by Vivian Wood
“Young love, is always in a rush,” Jean-Michel said. “What can I get you?”
“Young love?” Elijah asked with a chuckle. “Sorry, Cade and I are just friends. Uh, half a dozen eclairs, two for here, and two Americanos.”
“Americanos,” Jean-Michel said with a sigh. “Terrible name. You should try the espresso. Or French press,” he said.
“Sure, we’ll try that,” Elijah said as he took out his wallet.
Cade felt the guilt settle in deeper as he watched Elijah pay. Secrets weighed an enormous lot. He felt the secret he kept from Elijah grow heavier every time they were together. It was almost impossible to keep himself from spilling it right on the spot.
But now? When Lily was freaking out? Obviously she didn’t say anything to Elijah, but then what else could it be? Is she having second thoughts?
The last thing he wanted to do was go and tell Elijah when Lily had come to her senses and realized she could do better.
What does she want with a broken guy who’s all messed up in the head, anyway?
“What did you say?” Cade snapped out of his thoughts at the tone in Elijah’s voice. Elijah stared at Jean-Michel in disbelief.
“I tell your friend, he better treat the young lady right.”
“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Elijah demanded.
Shit. All this planning, and the fucking Frenchman goes and spills the beans?
Jean-Michel’s eyes widened as he realized what he’d done.
“I mean nothing,” Jean-Michel said. “Just tease.”
Cade turned to Elijah.
“Come with me,” he said.
“But the eclairs!” Jean-Michel called from behind.
Cade followed Elijah dutifully out of the shop. The parking lot was deserted. Cars zipped by. Anything could happen here, anything, and nobody would see it.
“You want to tell me what the hell that guy was talking about?” Elijah demanded. His arms folded across his broad chest.
This is it. Just tell him. Tell him.
“I, uh, I don’t know what Jean-Michel knows—”
“I don’t give a fuck what he knows or doesn’t know. I want you to tell me the truth.”
“Elijah… Lily and I, we’ve been—well, we’re together.”
“And what the hell does that mean?”
Cade drew in a deep breath. At least he hasn’t kicked my ass yet.
“I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you,” he said quietly. “And, please believe me, we didn’t plan it—”
“How long has this been going on?”
“A few weeks?”
Elijah nodded. “And what do you mean by together?”
“We—”
“Are you fucking her?”
“Elijah, please—”
“Are you fucking my baby sister?” Elijah dropped his arms and Cade saw the balled-up fists.
“It’s not like that.” It is like that. “I—Jesus, Elijah, I have real feelings for her. Okay? We’re in a relationship, and it’s pretty serious—”
“Fuck, Cade! The one thing I told you not to do! The one thing! And you can’t even keep it in your pants. She’s my goddamned sister—”
“I know! I know, and I’m sorry! I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to lose you as my best friend. You’re like my brother—”
“Yeah, and Lily’s supposed to be like your sister! Or at least she was. I can’t believe you’d do this to me—”
“To you?” Cade asked in disbelief. “This … our relationship has nothing to do with you.”
For the first time, Cade realized that was true. What does it matter if Lily and I love each other? What does that mean to Elijah?
“She was the one person… what the fuck? What is wrong with you?” Elijah screamed. He lunged at Cade, who let his body go limp as his best defense.
“Hit me back!” Elijah screamed in his face. “Come on, you fucker, fight!”
Cade dropped to one knee and accepted the fists that showered his back. When Elijah hit his ear, he heard a sharp ringing and felt a sting that shook him to the core.
“What the fuck?” Cade looked up. Aiden raced around the corner. “Hey! Hey, both of you! I don’t know what the hell you’re doing, but a huge fire just broke out near Northgate.”
“Northgate?” Cade was breathless.
“Some idiot let a fire get out of control at the barbeque pits,” Aiden said. “You need to finish this shit about Lily some other time.”
“How do you know this is about Lily?” Elijah asked. “Shit, Aiden, if you knew—”
“Lily’s at Northgate,” Cade burst out. Both Elijah and Aiden turned to him.
“Fuck,” Elijah said. “Let’s go.” He reached down automatically for Cade and lifted him up.
“What are the reports?” Cade asked as he raced behind Aiden and Elijah toward the fire truck Aiden had parked at the end of the lot.
“Uh … up to twenty hikers are trapped,” he said. “And it’s only going to get worse if it spreads. I didn’t know. I didn’t know she was there—”
“It’s not your fault,” Cade said as he jumped into the cab.
It’s mine. Whatever happened, it’s my fault she’s out there. I didn’t stop her. I just let her go.
The helicopter was prepped and ready as they pulled into the station. No matter what had happened, as they climbed in they naturally assumed their roles. Cade slipped on his headphones and listened as the reports rolled in.
“Looking like closer to twenty-five hikers trapped at Northgate …”
“Are you sure that’s where she is?” Elijah asked loudly over the helicopter.
“Yeah,” Cade said. He gazed down as the helicopter brought them closer to the flames that licked across the park below.
I’m sorry.
The captain’s voice boomed in their ears. Cade made eye contact with Elijah. All the anger had drained out of him.
“Sorry,” Elijah mouthed.
Cade just nodded. He didn’t want apologies, or even Elijah’s acceptance. All he wanted was to know that Lily was alright. The chopper hovered above the worst of the fire and Cade gripped the rappelling rope.
As he descended into the heat, the adrenaline flooded him. Any linger of the pain from the beating Elijah had given him was gone. All that mattered was finding Lily, saving Lily.
When his boots crunched into the fallen branches, he looked up and saw Elijah and Aiden above him.
This isn’t Montana, he told himself. Breathe.
The three of them made their way into the smoke while his radio crackled at his chest. This is it. Your chance of redemption.
Maybe saving Lily wouldn’t make up for what had happened in Montana. Nothing would. But it was the best he could do.
This time, with Elijah and Aiden flanking him, for once he felt like he wasn’t alone. It wasn’t him against the flames, it was all of them.
Knowing they loved her just as much as he did, would do anything for her just like he would, Cade felt a safety and security that he’d never known.
Firefighters, we don’t run away from the flames. We run straight toward them, embrace the heat. Trust that the smoke won’t blind us forever. Lily, we’re coming for you.
30
Lily
Lily slung the light backpack she kept in her trunk off her shoulders. It was one of her favorite resting points on the gentle mountain. She sniffed at the air.
A campfire? At Northgate?
That wasn’t right. The only legal fire areas were down at the barbeque pits, but there was no denying the smell. She focused on steady breathing and climbed up onto the old fallen log that offered the best, but dangerous, view of the surroundings. Lily clung to a sturdy branch and leaned out over the precipice. Below her, flames and black smoke climbed skyward.
“Oh my God,” she said under her breath.
Shit, how could I not notice that? Am I really so all up in my own head that I don’t notice a fre
aking fire?
She reached for her phone, though she knew it was pointless. There was no service, and hadn’t been for the past two miles. How many times have I hiked this trail?
Lily pressed her hand to her abdomen. Even though her stomach was still taut and flat, she could feel the tiny life that grew inside her.
Move. Move! she commanded herself. There were two options. Descend down the sheer rock face on the opposite side of the mountain, or keep hiking upward.
You couldn’t handle the rock face when you weren’t pregnant, she admonished herself. Lily had only ever known one hiker who could do it, and he was the guy who trained her at the rock climbing gym.
And how high are you going to hike? she asked herself as she pulled the backpack on.
“What happens when I reach the top?” she asked aloud as she started on the switchbacks.
She was tempted to take a shortcut straight up the mountain, but the life that glowed inside her told her to stick to the trails. The last thing you need is to get hurt on top of being stranded.
As Lily picked up her pace, she felt cold sweat pool at the small of her back.
Maybe if I get high enough, there won’t be enough vegetation or oxygen for the fire to survive. She tried to remember all the facts her brothers and Cade had memorized when they were recruits.
What would a firefighter do in this situation? she wondered. Higher it is.
Part of her knew that she was just taking up time. But hiking upward gave her something to think about—something besides Cade. Something besides their baby.
Where the hell are Cade and my brothers? Are they close? God, what if Cade never got the note?
She’d scribbled it quickly and couldn’t remember how well she’d snapped it under the windshield wiper. Maybe it blew away. Maybe some punk kid took it as a joke.
I’m sorry, I take it back. I should have never picked that fight, she thought to herself. Just keep going. Higher. Higher.
A part of Lily wished desperately that she’d run into other hikers. Find some sense of hope. But a bigger part of her hated herself for wishing this on anyone else.
She remembered Elijah always talked about how it was the smoke, not the fire, that usually killed a person. So does that make it a better way to go?
Lily looked back once, but it seemed like the smoke was thicker. Closer.
Don’t turn around, she told herself. As she rounded a switchback, she stumbled over a root that shot out of the ground.
Shit! Already her ankle started to swell. She pushed herself up from the ground, brushed small stones and debris from her palms, and willed herself forward.
What the hell am I supposed to do now that I can’t outrun the fire?
She made it a few more yards before even she could tell she was doing more harm than good. A log along the rim of the trail beckoned to her.
So, what? I’m just supposed to wait here to die?
Lily thought she could see the flames as they reached up the trail toward her, but she couldn’t be certain. The air was so thick with smoke, she wasn’t sure what she was seeing. She pulled her jacket up to cover her mouth and nose and started to cough.
Lily was desperate for oxygen, but with every breath she remembered their baby breathed in the same air. Instead, she took light sips of air through the nose and prayed that it was clean enough.
A crackle filled the air. There was no way to deny it. The flames were visible, and they raced up the trail at a speed she couldn’t have outrun even if she hadn’t messed up her ankle.
Lily slid the backpack off as tears streamed down her face. She couldn’t tell if it was from the smoke, from all the regrets, from the life with Cade and their child she saw falling away, or all three.
She pulled off her jacket and peeled away her sweatshirt to use as a bandana.
Heat rises. Smoke must, too. Lily positioned herself behind the log and lay down flat on a sprawling fern. As she wrapped the sweatshirt around her face as a makeshift mask, she splayed the bright green jacket over her. If they’re looking for me, if anyone’s looking for me, please, God, let them see this.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered into the smoky air.
She didn’t know if it was to Cade, to their baby, or to herself. She’d barely had time to even process the fact that she was pregnant.
And see what you did when you found out? You ran away—just like you always do.
Her head swam with pieced-together thoughts. Lily remembered her mother, and how good that buttery toast tasted at two in the morning while they waited for her dad. She saw Jean-Michel, a perpetual smear of flour across his face.
“Love is never free.”
In the distance, she heard another voice. They all blended together, but this one was soothing, deep and steady. Cade?
Lily forced herself up onto her elbows. She coughed violently into the sweatshirt, but when she tried to remove it, that made it worse.
“Lily!” the voice called in the distance.
“Cade,” she croaked out. She couldn’t make her voice any bigger. “Cade!” she finally managed, from a strength deep inside.
She heard the crunch of boots on hard ground. As the black smoke rose from below her, Lily thought she saw a figure emerge. It was yellow, like the tips of a fire. She couldn’t figure out if it was real or her imagination gone wild with the smoke.
You found me, she thought. But in that instant, the figure disappeared again.
You’re imagining this, she told herself. It’s okay, let go.
Lily lay back down and did her best to pull the reflective jacket over her body.
Just get onto the log, she told herself. If anyone comes by, they need to see you.
She pulled together the last bit of her strength and hoisted herself onto the log. Deep within, she thought she felt something shift. It wasn’t a kick, it was way too early for that. But it was there.
I’m here, it seemed to say. Don’t be scared.
Lily let her eyes close, convinced herself it was to keep the sting of the smoke away. In the darkness, just like everyone said, her life was showcased as a montage.
She was nine years old and walking home from school with her brothers and Cade. She could feel the weight of her plastic lunchbox in her hand. She was one year older and at the firehouse. Cade’s dad was like a monster as he stumbled toward them. She dropped her kite and ran into the firehouse like her dad said.
Minute later, Cade rushed in as blood poured from his nose. “You’re bleeding,” she said, and took his hand.
She was in high school getting ready for the homecoming dance with girlfriends she hadn’t thought about in years. Cade walked in with Elijah.
“I thought you were too old for princess parties,” Elijah said, and she shot him a look. But when she saw Cade, she blushed and looked down.
“You all look pretty,” Cade said. It made her blush harder.
It was three years ago, and Tim had just dumped her in the most humiliating moment of her life. Her face was streaked with tears and she dug desperately for her keys in her bag. Cade appeared before her.
He took her into his dry truck and drove her to his apartment. She drowned in his sweatshirt that he slowly pulled off of her on that couch. The touch of his lips on her skin shot off fireworks.
It was last month in the bakery. Jean-Michel had a twinkle in his eye when he asked her about the sexy fireman. She wanted to spill it all to him, to gossip and guess and plan an elaborate, ridiculous wedding.
She was on Renee’s couch with a pint of ice cream. Lily felt her insides soften as her best friend came back, fully, from her time abroad and attempt at escape.
These are all the things I’ll miss, she thought as her dreams began to mix with reality. These are all the people I’ve loved.
But at the top of the list was Cade. He was what kept coming back into her memory.
I’m sorry you’ll never know, she thought into the darkness.
But maybe he would. Maybe, so
mehow, he’d find out about what she’d carried into the flames. And maybe he’d forgive her.
Lily let go of her last grasp of consciousness. It was true what they say. She wasn’t afraid. The heat felt good, like a warm blanket wrapped around her. And the smoke, as it filled her body, made its way into her bones so that she was as light as could be. She’d never felt so light in her life.
Don’t be scared, the little voice in her center whispered. I’m here with you.
31
Cade
As he made his way up the steep incline, he tried to remember what she’d been wearing.
Khaki pants. Those old hiking boots. And the jacket. The bright green jacket. Shit, he thought. How am I going to find a green jacket in the goddamned Oregon wild?
Still, he kept on. He heard Elijah and Aiden behind him. Occasionally, he looked back to check on them. But he had no doubts that they were just as committed to finding her as he was.
They came upon the first bundle of hikers, and he saw the internal struggle as Aiden began to help them. Every instinct in Aiden told him to keep on, to look for Lily, but he knew he couldn’t.
“I’ll find her,” Cade called to him as he kept climbing the hillside. “I promise.”
By the time he got one-third up the summit, doubts started to creep in.
Maybe she decided to go somewhere else. Maybe she’s sitting in some café in downtown, totally unaware of the fire.
But Cade knew those were hopeful thoughts. He felt her here. And she was still alive.
When the smoke became so thick he couldn’t see more than four feet in front of him, his radio came to life. The ground crew had a solid head count. They thought they had everyone.
“Charles, you copy?” he heard a voice over the radio. He brought his mouth to the speaker, but stopped.
How would they know if he got the message or not?
“Cade.”
He heard her voice, he was sure of it. Even with the fire that raged nearby and the wind that had picked up to carry it, he knew it was her.
“Lily?” he called. “Lily! Where are you?”