by Guy Willard
“What sort of man was he, this assistant professor?” asked Fumio.
“A very intelligent and enthusiastic teacher, not someone you’d call handsome or charismatic, though he did have a wonderful speaking voice. At first I was mostly attracted to him by his devotion to teaching. He taught sociology. And like many students, I would drop by his office after class to ask questions, usually in the company of my girlfriends. But as the days passed, I found myself going there more and more often by myself. One time he asked me out for a cup of coffee, and I accepted. From that point on, our relationship gradually deepened.”
“Until you fell in love with him.”
She nodded.
“Did he love you?”
“He said he did.”
“I see. So everything would have been perfect if only he hadn’t been married.”
“Yes.”
“What was it like, having an affair with a married man?”
“Not as thrilling as the dramas on TV make it out to be. The only thing I really wanted was to be able to see him openly. You see, he promised me all along that he would eventually divorce his wife and marry me. In fact, as I now know, he was stringing me along from the start. He never had any intention of leaving his wife. I found out later that she conceived another child by him during the time he was seeing me. I took that as proof that he was only playing around with me.”
“Sounds like the usual pattern.”
“I know. My friends had been telling me the same thing from the start. But they didn’t realize how deep my feelings for him were. In fact, it was the first time in my life that I was truly in love. And I guess the fact that he was married gave our relationship a taboo status that increased his desirability. You know, playing with fire and all that.”
“But in the end you broke up with him as your father asked you to, right?”
“Yes, though he begged me to continue seeing him. It was a terrible struggle, believe me. Still, I must have been getting tired of him by then, because eventually I was able to tell him in a surprisingly calm manner that it was all over between us. He took it very hard: he even cried.”
“Has he tried to contact you since then?”
“Yes, he’s tried. But I still refuse to see him.”
“Well, if he wasn’t in love with you before, he certainly is now. Maybe the break-up increased your desirability in his eyes.”
“I’m sure it has.” She took another long drink. “So,” she said brightly, “now that I’ve dragged out my sordid past for your perusal, please tell me a little about your love life.”
“I’m afraid there’s not much to tell. In fact, I’m very inexperienced when it comes to women.”
She stared at him, then lowered her voice. “But surely you must have had at least a girlfriend or two before now?”
“Well, actually, no.”
“You mean you’re a—?”
Fumio shook his head vehemently. “No, I’m not a virgin. It’s not quite that bad. But I’ve never had a long-term relationship with any woman.”
“I see.” She looked down at her hands in a thoughtful manner. “Well, maybe that’s exactly why Father chose you. You’re very innocent for a college boy in this day and age, and seem unlikely to cheat on your wife. In short, a thoroughly decent young man.”
“Please. You make me sound like a freak or something.”
“No, no, I didn’t mean it like that, and I’m sorry if I sounded facetious. It’s just that I’m relieved to know you’re so honest. Most boys like to brag about how sexually experienced they are, even when they really aren’t.” She finished her beer and signaled the waiter for another.
Fumio finished his off as well. “I’ll have another one too. I feel so relieved to know that we can be so honest with each other. Like your father said, I think we can probably become very good friends.”
18
Fumio and Seiko met almost weekly after that, going out to movies, concerts, and of course to Disneyland. It was an unwritten rule that if a couple who were introduced to each other with marriage in mind had dated at least three times, they were as good as engaged. And as if to cement that rule, Fumio was frequently invited to the professor’s home. To his surprise, Seiko’s mother doted on him almost as much as her father.
The next item on their agenda was a visit to Fumio’s hometown, where he would introduce Seiko to his mother and brother. But today had turned out to be such a fine day that Seiko suggested going to the beach instead. They decided on Zushi, a very popular spot south of Yokohama.
When they got there, it turned out to be quite crowded—almost every bit of available space was covered with sunbathers lying on their towels. Fumio and Seiko quickly changed into their swimsuits in a beach hut and, donning their sunglasses, picked their way among the masses of people, looking for an empty place.
Seiko’s white one-piece bathing suit, cut daringly high at the hips, showed off her shapely figure, and Fumio noted the way men’s heads turned to follow her walk. He himself was wearing a skimpy black bikini and felt very seductive in it, delighting in the play of his muscles as he strode along the warm sand. He imagined the sun’s rays caressing his body, polishing his skin to a delicious golden sheen.
They finally found an open spot and spread out their beach towels. As they set up their beach gear, Fumio noted the presence of quite a few American men nearby.
Seiko, following the direction of his gaze, said, “They’re probably sailors from the U.S. Navy base at Yokosuka.”
The Americans didn’t seem very interested in the sea. For the most part they just lay on their beach towels reading paperback books, occasionally rubbing suntan oil onto their pale white skin. A lot of them were overweight and out of shape, but some were strikingly well-built. With the secrecy guaranteed by his dark sunglasses, Fumio admired the bulging hard muscles on their chests and shoulders.
Normally he wasn’t one of those who went for foreigners. For one thing, he was put off by their hairiness, which some Japanese boys claimed to find sexy. Fumio himself preferred men with clean, smooth skin. Still, as he recalled some of the photos in the American gay magazines which the professor had shown him, he couldn’t help but wonder how well-endowed these sailors might be under their swimsuits. He certainly had no aversion to large penises.
His attention was drawn to one American in particular, a blond Nordic type in his early twenties sitting on a beach towel reading a book. Fumio had noticed him casting glances every now and then in his direction.
“Would you like me to rub some suntan lotion onto your back, Fumio-san?” asked Seiko.
“Please do.”
He turned over onto his belly so she could spread the coconut-scented liquid all over his back. The sound of the surf hissing along the sand added a soothing background resonance to the sensual feelings coming over him. As she squeezed out some more lotion onto the palm of her hand, she said, “Fumio-san, when will you be moving in with me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, my parents have already asked the carpenters to remodel the closet between my room and the guest room so that a doorway will link the two rooms. That means the whole second floor will be ours.”
“Well, my roommate Tatsuya is still looking for someone to take my place. He needs a fellow lodger to help him out with his monthly payments.”
“Why doesn’t his girlfriend move in with him? Or does he even have one?”
“Not right now. He just broke up with someone, and I think he wants a breathing period before taking up with someone else.”
“Oh? Well, whenever he feels ready, why don’t I introduce him to one of my girlfriends? I’m sure he’ll find someone who’s just his type. What is his type, by the way?”
“I’m not sure. He seems to go for so many different kinds….”
“Well, he certainly sounds like a playboy to me. I’m glad you’re not like him.”
The truth was, Tatsuya had already begun bringing girls back to the apar
tment, though only when Fumio was out. In fact, he was probably in bed with one at this very moment, taking advantage of Fumio’s visit to the beach. It was always a torture for Fumio to return to the empty apartment and see the rumpled state of the sheets on Tatsuya’s bed…and to smell the combined aroma of sweat, perfume, and semen still hovering in the room. Never could he resist rubbing his naked body against those sheets all stained with the girl’s secretions, staining them even more with his own…and then having to wash the sheets afterwards. He sometimes wished he’d never moved in with Tatsuya. Things had been so much more convenient when they’d just been next-door neighbors.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you,” said Seiko hesitantly. “I’m thinking of having an operation on my eyes.”
“An operation?”
“Yes. I want double fold eyelids instead of these ugly single folds.”
“There’s nothing wrong with your eyes. You look perfectly fine the way you are.”
“You’re just saying that to be nice. If you were really honest, you’d admit that women with double folds look so much more attractive.”
“It really depends on the woman. Some women look better with single-fold eyelids.” He named a certain actress who was considered one of the most beautiful women in Japan.
“Well,” said Seiko, “she’s different. With a face like hers, any kind of eyes would look good. I’m talking about the average woman—someone like me. Single-fold eyes make you appear so stern and serious. Women with bigger-looking, round eyes seem much friendlier, and more approachable.”
“That’s not true.” He nodded at the American sailors. “It’s only because they have imposed their standards of beauty onto the whole world.”
“Please don’t turn this into a political discussion.”
“Sorry. It’s just that I don’t understand your complex about having Japanese-looking eyes. To say nothing of the risk you’d be taking in undergoing the operation.”
“There’s no risk at all. It’s quite a simple procedure. Almost everyone’s doing it nowadays, even young girls in elementary school. I saw it on TV.”
“Well, you’ve obviously made up your mind about it already.”
“It’s something I’ve wanted to do ever since middle school, but I know my parents are dead set against it. If I go through with it, will you stick up for me against Father?”
“Listen, I don’t think it’s a good idea to go against your father’s wishes....”
“But he listens to everything you say. If you ask him, he’s sure to say yes. He won’t even listen to me, but he dotes on you, and you know it.”
“Well, if you ever need my backing, of course I’ll stick up for you. But I’m telling you, you look good as you are.”
“If I look so good, then why haven’t you…?”
“What?” But Fumio knew what she was hinting at. They’d been dating each other for nearly two months now and he still hadn’t made any attempt to get her into bed. By most standards, that would be considered unnatural.
“Admit it,” she said, “it’s because you don’t find me attractive enough.”
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
“Then why? After all, you told me you aren’t a virgin.”
Fumio fell silent; this had been his biggest worry about marrying Seiko. Would he ever be able to perform his husbandly task with her? At the end of each date he’d always taken her to a secluded spot—a park or a woods—and kissed her passionately, even fondling her breasts and buttocks. But whenever he sensed her willingness to go further, he always lost his nerve, telling himself he would attempt it the next time. He was convinced that as more time passed, he would gradually be able to find her body sexually attractive. But sometimes he wasn’t so sure….
Seiko giggled and laid a hand on his arm. “Please don’t feel pressured, Fumio-san. I’m only teasing you. Maybe that’s exactly what I like about you: the respect you show for my feelings, and that of my parents.”
Fumio secretly felt relieved. Seiko lowered her sunglasses and grinned at him. “Just wait till I’ve had my eye operation. Then you’ll find me so irresistible that you can’t hold back.”
Fumio smiled. He liked her so much as a person that it seemed a shame that his body wasn’t able to respond physically to her. How he wished he was like so many of the boys he’d worked with at Genji, capable of sexually satisfying both men and women.
Seiko abruptly got to her feet. “Come on. Let’s go get something to eat.” She looked in the direction of a beach hut selling food and drinks. A line of people was standing before its counter.
“All right.” He got up, and together they went over to join the line. They’d been waiting there for about a minute when Fumio became aware of someone standing behind him—the American sailor he’d noticed earlier looking at him. Seiko was completely unaware of Fumio’s secret agitation. As her turn came to order, she stepped up to the counter. The American took this opportunity to mutter something in an undertone to Fumio.
Unable to understand English, Fumio could only stare back at him. The other repeated his message, but suddenly fell silent when he realized that Seiko had turned around and was listening to him.
Fumio turned to her for a translation. “What did he say?” he asked.
Ignoring his question, she spoke a few angry words in English directly to the man, who shrugged his shoulders with a weak grin and walked away.
“What did he say?” repeated Fumio.
“Nothing.”
The man peered back at them as he walked off, and Fumio stared hard at him, trying to interpret his gaze.
“I’m not hungry anymore,” said Seiko. “Let’s go home.”
“What’s the matter?” Something inside Fumio was pleased at her annoyance.
“Do you know what just happened?” she said. “He was trying to pick you up. Right in front of me, too. Don’t they have any sense of propriety?”
“You mean he was a homo?” he asked innocently.
“Yes. You have to be careful around foreign men because so many of them are.”
“Really?”
“Yes. When I visited England last year with Yuka, we met up with a Japanese boy who was traveling on his own, so we decided to go around the country together, the three of us. And would you believe it? Everywhere we went, the English men would make passes at this boy. Only once did they ever show any interest in us girls. We concluded that all English men are gay. There do seem to be many more gays abroad than in Japan.”
Fumio smiled to himself. Most Japanese people had no idea of the extent of the homosexual underground here. It was only because the gays in America and Europe were so much more open—men kissing each other in public, holding mock marriages, marching in gay parades—that they seemed to be ubiquitous. Such things would never be tolerated in Japan. But Fumio actually felt glad that homosexuality was so hidden in Japan. Perhaps its clandestine nature was part of what made it so exciting for him. Still, if he’d been here alone at the beach today, and been able to understand what the sailor had said to him, who knew what might have happened?
As he and Seiko gathered up their things and headed back to the changing huts, he didn’t dare glance back at where the American sailors were sunbathing.
19
A week later Seiko visited Fumio at his apartment. They met at the station first, dropping by a video shop and a convenience store on their way to the apartment. When they arrived there, Tatsuya, as arranged beforehand, was out.
“What a nice place,” said Seiko, looking around. “And so clean, too. Usually when two men live together, you expect their room to be a mess. Tell me the truth: did you go to the trouble of cleaning up because of my visit?”
Fumio laughed. “No, I usually keep a very clean house.”
“And your roommate—wasn’t his name Tatsuya?”
“Yes. He isn’t in right now. He had to go someplace tonight.”
Seiko giggled. “I see. How tactful of him. I rem
ember when I was in college, one of my girlfriends always spent the night at my house whenever her roommate had a male visitor. Please apologize to Tatsuya-san when he gets back.”
“Don’t worry. He’ll probably be busy this evening anyway. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t come home at all tonight.”
“That’s right. You told me he’s quite the playboy, didn’t you?
“He never lacks for female company, if that’s what you mean.”
“My. He sounds very interesting…if somewhat sinister.”
“But that’s the kind of guy most girls like, right?”
“Not me. I prefer the dependable type.”
“To my good fortune….”
From his shopping bag, he pulled out two cans of beer and set them on the coffee table, then put the rest into the refrigerator while Seiko brought out a couple of glasses and some plates on which to arrange the snacks. When everything was ready, they settled on the floor to watch the movie they’d rented.
Fumio could hardly keep his mind on the screen because of what he knew was coming up, and he suspected Seiko was just as nervous. Though neither of them had come right out and said so, they both knew that this would be the night they would finally consummate their relationship. Throughout the movie Seiko kept shifting around, anxiously moving her legs this way and that, but Fumio knew that it was he upon whom everything depended.
Each time they ran out of beer, he paused the movie and went to the refrigerator for some more. As the evening advanced, he felt himself getting drunker and drunker.
When the movie finally ended, Seiko said, “It wasn’t quite as good as I’d expected. I’m sorry. Maybe we should have gone with something you preferred.”
“No, it’s all right. There was nothing I especially wanted to watch anyway.”
“You’re very kind. What time is it, by the way?”