by Jean Joachim
After showering, he drove home. He had to see if she was there. When he opened the door, the place was empty. He searched every room, every closet, hoping against hope that she’d be there. But found no one.
“Shit.” He slammed out of the house and took a cab to Freddie’s. He needed a drink and his buddies. No game until tomorrow night, one more the day after, then they’d go on the road for two weeks. If he didn’t find Kate before that, he’d lose what they had.
His pals greeted him warmly. Tommy clapped him on the back and gave him dessert on the house for batting in the winning run. The men discussed the game. Jake bought Bobby a beer for going the extra mile. He loved his buddies, they helped soothe his broken heart.
But where was Kate? Why did she run? It wasn’t his fault. He ordered a steak and baked potato, but all the food did was remind him of the incredible meal she’d cooked for him. Hunger gnawed at his belly. He ate but nothing tasted good. The beer helped. Then he had a whiskey.
“I shouldn’t be giving this to you, Jake,” Tommy said, pouring a shot. “But the guys said you need it.”
“I’ll be all right tomorrow. It’s a night game, anyway.”
“Okay. But one and that’s all.”
“Thanks,” Jake said, picking up the glass. He needed something to dull the raw pain inside. And he needed Kate. He believed, in his heart, that she needed him, too. Not for his money but for his love. He wanted to be there for her but didn’t know what to do.
Skip sidled up next to him. “We’ll go on the road and you’ll forget all about this chick. Once you meet a few new ones, you’ll be fine. The old Jake. No lovesick puppy.”
Jake slammed the empty shot glass down on the table. “I’m not a lovesick puppy, asshole. Why don’t you shut up? You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Hey, buddy, come on. You didn’t know her all that long.”
“You don’t know,” his tone softened as sadness filled his heart. “You don’t know, Skip. She isn’t just a chick.”
“Hey, they’re all special until the lights are out. Then they’re all the same.”
“That’s a fucking, shitty thing to say. You’re such an asshole, sometimes, you know that?” Jake grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.
“You better not let this one ruin your game.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine tomorrow, as usual. Nothing disrupts my game.”
“Can I count on it?” Skip asked
“Shove it up your ass, Skip,” Jake said, shooting his pal a nasty look as pushed through the door. Sure, nothing disturbs the slugger. He’ll be knocking ’em out of the park, as usual, tomorrow. Won’t he?
* * * *
After the third strong drink from Keith, Kate calmed down.
“Call him,” he said.
“You’re right. I should. But what can I say?”
“Tell him you love him, you’re going back to him.”
“I can’t do that. I have no job, no money. I already owe him for two weeks’ worth of meals.”
“You don’t owe him shit. The guy’s got millions. Those few meals are chump change to him.”
“That’s not how I feel.”
“How does he feel?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like he kept track or anything,” she said, curling up in the corner of his couch.
“Or asked you for money. Did he?”
She shook her head, chewing on her thumbnail. Keith got up. He grabbed her phone from the coffee table and tossed it to her.
“I’m losing my voice. So this is my last statement. Call him or you’re a complete idiot.” With that, he turned and headed for the bedroom.
Kate glanced at the clock. It was eleven. He was probably asleep, but she dialed anyway.
He picked up right away.
“Kate?”
“It’s me.”
“Are you okay? When are you coming home?”
The worry and urgency in his voice broke her heart.
“I’m not.”
“What? Why?”
“I have no job, no career, right now. And no money. I need to work. Figure things out.”
“Can’t you do that living here, with me?”
“No. I can’t. You’re always taking care of everything. I need to stand on my own two feet.”
His voice softened. “You’ve been standing on your own two feet all your life. Let me help you a little.”
There was silence.
“I don’t know how to do that.”
Even though he couldn’t see, she shook her head. “Please try to understand. When I’ve got a handle on my life, I’ll come back to you.”
“Will you?”
“Of course. I love you.”
“Even after what happened this afternoon?”
“I thought about it. Talked it over with Keith. It’s not like you tried to steal anything from me. They simply liked you better. You’ve got talent, Jake. I can’t deny that. It wasn’t your fault I wasn’t good enough.”
“They said you were good enough. If they hadn’t already cast the part, you’d a gotten it.”
“That’s just bullshit. They say that to everyone they turn down. It’s just producer-speak for ‘You suck, lady. Move on.’”
“I thought they meant it.”
“They never mean anything except ‘goodbye’.”
She heard him sigh.
“Do you still love me?” she asked, a tremor in her voice.
“Of course I do. I don’t say that to every girl I date or sleep with. You’re different, Kate. So very different.”
“Yeah. I’m a bit of a weirdo. I get that.”
“That’s not what I meant at all. You’re better. Different in a good way.”
“Thanks.”
“We’re going on the road for two weeks. Is that enough time? Can I call you after that?”
She laughed. “Hell, I don’t know. I have no idea how much time it’s gonna take to get things sorted out and plan my next step.”
“Can I call you anyway?”
“You can always call me.”
“I did today, but you didn’t answer.”
“I needed time. Still do.”
“All right. I don’t like it, but I accept it. As long as you’ll take my calls.”
“I will. I promise.”
“I’ve got to get to bed. Game tomorrow night.”
“I understand. Thank you for coming to the audition. It’s an experience I’ll never forget.”
Jake chuckled. “Neither will I. Or the guys from the team.”
“Please thank them for me. It was so great that they came.”
“I think they just wanted to see if you were as hot as I said.”
She laughed. “And what did they think?”
“You’ll have to beat them off with a stick.”
She laughed.
“Well, can I say goodnight, instead of goodbye?”
“Sure,” she responded.
“Goodnight then.”
“’Night.”
She put down the phone. Tears clouded her eyes. She desperately wanted to hide in the warmth of his arms, to cuddle with him in bed, and blot out the horrible day. But she’d learned, early in life, never to depend on anyone. She’d been let down too many times by those she’d trusted. Now, she refused to go into that place of complete trust. It had been so long, she wasn’t sure she could ever trust that way again.
Even so, she missed him. Missed him like hell and wondered how she’d ever get to sleep without him lying beside her. She crawled into bed and let the three stiff drinks she’d had take her to dreamland.
* * * *
In the morning, Kate woke early. Still groggy with sleep, she reached out for Jake, but he wasn’t there. Realizing the bed was empty, she frowned. Without disturbing Keith across the room, snoring, she threw on a robe and padded to the tiny kitchen in the small, two-bedroom apartment.
She put on coffee, yawned, and looked out
the window. It was the fourth day of April. Trees outside the window had early spring light green leaves stretching to the sun. The world was awakening after a long winter. But Kate’s life had come to a complete standstill. She rummaged around through the papers on the table until she found a copy of Variety. Then she opened Keith’s laptop and went to Craig’s List and a few other sites she knew, looking for a job.
Frustrated at finding nothing, she called her agent.
“Hey, Lacy, Kate MacKenzie here.”
“So sorry about that audition, Kate. I had no idea they’d hired someone that morning. She must have been very good, ‘cause they said they’d be looking everyone over and deciding next week.” Lacy’s update only made Kate feel worse.
“Anything on the horizon for me?”
“Nothing at the moment. But you know, stuff pops up all the time. Don’t get discouraged. I got you this audition, I’ll get you another.”
“In the meantime, I need to eat.”
“Find a job waiting tables. You have experience, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“That’s where all the best movie stars come from, you know.”
“Right!” Kate laughed.
“Seriously, something may come up in Hollywood, you know.”
“That would be great!”
“I’m always looking. Honestly, keep it together. You never know.”
“Thanks, Lacy. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.”
Keith didn’t get up until eleven. He was much better, and his voice was almost back to normal. He took her to lunch at a small café.
“Keep looking. You’ll find something. And keep going to auditions. You can stay with me as long as you like.”
“Thank you. Friends like you are hard to find.”
“That jock was a good friend, too. And you tossed him out with the garbage.”
“It’s one thing to be with you. You know I’ll pay you back. Chip in for the rent as soon as I’m making some money. But I can’t do that with Jake. He won’t take anything from me.”
“Every woman’s dream,” he muttered, stirring his Chamomile tea.
“I don’t know how to do that, Keith. I never have.”
“Maybe you should learn.”
She shrugged. He grabbed her forearm.
“I’m going to tell you something you might not want to hear.”
She groaned. “A lecture?”
“A new one. And you need to hear it. So listen up, missy.”
“Go ahead.” She slumped slightly in her chair.
“You need to learn how to let people in. Maybe therapy would help.”
“With what money?”
“Shut up, and let me finish!” He gave her hand a playful slap. “You keep everyone out. You think you can’t ever depend on anyone else. But that’s not true. You shut yourself away, never take anything from anyone—”
“I do from you. Like a place to live.”
“Okay. I’m a special case. You’ve had men falling all over you, all your life. But you shut them out, push them away. You’ll be thirty in two years. This is your prime. How do you expect to find a husband, get married, and have a life? You won’t until you learn to let go and lean on him a little.”
She gazed down at her hands. She knew he was telling her the truth. “Okay. I admit it. You’re right. But it’s not that easy. Not for me.”
“Try. Give this guy a chance. He sounds like a keeper to me. Are you sure he’s straight?” Keith chuckled.
“Oh, most definitely. Sorry about that.”
They finished their tea and he paid the bill. She hugged him. “Thanks for being such a good friend.”
“I’m your only friend. You gotta fix that.”
“I know. You’re right.”
The spring sun had warmed the air and Kate decided to go for a walk. She headed uptown. Jake was playing today, then heading out on a road trip. She sighed. Maybe in the next two weeks, she’d find a job. She said a prayer as she continued north.
Something he had said popped into her head. She hopped the bus with her borrowed Metro Card and hoped against hope. When she got off, she wandered around, lost, until a shopkeeper gave her directions. Sure enough, there was a sign in the window. She went in.
* * * *
Jake avoided Skip and sat next to Matt on the bus to the airport. They were headed for Atlanta, then Baltimore, then Washington for three three-game series in a row.
He dialed Kate.
“I thought we were taking a break?” she said, her voice as far away as Siberia.
“I know, I know. But I wanted to hear your voice. We’re on the way to Atlanta. I’ll be back in two weeks.”
“Have a safe trip. Good luck.”
“We have a good chance to beat the Stallions.”
“With you on third, how can they lose?” Her voice warmed a little.
“What about you? How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’m a cat, Jake, I always land on my feet. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“But I want to worry about you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Knock yourself out.”
“Missing you.”
There was a long pause.
“I miss you, too.”
“Can I see you when I get back?”
“Let’s talk then. See where we are.”
“I know where I’ll be. Waiting outside your door. Curled up like a puppy on the doormat.”
She laughed. “That image is hilarious.”
“Glad I made you laugh.”
“Me, too. I gotta go. Be safe.”
“You, too. Love you.”
But the phone had gone dead before his last words. Was that a kiss-off? He prayed that it wasn’t. Where would he find another woman like Kate MacKenzie? Nowhere.
“How’s your girl, Matt?” Jake asked.
“Great. I’m the luckiest man alive,” the catcher said, beaming.
“You getting married?”
“Yep. After the first of the year.”
“Big wedding planned?”
“Nope. Nothing fancy. I think we’re going to do it in Pittsburgh.”
“Then your dad can come?”
“That’s the idea. How’s things with yours?” the catcher raised his eyebrows.
“We’re going through a rough patch right now.” Jake gazed out the window.
He was still struggling with what happened at the audition. How could she not get the job?
“That was crazy, at the theater, right?” Matt said.
“You read my mind. I couldn’t believe it.”
“Who’d a thunk they’d want you and not her?”
“I know. Insane. Completely insane.”
On the plane, Jake couldn’t avoid Skip. The shortstop plopped into the seat next to him.
“Hey, buddy. Look, I’m sorry. Sometimes I say the wrong thing.”
“You have a bad attitude about women.”
“You didn’t think so when we were at bars on the road.”
“Yeah? Well that was then and this is now. Kate’s not a hooker or a groupie. She’s a great woman who needs a break.”
“I thought she was amazing at the audition. Honestly. I didn’t think you were that hot.”
Jake smiled and shook his head. “Friends.”
Nat Owen joined them. “I didn’t think so either. Must be your looks. Though why they’d want such an ugly guy in the play beats me.”
Jake took a swipe at his friend. The stewardess passed out soda, juice, and water then snacks. The guys chowed down and Chet Candelaria pulled out a deck of cards.
“Oh hell? Hearts?”
“Not with you. I gotta keep enough money to pay the mortgage,” Dan Alexander piped up.
They landed in Atlanta and took a private bus to their hotel. That night, Jake lay in bed, hands laced behind his head, thinking about Kate. He wondered how she was, worried she’d not be able to eat. He hoped Keith was taking care of h
er. Taking care of her, he laughed to himself, was like taking care of a wildcat. Thinking about her wild side gave him a hard-on. He needed sleep. They had a big game with the Atlanta Stallions, and he needed to be in top form.
So he took care of business. He didn’t like to go solo, but what was a guy going to do? He’d never get to sleep if he left himself like that. Once he’d conjured up an image of Kate in his mind, it didn’t take long to bring himself to completion.
After cleaning up, he got back in bed, but sleep still wouldn’t come. He pushed out of bed and did fifty push-ups and fifty crunches. Once back in bed, sleep came. And with it, dreams of Kate. The dream turned to a nightmare. He sweated as visions of his girl living homeless on the streets of New York hounded him.
At three, he awoke with a start, bolting into a sitting position as a serial killer raised a knife to Kate. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and slowed his breathing. Bad dreams were a bitch. As he lay back down, he knew he’d never rest well again until he knew she was safe.
Chapter Ten
“Now that I’ve got a job, I should start paying rent,” Kate said to Keith.
He put his hand on her shoulder. “Darling, please. You have maybe two bucks in your pocket and you want to give me one. That’s sweet as hell, but save it.”
“But I…”
“Oh, shut up. Carl and I have the rent covered. We both have reasonably good day jobs. So put your money in the bank, because a job like you have could disappear tomorrow.”
Keith made sense, as usual. She relied on him for guidance, and he never let her down. They’d met in college. He’d been a little older as he had to work and save up before he could go. Kate simply took out loans, which she’d been paying off with her work in regional theater.
“What about those college loans?” he asked, putting up a pot of coffee.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. After six years, I’m getting there.”
“Sweetheart, you deserve to have a little cash in your pocket, away from your mother.”
She nodded.
“What are you going to do with that money?” he asked, handing her a mug of the piping hot liquid.
“I have other debts to settle,” she said, adding milk and sugar.