by Bry Ann
“Love you,” she whispers to Rain, shooting her a worried look before leaving.
“We need to talk,” I say to Richard. His eyebrows raise. We haven’t talked much since the day he profusely apologized for what he views as his role in what happened to me. I don’t hold him responsible whatsoever. “How much longer do they anticipate I’ll be here?”
“They are saying around five days, it looks like.”
I glance at Rain and groan. “What power do you have over that?”
This really catches his attention. His arms cross over his chest. “What’s this about?”
“Rain,” I say simply. “She can’t handle this and I can’t help her from here.”
I snatch one of the wires to emphasize my point. Richard looks at Rain for a long moment before turning back to me.
“No one hates seeing her like this more than me, Ajax, but you almost died. Rain will make it through the next five days. She’s strong.”
I growl under my breath. “But I'm not!” I hiss. “I can’t take it. I can’t take seeing her like this! The nightmares, the cringing, the bruises, the exhaustion. I'm useless to help her from here!”
Richard grabs a chair and takes a seat next to me, checking to make sure Rain’s still asleep.
“The unfortunate reality is those things would be happening regardless of all this.” He gestures to me. “Ajax, this stuff happened before he took her. This has been ongoing her whole life. What he did to her, the extent of which no one knows yet because Rain won’t talk about it, only exacerbated everything. It wasn’t the cause. The best thing you can do for her right now is heal. If I’ve learned anything from this, it’s how deeply she cares for you.” He isn’t thrilled about the last part but he admits it. “Look, I’ll talk to the doctors and let them know the resources I can make available to you so we can get you and Rain home. But—and I mean this, Ajax—if they don’t think it’s safe for you to be home any sooner, I won’t push it.”
“That’s all I can ask.”
He nods. “Get some rest. I’ll be here until morning.”
I want to fight it but before I know it, my eyes are closing and everything is fading away.
“Wait, let me put a pillow behind him!” Rain shouts as I stand uselessly to the side. Richard is holding my arm because even with PT, I'm still not the strongest on my feet. Rain lays out about a million and one pillows on the bed, making my lips curl up in a small smile. She insisted on bringing all these pillows to my place when I told her I didn’t feel comfortable staying at hers. Even though mentally, I'm struggling with the injury and its side effects, her antics brighten my day. She’s got prepped meals in my fridge, more pillows than a guy could want, and the best down comforter money can buy. Not to mention the smart TV in front of my bed that wasn’t here before.
Once Rain has everything set up in a way that she deems acceptable, Richard helps me onto the bed. The pain of moving from standing to lying is dulled by the meds the hospital gave me, but I still feel the twinge. Rain’s hands are fluttering all around me as Richard moves me, giving away the anxiety she won’t admit to. Kiki is by the TV, getting Netflix set up. I think Guy’s in the hall doing something or other. I don’t know, but he’s here somewhere. The man’s a little odd.
“What do you want to watch?” Kiki asks.
“Don’t care,” I grunt as I try to move my body into a position that’s comfortable.
Ugh, this is difficult. Two weeks ago, I was lifting hundreds of pounds up and down in the gym; now I can barely sit up in bed.
“I say we watch a Christmas movie,” Rain offers. “We can at least try and get in the mood, I guess.”
I turn to her. “Are you a holiday person, chérie?”
Rain scoffs. “Not—”
“Oh, don’t even,” Kiki jumps in, smiling. “It’s Rain’s dirty little secret. She’s a holiday fanatic. I think we can trust you with that.”
“Is that true, babe?”
Rain’s already rolling her eyes, posture stiff. “Who doesn’t want an extra reason to be happy? Geez, sue me.”
I wish I could go to her.
“I think that’s amazing. My parents were big on the holidays but after they passed, I, uh, never really celebrated. I’m a bit out of touch.”
“Don’t worry. Hang with us, big guy, and we’ll have you caught up in no time.” Kiki turns back to the TV. “Holiday movie it is.”
I meet Rain’s brown eyes. She’s just staring at me. I crook a finger at her. One step at a time, she slowly approaches me. Her hand is still bandaged, but her bruises are fading to yellow. However, the mark on her soul? That hasn’t diminished one bit. She still hasn’t talked about what happened. Not to anyone, even her therapist.
“Feeling okay?” she asks.
“Am now,” I say simply.
She’s stiff, has been since we rescued her, but I know from before that if I take it slow, give her time, and continue to show her I care no matter what, she’ll ease into me again. She did before, she will again. That’s what I'm hoping for.
“I care about you, Rain, you know that, right?”
Her gaze whips around. “Even now?” she says quietly.
My grip on the covers tightens. “Toujours. Always, chérie.”
“Ditto,” she says, almost inaudibly.
“‘It’s a Wonderful Life!’” Kiki shouts. “Anyone veto that choice?”
“Never seen it.” I shrug.
Rain and Kiki gasp. “What?” they shout at the same time.
“Oh, we’re watching it then,” Rain says confidently.
“Okay, babe.”
All on her own, Rain snuggles further into my side. I smile to myself. She just needs time and understanding.
28
Rain
I'm sitting in the chair, feet swinging as I watch the physical therapist work with Ajax. I see the frustration written all over Ajax’s face and the tension in his body. The physical therapist is working on stretching out Ajax’s hamstrings after doing some basic strengthening exercises. Ajax hasn’t said anything because he doesn’t want to trouble me, but I see it’s bothering him. Strength training has always been his mental and physical outlet. To be back at the beginning has to be incredibly disheartening, to say the least.
I’ve tried to get him to talk about his injury but he always smiles and says, “Ne t'inquiète pas chérie,” which is a really sexy way of saying don’t worry about it, darling. Like I don’t feel incredible guilt for what happened to him. If I had been more careful, none of this would have happened. Ajax would be in the gym, lifting, injury free, my dad wouldn’t look like he and his bed haven’t seen each other in weeks, and I wouldn’t feel my monster’s hands on my skin every time I shut my eyes. I wouldn’t have lingering bruises. I wouldn’t feel completely misplaced guilt for my biological father’s death. Everything wouldn’t be so fucked.
“Babe,” Ajax says, stopping in front of me. He never touches me when I'm not looking, which I greatly appreciate. I glance up at him. He’s lost quite a bit of weight and there’s sweat along his hair line, but those eyes… He has the same lonely, gentle eyes. “What are your plans for the rest of the afternoon?”
“You.” I immediately blush when he smirks. “Not like that,” I mumble. Not that I don’t fantasize about it.
“I actually prefer that plan to mine.” He grins and plants one arm on the wall above me. He has no right doing that… because now I'm picturing other things.
His arms caging me in as he thrusts inside me.
His arm on the wall as he chokes me with the other.
That strong-ass arm holding himself steady as I bring him to come with my mouth.
Jesus… get your mind out of the gutter, Rain!
“I prefer… nothing. No plans.”
His smile grows. “Oh, is that so?”
He traces a finger down my cheek that I shake off. “I hate you.”
He chuckles. “Unfortunately, I have plans for us today.” He b
ops my nose. “You ready?”
“What are we doing?”
At that, he looks a little wary. “It’s a surprise.”
“Ruin it. I'm not in the mood for surprises.”
He goes to reach for me but realizes he’s unable to help me to my feet. Frustration flickers across his face but I see him bury it for me.
“Trust me, chérie.”
I narrow my eyes, lift my foot, and point my heel at him. “Hurt me and I’ll kill you with this very shoe.”
“What a way to go.”
“It won’t be sexy,” I warn. “I’ll start with your eyeballs. It’ll be very gruesome.”
He’s smiling now. “Mmm.”
He narrows one of his eyes in a sexy almost wink and makes a come here motion with one of his fingers. It’s become our thing since his injury and damn if it isn’t an immediate turn on. I want to touch that man… everywhere, but I get scared.
Every time.
With a shiver, I push to my feet and walk over to him. His hands trace down the sides of my body. His touch has gotten more and more bold over time. I know he’s trying to get me comfortable with him and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.
“You can trust me, Rain. I won’t hurt you.”
“That’s what they all say, isn’t it?” I whisper.
His body reacts immediately, grabbing my face in both of his hands. “I wouldn’t do anything to cause you harm. How do you not know that, chérie?”
“I know.” I pull away from him. “Are you ready?”
“Yep.”
Ajax is slow leaving the room. I can tell he’s tired from his session, but I walk slowly beside him to make it seem normal for him. It’s probably believable to him that I'm a bit slow based on the size of these heels. Hopefully he doesn’t know I'm pretty much a pro at walking in heels by now.
When Ajax goes to the driver’s side, I grab his shoulder. “I can drive.”
“That would ruin the surprise. I got it, don’t worry.”
He leans forward and gently kisses my forehead. As he pulls away, he stops to look me in the eyes to make sure I'm okay. I am, at least I think I am. There’s a bit of tension in my body that I think may always be there after what my dad did, but it’s not so bad anymore.
When Ajax sees I'm okay, he pulls away fully and climbs into the car. With a sigh, I climb in behind him.
“This outfit—it’s very expensive. It’s one of my favorites, just a thought in case you’re thinking you’re willing to risk a potential accident for this surprise.”
“Love the outfit, it’s hot, but it’s not the outfit I’d worry about risking, it’s the person in it.”
That shuts me up. I fidget with my skirt for a bit, fiddle with the radio, and then eventually doze off. What should be a peaceful car nap quickly turns dark…
I tug at the restraints on my wrist. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.
“Help! Help me please! Please just let me go,” I plead when my father wakes. “I won’t say anything! I promise. I swear!”
“You were so much more behaved as a little girl. You were my perfect little girl.”
I nearly vomit when he traces his hand down the back of my cheek…
“Rain! Shit, babe. It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re safe.”
My eyes start to flutter open but I'm drifting in and out between worlds. I feel something shift next to me and then I'm being pulled into something strong. My heart rate starts to rise and my vision goes black around the edges until I hear the most gentle voice.
“Please don’t be scared. I don’t usually do this, but… come back to me, Rain. Come back to me.”
The arms start to feel less scary and more safe. I snuggle in deeper, tucking my head into Ajax’s chest.
“Where are we?”
“Side of the road, don’t worry.”
I nod. “I'm sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he says gruffly, squeezing me.
We don’t say anything else. He occasionally rocks me or rubs my hair back until I start to pull away. When I do, he grabs my face in both hands.
“You okay?”
Not really. “Yeah, we’re good to go.”
He studies me for a moment before climbing back in his seat and moving the console back. I realize how difficult and painful that maneuver was for him when I see the sweat almost dripping down his forehead. I reach for his hand before he starts the car and squeeze.
“We’re a fucking hot mess.”
It’s the perfect thing to say, because he grants me a rare smile and chuckle. “Since day one, babe,” he laughs.
“That’s when I knew I liked you. I thought, hey, this dude may be completely fucked up too.”
“You called it.”
“Truly did. I made it obvious for you.”
He laughs a little to himself, but I can tell he’s trying to hold back given how we first met. “Maybe a bit.”
We’ve been driving for ten minutes when I realize my hand is still on his thigh. He’s been polite and not made a big deal of it, but it kinda is, for me anyway.
When we pull up to a small garden outside a church, my brows furrow. “Where are we?”
“Trust me?” he murmurs. “Please.”
His voice is almost desperate sounding and that scares me. I nod and climb out of the car. I go to his side, as has been our routine, and help him out of the car. His pace worries me a bit, along with the pain written all over his face.
“You okay?” I whisper. We always whisper when referring to his injury. I think it makes it less real for him.
“Just a bit sore,” he admits, quietly.
“Okay.”
I keep my arm out for him to take. He does, but he doesn’t look at me as he does it. He actually leans quite a bit of weight on me. I have to focus to not stumble sideways into him.
“Which way?”
He points straight ahead. “Up there. To the garden.”
What are you up to, Ajax?
He asked me to trust him though, so I lead us to said garden. When we get there, Ajax points at a bench on the far north side and grunts. Once we’re there, both seated, Ajax shifts so he’s facing me.
“Do you know where we are?”
“I have no idea.”
“You see that cherry blossom tree there?”
“It’s beautiful,” I admit, transfixed by the sight. I don’t just love beauty in human form, I love the beauty in homes, plants, clothes, all of it.
“Did you know cherry blossoms are Japan’s national flower?”
“No, I didn’t. It’s beautiful.”
“Did you know the petals are edible?”
My brows furrow. “I didn’t.”
“Rain…” He squeezes my hand. “Guy, Richard, and I… We found out what your father did with your mother.”
The blood instantly drains from my face. “What?” I breathe.
“She was cremated and he-he kept her… at the house.”
I shoot to my feet as the world spins around me. “We have to go get her!” I shriek. “We can’t keep her there! Not in that hell—”
“Rain.” Ajax takes my hand in his gently, even though I couldn’t give a fuck about gentle right now. “We did.”
He pushes to his feet slowly and carefully so he’s right behind me, hand on my hip, other hand wrapped in mine. He spins me slightly so I'm facing the cherry blossom tree.
“She’s safe, hun. She’s at peace.”
I look at the tree and that’s when it hits me. She’s here… that’s my mom. She made something so beautiful, here at a church where people are good and pure and find peace.
“She—you—how?”
“Guy brought her back after we were rescued and we buried her with one of those tree urns. We thought of telling you right then, but you’d been through so much and we didn’t want you to see her like that. Not just ashes. Not when she could be this.”
“I wouldn’t have minded!”
&nbs
p; “I know, chérie, but isn’t this more fitting? You can see her here, home and at peace, away from him.”
My eyes fill with tears. “He kept her there,” I whisper in a tiny voice. “Where he kept me. He-he took her there. I don’t know how many times or what she suffered.”
A tear falls from my chin to the luscious green grass.
“She’s free now,” Ajax whispers. “He can never hurt her again. Not where she is. That bastard’s in hell, a place your mom will never know. And hey, maybe our parents will get to know each other. They can gossip about how my crazy ass ended up with someone like you.”
That makes me smile a bit. “My mom will know it’s the muscles. She’ll explain it to your parents.”
I feel him smile against my hair. “My mom will think it’s my dazzling personality. She’ll explain that to your mom.”
“Eh, it’s getting there. I'm training you, don’t worry.”
“Thanks for that, babe.”
“Yup, anytime.”
He turns me and cups my cheek with one hand, so gentle as always, like I'm made of glass. “I love you, Rain. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met.”
The tears flow freely now, something I don’t let show to many people. Not after the lessons I ingrained in myself during childhood.
“I love you too, Ajax. You make me feel safe.”
I'm sitting on the couch, wrapped in Ajax’s arms. He’s got nothing on but some boxers, and I’m in a lace bra with some sleep shorts I got from Lunya. There’s no safer, more protected feeling than being wrapped in Ajax’s arms. Although I can’t say I’ve felt unsafe since my dad adopted me, there’s a difference. When I'm with Ajax, that constant hypervigilance I feel is gone. I don’t feel like I have to act unafraid in front of him, I just am. I'm not sure if it’s his muscles or the way he always touches me, holds me, keeps me close and that I embrace it, not fear it, or maybe it’s a combo of all of that. Whatever it is, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Ignoring the movie, I roll over so I'm lying on Ajax, facing him.
“Hey,” I whisper.
He gives me a somewhat strained smile. It makes me curious for all of two seconds before I feel his hardness pressing against my lower stomach. I smirk.