by Bonnie Vanak
He winked.
On the way back to the rental house, he stopped at a small grocery store and purchased a steak. When they returned, he pan seared the meat so it was barely cooked.
“I’m not hungry,” she said as she watched, though her stomach grumbled in protest.
“You barely ate your dinner. It’s because your body needs this to shapeshift.” Kieran set down the steak on a plate before her.
Ella hesitated. And then she could no longer wait. She sliced the steak into large chunks, gobbling it down, as if starved.
When she came up for air, the steak was gone but for the bone. Her stomach clenched and she set down the utensils.
“I’m going to throw up,” she muttered.
He was at her side, steadying her. “No, you are not. Your wolf needs this beef to shapeshift. Your body won’t reject the meal. It’s your mind. You must overcome it.”
He held her, murmuring assurances as her stomach settled down. It felt wonderful in his strong arms. For a moment, she rested there, simply basking in the comfort of his touch.
Then he released her, studied her face and nodded. “Good. Go to your work. It will help you feel normal again.”
What was normal? But Ella opened her laptop to check email while Kieran kept patrolling around the house, checking all the doors and windows.
When he finished, he put his weapon on the table before her. Ella stared.
“I must leave you alone for a little while. Do not leave this house. Use my Scianthe if you hear an intruder.”
Right. She was such a klutz she cut herself shaving her legs. Kieran handed it to her.
“Grip it by the handle and twirl.”
Ella hesitated. “Did I ever tell you I failed baton practice?”
“Try. Take a deep breath, and let magick flow through you.” His voice deepened. “Believe in yourself and your abilities.”
Drawing in a breath, she focused, seeing the blade, seeing it as a weapon that could slice through the bastard thing that had hurt her mother. Ella began to twirl it.
Kieran tossed an apple at her and she arced the blade, dividing the fruit into half. Shaken she set down the weapon on the table and stared at the apple on the floor.
“I did that?”
A satisfied smile touched his face. “Yes. It is within you, for the blade responds to a true warrior’s touch.”
Ella sat, a little shaky and stunned. “I’m no warrior.”
“You will be. Stay here. I shall return shortly.”
She spent the hour trying to focus on work. When he finally returned, she shut off her laptop. “Well?”
“I’m taking you to a park I found to prove to you that you are a wolf.”
She stared. “This is going to be interesting. Not a zoo? Or a pet store?”
Kieran lay a finger over her lips. “Hush, now. You’ll see.”
With considerably more skill than he’d demonstrated back in Colorado, Kieran drove. He thought she was a wolf. A four-legged, furry creature who liked to roam in packs and eat meat.
“Your mother did too good of a job convincing you that you’re human. My job is to convince you otherwise.”
Ella’s fingers curled around the strap of her seat belt. “You’re a cat. And you’re the one supposed to show me how to shift?”
As if it were possible. She was a human, not a magick creature. Yet her skill with that knife…she’d had no fear of hurting herself. The weapon felt natural in her hands. It made no sense.
“Shifting is shifting, no matter what the animal. I’ve had more than a thousand years of practice.”
Breath caught in her throat as she turned her head to regard him. The dashboard lights showed a handsome face, expression grim, with a sensual mouth and dark brows set over intense brown eyes. Very cute, but an ordinary man.
No, a millennium-old jaguar shifter.
Her mouth opened. Closed. Thoughts became scrambled. Finally she found her voice. “I’ve always liked older men.”
Kieran flashed a quick, charming smile.
“You can’t be that old,” she muttered. “You look no more than thirty.”
“Shifters age quite slowly, especially in the Fae world.”
Age slowly? “If I’m a shifter like you say, then how long will I live?”
He gave her a sideways glance. “As long as you can, if I have anything to do with it. Being a shifter doesn’t make you immortal. Only the Brehon like Gideon, the judges and guardians of Others, are immortal.”
Then he’d muttered under his breath. “Even they are not invincible.”
The park he’d selected was closed at night. He parked the car on a side road near the entrance and shut off the engine. Sweat trickled down her temples.
“How can you teach me to shift into a canine?”
Logic had ruled her world until a few days ago. Ella clung to it like a life raft in a windswept sea.
“Shifting is the same, whether you’re a wolf, jaguar, bear or squirrel.” He reached over, tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. The tenderness in the gesture shook her self-assurance. She didn’t want to draw close to this man, this shifter.
Ella wanted reason and reassurance in a world turned upside down by beasts and threats to her family.
“Let’s go.” He glanced at the star-studded sky. “When the moon is high, it’s the best time to shift.”
He started to get out of the car. She did not.
“No.”
Kieran paused. In the yellowish glow of the car’s overhead light, his expression turned question. “No, what?”
“No, I refuse to believe this nonsense. Maybe there are things of this world, or another world, that are evil and can kill me. One cast a spell on my mom. I don’t deny that. I could see it with my eyes. But the idea that I’m a werewolf? It’s crazy.”
She threw her hands into the air. “I’d rather get ice cream and walk on the beach.”
For a long moment he stayed quiet, one long, muscled leg outside the car, one inside, as if he were torn between going and turning around. Kieran jammed a hand through his thick, dark hair.
“You can believe, for now, that it’s nonsense. It’s the truth. You cannot run and you cannot hide from what you really are. You cannot run nor hide from the truth.”
He rubbed the stubble on his chin and seemed to consider. “I’ll make you a deal. Come with me, and try to shift. Try to explore that side of yourself you’ve been taught to repress. If it doesn’t work, we’ll leave and I’ll take you out for ice cream.”
Ella’s stomach grumbled. She looked hopefully at him. “Mint chocolate chip?”
A grudging laugh fled him. “Whatever you want.”
“Deal.” Worry riddled her. “Are we going to do some weird ritual?”
“No. It’s fairly simple. I’m going to teach you to embrace your wild side. Release your beast. All this time, she’s been quiet, waiting for you to awaken. That craving you had for red meat? That’s your wolf, needing for you to acknowledge her.”
Her stomach curled into knots. “If this is true, what if I can’t control her? What if I lose myself?”
“There’s always a risk of the beast taking over. With time and discipline, you’ll learn to work with her, let her out when you need her most.” Kieran gave her a solemn look. “Ella, I want you to experience the wonders of my world. Up until now, you’ve only seen the horrors of what Others can do.”
He sounded so confident and assuring and yet doubts riddled her. It was difficult to break the habit of nearly twenty nine years of thinking she was a normal human being.
“What if I can’t find the cure for my mom?” She gnawed on her lower lip. “What if I fail? Am I condemning my mother to die?”
“You won’t fail,” he said gently. “It’s deep inside you, here.”
He rested a palm over her heart and the warmth of his hand sank into her skin, even through the cotton of the t-shirt. A tingle shot through her body, and her nipples tightened.
Ella pushed the thought from her mind. Things were far too serious to even entertain the idea of sex. She plucked at her clothing. “I suppose I’ll have to remove this.”
“Yes.” A wicked sparkle ignited his gaze. “You’ll have to get naked. Best way to shift the first time.”
They walked into the park on a pathway cut through the thin woods. The night air was slightly cool, and she heard the buzz of insects and the song of tree frogs. Certainly her senses seemed more sharpened, more aware.
An oblong lake, the water smooth as glass, dominated the green space. Kieran led her over a small wooden bridge to an island in the middle of the lake. Every once in a while the water rippled, as if something below stirred it.
Fish, she told herself. Not creatures that ripped and tore and turned humans into ice sculptures.
Kieran really thought she could turn into a wolf. As nutty as it sounded, she had started to believe him. With her own eyes, she’d seen him turn into a snarling jaguar.
“And I shaved my legs this morning for this?” She sighed. “What a waste of time.”
He gave an admiring glance downward, past the hem of her shorts. “I wouldn’t say so.”
“What happens? Will I start pawing the ground and howling at the moon?” she asked.
“Only on Saturday nights.”
Ella halted. Kieran laughed. “I’m teasing you, Ella-mine. Come on. We have work to do.”
“Work,” she grumbled good-naturedly. “He calls turning into a mythical creature work. Okay, Sir Kieran, work and then ice cream.”
When they were nearly at the edge of the island, Kieran stopped. Looked around. “This is good. Can you see?”
The silvery moon shone down upon them, giving off enough light for her to make out the tree limbs and the underbrush. “Not much. Pitch black.”
“That’ll change. Your wolf’s night vision will kick in.” He sat on the ground, patted a space next to him. “Here.”
She sat. “Now what? Are we doing a drumming circle?” She arched her brows. “In the nude.”
“I was joking about getting naked. First, you must get in touch with your inner wolf.”
Her inner wolf? “Does she like mint chocolate chip ice cream?”
Kieran sighed. “Quiet. Close your eyes and listen to the night.”
They sat in silence for a few moments. Ella relaxed, thinking of the insects that hummed, the fish swimming in the lake, the cooling breeze caressing her cheek.
The craving for ice cream faded, replaced with a different need. A feral wildness filled her, the desire to run with the night. Let go of all her inhibitions and logic, and race like the wind.
“Do you feel the wolf inside you? The beast whining to be free?”
Eyes still closed, she nodded.
“Let’s work with her. Think of something that makes you feel wild and uninhibited.” His voice deepened to a husky timbre. “Your wildest dream.”
Dangerous ground. Her wildest dream involved a bed, Kieran and getting naked. Envisioning him nude, lying sprawled out in bed, his dark gaze filled with the same savage hunger she felt.
Arousal bit her, sharp and sweet. Her nipples turned diamond-hard and she felt herself grow wet.
His magnificent shaft thickening and hardening, growing ready to take her. And then she climbed onto the bed onto all fours, wriggling her ass. His penis erect and thick now, a savagery glinting in his dark eyes, Kieran seized her hips and pulled her against him, the tip of his penis nudging into her wet folds…
Gasping, she opened her eyes to see his gaze gleaming.
Why could she suddenly see better? And why was she thinking of sex, doggie style? Her fantasies had always involved a dark-haired stranger kissing her as they did it in the traditional missionary position.
A purr rumbled from his chest. “Ah, oh yeah. I like the way you think.”
“You can read my mind?” Perhaps this was another super power.
“I can scent your need. You smell delicious. Fragrant.” His voice deepened. “I may not be wolf, but I am a beast and you’re making it difficult for me to concentrate.”
“Maybe I should think of ice cream.”
She saw his wide smile as if the sun shone instead of the moon shimmering overhead. “Think of being a wolf, running through the woods and chasing prey. That should work. And I’ll shift, and my jaguar should coax out your wild side.”
Before her eyes, he turned into a jaguar, with a thickly muscled body, his pelt spotted, his fangs gleaming as he snarled at her. But she had no fear. Fascinated, Ella held out her hand. The great beast padded over to her and sniffed. She rubbed behind his ears and he purred.
Then Kieran the jaguar pulled away, and began circling her.
Why she trusted him, she did not know. But she closed her eyes. Ella tried to think of herself as wolf, envision herself as a beast on four legs, with fangs and teeth that could rip and pierce.
But all she could think of, as Kieran paced around her in his jaguar form, was her body’s urgent need for sex. Not sex. Mating. Hard, fast, urgent. The two of them in human form, snarling and tangling together in the night, slick skin beaded with sweat, his penis pushing deep inside her wet, tight vagina, making them one flesh.
Breathing hard, she opened her eyes. Ella stared into the jaguar’s eyes as it stopped before her. “I can’t do this. All I can think about is sex.”
Kieran shifted back to his human form. Nude, he crouched down, his penis thick and erect as he squatted on his haunches.
“You’re too aroused. Your body knows we can’t have sex in our animal forms and you’re ripe to mate.”
“So what’s the answer?” She felt like wailing, so great was her frustration.
“This.”
He kissed her, and all her senses exploded.
Ella had been kissed before, and indulged in heavy necking sessions with dates, but nothing kicked her desire into full overdrive like this.
Closing her eyes, she moved her mouth against his, pleasure spiking her blood. Kieran leisurely kissed her, cupping her face with utmost tenderness. Intrigued by the spice of his scent, the taste of him, she parted her lips and licked his mouth. She heard his breathing intensify, and he thrust his tongue inside her mouth. Heat curled through her body, her internal thermostat starting to soar. She never imagined a kiss could feel so delightful, so sensual and arousing. Placing her hands on his broad shoulders, she drew him closer.
Kieran broke the kiss. Disappointed she licked her lips. “What’s wrong?”
“This is a bad idea.” Breathing ragged, he backed away. “I haven’t had sex in four months and my beast is all cranked up with need. I risk going into a mating frenzy.”
Risk? Anything with “mating” in it intrigued her. “Sounds okay to me,” she told him.
Kieran laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. He rubbed the thick bristles on his chin. “A mating frenzy is when a shifter can’t control his beast’s urge to mate. The only outlet is sex. If he’s not mated, he selects a female he desires. The sex is rough, savage. His partner needs to be strong enough to take it because the male turns feral in Skin form.”
Rather than frighten her, the notion intrigued her and made her even more aroused. “How savage?”
“The male turns dominant, crazed with the need to conquer and control. It can involve ropes and bondage, and whatever else he requires to satisfy his beast’s wild urge for mating.” Kieran ran a hand around his neck, massaging his neck muscles. “Sweet hellfire, just talking about this with you is torture. Can we go get that ice cream now?”
“Has it ever happened to you? What kind of sex do you like? Tying up your lover?” Ella licked her lips again and put her arms overhead, palms together. “Like this? It sounds…wicked and fun.”
Kieran did a face palm. “Now I know why Xavier likes this gesture. Ella, you are driving me crazy.”
“Well? Are y
ou going to answer my question?”
“No,” he shouted. “It’s never happened to me before because I had to control my jaguar. I am the only one of my kind in the Winter Kingdom and mating with another jaguar is impossible. So I’ve always had sex or fought or hunted to avoid a mating frenzy. Okay?”
Lowering her arms, she regarded him. Suddenly he no longer seemed like a stranger, a shifter who wielded magick and was the only solution to saving her mother.
He seemed more… human.
Like her, Kieran had felt different and alienated. Maybe lonely. “No other ones like yourself where you live? That’s horrible. Couldn’t you find another jaguar shifter?”
“Not without leaving the Fae kingdom.” His mouth compressed and for a moment, a shaft of moonlight showed the haunted look on his face. “I learned to live with it. But it’s tough being the last of my kind in my world. The Fae are good people, and I love my home. But once in a while I’ll see them in pairs, laughing and affectionate, and I’ll wish I could be like them instead of a shifter.”
He rubbed a hand over his chin again. “Dammit, I didn’t mean to let that out. You’ve caught me at a bad moment, Ella.”
She rested her hand upon his shoulder, feeling the muscles ripple below skin. “I’m glad you told me. I’m alone too, Kieran. I’ve always felt different and it’s been hard all my life to relate to other people. So you’re not unique.”
The deep breath he released echoed in her ear. Kieran touched her cheek and as she lifted her head, he stared at her mouth.
“I want to kiss you again, Ella-mine,” he said in a guttural voice. “I need…to kiss you.”
“Well, what are you waiting for?”
Kieran started to bend his head, pulled away. He squeezed his hands tight and drew in another shuddering breath. And then he waved a hand, and clothing appeared back on his body.
“Let’s go.”
She followed him as he raced along the pathway, off the island. “Where? Ice cream?”
“Fuck ice cream,” he muttered. “I need a bucket of ice.”
9
Kieran had never been more alive, more aware of a woman.