"Sure, I guess it would be nice to see you," I teased him.
We made plans for him to come get me after he asked me twice more to please confirm whether or not I really believed he was that attractive. Jackass. I got up, showered, and spent the rest of the day hanging out with Matlock on the couch before going grocery shopping. A little after seven, I heard the lock on my door turn and froze. With my heart beating rapidly in my chest, I grabbed the dirty steak knife I had on my plate from lunch earlier and stood up, holding the handle securely in my hand and ready to do something to the intruder. I jumped over the armrest of the couch and gripped the knife tighter.
"Kat?" Tristan's voice called out from the doorway.
"Damn it, Tristan!" I screamed in frustration, grabbing at my chest as if the gesture could steady the thundering rhythm of my heart.
The beautiful brown hair of my annoyingly perfect friend appeared around the corner of the walkway. He was smiling bigger than I'd ever seen in the past before he frowned, looking from my face down my frame until his eyes landed on the hand that held the knife. "Jesus! Were you planning on stabbing me?" he asked, throwing his hands up in surrender.
I glared at him before dropping my newly acquired weapon onto a side table. "I thought you were breaking in! You almost gave me a heart attack, ass."
"Were you planning on stabbing me, goldie?" Those warm, green apple eyes twinkled in amusement.
"What do you think? That I was going to kiss my potential attacker to death?" I snickered, trying to calm my breath so that my heart could quit racing.
Tristan gave me that crooked smile that made my insides heat up so much I worried they'd melt. "If you were going to kiss me to death I'd be okay with it."
My stomach bottomed out.
I opened my mouth but didn't close it.
Did he...?
Did he just say…?
For all I knew gravity could have ceased to exist and my body could've been floating around the atmosphere.
His nose and high cheekbones flushed the cutest shade of pink I'd ever seen. His eyes darted from me to the wall behind me in quick succession before he sighed and raised a hand to tug at his hair. "Kat." He took a step forward until he was so close I could fully appreciate how much bigger he was than me— a head taller, his shoulders and chest dwarfed my not so slender frame.
I could feel the mood change easily from our light bantering to something heavy on my skin. I was trembling before his hands touched my face, his palms cupped my jaw, long fingers brushed my hairline. I closed my eyes instinctively, soaking up the sharp jolts of static that seemed to radiate from his hands. "Mag," I said breathlessly.
"I missed you so much," he whispered sweetly against my temple.
His lips brushed so lightly across my forehead, I shivered through each vertebrae in my spine. How was it like this with him? How? As nice as Ryan's lips were on mine the night before, I'd take five minutes of this instead of a million of Ryan's kisses. "I missed you too," I said, eyeing his thick Adam's apple.
He tilted my face up and leaned down toward me at the same time his mouth exhaled warm, peppermint scented breath over my lips. Tristan stayed there for what seemed like a lifetime, just inhaling and exhaling inches from my face. He slid his hands from my cheeks down the column of my neck until they rested on my shoulders. "We should go before Yoda pees in my car," he murmured hoarsely.
A couple of moments passed before I stepped away to grab my purse and shoes in silence. He stood by the walkway to the door with his muscular arms crossed over his broad chest as his jaw clenched again. With my purse under my arm, I slapped his stomach with the back of my hand on the way out. "Let's go."
Tristan locked the door behind me using his key and trailed a few feet behind as we jogged down the stairs and headed to his Audi. Yoda's big, square head was staring at us from the front passenger seat with his long tongue dangling out of his mouth. "Yoda!" Tristan hollered at him, swiping at the air like he meant to gesture for the big angel to get back into the back seat. The massive and stubborn puppy stayed where he was until I opened the door and kissed the side of his muzzle twice.
"My boy," I said against his musty coat, giving him a hug that looked more like a headlock.
"Get in the back, Yoda," Tristan instructed him, eyeing the backseat for pee stains. He reversed out of the parking lot as we headed to his house. With only the soft rock radio station playing in the background, we sat together quietly until he cleared his throat. "I just have one more convention I have to go to in three weeks and after that..."
My skin itched in anticipation. "After that what?"
He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "I'm retiring Robby."
I choked on my spit at his declaration.
Retiring Robby?
Tristan was glancing at me out of the corner of his eye while tapping his fingers almost violently against the steering wheel. Wait...
I narrowed my eyes in the direction of the one hand clearly in my eyesight. The skin on his knuckles was a flaming red, chafed and split against the smooth pale tone of the rest of his skin. I leaned over the console and hovered my fingertips over the raw flesh. "What the hell happened to your hand?" I asked in a shrill voice.
The green eye in my vision went wide at my question. "Well... you see..." he stuttered.
"Did you get into a fight with a brick wall and lose?" I used the tip of my index finger to brush across the healthy skin of his digits. When he didn't say anything I sucked in a breath. "What happened?"
"I didn't hit anyone," he answered vaguely, prying his right hand off the steering wheel to rest palm up on my thigh.
A million thoughts rolled through my head as to what could have happened to him but I didn't want to pry. I knew he would eventually tell me, but whatever it was had to be something embarrassing since he refused to tell me. This was the man who told me with a straight face about the time he sharted in his pants. I shoved the thoughts aside and flipped his hand over to see the marred skin. "Seriously, what happened?"
He coughed and scratched at his face with his short fingernails, apprehension evident on his face. "I punched my wall. Just a regular wall not a brick one, smartass."
I raised an eyebrow, more to myself than to him. "Why?"
"I was pissed off," he said simply.
I wanted to ask him what he was pissed off about but I didn't. Instead, I brought his hand up closer to my face to inspect the slender, perfectly boned appendage. "Does it hurt?"
"A little," he said with a wince when I barely grazed his knuckles.
"It looks terrible," I muttered, acknowledging the bruising that circled the wounds. "I'm going to put something on it when we get to your house."
He scoffed keeping his eyes locked on the road ahead. "Not necessary."
I shrugged a single shoulder before squeezing each one of his fingers with mine. "It's too bad I don't care what you want."
Tristan fisted his hand and closed it around my four longest fingers. He smiled cheekily as his eyes flickered from me to the road. "Did you hear what I said? About quitting?" he asked, in a slightly lower voice than normal.
It didn't seem weird to me at that point that he was bringing up quitting again so quickly. It was easy to forget that this man with a great personality kept to himself so much. "I'm not deaf, Mag. Of course I heard that you're retiring," I managed to spit out, trying to think of exactly how I felt about it. I mean it was pretty fucking awesome, as long as he didn't start whoring it up— unless he was whoring it up with me. The problem was that I wasn't even sure if he felt anything for me besides friendship. "Why are you quitting? I mean, why all of a sudden?"
We were at a red light by that time, and he turned his head to look at me. His smile was gentle as he answered. "I think it's time."
Time for what? I held up my hand for him to high-five me. "Well, I'm happy if you're happy," I tried to say as evenly as possible because a big part of me was scared of change that could possibly take over my friendship with Mag
ellan. He didn't have a girlfriend because of the porn so once he wasn't doing it anymore, what would happen? My poor heart couldn't handle being the type of friends we were now and knowing he was getting dirty with random girls for fun. At least with the porn I knew it was technically a job. A job with a nameless face, no emotion, and no tie.
If I hadn't had Zoey in my life for so long I'd probably feel differently about porn in general. It would be harder to see people in the industry as just people. My Zoey, Zoey Quinn, was the goofiest, kindest, and most quirky person I'd ever met, and she was so much more than Zoey Star. What she did when she went to Los Angeles was such a small part of who she was I knew she could care less about the people she had put her tongue or fingers into. I'm sure she couldn't remember a quarter of the girl's names she'd met along the way. It was for that reason, that knowledge, that my heart and mind could accept Tristan for Tristan King and not just Robby. It also probably helped that I refused to look up his movies, because I'd probably end up crying with a tub of ice cream in my lap. Or, worse, my hummingbird in my hand while I cried my eyes out.
"I think it'll be good for me," he said in a soft voice, peering at me through those thick, dark eyelashes. "We'll have more time to spend together..." he trailed off, squeezing my hand.
My heart fluttered in my chest at his suggestion but the small — and I mean a very small — logical part of my brain told me not to over think his words. Things could change in an instant, I knew that from experience. I used to see Robby as a gigantic pain in my ass for making Tristan stay away from relationships, but now I worried that those reins that held him back were actually a blessing in disguise. Fuck! A blessing in disguise? Did I seriously want to just be someone's last choice? Did I want to be his best friend for the rest of my life? Or have him hang out with me only because I was the only idiot who accepted him for who he was?
"That's cool," I tried to tell him but my voice cracked at the end. "I hope you know that if you would rather hang out with other people, I'm okay with it." My heart broke a little at my words, but I knew I was doing the right thing. If I needed to distance myself so he could keep going with his life then I'd do it. I didn't want to be anyone’s burden or friend out of pity.
Tristan pulled his hand away to tug at the auburn ends of his hair with aggravation radiating from the pores of his skin. He didn't say anything as he kept driving closer and closer to his house. He pulled his car into the garage and quickly jumped out before opening the backdoor to let Yoda out. As soon as I was out of the car, he was already waiting for me and leaning a slim hip against his car. His hand was still gripping at his hair. "Kat... why would you think that I'd want to hang out with other people?"
My throat felt constricted all of a sudden, and I looked down at the concrete floor between us. "You could make more friends now that you wouldn't have to lie about Robby," I managed to say.
"Kat," he choked my name out in a gruff purr. "Do you think that I've spent all this time with you because I didn't have any other friends? I didn't want anyone in my life because of Robby because it was complicated, but obviously with you it's different," he sighed and brought up his hand to trace the seam of my shirt. "You're the only person I want to spend time with and nothing will change that, okay?"
I nodded silently, trying to take in his kind words that only confused me more. What did he really want?
"You matter to me," he said softly, dropping his hand to his side.
Chapter 41
"He's quitting?" Zoey asked slowly, her perceptive eyes narrowed in my direction.
I nodded and shrugged, spearing a broccoli stalk with my fork before slipping it into my mouth. The best way to handle a Zoey Inquisition, as I called it, was to be as nonchalant as possible. She was like a shark except that instead of sensing blood a mile away she sensed excitement, and then honed in for an attack. "He told me he was retiring Robby."
A thin eyebrow went up, and I knew I was about to be in deep shit with that move. "Did he say anything else after that?"
I ate a few more pieces of broccoli, so I could give myself more time to think about what I wanted to tell her. We had gone to a Tuesday morning hot yoga class and now continued with our routine— which consisted of stuffing our faces. I told Zoey everything normally but a small part of me was worried about what she would say. She threw herself into whatever she was feeling before she completely thought about the effects. Her method was the direct of opposite of mine, considering I had to think and rethink everything. "I told him that if he wanted to hang out with other people I understood, and he just said that he only wants to hang out with me," I repeated as best as I could. "Then, he said that I mattered to him."
I swear Zoey's face went red. If this had been a cartoon there would have been steam coming out of her ears. She squealed and then started wiggling around in her seat. "Oh my god! Oh my god!"
My face flushed at her loud squawking. "What?"
"He wants to be with you!" She slapped a hand over her mouth and screamed into it. "Kat! He's quitting for you!"
"That's not the reason," I said with a roll of my eyes. Don't take her words to heart. Don't take her words to heart, I repeated to myself.
She slapped her small hands across the table like a maniac, her eyes looking a little rabid. "Um, yes it is!" she tried to argue.
I sighed. There was no way. No way.
Right?
"Booger, that guy thinks you hung the moon. I know you don't see it, but I do," she huffed, sliding her plate away from her. "He's totally quitting to be with you, which is the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Seriously. The sweetest thing and you know I watch a lot of TV."
I groaned and shook my head before shifting my gaze from my friend to the plate below me. I had so many doubts in respects to Tristan that I'd bottled up since he told me about quitting. I thought about his words and behavior recently and they reassured me immensely. He had never lied to me. There was no reason to doubt that he wanted to spend time with me and that nothing would change, but the reasoning behind his decision is what I questioned.
I didn't want to even consider having any hopes that he could have me in mind for anything besides friendship, because I didn't want to get hurt. Who would though? It wasn't that I didn't find myself worthy of his attention, but I also stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy at the age of eight, when I caught my mom sneaking dollar bills under my pillow. I liked to consider myself more of a realist than a dreamer, and Tristan having feelings for me was definitely much more of a dream than a high probability in the real world.
Bright blue fingertips danced across the tabletop, getting closer and closer to me. I chanced a glance at Zoey, who was now sitting on top of her folded legs so that she could reach across. Her expression was open and earnest. "Are you worried because he's been with so many people?" she asked softly. I knew this was a sensitive subject for her to consider because of her own past experiences, so I knew I needed to tread lightly with my words.
"I don't know, Zo. Maybe? A little? We don't talk about the porn stuff. He rarely brings it up and you know I'm not going to either. I don't know how many people he's been with, but I don't think I want to know either," I sighed and thought about my words again. "Well, I want to know but at the same time I don't."
Zoey nodded, tenting her hands underneath her chin. "I got'cha," she narrowed her eyes a little again. "So, you aren't being stubborn about this because of the other people. What is it then?"
"What if... what if he isn't being, I don't know, genuine? He hasn't even really made it seem like he likes me, anyway, Zo."
"Oh, Mylanta," she moaned way too loudly, causing the people in the table right across from us to turn around and look. "He likes you! Don't be so silly. Who wouldn't like you? I think that you need to be the one to take the next step. I was just talking to Ryan yesterday, and he was blabbering about how all of his friends liked you. Even he doesn't understand why you aren't with Tristan."
I wished I were still in elementary scho
ol so that it would be easy to send him a note asking him if he liked me and to check the box for yes or no.
"What if he doesn't like me?"
She rolled her eyes, "That isn't going to happen but if he doesn't then at least you know to move on, hello." Her eyes went wide in response to something behind me.
"Katherine?" I heard the gravelly voice ask before I saw the figure to my left. Sea foam colored eyes looked down at me from above a shy smile.
I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face when I finally recognized the strange man. "Hey Kieran," I said. "This is my best friend, Zoey," I pointed at the way too intrigued female across from me.
Kieran held his hand out in Zoey's direction before exchanging a "Nice to meet you." I, in the meantime, took the opportunity to size up my new acquaintance in better light than the one at the aquarium. He was just as hot as before, maybe a little more now that I could fully appreciate the fullness of his arms and clear, porcelain skin tone.
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