, no hesitation in my response. I loved this baby with my whole heart. It was a part of me, the one person who had been with me during my captivity, though I hadn’t known it yet. I couldn’t imagine not having him or her in my life.
“But that’s my choice,” I continued. “One that I won’t force on you. I know that you never wanted children, Zander, so I won’t thrust this obligation on you. You’re ruling an entire city now, for God’s sake. It’s a lot to handle without a kid. Adding a baby in the mix could be too much for you.”
He bit the inside of his jaw, thinking this over. Though it broke my heart to do so, I knew that I had to give Zander an out. It was ultimately my decision if I kept the baby, but that didn’t mean Zander had to be affected by my choice. I refused to burden him with this commitment if it was too much for him to bear. It wouldn’t be fair to Zander or to his child to try and pressure him into fatherhood when he wasn’t ready.
“If you don’t want to be
involved or feel that this is too much, now is your chance to speak up,” I said. “I’m giving you permission to get out if this is too much for you, to leave before the responsibility of being a father forever alters your life. That’s not what I want,” I said quickly, noticing the hurt expression that crossed his face. “But I would understand if you choose your career over us,” I said, resting my hand on my stomach.
Zander was quiet for a long time, his eyes lingering on my enlarged stomach. His face underwent the same warring emotions that mine had when I first found out about the pregnancy- wonder, terror, sadness, trepidation. My heart accelerated as I waited for an answer. Zander remained quiet, enduring an internal struggle as he tried to decipher the difference between doing what was right and what was easy.
“I’m not sure how great of a father I would,” he admitted.
“I’m not sure if I will be a good mother, either. It’s not like I’ve ever done this before,” I said with a smile that he reciprocated.
That’s a good sign, I thought to myself.
He took my hand in his, caressing my fingers with his thumb. “I love you, Kai, and if you want this baby, then I want it too. We may mess them up, but there’s no denying that they will be the most loved child in this city, I can promise you that,” he said, causing my heart to nearly burst out of my chest with adoration. Hearing that he not only wanted me but that he wanted our baby too, it was more than I could have ever hoped for.
I still saw the worry lines encasing his eyes. But there was something else there now, something that I hadn’t seen until this moment. It took me a while to realize that it was joy. Despite his apprehensions about becoming a parent, he was happy about this baby. Images of him holding our swaddled newborn, playing with our child in the front yard of the cottage, teaching him or her the ways of the world, they all flashed before my mind. Sobs racked my body at the idea of me being a mother, Zander being a father, of us being a family.
“What’s wrong?” Zander asked, jumping to his feet. “Are you in pain?”
I shook my head. “Far from it,” I said between sobs. “I’m just so happy and relieved.”
Zander smiled and interlocked his fingers in mine. I pressed his hand against my engorged stomach and watched him melt as he thought of this baby, our baby, who we already loved so much.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: WAR CRIES & WEDDING BELLS
T o my dismay, Ximea made me stay in the hospital overnight to keep an eye on my bleeding. She joked that I’d spent so much time as a patient in the hospital, that I should have a special bed made for me being a frequent visitor.
I laughed with her, but I was glad that she made me stay. Waking up to a bed full of blood had frightened me, and I realized just how closely I had come to losing the baby. I knew that I had to do better, had to make changes in my life, to find a way to become healthier and lower my stress levels, for the sake of our little one.
But that was easier said than done because, when I got home the next afternoon, my stress reached a new peak.
When I walked through the front door of the cottage, I was shocked to see rose petals scattered around the floor. Candles were lit in each corner of the room, and soft music was flowing from the speakers of the old CD player.
“Welcome home, beautiful,” Zander said, greeting me with a bouquet of fragrant pink blossoms and a smile that reached his eyes. He was dressed in formal clothes instead of his military uniform, and his forehead sheened with sweat. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, sensing that he was up to something.
“Hey,” I said hesitantly. “What’s up?”
I steadied myself for his answer, unsure if I wanted to know the truth. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my anxiety suppressed for the baby, but no amount of preparation could have readied me for the words that came out of his mouth next.
“Well, I was going to wait until after dinner to do this, but screw it,” he said, setting the bouquet on the refurbished dining room table. He stepped before me and got down on one knee.
My eyes bulged, and I took a step back as though I’d been shot.
“Kai Brielle Markavitch,” Zander said, his voice shaky and strained. “I am so happy to have you back in my life. Now that you’re here, I vow to never let you go again. I love you with all my heart, and I promise to love our baby just as much. Will you do the honor of being my wife?”
For a moment, all I could do was look at him in shock. My mind was hazy as I tried to process his words. Marriage? Was he serious, or was this some odd attempt at a joke? If so, it wasn’t very funny.
After a full minute, I was finally able to formulate words.
“What the hell are you talking about, Zander?” I asked, exasperated.
“I’m asking you to marry me,” he said, his words unsure, his forehead creased anxiously. I could tell that this wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for.
I tried to rationalize it in my mind, but it didn’t make any sense. It had only been a few days since Zander was willing to let me walk out the door, to leave his life forever. Now he wanted me to be his wife, his partner, his other half? I couldn’t fathom it.
“No, Zander,” I mumbled, pulling him to his feet. “I can’t marry you.”
“No?” He mouthed the word, his face filling with hurt. I averted my eyes, unable to bear the pain in his. It was amazing how two little letters could carry so much weight.
“At least, not right now, not like this,” I explained. “It’s not because I don’t love you. I do- with all of my heart. But I feel like you’re only asking me to marry you because of the baby, like you’re obligated to make an honest woman out of me.” I snorted.
“I’m not the kind of woman who would jump into marriage just because she’s pregnant. I do want to get married someday, but I want it to be on my terms and not just because we’re bringing a new life into this world.”
I braced myself for his reaction, hoping that he would understand. Though I knew my answer was the right one to give, I couldn’t help but kick myself for causing new tension between us. Things had been going so well between us; I hoped that this wouldn’t put a strain on our relationship.
What I didn’t expect, however, was for Zander to start laughing. I watched in confusion as he chuckled until his eyes watered. I wondered if he was having a mental breakdown, but before assuming the worst, I waited patiently for him to explain his reaction.
After a few minutes, he wiped the tears from his eyes, and the laughter diminished.
“I’m not asking you to be my wife just because we’re having a baby, Kai. I’m not that kind of man, either. This is something that I’ve been considering for a very long time,” he explained.
I gave him a skeptical look. “You don’t believe me?”
“The timing is just a little too convenient,” I confessed.
With a smile, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a rose gold wedding band with a large, oval diamond in the middle. Smaller diamonds were set around the center jewel, forming a protective shield. The stone shined brightly in the warm afternoon sunlight, reflecting prisms around the room.
“This was the same ring that my father gave my mother when he proposed to her twenty-five years ago. He found it buried under a pile of rubble at an abandoned jewelry store,” he said, kneading the ring back and forth between his index finger and his thumb.
“I sat down with my mother a couple of months ago, seeking her advice when the idea of proposing first crossed my mind. She was thrilled at the notion, and immediately pulled this from her finger,” he said, holding up the band. “She told me you were one of the good ones, that you loved me with a fierce passion that was rare in today’s world. She said that I would be a fool to let you slip away. I must say, I agree with her,” he said with a wink.
“My mother gave me this ring before you were ever even captured so that I could give it to you at the perfect time. It’s something I should have done months ago, but I chickened out.
“But I’m not scared a
nymore,” he said, squaring his shoulders. “I nearly let you slip away once before, and I won’t make that mistake again. I’m not doing this because of our baby. I’m doing this because I’m no longer afraid of our love or the possibility of getting hurt. The only thing that I fear now is losing you,” he said fervently.
“I want to be yours forever, Kai. Through the good times and the bad, through any obstacle this world may throw at us, I want you by my side.”
He stared at me with his dazzling eyes, full of yearning and need. For whatever reason, this handsome, brave, sometimes exasperating man, loved me with his whole heart and wanted to spend the rest of us his life with me- me, of all people.
Looking up at my blue-eyed man, my heart filled with love. It amazed me that there was a time when we despised each other, all because of some classification we were placed in as children. Now here we were, vulnerable and exposed, confessing our love for the other. Zander had opened my eyes and helped me see things clearly, and I was all the better for it. The love I had for him and our baby was all-consuming.
I would never understand what Zander saw in me, but after hearing his speech, how could I not want to marry him? My world had changed for the better since he came into my life. I could only imagine how much better it would be, knowing that we would spend every day of the rest of our lives as husband and wife. I realized that nothing could make me happier than being by his side, always.
My voice was small when I spoke, thick with unshed tears. “I know that marriage is a risk, but I’m willing to take that risk with you,” I said with a watery smile. “Zander Malara, I would love to be your wife.”
Zander’s eyes filled with wonder as he took in my words. He gave a light-hearted laugh and pulled me into his arms, lifting me from the ground and spinning in circles. The two of us giggled like children on the playground, carefree, and full of joy.