She looked pissed. Well, good. So was I.
"Juan and I have been dating for six months now. It is just… we know we are meant for each other," she explained and he smiled at her. It was a true loving and caring smile.
I knew this day would come. But actually living the moment was not what I expected at all. It made me feel so lonely. She was always the one who had guys come and go. And now she was starting a life with a man before me. I couldn’t take this. I stood up and they looked at me, surprised.
"I have to go," I said and left the table. I bumped into a waiter and whatever he had on his tray spilled all over me. I heard Amy gasp and I pushed the guy out of my way and rushed out.
I didn't see going back to the shop as a good idea. As always I went down to the beach.
I may sound selfish and jealous. Okay, maybe I was! I’d waited for my whole life to find someone and move in with them. And now Amy, who used to sleep with every man, found one before me. I sat on the beach, my eyes focused on the sea and the waves.
After Eddy my life seemed to spin out of control. Trusting people was hard, loving them was harder, and believing in miracles disappeared. Believing in anything disappeared.
Argh! Why must this shit always happen to me? Is there a curse on me?
I pulled my legs up against my chest, lay my head on my knees, and played with the sand.
You're pathetic. Nothing good will ever happen to you.
Maybe I should start believing in those voices instead of ignoring them.
Then I heard footsteps and rustling of clothes as someone crouched down and cast a shadow over me. I looked up to give whoever it was a piece of my mind, but closed my mouth when I saw it was Ryder.
Does this man have a tracker on me?
"How did you find me? And how does Amy have your number?" I asked, irritated.
He gave me a warm smile and then moved forward, wiping off a tear that had escaped.
"You left your phone at the restaurant. She was worried about you because you stormed off in a state. She didn't want to come because she knows you won't give her time to explain."
I took a deep breath. Everything he said was kind of true. I looked down at my legs, feeling ashamed of myself. I had been selfish. Instead of congratulating Amy I’d run off feeling sorry for myself. It is true—I am pathetic.
"Stop doing that." I heard Ryder mutter. Then I felt his hands on my thighs pull me forward. I looked up at him with a frown. "Stop putting yourself down."
I looked at him, confused. "What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Alex, I might not have known you for years. But I’ve got to know you over these few months, and I can see in your eyes that you believe you’re not worth anything. You think you are pathetic; you think nothing good will happen to you. Stop listening to those negative thoughts. You are nothing like that. You know what I see?" he asked.
I shook my head, biting down on my lip.
"A beautiful woman being too hard on herself. She is funny, speaks her mind, and she shows no fear. Sometimes she is afraid to take a risk, but once she takes it she conquers. She doesn't see what influence she has on people. People want to get to know her, be with her every day, and just want to see her because she makes everything better. All that makes her tough."
My eyes widened.
"You see? You‘ve been too hard on yourself. All those negative thoughts you have about yourself are bringing you down," he said, wiping off the tears. "Come on." He helped me up. "Want a hug?"
I nodded and stepped into his ams. He wrapped them around me tightly and I sighed. I wanted to stay wrapped in his arms forever. He leaned his head on top of mine, rubbing his hands up and down my back.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I nodded. He pulled away and I gave him half a smile as I looked up at him.
"Thanks," I muttered and he nodded.
"Come on, I promised Amy I would take you home."
I shook my head. "I don't want to go yet. I was rude to her and I still feel upset. And I don't want to fight."
He nodded. "Well, you do need something else to wear—you kind of stink."
I looked down at the stains of food. "Ugh," I mumbled and then looked up.
"Come on. I have a shirt you can wear," he said with a grin. I followed him to his car and he opened the back door and rummaged through his gym bag. "Here you go. Still clean," he said.
Then he turned around, shielding me from other people’s view, while I slipped out of my shirt and into his.
"Done," I said and he turned around.
"So, what do you want to do?" he asked.
I shrugged. "Take me home?" was all I could say.
He nodded.
Once Ryder had dropped me off Amy attacked me with a hug.
"I'm sorry," I said.
She nodded into my shoulder. "Its fine," she said, drawing away. "I’m just glad you came home."
"Sorry, I freaked out, but it just—"
"I know."
I nodded. "Why did you send Ryder? He has more important things to do than comforting me."
She smiled. "I just knew you would listen to him, whatever he had to say."
Chapter eighteen
On the day of my sister's wedding everyone was running up and down getting ready or helping Lee to get ready. She was freaking out and I tried to calm her down.
"What if this is a mistake?" she asked.
I placed my hands on her shoulders and, looking her straight in the eyes, I said, "Why would it be a mistake? I have seen you guys together. Nothing’s changed—you love each other more than ever. You two belong together."
She looked at herself in the reflection of the mirror. "We are meant to be, aren't we?" she asked.
I nodded. "More than ever."
I finally got her out of the room and with all the bridesmaids. We were standing outside as Dad walked up to us.
"You look breathtaking, Lee-Anne."
She gave him a sad smile, clearly trying to keep her tears in. "Thanks, Dad."
He cupped her chin and then looked at me. "Even you look beautiful."
I laughed nervously as I heard the church bell. "Well, we’d better get going." I gave her a hug. "You will be great," I whispered and walked off with the rest of the bridesmaids.
The doors opened and we started walking in one by one. I smiled when I saw Ryder sitting next to Josh. I winked at him and he smiled. We reached the front and stood in a line facing the door.
Everyone stood up when the doors opened again and my sister entered. I could see Justin grinning from ear to ear as Lee came closer. Dad gave her over and Justin took her hand in his. The look he gave her made my heart swell. It was a look of love, forever his.
I wished I could have someone who would look at me like that, as if I am the only woman.
The wedding was almost an hour long. When they finally kissed and were pronounced husband and wife everyone cheered and we began making our way outside while they signed the register. I handed all the guests dried rose petals and we waited for them to come out. As they left the church we covered them with petals. The way Lee's eyes twinkled made me so jealous of her and Justin.
But my story was far from over.
I looked around the room, searching for Ryder. I smiled when I saw him having a drink with my brothers and father at the bar. I walked over to them. Mike was the first to see me and he let out a whistle.
"Look who is wearing a dress." Everyone turned around, whistling at me.
"Who thought you would see the day, Alex wearing a dress," Josh teased and I glared at him.
"You have killer legs," Luke commented, hugging me.
"See, that was all it took." I grinned at him, hugging him back. Then I took a sip from Ryder's beer and sat down next to him. "If Mother finds us here she is going to skin each of us alive," I pointed out while ordering a beer.
"Well, you got that right," I heard Mom say f
rom behind us. We all jumped up from the bar and looked at her.
"We had to calm our nerves," my dad said, trying to sweet talk my mother. She just glared at him and chased us all out to the reception.
"Lee and Justin are on their way," she said.
I snickered when I saw how big the family table was.
"Are we all going to fit?" I asked my mother and she gave me a slap behind the head. "Ow. Mom." I held a hand against my head.
"We will fit, we always do."
I rolled my eyes and sat down. Ryder followed, taking off his jacket. I saw the other women gaping at his muscles bulging through his shirt and I smiled.
I felt a kick under the table and looked up at my sister Maggie. She motioned with her eyes towards Ryder and I kicked her back.
"Mom, Alex is kicking me," she whined.
"What are we, four now?"
She smiled smugly at me. "You’re still the youngest."
"Yeah, and still better looking, granny pants," I teased. She threw another kick but missed. "Ha, miss!" I said, sticking out my tongue.
"For the love of… would you two stop it!" Mom hissed.
"Well, tell your eldest girl to behave. She’s supposed to be setting an example for her younger sister," I said.
Even Mom rolled her eyes. I smiled as Mom continued with her conversation.
"You’re such a loser," Maggie said.
"Yeah, and you're such a whiner," I snapped back.
I heard Ryder chuckle next to me. I turned to him.
"Has it always been like this?" he asked.
I snorted. "From the day I was born until I left home," I told him.
Lee and Justin made their entrance and everyone stood up, applauding. After they were seated the food was served. Mom didn't even finish her sentence and we were already up. I stomped on Josh's foot and got in line. Mike chuckled, standing in front of me.
"You two are unbelievable," Mike muttered.
After eating they opened the floor with a waltz.
"I wonder how many times she stomped on his foot with rehearsals?" Maggie whispered, making us snicker. Mom cleared her throat to stop us laughing. I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up. Ryder offered me his hand. I looked at him, nervous.
"Dance with me?" he asked.
I smiled and placed my hand in his as he led me to the dancefloor. He twirled me and then brought me in against him. I smiled into his shoulder as I felt his hand on my back. He twirled me a couple more times. Dancing with Ryder was nothing like before. He made me laugh and smile so many times. When the slow song started we swayed to the music, and when I leaned my head on his shoulder I noticed my family smiling at us.
I turned my face back to Ryder and caught him watching me.
"What?" I asked softly.
He smiled, curling a piece of my hair behind my ear. "I am just enjoying the view."
I bit my lower lip, staring at him. He traced his thumb on the outline of my bottom lip, softly pulling my lip free. For a big, tough guy, he was quite gentle. I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch. I so badly wanted him to replace his fingers with his lips.
The MC cleared his throat over the microphone and everyone stopped what they were doing. I moved out of Ryder's arms, trying to recover.
"It’s time for formality—speeches."
After the long night I was beat. Amy was out with Juan and I didn't want to go home to a lonely house.
"Can I sleep over at your place?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. Ryder smiled at my switching on the car.
"Sure thing," he replied, making my smile. I leaned back into the seat, closing my eyes. After arriving at Ryder's place he handed me a shirt. I looked at the shirt and my dress. Normally I had shorts to wear under the shirts he lent me, but now I had nothing.
I slipped out of my dress, unclipped my bra, and slipped on his shirt. At least his shirt was long enough and covered me down to my knees. I was on my way over to the couch when he stopped me.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"To the couch."
"I just made up the extra bed," he said, taking my hand and leading me towards the room.
I lay down on the bed and sighed.
"Good night, Alex." He closed the door, letting me drift off to a peaceful sleep.
The next morning I was up before Ryder and decided to make breakfast. But, first things first: I needed to know where everything was. After what felt like hours of searching, I finally found all the items and food. I had started preparing dinner when Ryder, still sleepy, came walking downstairs.
He actually looked way hotter, his hair still mussed from sleep and his groggy-looking face as he yawned, rubbing his eyes.
"It smells delicious in here," he commented as he came around the counter.
He stole a piece of bacon from the plate and I slapped his hand with the spatula. He almost dropped the bacon, but gave me a boyish grin. He made himself useful by starting the coffee. I turned around to ask him something but it fled right out of my mind as he was stretching and his shirt lifted. His pants were sitting dangerously low around his hips.
Because of my gazing I accidently hit the pan with the bacon and the oil spilled over my feet, causing me to yelp. The pan hit the floor and it just missed me. Before I knew it I was lifted off the floor and placed on the counter. My eyes went wide as Ryder crouched down to look at my foot. I let out a sound of panic and ripped my foot free from his hold. I pulled the shirt down, covering my legs, and he slowly got up, watching me.
His eyes were darker. Normally you could see the blue of his eyes, but now they were almost dark green.
"I, uh…" I mumbled. "Only wearing your shirt," I said, looking down at my feet.
Damn, this is so embarrassing.
Ryder moved in between my legs, slowly lifting my chin with his index finger. Once my eyes connected with his all the humiliation fell away. The way he was looking at me made me actually pucker up. I slowly pulled him closer by his shirt and his eyes showed some surprise. My other hand drifted up to the back of his neck so I could pull him down and ask the two words I had been dying to: "Kiss me?"
Chapter nineteen
I have never been this bold in my life! But I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to taste those lips and, by looking at Ryder, I knew he felt the same way. God, I just hope I was right.
He traced my bottom lip with his finger.
"Stop teasing me," I whispered and he smiled gently down at me. He leaned forward, cupping my cheek.
At the next move I was electrified. My whole body went into shock. I had been dreaming for years for this day to happen, to have Ryder Cane kissing me. And, dear lord, were his lips amazing. The way he softly cupped my lips with his sent me over the top. I pulled him closer with my leg and felt him smile against my lips. I wanted more. I wanted everything.
"What about your foot?" he asked against my lips.
"It’s fine. Better than ever," I replied.
I softly nibbled on his bottom lip. He opened his mouth and I sighed. God, am I dreaming? His hands circled my waist and pulled me closer against him. Now it was my time to smile. Even though I was totally enjoying this kiss, I had to catch my breath. I softly pulled away and sighed as he started leaving butterfly kisses down my neck.
I lifted my leg higher as I felt his hand on my thigh. If someone walked in they would think we were busy polishing the counter, if you know what I mean. I felt his hand escape under the fabric and I moaned as he cupped my butt cheek. He pulled up the shirt, exposing my naked legs. And then his lips were back on mine, my hands in his hair, his hands all over my body, and my legs wrapped tightly around his waist.
This was the best morning I’d ever had!
***
It had been five days since that kiss. Neither Ryder nor I had made any attempt to talk about it. I don't know if he thought it was a mistake. For me it wasn't.
On Friday night I was glued to the TV with Amy.
Juan was working and we hadn't had a girls night in a long time. I hadn't told her about the kiss yet. I didn't know how.
Amy decided to put on The Conjuring. I was not a fan of horrors, but I watched the stupid people anyway. We were so engrossed in the film that when the doorbell rang we both let out a scream at the same time. Amy tackled me off the couch onto the floor.
"Jeez, Amy," I moaned, rolling onto my chest as I pushed her off.
"Someone is at the door!" she screeched, almost bursting my eardrums.
"Calm down, woman," I muttered, standing up.
The doorbell went off again.
"Yeah, we heard you! Hold on your horses!" I yelled, walking towards the front door. When I opened the door all the air left my body as Ryder stood in front of me. His hands were in his pockets, and it looked as if he’d just come from the gym.
"Who is it? I told you, it’s the witch!" Amy said, standing near me.
"Then it must be one hot witch," I snapped.
She looked at the front door. "Oh hey, Ryder. Haven't seen you in a week," she greeted him.
"Do you always have to be so dramatic?" I asked, pushing her into the house. I walked out, shutting the door behind me. Ryder was watching me and I felt shivers running down my spine.
"I haven't seen you in a week," Ryder commented.
I looked away. "I wasn't avoiding you. If that is what you think," I said, turning back to him.
"Then, what?" he asked, taking a step forward. "Do you regret it? Or were you using me?”
"I wasn't using you, nor did I regret it… You don't understand," I said. "For a girl like me to have something like that happen… it never happens to girls like me. I have had a crush on you since the day I saw you fight. And getting to know you made me like you even more. But over time I thought it was just some fantasy. You will never feel the same way—"
"There is nothing wrong with you. Guys who’ve ignored you don't know what they’ve missed. And not feel the same way? Hell, Alex, after I left the dressing room that day I started looking for you, asking around for you, you were on my mind every single day. I couldn't sleep without seeing your face. And once I saw you at the gym I couldn't wait to get to know you.
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