by RJ Scott
I glanced up. He looked miserable, which was kind of how I felt. Poor girl really had no other options, did she, but to leave Maddie with me. At least she’d given her to her father and hadn’t dropped her into a dumpster. She’d done what she thought was right.
“Shit. Okay, as soon as she gets bail, pay it. Get her a lawyer. A good one. Cost is no object. Does she have dreams? Anything? Need a car?”
“I didn’t interview her, Colorado, my men just tracked her down and handed it all over to Child Services. How would I know if she has dreams?” He folded his arms over his wide chest.
“Well, find out. If she wants to go to college, let me know and I’ll have my accountant set something up. I’d like to see her better herself.” He stood there staring at me. “What?”
“You’re certainly not the man that I thought you were when we first met.”
I felt a little heat creep up my neck. “I’m pretty fucking fantastic, I agree. So go on.”
Off he went to make it so. Still reeling from that news, which was a dose of great news with a dollop of sad news, I made my way to the shower, scrubbed my ass, and gathered my family up and took them to the Happy Critter Petting Zoo out on Route 10 by Cortaro. My family. Like all of them, even Alchemy and her men. Simon, Natalie, Emma, and of course, Joe and Maddie Boo. We all needed a day out.
It was hotter than Satan’s jockstrap, but we had one hell of a time. We petted pot belly pigs, sheep, goats, fed chickens, admired a llama who spat at Simon. Then I took Emma by the hand and led her and the others to the emu pen. Maddie was sleeping in her stroller so she missed out on meeting him, but there would be other trips. With Joe. There had to be…
“Okay, now, you see that big bird over there?” I asked Emma, lifting her from the ground to sit on my hip. “That is a friend of mine. His name is Kricker, and he is the Lord and High Commander of the Flightless Birds. Like, that is his official title.”
“Is he that same bird in a hat that’s on your boob?”
I glanced down to see the famed top hat peeking out of my I Play for Any Team white tank top. “Yep, that’s him. He toured with me and the band for a while, then he lived with me, but he wasn’t happy living in a mansion, so he came here to live. And he’s super happy now! He’s got a lady emu to hang out with. Her name is Penelope.”
“Can we feed him?”
“Sure. Let me buy some food.” One fast trip to the snack shop for a cup of Kricker chow, and we were back at the fence. As soon as Kricker saw the big white cup he trotted over.
“Dude and High Lord Commander of the Flightless Legions, we are truly graced by your presence.” I grabbed the edges of the silk paisley robe I was wearing and bowed. Emma giggled and dropped into a curtsy. Kricker made that wild purring, drum-like sound that emus make. Emma was scared to let him eat out of her hand, which was legit because he did have a big-ass pecking unit. But I wasn’t scared. We fed him a cup of feed, petted his fuzzy head, and told him all about who Emma was. Then he wandered off, as emus do.
“Do you miss Mr. Kricker Commander?” Emma asked as we lingered by the emu pen, watching the wind rustle the trees that grew in the enclosure.
“Yeah, he was a cool pet, but he wasn’t made to live in a house.”
“If I was a bird I would be an emu. Did you see his feet?”
“Right? Like it was so hard finding shoes to fit him!”
She laughed and laughed. Joe glanced up, Maddie now on his shoulder, and smiled at me. Alchemy gave me a grin. Nat and Simon were chatting while making eyes at each other. I knew right then that my life was right there. Like, not right there beside the emu pen, but right there with these people, and the man holding my daughter. I would make sure of that, somehow, someway.
Fourteen
Joseph
Even though the day out at had been a good one, the dynamic in the house had changed dramatically since the fire and the business with Maddie’s mom that had happened all on top of each other at the same time. Add in the Raptors losing games and not advancing in the cup run and it seemed to me as if everyone was stressed, or miserable. Natalie had several bad days and ended up spending all of her time in her room. Maddie was my priority, but then so was Natalie, who refused to talk about the fire, and Emma who didn’t seem upset by the fire because she probably didn’t know how to process everything. I needed to order new clothes for both my sister and niece, and pinning either of them down to anything was like catching a slippery fish with my hands. Emma wanted to stay in the princess dresses from the dress-up box, Natalie said she was fine with Raptors sweats and T-shirts. It was as if Emma was embracing this experience with oblivious acceptance, and Natalie was fighting everything. Both things needed addressing.
Then there was Colorado who had moped and then angsted, and then dealt with Maddie’s birth mother. Apparently, he’d set up a fund for her to go to college, which was before Simon had suggested it might look as if he was buying Maddie from her. That had gone down about as well as a gas cloud heading for a supermassive black hole, hence the moping.
I genuinely didn’t know who to worry about first, but the only calm one in the house was Simon and I aspired to be like him, so I forced down the worries and tried to carry on. Last night I made a list of worries, and today I was determined to work my way through each item.
The list was a long one. Emma likely needed counseling, or support, probably through something like art therapy. Natalie, would need counseling plus a plan for rebuilding the house, and a focus for her future. Every time I mentioned the future to Natalie she began to cry, then Emma got quiet, and I was at a loss for how to show my love for both my girls. Then there was my attraction to Colorado and the compassion he’d shown Maddie’s birth mom, Megan, and through all of it there was Maddie. That was my list and I was approaching today with scientific precision.
Top of my list was Emma, and I found her in the spot she’d claimed for her own, the same room that I thought would make a good study. Simon was there, attaching a rainbow blanket to hooks in the wall.
“Morning,” he said as he fixed the last part and then checked around.
“Simon made me a tent. You can come inside,” Emma announced, and then crawled back under a table draped with material. I smiled at Simon who inclined his head in acknowledgment and then sauntered away. He was good with Emma; actually he was good with Natalie as well. He was patient and caring. I was seeing less of angry Simon, and wondered if that was to do with my sister and niece, or that Colorado wasn’t messing things up quite as Simon expected.
I crawled into the tent, holding Maddie to my neck, and was overwhelmed. Everything a five-year-old princess in the making could want was inside, including dress-up clothes, stuffed toys, books, games… the contents were endless. This was less a tent and more a small cave, and given the screws in the wall I was assuming it was a more permanent thing that Maddie would one day enjoy.
“Knock, knock,” I called, as I balanced toast and jelly on a plate. “Breakfast delivery for Princess Emma!”
“In here, Uncle Joseph,” she called, and poked her head out of a second room split with floaty voile.
“Come and eat and we’ll have a party,” I announced, and propped Maddie up in among the teddy bears, making sure she was secure. Of course she wasn’t sitting up, that wouldn’t happen for a while, but she was cooing and batting at the nearest stuffed toy, a teddy wearing a Raptors top with Colorado’s number. I slipped the bag off my shoulder, pulled out drinks, and settled cross-legged on the thick rug on the wood floor.
Emma sat at the small table on one of the chairs and I winced inwardly at the fact she was already covered in paint even this early. She’d taken to making mud pies, mud pots, mud mugs, and they all needed painting.
“How are you this morning?” I asked cheerfully as she bit into her first toast triangle.
She nodded, and then pretended to offer toast to the purple dragon on the other seat. “When is Momma getting up to play with me?”
T
hat was my girl, cutting to the chase. She was a known quantity in my family equation, in that she was probably the only one to make Natalie smile despite everything.
“She’s coming downstairs today, and I know she wants to go swimming,” I lied.
Colorado had made an emergency decision to have the entire pool fenced so that no small kids could accidentally fall in, hurrying it along because Emma was staying there, and loving every minute of choosing the decorative animal designs that formed part of the fence. Of course, that had been before the Megan reveal, and he’d been on a high then creating a family space for what he called his new family.
My chest tightened at the thought of us being any kind of family alongside Colorado. How was that ever going to work? I was a scientist, and sex was an unknown quantity I’d yet to master, but Colorado was this free spirit who equated sex with breathing. We were so dissimilar it hurt. Anyway, I had a life to get back to, a degree to finish, insurance money to claim, I had to find somewhere to live, and most of all I had my own small family to care for. I sat for a while, fussing over Maddie until she closed her eyes, and eating my own toast and drinking a grown-up coffee from the small flask I’d brought in the bag.
“When do we go home?” Emma asked after her last piece of toast was gone.
“We can’t go back to the same house, you know that, right?”
“Uh huh.” She nodded fiercely. “Because it got all burned up, even the pictures we were doing.”
“It did.”
“I don’t like that.” This wasn’t the first time she’d mentioned going home, but it was the first time she clambered over her toys to sit on my lap and cling to me. Maybe this was the moment she cried, or needed support, instead of showing the caution and then the excitement of living in this huge place. I hugged her close and waited for her to start the conversation.
“What if we don’t go home?” she murmured into my neck. “What if we stay here? I could live in this tent and I promise I’d be really quiet and good.”
My heart hurt that she could even think that she’d do anything that would upset Colorado. “I don’t think we can stay here, sweetheart. Don’t you want a new house with your momma and me?”
“I guess, but it won’t have Coddlerdardo, and he’s funny.”
“We’ll see,” I murmured, and hated that I’d even said that. It was the cop-out that adults gave kids all the time, but what else could I say.
The conversation with Emma made my chest tight, and I made a mental note to contact a counselor, because even though she appeared happy and fine, I doubt she could have gone through everything without some issues. As to wanting to stay there, we couldn’t live there forever, because Colorado had a life, and he would move on. I carried that worry with me as we left Emma to play tea parties, and Maddie and I headed up to visit with Natalie.
She’d been there a few days, but the crying hadn’t stopped, and she was just another thing for me to worry about. She was the second part of my equation, and counseling alongside Emma could only be a good thing—if I could get her to agree. I knocked on the door, waited for her to tell me to come in, but when I heard nothing I pushed inside. The room was gloomy, the drapes drawn, and Natalie was nothing more than a lump in the bed. I pressed a hand to her forehead, but she wasn’t clammy, and she was awake and looking at me.
“Natalie? Did you check your sugar?”
She sighed as if I’d asked her to murder a puppy. “Stop that, I’m fine, I had breakfast. Simon brought it up to me.”
I could see the attraction between them. “He’s a sweet guy,” I said.
“But he saw me when I hadn’t even had a shower and I shouted at him.” She sat up, pulling the quilt with her and scooting back on the bed. I perched on the edge, Maddie asleep in my arms, and didn’t know where to start with any of this.
“I’m sure he understands.”
She shrugged as if she didn’t care, but I could see sadness in her eyes, and I wanted to make things better for her. I just didn’t know how at this moment, I just knew we needed to talk and clear the air.
“We need to talk,” she blurted.
Wait, that was my line. “Okay.”
“I messed up, Joseph, and I’ve ruined everything.”
“Simon won’t hold it against you that you were still in pajamas—”
“This has nothing to do with Simon.” Her face crumpled. “I went back into the house, for God’s sake, and for what, photos? I could have died, and then you would have had to…” The tears started again, great wracking sobs, and I gently lay Maddie in a nest of quilt and pulled my sister into my arms for a hug.
“Everything will be okay, I’ll fix it all.”
That didn’t go down well, if anything she was sobbing even harder, and the concept of getting counseling for her as well became a more concrete thing. Somehow we’d find the money and I would make it work.
“You can’t… I didn’t… Joseph…”
“It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay.”
“It’s not… it never will be… I’ve lost it all.”
“You’re alive, Emma is downstairs, you’re with me. You haven’t lost anything that really matters.”
“The house, Bobby’s house, it’s gone, and it wasn’t…” She sobbed harder. “Oh god, Joseph, it wasn’t…”
“It wasn’t what? Nats, talk to me?”
She hiccupped with sobs, gripping my arm so tight she was going to leave bruises. “There’s so much I had to pay for, utilities, maintenance costs, the new refrigerator after the last one gave up the ghost, property taxes, and I was just looking for ways to be able to afford my insulin. I told myself it was okay not to have homeowners insurance. I mean, we own the house so it wasn’t as if we had a bank telling us what to do… what are the odds something bad could happen to our house?” The tightness in my chest became painful as I began to put two and two together. “I didn’t have insurance, Joseph, I’ve lost everything.”
Oh shit. Fuck. Fuck.
“It’s not a problem, nothing we can’t fix,” I lied. It seemed as if I was doing a lot of lying this morning, first to Emma, now Natalie, and I bet anything I’d be lying to Colorado later as well. Who wanted the truth when it was so painful? My sister and niece were homeless, hell, I was homeless, but I would make this work. I would. I just didn’t know where I’d start, or how we could recover but there was no way I was letting Natalie worry about this.
She cradled my face. “Joseph, you have to know Colorado likes you, I can see that, you could move in with him, and we could find somewhere—”
“I’m not staying here, and leaving you—”
“You have everything in front of you, a future, you’re so clever—”
“You’re my family,” I was close to shouting, “if you think I’m leaving you with no home, then you don’t even know me.”
“You could change the world, and if you stay—”
“Stop talking!” I snapped, and winced when Maddie startled.
Natalie’s expression crumpled. “What am I going to do?” She sounded broken. “If Bobby’s parents find out we have nowhere, and they demand to take Emma—”
Emma going anywhere with her grandparents who didn’t give a shit about her? Not on my watch.
“Emma is going nowhere, you’re going nowhere, and I’ll figure it all out. So you just need to let me do this, okay?”
By the time I left her I was utterly convinced I would sort out everything, because that was the person she needed me to be. It was only when I left her room that I let the shock consume me. Maddie and I hid in the nursery, and I slumped to the mattress next to her crib and scrolled through my phone, attempting to think things through. The house had belonged to Natalie outright, no mortgage because of the fact that Bobby had an inheritance that had covered the cost of the tiny place. That meant there was no legal push to have insurance; the bank didn’t have a say in it, the land it sat on belonged to Natalie, so maybe she could sell that? With the money
from the scrap of land, and if I didn’t go back to the last year of college, if I used the money from working for Colorado, I could fix this. We could move to a place that wasn’t as expensive, or was more remote. Live off the land?
Fuck my life. It wasn’t as if I was this hard-ass survivalist who could lead some self-sustaining life; my brain was in the stars, not the earth.
“How do I even grow carrots,” I murmured the words into the empty room.
“Carrots grow most places,” Colorado said from the door. I never even knew he was there, or how long he might have been watching me. I couldn’t even stand, my limbs like jelly, my head hurting, and my chest tight. “Hey, my beautiful Maddie Boo,” he whispered and pressed a kiss to his daughter’s head before sitting next to me with his back against the wall. I shuffled away from him to give him space but he pressed a hand to my thigh to stop me. “Why do you want to grow carrots?”
Now it was my turn to shrug as if my whole world wasn’t imploding around me. Where would I even start to explain that Natalie’s money had gone on medical supplies rather than on paying the premiums on the house insurance.
Colorado kept talking. “Potatoes first, because they break up the ground, for the carrots later. If you need advice then Alchemy can fix you up with growing instructions for carrots and cannabis… your call.” He took my hand and curled his fingers around mine, lacing them together and tugging me toward him, until I had my head next to his shoulder. “I heard the shouting,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean to hear it, but I was in my room and you were angry.”
I glanced at him and he was staring back at me with so much compassion that I wanted to weep. It was a look that made me want to tell him everything, but what right did I have to share my sister’s secrets?
“I wasn’t angry,” I murmured, “I was passionate because my sister was trying to push me away.” I clapped my free hand over my mouth. Where had that come from? “No, that’s not right, she was just looking out for me, encouraging me to go and be the best I could, but I don’t want that at the expense of my family. The theory is sound, that I go out there, learn all I can, and then get a career I love that earns good money, with benefits, and then I go home. But she needs me now, Emma needs me now. They’re my everything.”