by Jean Joachim
“They really said that?”
“Hell, yes. Baseball is big business, but those assholes had no clue. Too many heads up their own asses, for my taste.” He finished his juice.
His story was plausible. From what she knew of Jake, he was, number one, a very bad liar, and number two, an unpretentious guy. He made a shitload of money and after spending time with him, you’d never know. Tension drained out of her body, slowly.
“Can I have that drink now?” she asked.
“You’re not gonna hit me, are you?”
She shook her head. He handed her the bottle, and she filled a glass with ice.
As she put the tonic back in the fridge, Jake came up behind her. He folded his fingers over her shoulders, his lips to her ear.
“I don’t want anyone but you, Kate. And I doubt I ever will. Please don’t leave me. Don’t let Angela drive us apart.”
He kissed her neck and stepped back. His face was pathetic, worry clouded his eyes, and formed little lines at the corners of his mouth. His sweet gaze touched her heart. How could she turn away from this incredible man and the love he promised?
She cupped his cheek. “It’s okay. I get it. I understand.”
“You do? That’s fantastic!” he said, relief flooding his voice. He kissed her. His kiss told her everything she needed to know. Men can’t fake kisses. She could distinguish lust from love in a man’s kiss. Jake had both. She eased up against him.
“Why don’t you bring that drink into the bedroom,” he suggested, tugging gently on her sleeve.
“Great idea.” She followed him.
Putting her drink down, she slipped her dress up over her head and closed the door.
* * * *
Kate awoke at nine, stretched her arms over her head and smiled. The memory of passionate lovemaking from the night before filled her head, crowding out any negative thoughts about the fact that her life was going nowhere. Jake lay beside her, sleeping.
She tiptoed out of bed, slipped on a robe, then opened the window. Cool morning air drifted into the room. Jake had a night game, so they’d have some time together. He didn’t have to be at the stadium until one.
Kate padded into the kitchen and put up a pot of coffee. She’d learned a lot about cooking during her waitressing days. The singer hummed the song Friendship as she prepared pancake batter. After setting the table, she pulled out a container of pure maple syrup and plucked two paper napkins from the holder on the counter. She enjoyed cooking, especially for Jake. He scarfed down every morsel she put in front of him, raving about how much he loved it. Almost everything about Jake Lawrence made her happy. Everything except his schedule. She figured that, over time, they’d adjust. In the meantime, she focused on how wonderful he made her feel.
Her cell dinged. A text from her agent, Lacy.
Call immediately!
Probably another audition, Kate guessed. It could wait until after breakfast. She poured a glass of juice and went to sit by the big windows in the living room, while Jake slept. Another text arrived.
Call now! Urgent!
Kate had never gotten a message like that from her agent, even when she’d won a role. She shrugged, then dialed.
“Hi, Lacy. What’s the big emergency?”
“Are you sitting down?”
“Yes.”
Lacy proceeded to share the biggest news in Kate’s life. She sat there, frozen between pure joy and overwhelming sadness.
“So think it over tonight—like you’d ever turn this down, right? Give me your final answer tomorrow.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you? I deserve more than that. How about some flowers or a trip around the world?” Lacy laughed and hung up.
Kate’s appetite went south. She pushed to her feet, pinched herself hard enough to believe she wasn’t dreaming. She wanted to jump for joy, then she wanted to cry her eyes out. Tears overflowed, the happy ones mingling with the sad.
Thank God Jake was sleeping. She’d need to get herself together before he got up. What did she want to do? Torn, she sat back down and stared at the city below. This was her big chance. She’d worked for it and waited for so long. How could she turn it down and be true to herself? How could she turn away from the one thing she’d been working for all her life?
What about Jake? He offered love, devotion, support, protection—all the things she’d yearned for as a child. She had it all with him, didn’t she? How could she leave him now?
She dialed Keith. He was the only one she trusted. She told him.
“You know what you have to do. Why are you calling me?”
“I don’t know. Honest.”
“This may never come along again, Kate. And if you’re serious about the theater, then you have to do it. Don’t pester me with all that lovey-dovey crap. This is business.”
“But Jake.”
“I repeat. You know what you have to do. I’m hanging up now,” Keith said, and the line went dead.
Kate put the cell down and faced the window again. She wiped her wet cheeks with her hand. Keith was right. He was always right. She took a deep shuddering breath. For the second time in twenty-four hours her heart hurt.
“Hey, baby. Last night was amazing,” a deep voice behind her said.
She jumped. Jake snaked his arms around her waist. He kissed her neck. Kate twitched and trembled at his touch.
“What’s wrong?”
She glanced over her shoulder, then avoided eye contact. Her throat closed up and the waterworks returned.
“Talk to me, Kate,” he said, his brows knitting, his lips compressed into a frown.
“I got a call today from Lacy.” She still had her back to him.
“Okay.” He took her shoulders and turned her to face him.
“The show we auditioned for?”
He raised his eyebrows.
“You remember. Call Me Sunshine?”
“Oh, yeah. The assholes who offered me a part in the chorus. Yeah. So?”
“The show is a big success. They’re forming a road company.” She hesitated, the words stuck in her throat.
“And?”
“And they’re offering me the lead,” she spat out fast, then held her breath.
“That’s terrific! Congratulations! Aw, honey, that’s wonderful!”
He kissed her, then headed for the kitchen.
“Is it? It means going on the road for a year, maybe two.”
“What?” He stopped dead, turning to face her. “What?” His voice almost a whisper.
“I haven’t seen the contract yet. Lacy’ll go over it. Maybe it’s less. Maybe six months?”
“Six months, a year, without you?”
“Or I could turn it down,” she said.
He smiled. “Turn it down?”
She nodded.
“Something you’ve been waiting for all your life?” He shook his head. “I don’t want the responsibility.”
“What responsibility?”
“Of being the one you gave up your big chance for. That’ll kill what we have. I can’t do it. You have to take it.”
“But what about us?”
“I don’t know.” He poured a cup of coffee, then sank down on a chair at the kitchen table. “Do you have any ideas?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“That makes two of us. But I don’t see that we have a choice.”
She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. Jake eased her onto his lap.
“It’s not that bad. We’ll figure it out. Somehow. We’ll figure it out.” His voice quavered as he held her tight against his chest.
Chapter Fourteen
It was disorienting to wake up and find yourself in a nightmare. But that’s exactly where Jake was. This couldn’t be happening. He finally found the girl of his dreams and now she’s leaving. And it’s not because they don’t love each other, it’s life. Career. Achievement.
A little voice in his head begge
d him to ask her to stay, turn down the role of a lifetime. He ignored it. It didn’t go away, it screamed louder and louder. Don’t go! Don’t take the part! Stay here with me. All he heard was the echo in his head, not a syllable came out of his mouth.
Emotion gathered in his chest, choking off words. Tears stung at the backs of his eyes, but he blinked them back. Stuffing down the pain in his heart, he reverted to his teens when he was convinced that boys don’t cry. He’d learned to shove emotion somewhere and lock it away. He grappled with that as he considered what lay ahead.
Life without Kate. How cruel to let him have this time, live with her, be together day after day and then yank her away, far away for such a long time. Begging occurred to him. And/or proposing marriage. The things he could do to keep her there, like threatening to throw himself in front of the subway, flitted through his mind. His rational self discarded each one.
Words from his father echoed in his head. It happened in high school when Jake broke up with a girl because she wouldn’t sleep with him. He’d complained to his dad, who had taken him aside for a heart-to-heart.
“Son, love means being unselfish.”
“But Dad, she wouldn’t—”
His father raised his palm. “Hear me out.”
Jake had nodded, full of answers and little patience.
“If you’re going to love a girl, it means not getting what you want all the time. It means being giving, unselfish. You have to take her feelings into account. If she’s not ready to be intimate with you and you truly love her, then you’ll wait until she is. If you don’t, then you should move on. Never force a girl who isn’t willing.”
“But she says she loves me.”
His father had chuckled. “Oh, my. Yes. Love at seventeen. It’s not about how much she loves you but about how much you love her. And if you do, you’ll be patient. You’ll wait. She’s very young for that kind of thing, son. I know how boys are, but girls come to the same point a little slower.”
“Not Mary Lou Schafer,” Jake had snickered.
“We’re not talking about her, are we?”
“No, sir.”
Jake had been too young to wait for the young lady’s “no” to turn to a “yes”. So he’d moved on and broken her heart—something he later regretted. He’d run into her at a reunion and she’d snubbed him. Yes, he’d been an asshole, but he wasn’t anymore.
Jake’s feelings for Kate were not puppy love. They were the real thing. He recalled his father’s words. The third baseman had to “man-up”. If he wanted Kate, he’d have to let her go, no matter how painful that was.
The twosome sat in the kitchen, clinging to each other, not talking. He closed his fingers over her shoulder and kissed her hair. Kate sighed, her tears wetting his chest.
“What do you want to do today?” he asked, rubbing his palm along her back.
“I don’t know. I thought of a movie. But it’s hot out. Let’s stay here. Watch a movie on TV.”
“And order in food. You’ve cooked enough.”
“Okay, from the gourmet place down the block?”
“Wherever you want,” he said, sadness ripping at his heart. “When do you have to leave?”
“I don’t know yet. Lacy hasn’t discussed the contract with me. She’ll probably know in a day or two. She said something about being ready to go by the end of next week.”
He gave a slight nod. “What movie?”
“A romantic one. How about, While You Were Sleeping?”
“Don’t know that one.”
“It’s a chick flick. An old one. Is that okay?”
“Anything you want today is okay, honey.”
Kate pushed to her feet. Jake took the menu out of a drawer and handed it to her.
“I’ll go find the movie on demand. It’s gotta be somewhere. You order food.”
“What do you want?”
“Surprise me. Order lots of food. Charge it to my account there.”
“Thank you.” She kissed him and pulled out her cell.
Jake headed for the living room and his monster television. A chick flick would give him a legitimate reason to cry. He blew out a breath and grabbed the remote. He had a week to figure out how he was going to live without Kate. The enormity of the task overwhelmed him.
* * * *
Jake hated to leave Kate for the ballpark. He resented every minute they had to be apart. He showed up in the locker room grumbling, itching for a fight. He changed in silence, refusing to talk to his teammates. He didn’t trust himself not to end up brawling with one. When he hit the gym, Vic Steele greeted him.
“What’s eating you, Jake?”
The third baseman glared at the trainer.
“Okay. Let’s take it out on the machines?”
Jake nodded and followed Vic. After twenty minutes on the treadmill, he hit the machines. Pushing the weight up, he hit his limit and kept going.
“Hey, hey, you’re gonna tear a muscle doing that. Slow down,” Vic said, raising his palm. Jake stopped and the trainer adjusted the weight down. “You must’a had a bad night.” Once the weights were where they should be, Vic backed off.
“I feel like I could bench five hundred today.”
“Take it easy or you’ll end up on the DL,” the trainer said.
When he was finished, Jake wiped his face and neck with a towel. He’d worked off the anger. Now all that remained was sadness, squeezing his heart, threatening tears. Oh, God, no. He couldn’t cry in front of his teammates.
“I need a shower,” he announced as he sought refuge under the spray where tears flowed undetected. He dried off fast and suited up, hitting the field just a heartbeat behind his teammates. He scanned the stands for Kate and picked her out easily. Standing with his cap in hand, resting over his heart, he sang the national anthem but stared at Kate. She stood up and raised her voice as well.
We’re smart. We’ll figure this out. We have to. I can’t lose her.
“Get your head in the game,” Skip said, glancing at the stands then back at the slugger. “We need you to win, buddy.” Skip clapped the third baseman on the shoulder.
He was right. Jake knew it. He took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes. He needed to focus. Slinging his cap on, he grabbed his glove and headed for third. They were playing the Philly Bucks. It would be a three-game series, and the ‘Hawks had to win. They were on track, right where they should be, to make the playoffs. There was no room for screwing up.
The Bucks’ first baseman stepped up to the plate. Jake remembered Matt Jackson’s words, “This asshole was known for grounders to third, many ended up foul, but a few would cross the baseline into fair territory, a dribbler into right field good for extra bases.” Jake bent his knees, shifted his weight to the balls of his feet and rested his hand and glove on his knees.
As Manuel Gonzalez, the Nighthawks’ pitcher, went into his windup, Jake’s body jerked to life. He narrowed his eyes and opened his hand, ready for anything. At the crack of bat on ball, the third baseman straightened up. Matt Jackson had been right. This time a line drive flew right at Jake. He raised his glove and thwack, made the catch, then fired the ball around the horn, starting with Nat Owen on first.
The game was close. The Nighthawks squeezed out a win in the tenth on a single by Bobby Hernandez and a double by Matt Jackson. Jake hadn’t played his best. Disgust at his lack of concentration caused him to rifle his mitt at his locker. Then he kicked it.
“Hey, we won, didn’t we?” Skip asked.
“Yeah, but I played like an asshole.”
“Everyone has an off day. Forget it,” Nat said, clapping his teammate on the back.
Jake showered and dressed, knowing that it was Kate’s leaving that had screwed up his game. He had to get a handle on his personal life. Losing focus on the field was a recipe for disaster. Jake had worked hard for too many years to become the best and to maintain that reputation. To lose it now would mean he’d wasted his time.
Kate waited f
or him by the entrance. He turned hostile eyes on her. She straightened up.
“What’s wrong?”
“I played like an idiot.”
“Everyone makes an error sometimes.”
“It’s your fault.”
Blood drained from her face, then returned in a fury. Her cheeks reddened. “What do you mean it’s my fault? I was sitting in the stands not doing anything.”
“Your leaving is fucking up my game.”
“Really? Jake, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
“I’m not. I’m totally serious.”
She stopped and stared at him.
“Falling for you was a mistake. I should’ve known you’d get your break and leave me in the dust. And now you are and I’m fucked. Personally and professionally.” He kicked a rock.
“Well, pardon me!” She positioned her hands on her hips and shifted her weight. “What do you think it’s doing to me? Do you think I’m overjoyed about leaving you?”
He took her by the elbows. “This is the answer to your dreams. And it’s going to be the end of mine.”
Her eyes got wide. “No! Don’t say that!”
“My concentration was off by a mile today. Because of you.”
“That’s not fair, Jake.”
“Maybe not. But it’s true.”
Her eyes clouded, brimmed with tears. “I’d never hurt you.”
“Not on purpose. But you have. I need to walk away.” He stepped toward his car.
Water spilled onto her cheeks. “Go ahead. I wouldn’t blame you.”
As if she’d thrown a spear straight through his heart, he almost doubled over. His feet froze.
“I can’t.” His throat closed.
She chased after him and fell against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her.
“Don’t, Jake, don’t,” she choked out. “We’ll work it out. Somehow. We’ll figure it out.”
He stroked her hair. How could he give her up? The scent of her teased his nose. His fingers caressed the soft skin of her neck. When she touched him, he came to life. He needed her. He didn’t want to, it would be easier not to, but he did.