by RJ Scott
Abruptly, I was the only one in the kitchen and I could see my sister covering Emma in lotion as she hopped up and down, Simon crouched next to them being all kinds of helpful, and Colorado moved a playpen right back in the shade before gently lowering Maddie inside after kissing her head. I should’ve gone out there and joined in, but I felt wrong in my own skin. I loved that Natalie cared enough to worry and that Simon appeared to have taken a shine to her. I adored the way Colorado was with Maddie, and the care in his expression as he explained that everything was my choice.
I’d never had a choice whether or not I kissed a man before, and unless I could think of a formula to lead me in the right direction, I wasn’t sure what I would do with the concept of deciding. One variable was that kissing Colorado was awesome. Another was my inbuilt fear that I would mess everything up. After all, attraction was one thing but earning money for my family by working here was important to me. So how did I reconcile those two things?
I couldn’t exactly stand in the kitchen like an idiot, so I padded to my room, pulled on my swim trunks and a T-shirt, and headed out.
I don’t know where the time went but I know there was laughter, and music, and hugs, and Emma-time, and by the time Natalie and Emma were ready to leave, Simon was obviously smitten with my sister. I saw them exchanging numbers, and the way he acted with her, as if she was something fragile that could break in the next moment, was endearing. They looked good together. Only I realized, I’d never thought to ask Simon about his family, and that I’d assumed he had one, so maybe it was my turn to ask some questions for once. My first would be if he was married, and how he had to be forty and my sister was just twenty-nine. Maybe I’d said something out loud, because Colorado knocked my elbow and lowered his voice.
“Simon was married, but his wife and unborn child passed away eight years ago when she was in labor, he told me that in the interview when I invited his family to move in as well.”
“God, that’s terrible.” I couldn’t imagine losing Natalie when she was bringing Emma into the world. Then it hit me what he’d said. “You asked for Simon to bring over any family he had.”
Colorado sighed, then he adjusted his hold on a sleeping Maddie and reached out to grasp my hand.
“It’s a big empty house that needs to be filled with family, and maybe I thought with Simon bringing his family then the place might feel less lonely, or that I wouldn’t feel so lonely.”
I squeezed his hand. This professional hockey player and rock god was lonely? How desperately sad was that?
“You’ve got me,” I murmured. Although I wasn’t sure that would ever be enough for him, at least not when I could leave at the drop of a hat.
“I’m never letting you leave.” He leered, and waggled his eyebrows before pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Bwahahaha,” he added theatrically.
“Who said I wanted to go anywhere,” I murmured, and kissed him right on the lips, a chaste peck when I wanted more, but now wasn’t the time. I thought maybe I’d start doing that a lot, until it was familiar to me, and then maybe I could form an equation in my head that made sense.
I could only hope.
Eleven
Colorado
Two days later I was in the pool, doing laps after taking my after morning-skate nap. Alchemy appeared from the house, wrapped in a purple and gold sari. Her hair was down, blowing in the hot wind, and her feet were sandaled.
“Hey, old woman, you headed off to Katmandu in that sari?”
“Katmandu is in Nepal, not India. I was there once, back in the late sixties. I was following this prophet named Samuel Sky around the world. He was a shitty prophet, always talking about elephants and dung. He had a massive dick though, so at least he had that going for him.”
I laughed aloud then made my way to the edge of the pool. “Trollop,” I said as I hoisted myself out of the water then shook like a dog.
“Like you got room to talk.” She whipped a towel at me. “Cover your ass. I need to talk to you.” I wrapped the towel around my middle then padded over to a small chaise and table sitting in the shade of the mansion. “I want to build a sweat lodge. I think your friend Joe has some toxins he needs to steam away. Also, my chi has been off since I got here.”
“Joe’s toxins are probably fine.”
She thumbed a strand of kinky gray hair from her face. “No, he’s got toxins. His aura has a lot of red in it, lots of anger and hunger seeping from his inner well. Steam will free that and give him nice skin and happy pores.”
“He already has nice skin.” I flopped down beside her on the chaise, water beading then drying on my chest and arms. “I think he’s just trying to sort his shit. He’s really shy around men, unsure, almost like he doesn’t like sex. Maybe he’s asexual?”
She pulled her hair around to her shoulder and began braiding it. “No, I don’t see that in his aura. He has passion. It hums under the surface.”
I blew out a breath. “Well, maybe he’s demi then, or something.” I spread my legs and let the desert wind dry my balls. “Maybe he’s just not down with sleeping with his boss.” My head fell back to the chaise cushion and my eyes drifted shut. This was not the crap I needed burbling in my head. We had a game tonight.
“Are you respecting his boundaries?”
My eyes flew open. “Yes! Seriously, I’m not some sort of creeper. I’ve never forced a person to sleep with me, I don’t have to.”
“Watch that ego. Your fancy owl helmet won’t fit on your head.”
“Raptor. It’s a raptor. What do you think I should do?”
“Nothing. It will be what it will be. So, the sweat lodge? I met two men in the desert who said they’d help me erect it.”
“Alchemy, you can’t just hit it off with wandering desert dudes.”
“Pfft, like I don’t know how to handle myself. You need to stop worrying about my sex life and start fixing yours. You and Joe have compatible auras. Also, you look cute together.” A crowing rooster sound split the air. “That’s Coyote and Myron. My new friends. We’re going to stake off the boundaries for the sweat lodge. Can you loan me a few bucks to buy some materials?”
“Sure yeah, ask Simon for cash. But Coyote and Myron are not allowed near the house until Simon checks them out.” She rose then patted my cheek before hoisting her sari up over her swollen knees and heading off to the pool house.” Hey, old woman, don’t be doing nothing kinky on the property! Child Services drops by all the time!” She threw her hands into the air then disappeared around the side of the pool house. “She’s so going to do kinky shit behind my pool house with wandering desert dudes.”
“Hey.” Joe’s voice startled me.
“Dude, whistle or something.”
“I didn’t want to interrupt your talk with your grandmother.”
I patted the chaise. He squinted into the sun then sat, his ass on the edge of the damp yellow cushion. “She’s off to put up a sweat lodge with some dudes she met while she was out toking it up in the mountains.” His eyes flared. “So like if you see two guys walking around with animal skins and long poles don’t freak out. It’ll just be Coyote and Myron, Alchemy’s new lovers.”
His eyes rounded even more. “Your life is unlike mine in so many ways.”
“Truth. So, is Maddie napping?” I wiggled closer, hoping he’d slip under my arm or crawl into my lap. He did neither, just sat primly on the edge of the cushion, his cheeks looking a little redder than usual. “Are you okay? Is something wrong with Maddie?”
“No, she’s fine. Her belly is full and I read her that story about the boy turtle who wants to wear sequins and pretty things on his shell to school.”
“Timmy Turtle’s Tremendously Terrific Shell. I love that book.”
“It’s a wonderful story about accepting transgender and non-binary children. A little above her reading level yet, but a great book.”
I grinned and he got redder. “Never too early to teach them love and acceptance.”
&nb
sp; “Yes, I agree.” His gaze darted around as he fiddled with the seam on his shorts. I liked him in shorts and tank, it showed off his arms and calves. I wanted to see more of him. Was his chest covered with hair like his forearms and legs were? I hoped so. “So, we’re doing well, right?”
I blinked to clear the lusty thoughts from my head. “Uhm, yeah, sure. I guess. Do you mean we’re doing well with the manny work because you are totally the only man I want taking care of my daughter.”
He beamed. “Well thank you. I’m quite fond of her.”
“And me? Are you fond of me too, Joseph?” My voice dropped and his Adam’s apple bounced. Yeah, he liked me. My dick started to rise under my towel. I shoved at it to try to hide it but it was kind of hard. His gaze dropped to my cock then a rosy red blush swam up his neck all the way to his ears. “Sorry?”
He wet his lips. I waited. I had a few hours until I was needed at the barn. “It’s like this.” He cleared his throat. I waited. “Yes, well, it’s just that I find myself in a rather confusing situation as I’ve not… this is never… not never, but rarely. I don’t find myself sexually attracted to people. Men I mean. I’ve only known you a short time, just a few weeks, but we’ve grown close in that time. I’ve come to see you as more than a wild rock star. I’ve seen how much you love Maddie, and how devoted you are to your grandmother. I’ve come to see that you’re a kind but free soul. And you smile, a lot. Even though you’ve been through some truly terrible things, you smile and sing. I think I might like you a little bit.”
My heart did this wild tamping dance of joy inside my chest. “I like you too, more than a little. I’d like to kiss you again. Can I?”
He nodded then climbed over me like a capuchin monkey. It was unexpected and glorious all at once. His mouth crashed down over mine, his fingers dove into my wet hair, and he kissed me so hard our teeth clacked. I managed to get a hand on his hip before he wiggled free and stumbled to his feet. His cheeks were flaming, his pupils blown, and his shorts bulging in the front. The man was breathless and ripe. My fingers itched to reach for his zipper but I left them where they were.
“I just wanted to do that. Was it okay?”
“Oh yeah, it was exceptionally okay.”
He smiled, a shy awkward smile that made my balls feel heavy. “Good. I… well, good.” He carded a hand through his hair, making it stick up at disjointed angles. “We’ve come quite a long way, haven’t we?”
“We have.”
His watch beeped. “Oh, that’s the timer on my experiment. Thanks for the kiss. I liked it. A lot!” Off he ran to tend to his experiment, whatever that was. Probably trying to open up a black hole in my music room. Wouldn’t have surprised me. It would go well with the sweat lodge behind the pool house. Thinking of that rough, uncoordinated kiss had me grinning all the way to the arena.
Ten days later I was still grinning. Not over that kiss, although it had been a turning point for Joe and me, but over the fact that we’d whipped the yee-haw out of Dallas and were moving on to face Winnipeg in the Western Conference Finals. We’d blown away the bookies in Vegas by clawing our way this far and we were primed to push past a really tough team to reach the Cup finals.
Tonight though, we were celebrating our victory at my place as I was the king of all things party for the Raptors. Walking through the guests, I did have to say that this was a majorly low-key event compared to most of my other celebrations. No booze, no dope, no half-naked groupies, no emus, or other wildlife. Boring, but incredibly grown-up.
I nodded at Coyote, who was one third of my grandmother’s new poly throuple as I circled the pool. The older Mexican man waved back. Alchemy and Myron, a black man of ninety who could still do a hundred jumping jacks, must have been off doing something kinky. I’d never seen three people who’d jelled so perfectly. And Simon had said they were good men, both Vietnam veterans who’d retired and moved out to a small cabin a mile or so from my property right after the war. So yeah, they’d all jelled instantly. Like Joe and me, but ours was a different kind of jelling. Ours was still kind of platonic, aside from kisses which he was now willing to instigate—like anytime we were in the same vicinity. I loved that he was now reaching out to me. And yeah, I wanted more, but I was cool waiting for him. I had a hand and knew how to use it.
“Can we ask you something?” Ryker said, tugging his fiancé along behind him.
I nodded and turned to face them. If ever there were a couple whom I’d have liked to throuple with it was those two, but they were fully committed to each other and I had this wild, blushing spaceman slowly filling my heart, but man we’d have made a hot threesome.
“Go for it,” I said, folding my arms over my new flowing purply and gold kimono. I’d paired it with black jeans and a purple dye job on my hair.
“Music for the wedding. Would you make us up a playlist?” Ryker blurted out.
“My dudes, I would be honored.” I waved my hands at the sweet sounds of Aerosmith wafting out of the house. “I will craft you a playlist hammered from the forges of the mighty gods of metal!”
“Uhm, can we have some Blake Shelton?” Jacob asked. I stared at him. “He’s a country singer.”
“Oh! Country and Western. Sure, righteous. I’ll make sure to include some of them there types of songs.”
Jacob grinned, Ryker clapped my shoulder, and they merged into the rest of the team milling around. There were no kids here, just adults. Not that I didn’t like kids because I loved my Maddie Boo, but the spouses wanted one night with their significant others without the offspring. So, being the generous man that I was, I readily agreed too. Also, it was the perfect time to meld my two families. I saw Buick first, then Tee Bone, and then Dominic coming around the side of the house.
I ran over to my brothers in rock and we hugged it out. Tee Bone, aka Billie Lark, was a lanky bass player from South Side Chicago, long dark hair, kind of nondescript rocker dude to many but man, could he play. Dominic Varelli was our lead guitarist and played balls to the walls while carrying some pretty hefty vocals himself.
“Colorado, my man, when is this hockey gig going to end?” Dom asked after we had mingled among the Raptors.
The looks that we got from Vlad as we socialized were funny as hell. Always so worried, our captain. The guys had been told weeks ago that the rock and roll lifestyle was now over here at Casa Penn. I had a little human who depended on me to be her everything. I had to show her right from wrong and be with her always. Kind of the opposite of Liberty who had tried to get rid of me several ways. When drinking himself into a grave didn’t work he’d tried a rope. When that hadn’t worked he’d simply left the country and a very confused little kid behind. But fuck that noise. I was a grown man now, well over that abandonment. My child would never know that kind of pain. Not as long as I sucked air.
“I know, man, it’s dragging on but we’re playing really well,” I said, leading them into the music room so we could talk, just us Furballs. They splayed themselves over the couches, all long hair, denim, black leather, and tats. My brothers in metal. I loved them all. And I loved my brothers in ice out in the warm Arizona night. “We’re four games away from the finals. I mean, this is epic big for the franchise.”
“Yeah we know, bruh, but we have an album to make and we can’t do that without our lead singer,” Tee pointed out. I nodded. I was aware. “The record company is going to get shitty soon if we don’t get into the recording studio.”
“I know, I know, and I’m sorry. Look, why don’t we just keep focusing on the songs. The more we get written and ready the faster the record will wrap. Hey! Dig this.” I sat down in front of the piano and picked out a few chords. “This is something that I’m working on now.”
“Dude, that sounds pretty whipped for a Furballs song,” Dom said as soon as I began playing the melody.
“It’s a ballad,” I said, fingers moving over the keys as the notes drifted out of the open windows. “Now before you get all assfaced, just hear me o
ut. All the big bands do ballads. Chicks love them. Aerosmith did a bucketload, so did Guns & Roses, Metallica, Anthrax, Pantera, even Ozzy did some.”
“Yeah but, C-man, it’s a fucking ballad. We’re not the motherfucking Carpenters, we’re a metal band.” I sighed, lifting my fingers from the keys. I knew they’d fight this song, and I knew Dom would rebel the hardest. He hated ballads. Called them ball-less corporate sellout songs. “I don’t know. I don’t like it but we can think about it.”
I spun from the piano and bobbed my head. They’d go think about it and come back with a fat no, I was sure of that. Which pissed me off but made me sad all at once. Whatever. I walked them back outside. Things were strained. They ate a ton of buffet food then left; the scene not quite chaotic enough for them. Feeling weirdly out of place and lonely at my own party, I moved through the halls of my home, climbing the stairs to spend some time with Maddie. She was my joy in a bottle. I knew the band didn’t get it, or refused to, but I wasn’t the same Colorado Penn. Madeline had changed me.
When I reached her door Joe was exiting. I pulled back and he gasped.
“Sorry,” I whispered as he closed the door behind him.
“Dude, whistle next time,” he teased. The hallway was dark, lit with a small nightlight that threw odd shapes of light up and down the corridor.
“Funny manny. Did I miss book and kissy time?” I ran my fingers over the doorframe of my daughter’s room.
“Yes, I’m sorry. She was really cranky after visiting with all the Raptors so we did an early bottle and book.” He leaned against Madeline’s door, searching my face. “You look… off. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, everything is fine.” I walked off, entered my room, and let my kimono slide off my arms to puddle to the floor. The voices of my teammates wafted up into my room.
I heard him walk up beside me. “Are you sure you’re okay?” The moon was a fat ball of white in the dark night sky.