by Mia James
Silvia had been out with him, how could she not know he was a vampire? But then, until she’d seen the knife sticking out of Gabriel she hadn’t believed it either. She had kissed Milo and he’d seemed like a normal boy too. Vampires just didn’t wear capes or turn into bats like they did in the movies. It was lucky Hawk didn’t ask her any questions about the lesson – she hadn’t listened to a word. He actually seemed to be ignoring her by the end, rummaging in his briefcase when she walked by his desk on the way out. Perhaps he was as embarrassed as she was. Why be embarrassed, she wondered, if he really did come over because he was concerned? Maybe she had been right the first time, and she had caught them doing something when she stumbled in. Oh God, she thought. Maybe they were at it.
‘Hi, April,’ said Ben, catching her arm. ‘I wanted to talk to you about last night …’
Oh no, she thought, it all coming back to her in a flash. We almost kissed last night, didn’t we?
Her already unsteady stomach turned over.
‘Sorry,’ she said, covering her mouth and bolting in the opposite direction.
Pushing her way through the thronging students crowding the corridors, she barged into the ladies and bent over a toilet, but nothing came up.
She flushed, banged the seat down and sat down heavily. Was she feeling sick because she was hung-over? Yes, partly. Was she feeling sick because she was thinking about her mother and Hawk fumbling about on the sofa? Probably. But she was also nauseated by her own behaviour. I’m a bloody Fury! she thought angrily. My kiss is deadly to a vampire. She covered her eyes in shame as she remembered almost kissing Ben. I would have killed him and would probably have made myself a target for the entire vampire nation. How could I be so stupid? She turned around, about to heave again.
‘April? Is that you in there?’
It was Caro tapping on the door.
Oh God, the last thing she needed right now was another argument about responsibility.
‘Are you okay?’
April wiped her mouth and opened the door.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, trying to stay steady on her feet.
‘You sure? You don’t look too good.’
‘I said so, didn’t I?’
Caro flinched and April immediately felt bad. Caro was her friend, it was just that she had become too wrapped up in the vampire empire conspiracy. Frankly, April didn’t give a monkey’s about any of that right now.
‘Look, I’m sorry, Caro, but I’ve got a lot on my mind at the moment, okay?’ she said, moving for the door.
‘Okay, sorry,’ said Caro. ‘Listen, what happened yesterday? Did you get my texts? I’m sorry about our argument, it was stupid.’
‘Yes, it was,’ said April.
‘I’m glad you said that,’ said Caro looking relieved. ‘I’ve had an idea …’
‘Oh no,’ said April putting her hands up. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you, but I meant what I said. I’m not taking part in your stupid conspiracies and investigations any more. I’m sick of it.’
Caro glanced around at the passing students rushing for class.
‘But April, you are involved,’ she whispered. ‘More than anyone. You can’t pretend …’
But that was exactly what she wanted to do right now. She wanted to blot it all out, forget about everything, just be normal – well, as normal as she could be. This huge weight of responsibility being a Fury and knowing that the vampires even existed was too much for her right now.
‘I can pretend, Caro,’ said April. ‘I can do whatever I like.’
She walked out of the ladies with Caro right behind her.
‘April, please. I just wanted to apologise …’
April spun around.
‘Apology accepted,’ she said. ‘But I haven’t got time for this any more, Caro. Honestly. I just want to forget it, okay?’
She turned and pushed through the refectory doors. Davina and the Faces were sitting in their usual place.
‘April …’ said Caro, but April waved to Chessy and walked over, leaving Caro standing at the door.
‘Hi, girls,’ said April as loudly and cheerily as she could. ‘How are you feeling after our night of sin?’
They all laughed and started chattering about their hangovers and their journeys home. When April turned to check that Caro had seen her sitting with her new friends, there was only an empty space where her friend had been. April wished she felt better about it.
April walked up Swain’s Lane and then into Waterlow Park. She knew it wasn’t the smartest move to be walking through a lonely open space – especially after her promise to her mother – but she was so drained, so sick of it all, she would almost welcome death as long as it was quick. Besides, it was cold and this was the shortest route to Americano, where she had arranged to meet Davina and the other girls after school.
Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out. Two messages … one from Miss Holden – Please April, can we talk?
‘No, we can’t,’ said April, deleting it as she had all the teacher’s other messages.
… and one from Benjamin.
Want to finish what we almost started last night? B x
She smiled to herself. It made her queasy to think about how close she’d come to infecting him with a deadly virus, but it was still nice to have a handsome boy ask her out. An image of Gabriel’s face jumped into her head, but she shook it away. That was over – it had to be. April could see a girl sitting on a bench up along the path, but it wasn’t until she got closer that she realised it was Ling, her face pale with cold, her short wool coat wrapped around her.
She stepped forward the moment she saw April, looking around her nervously.
‘Ling, what are you doing here?’
‘I needed to talk to you,’ said Ling. Her cheeks were white and her face drawn. ‘I made an excuse to the others. I thought you might come through here.’
‘What is it? Are you in trouble?’
Ling looked about again and took April’s arm.
‘Can we go somewhere else?’
‘Sure, let’s walk back to my house.’
‘No! I don’t want to risk being seen by anyone.’
April hesitated for a moment. ‘I know, we’ll go to the church.’
‘The church?’
‘It will be empty, especially at this time of day. It’ll be a bit warmer, too, and we can talk.’
They walked back up towards the Square, then turned left towards the spire with its fox, lazy today without any wind. As April had predicted, when they went inside it was deserted, the stone floor echoing as they walked over to a pew and sat down. April couldn’t help but glance up at the stained-glass window with the picture of the fox and the sword. I think I could do with a sword myself, foxy, thought April. But then I’d probably only cut my hand off.
‘Thanks, April,’ whispered Ling, clearly intimidated by the grand church, but at least they were out of the cold and could speak freely. ‘You were so nice yesterday, I knew I’d be able to talk to you about this.’
April waited.
‘You know that time?’ said Ling softly. ‘That time you found me in the toilets?’
‘When you were bleeding?’
Ling waved her hand. ‘Shhh!’ she said. ‘I asked you not to tell anyone about that.’
‘I didn’t! I haven’t told anyone. But what about it? Is it something to do with Davina and the other girls?’
At the mention of Davina’s name, Ling looked terrified.
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘I know, but …’
‘I can’t,’ she said. Her face was a mask of horror. ‘I can’t talk about it.’
‘Listen,’ April said softly. ‘I know it feels like it’s the worst thing in the world right now and that you can’t even bear to say it, but believe me, I’ve been through some really weird stuff over the last few weeks and nothing you say is going to surprise me. Really.’
Ling still looked unsure.
&n
bsp; ‘It’s a church, remember. It’s like confession. I really won’t say anything.’
‘The thing is, I’m glad to do it,’ said Ling in a half-whisper, her hunted eyes darting towards the church entrance.
‘Glad? To do what?’
‘This.’
She pulled back her sleeve to show April her arms. They were covered in what looked like scrapes and scratches, as if she had been caught in a thorn bush. As she looked closer, April could see they were little cuts.
‘I use a blade,’ said Ling, her eyes searching April’s. April tried hard not to betray her disgust. ‘Just little cuts, it hardly hurts at all. It’s just that sometimes they …’
April touched her knee and nodded encouragingly.
‘Sometimes what?’
‘Sometimes they take too much.’
‘Who’s they, Ling?’
Ling looked at April like she had asked where the sun was.
‘You know.’
‘No, I don’t,’ lied April. ‘Tell me. You mean someone else does this to you?’
Ling shook her head and made to stand, but April stopped her.
‘Please, Ling, I’m just trying to understand. I’ve heard about self-harm but …’
‘I’m scared they won’t stop,’ she whispered. ‘They didn’t stop with Jonathon.’
‘Jonathon?’ said April. ‘What do you mean? I thought he moved to Somerset?’
Ling barked out a hollow laugh.
‘That’s what they want you to think. I’ve seen the look on Davina’s face. At first it looks like love. And you want them to feed. It feels good. Oh, God, it feels good. But after a while it hurts, it’s like they can’t stop, they have to force themselves away.’
‘But what happened to Jonathon?’
‘I don’t know. All I know is that one day he was there, the next he was gone. And I think …’
‘You think it was because of … this? Because he was a feeder?’
‘Who knows,’ shrugged Ling. ‘But I don’t think any of us is safe. Layla wasn’t a feeder – she told me she wasn’t having anyone marking her skin, not even Milo – but she still ended up dead, didn’t she? I think they’re starting to get jumpy about something, it’s like they could turn on anyone, even me.’
‘But why would they kill Layla?’ asked April, wondering if Ling had overheard the Suckers talking about the Fury, but Ling just shook her head.
‘One day she was part of the gang, the next they turned against her, started bad-mouthing her. Saying horrible things. Awful. And then she was dead. That’s all I know.’
Ling put her hands over her face and started crying.
‘Come on, Ling,’ said April, putting an arm around her. ‘It’s not that bad, you have no reason to think …’
‘But I do,’ said Ling, looking up, her frightened eyes searching April’s. ‘Something’s spooked them and they’re paranoid, edgy. Any one of us could be next. Any one of us.’
April stayed in the church long after Ling left. She made sure she texted her mother first – she didn’t want Silvia in her face on top of all the other worries – then sat back in the pew looking up at that window with the fox wrapped around Jesus’s ankles. To April, that window seemed a little like her life right now. As she got closer to the mystery, she could see all the little pieces, but they were distorted and unclear and when she stood back, they all looked like they came from completely different pictures. It was horrible to see what was happening to Ling. It was one thing to hear Gabriel talking about ‘feeders’, talking about it as a victimless crime, just something the vampires had to do to keep going. But to see it there in front of her, Ling’s arms covered in cuts and bruises … and more importantly to see the terror in her eyes. Ling was just a geek who had wanted to fit in. But now she was scared because other people who had joined that particular gang were dying. Davina had struck a devilish bargain with her: she had given Ling confidence and freedom, the ability to mix with people she idolised. But at what cost? And what was April supposed to do now? How could she help Ling without revealing that she knew what was going on? She stood and walked back down the aisle. That wasn’t her only problem, of course. There was her mother and her thing with Hawk. She knew Silvia had a selfish, needy side, but that was just horrible so soon after her dad dying. And then there was the thing with Ben. He was obviously very keen – and he was nice – but she’d almost done something stupid, something unfixable. And should they go out, how could she avoid kissing him? How long would she want to avoid kissing him? Yes, he was a vampire, but he didn’t deserve to die for it. She thought of his sweet text – what was she going to do about that? Oh well, I suppose I’ll figure that out when—She was just opening the door, when an arm shot out and grabbed her.
‘Don’t scream,’ whispered a voice in her ear. ‘I just want to talk.’
‘Gabriel!’ April’s eyes were like saucers. ‘You aren’t in jail?’
Gabriel put a finger to his lips, glancing out through one of the small windows either side of the main door.
‘Escaped,’ he said simply. ‘They were taking me to court and … well, let’s just say I’m hard to keep locked up.’
‘Well maybe they should have taken more care,’ said April. ‘Maybe it’s the right place for you.’
He took a step towards her, his face creased.
‘I did it for you, April, you must know that.’
She stepped backwards.
‘For me? What the hell are you talking about?’
He looked towards the window again.
‘I know you didn’t have any choice, but I couldn’t let you take the blame for it.’
‘What – me? You think I had something to do with Marcus’s death?’
His face was a mask of confusion.
‘Yes. April, you’re a Fury …’
‘So? I just whacked him with my shoe and ran. I’m not exactly Wonder Woman.’
‘April …’
‘Jesus! You really do think I killed him, don’t you? I mean, which one of us is the vampire exactly?’
‘April, I followed you up the path. I heard you scream, and I ran. But when I got there, Marcus was lying there with his throat ripped open.’
‘Well it wasn’t me!’
Gabriel looked at the floor, frowning. ‘That’s why I let the police take me. I was so sure you had killed him, and I wanted to protect you. I didn’t kill Marcus, April. He was dead when I got there.’
She looked at him. He looked so genuinely concerned, she immediately believed what he was saying. Oh no, she thought with a wave of guilt, I’ve spent the last few days thinking the worst things about you – I’ve even come within a hair’s breadth of kissing another boy – while all the time you were prepared to go to prison for me. April felt like being sick again.
‘But I was sure you had killed Marcus,’ she said.
‘No April, I didn’t.’
‘So who did – and why? I assumed it was you, swinging in on your white charger and playing the hero.’ Oh Lord, that just makes things worse, doesn’t it? she thought. I’ve been a stroppy cow, thinking he was just some arrogant show-off when he was actually sacrificing himself for me.
She wanted to jump into his arms, to thank him for what he had done, but she still couldn’t. There was still one huge barrier between them: Jessica. Okay, so Gabriel had been trying to protect her, but he had still been kissing another girl.
‘April, I would have done anything to protect you. I love you.’
‘Well that’s all very nice, Gabriel,’ she said, thinking of that awful moment when he had tenderly stroked the hair away from Jessica’s face. ‘But it’s a bit late for all that now.’
‘I know how you’re feeling and that’s why I’m here. I couldn’t go another day with you thinking I’d let you down.’
‘Well yes, that’s exactly what I think, as it happens.’
‘Well, you’re wrong.’
‘Oh yes? When I clearly see my boyfriend – or a
t least, the person I thought was my boyfriend – kissing another girl, just after I’ve saved his worthless life, I think I’m entitled to feel a little betrayed.’
‘April. Please – you have to believe me, it’s not what you think.’
‘I’ll bet it’s exactly what I think.’
‘I was kissing her goodbye.’
‘It looked a little more than that to me.’
He looked away.
‘Uh-oh, I can feel another one of Gabriel Swift’s “you wouldn’t understand” moments coming on.’
‘Don’t joke about it, April!’
He grabbed her arm and looked urgently into her eyes.
‘I never told you about Jessica because …’
‘Because what? Because you’re a typical man?’
‘Because I was ashamed.’
There was something about the look in his eyes that made April stop.
‘Ashamed?’
‘Jessica was the reason I turned away from the darkness,’ he began quietly. ‘She was my first feeder. I met her in a tavern, and she was drawn to the life. She wanted to be turned, but she had no idea what she was asking for. And after my promise to Lily, that I would never take a life, I refused. But … then I was feeding from her and I couldn’t stop. It was too much. It was such a terrible urge, she wanted it so much, and I couldn’t stop. She wouldn’t let me.’
‘What do you mean “couldn’t stop”.’
Gabriel turned away, but she grabbed his arm, spun him back around.
‘Tell me!’
‘I couldn’t stop! I drank until there was no more to drink.’
April felt sick.
‘You killed her? You turned her into a vampire? But you told me you’d never done that!’
‘I know. And I couldn’t stand it. I’ve spent decades trying to atone for that one moment.’
‘How could you do that? Jesus, Gabriel.’
‘You can’t be any more angry about it than I am. I’ve tortured myself a thousand times, reliving that night.’
‘But to take someone’s life. I thought you were different!’
‘I am! I’ve tried to be. I’ve worked so hard since then trying to make up for it.’