“Wait, I don’t get it,” Liam pipes up, chewing on the ice from his water.
“Should we call Laura for an explanation?” she questions sarcastically to my unamused face. “No, it’s fine. It’s like I told her, erectile dysfunction happens to every guy. They’re just usually like, old. But you’ve always been a trailblazer, Grey. The way I see it, you’re just embodying daddy syndrome, in like a ‘method acting’ way.”
My shoulders shake with my laughter as I break and toss a packet of sugar at her, but Liam’s eyes are so wide they may fall out of his head.
“Dude. You…” He motions, curling his finger down.
I lean in, elbow on the table, and stare at them both seriously, playing along.
“Here’s the thing. I couldn’t even convince my dick to fuck her. Both heads were in agreement.”
Liam tries not to laugh directly to my face, so much so that Caroline finally crumbles and falls into a fit of giggles. I sit back and let them have their fun because it’s better than admitting to the truth—that I gave up on getting hard until I dry fucked a girl who refused to choose me, then went home and beat off twice to the memory of her panting. I move for a change of topic, turning my attention to the plate of mini toast.
“All right, shut up. Can we stop talking about my dick and get back to the party? I’m sure whatever you have planned, Caroline, will be outrageous. Evan should love the bill. Speaking of, have you heard—”
“No, not yet,” she snaps, cutting me off and turning her head away.
Shit.
“I was going to say lawyers, Caroline.” Her eyes won’t meet mine, but they don’t have to. I already know why she’s upset. She thought I was going to say parents. “I’m sure there are papers to sign for whatever inheritance will be released to you.”
“Mmhmm. Where is that waitress? Does she mean for us to starve?”
Caroline’s voice is curt, but if you listen carefully, she’s also sad. My eyes shift to Liam, who looks as pissed as I feel. Neither of the piss-poor excuses impersonating parents have called yet. Some would excuse my father—not me, but some—because he’s her stepfather. But her mother, the opportunistic widow, has zero excuses.
Her daughter turns eighteen in less than a week, and that boozed-up hag is probably on some yacht spending money that isn’t hers. She should be here, prepping and sharing in the excitement of her only child’s birthday, but I don’t anticipate either will even call.
I grab my glass and lift it, Liam following.
“A toast. To Caroline.”
Her big eyes look at me, sadness hiding behind the dedication to keeping it there.
“May everybody remember their inferiority and never ever question who’s queen. Here’s to the road to eighteen, and your freedom, but most importantly your reign.”
She gives an elegant clap and smiles as Liam kisses her cheek. He hands her the champagne flute, and our glasses clink together.
Caroline sips her champagne and sets her glass down, sighing before looking around. “Since it seems as if we may be waiting until tomorrow for the wait staff, I’m telling Kai to join us.”
The waitress walks over as Caroline begins typing, so I order first, letting Liam do so for himself and Caroline. Liam cocks his head to the side to try and see what she’s typing, but Caroline elbows him, making me laugh.
“Are you writing a novel?” I wonder aloud to her downcast head.
“Seems as if my plans have changed. I’m going shopping and then out for dinner. It’s a state of emergency.”
“What does that mean?” Liam grins, looking at me.
She looks up, twisting her body to face both of us.
“It means Kai has taken it upon himself to make Donovan his ‘operation: be happy’ project, and I’m being dragged along for the ride. Exactly what did you two say or do to her?”
The mood immediately drops. Liam and I look in different directions, unwilling to answer. Fuck me. I don’t like this. I don’t know what Liam said to her behind that tree outside of what I’d expect from him, but I can guarantee it wasn’t anything like what went down between me and her.
“Interesting,” she muses over our silence, before looking back to her phone.
Liam’s questioning eyes lock to mine, but he speaks to Caroline. “What did Kai say?”
Caroline doesn’t bother to look up when answering, but it’s better she doesn’t, because then she’d have to witness the silent contemptuous accusations being thrown from Liam to me.
“Only that Donovan is upset about her friendship slash the ruined state of it with you two jerks, and that she needs a change of scenery. Would you like to explain what that should mean?”
Caroline finally looks up, switching her gaze back and forth between me and Liam for an explanation, but I’m not giving her one. And by the looks of it, neither is he. I flip my fork over and over, gritting my teeth together as Liam shakes his head at me. He knows this is my fault, but it’s actually his. Her bullshit loyalty to him is the problem.
“What? Speak,” I challenge, resting my elbow on the back of my chair.
Liam smacks the table, and the approaching waitress clinks the plates as she startles, but he ignores her to sneer at me. He’s being protective. How cute. But he doesn’t get to tell me shit when it comes to Donovan. A plate is set in front of me, and I look up, nodding in appreciation as the waitress asks if everything is acceptable. I pick up my pasta spoon and fork and level my attention on Liam before diving in to my food.
“Are you done?”
He pushes his plate away as Caroline’s eyes widen. She’s never seen us fight. It’s only happened twice, and truth is, after the first time, there’s never been anything important enough. Until now.
“You don’t deserve her.”
“Maybe not.” I let out a breath dropping my utensils. “But I’m the one who gets her.”
If he were to ask me if we’re good, I’m not sure I’d be able to give him the same answer as last night. Don’t push this, Liam. Everything changed the moment I touched her. There’s no going back. Donovan can’t belong to both of us anymore because she’s mine.
Liam taps his glass on the table, staring at me, feeding off my anger. He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again. We aren’t headed anywhere good right now. My leg is bouncing, like a countdown for my explosion.
“Keep it up, dick,” he sneers.
Caroline’s laugh steals both of our attention, making us break from our stare down. She takes another sip of her champagne, arms crossed, saturated in amusement.
“You guys are so embarrassingly stupid.”
She points a perfectly manicured finger at me. “Did you think you’d give her an ultimatum and she’d cave? That’s what you did, isn’t it?”
I don’t answer, surprised by her two fucking cents. With a roll of her eyes, she switches to Liam. “And you promised bullshit unending patience thinking that would win her over? Because you’re the nice guy…only to her, that is.”
Her hair swings over her shoulder as she motions to the waitress for another glass of champagne. “Did it ever occur to you that there may be reasons bigger than her need to fuck you that gives her pause? No? Of course not. God, men are so fucking simple. Always thinking with their dicks.”
Liam looks down at his plate, stabbing a sliced piece of the flank steak with the tines of his fork, obviously irritated at being called out, and I almost laugh. Caroline is telling him things he’s never considered. But I did. Donovan is insanely complicated, but I don’t give a fuck. I knew she wouldn’t cave when I issued my ultimatum last night, because I know her as well as I know myself.
I’ve waited five years for her, wished for her, dreamed of her. And not even she gets to tell me no.
Caroline pushes her salad around, bringing up a forkful to her petite nose to smell, only to set it back down, wiping her hand on the white cloth napkin.
“Did you two ever consider she doesn’t want to ruin your frien
dship? If you haven’t paid attention, she only hangs out with you two idiots, and vice versa. If she picks one of you, the other one becomes a memory.”
Liam waves her off, wiping his mouth. “No way. Losing our friendship would never happen.”
Caroline huffs, snapping her fingers at the waitress and holding up her glass again before turning back to Liam.
“Right. Because everything’s moving so smoothly now? Think about it—if she chooses you, then are you saying you won’t care when Grey does that thing where he basically pisses on her when any other guy is around? And what do you think Grey will do if she chooses him? Because I’m fairly certain you won’t be playing with the feathers in her hair anymore.”
Liam and I stare at each other, as her words grow our worry from all the seeds she’s planting. No matter how much we tell each other we’ll weather the storm, we’re unprepared for the destruction a particular set of blue eyes and shiny red lips would do to our twelve-year-old hearts. Because this is exactly like our first fight when we were twelve. We’re right back in the same place, fighting to be the one she wants. Except now we punch harder and below the belt.
Caroline’s new glass is delivered, and after it’s placed in front of her, she runs a finger around the rim, shaking her head.
“Like I said, that girl is out of your league. She’s haunted and beautiful but too damn much for either of you to handle. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when she chews you up and spits you out.”
Liam swallows hard, rocked by everything she’s said as I wipe my mouth and stare at Caroline.
“You underestimate me.”
“No, Grey. I don’t. You’re impatient and unreasonable, and that will come back to bite you. Especially with her. You’re going to push her away and then hate her for letting you. And all the while, you’re both ignoring the most obvious answer.”
“And that is?”
Caroline locks eyes with me and shrugs.
“She doesn’t love you.”
Twenty minutes later, I’m staring at my partially uneaten food, still hearing Caroline’s words on repeat. She sucked all the air out of the room with that sentence, even if we are outside. I can’t get it out of my head. I know what I feel, and I am absolute in my certainty that she’s feeling the same. She has to.
“Your Uber’s here, Miss McCallister,” Kai’s voice booms from the street with him half hanging out of the limo, garnering our attention.
Caroline smirks as she wipes her hands on her napkin and begins to gather her things. The car pulls to a stop, parking directly in front of us, and Kai ducks back inside, flinging the door open before emerging again to take quick steps across the sidewalk.
“What up?”
Liam and I nod our hellos, both trying to hide our underlying tension, as Caroline stands.
“Everybody good?” he throws out, looking between us.
“Never better,” I answer, placing my fork down and staring back at Liam.
Caroline grabs her purse and turns to walk back around Liam when he looks up at her and back to her plate.
“You aren’t going to eat?”
She waves him off, but he reaches out to stop her. Liam gives me another glare, this one for a different reason, so I push her plate forward, but she shakes her head again.
“I’ll grab something while shopping.”
I’m not surprised at her answer. She and food have a complicated relationship. Even in my anger, I still dusted half my plate, and I’m certain Caroline made a point to rearrange her food rather than eat it. She walks around the back of Liam as Kai grips the railing with one hand and motions with the other for the tiny leftover toasts. “Hook it up. I am hungry. What are you guys doing today?”
I don’t respond, letting Liam answer because my eyes have drifted to the familiar set of legs I see inside the limo.
My voice carries over the outside space, cracking the wind. “Are you getting out?”
Donovan’s fingers tap against her bare knees, which are taunting me through a slit in the dress she’s wearing. Memories of last night fill the crevices of my mind.
“Too chicken?”
I watch her black Doc Marten start to bounce before she scoots toward the exit of the car. So predictably brave.
“She’s here?” Liam questions just as Kai moves from blocking his view.
Donovan ducks out of the car and stands in the black limo entrance, locking sunglassed eyes with me, and lets out a deep breath. Her long dress clings to her body, dipping low in the front, but her cleavage is hidden by an indulgent amount of delicate gold chains. The iron patio gate clangs from behind me, and Caroline walks a few steps taking her place next to Donovan, smirking as she looks back at Liam and me.
“Good luck with that.”
“Are you making new friends?” I question, leaning back into my chair. “Trading us in so soon?”
She moves aside to let Caroline into the limo just as Kai pushes off the railing saying, “And I’m out,” under his breath. His hand taps Donovan’s waist as he moves past her, ducking inside and leaving her alone to face us.
“So what if I am? I didn’t think we were friends anymore, right? That’s what you said. I mean, can you blame me?”
Wrong answer.
Liam’s face darts to mine and I stand, but he follows suit, throwing his napkin on the table. Donovan’s chin raises before she takes a step back, cautious about our reaction. She turns to slide into the limo when we both jump the iron restaurant gate, coming to stand over her before she can escape.
“Not so fast,” I growl, as she turns back around and looks up at the both of us. “You know what I meant. Don’t do that.”
The freckles behind her sunglasses peek out, and I want to run my thumb over them.
“Ignore Grey. Look at me, Van.” Liam’s voice is tender with her, but she doesn’t listen. That beautiful face stays on mine as he continues, and I see it—everything I already fucking knew.
“We need to talk. Air it all out,” he says to the back of her head.
“God, and I thought having one boyfriend sounded awful.”
“Shut up, Caroline,” is said in unison by the three of us.
Donovan holds up her hands and steps in close to both of us, forcing us backward, before reaching behind herself and shutting the car door.
“I don’t have it in me to fight.” That’s directed at me. “Not here on the sidewalk for the world to see. I gave you each a conversation and explanations last night, but let’s be honest, there’s nothing I can say that will appease you. This is spiraling into some bad shit. And frankly, I could use a break from thinking about you. I’ve earned it.”
Her words are fierce and determined, a well-placed mask to hide her nerves. God, she’s fucking beautiful, and strong. Right and true. And if she’d let us happen, I would remind her every day until she got tired of hearing it. But instead, she’s letting her bullshit stand in our way.
I’m not competing with Liam for Donovan. I’m battling her.
Liam caves and leans in kissing her cheek, pulling her into a hug. “I’m not going anywhere. You know that, Van.”
Her face turns to mine, in his arms, turning to me fully when he releases her, but I don’t move. We stand there staring at each other on opposite sides of this mess. If she’s choosing not to risk herself for me, then I won’t give myself to her. Everything we want to say stays silent until she answers my thoughts.
“I don’t want to lose you, Grey.”
Maybe that’s exactly what you need.
I bend down, cradling her face and brushing my lips against hers before whispering into them, “You did the moment you chose.”
Donovan pushes my hand away, causing her oversized sunglasses to drop on her face, and I’m frozen in place. Her eyes lock to mine, slowing my breathing, because they’re rimmed in red and afraid. I warned her I wouldn’t make this easy.
“I’m not choosing. That’s the point. I want it to stay us. Why are you being cru
el?”
“Cruel is choosing yourself over me. I would never do that to you. It’s always you. Always.”
“Grey,” Liam barks, but she’s already retreating.
He shoves my shoulder, but I don’t move, watching her get into the limo as Liam tries to talk to her, but it’s no use. The door clicks, and the limo slowly pulls from the curb, but I know she’s looking out, right at me.
Sometimes you have to feel the loss to know what’s important, Cherry. And if she feels anything like me right now, it’s like a fire poker to the heart because—I love her.
Goddammit. I love the girl.
Donovan
THE POP FROM THE BOTTLE doesn’t steal my attention until the fizzing champagne begins to spill over. My head turns away from the window, the one I’ve been staring out of since I pulled away from Grey, and I try to smile, but it feels like a burden. Caroline squeals as Kai tries to minimize the decadent disaster by slurping from the bottle. It’s a picture-perfect moment, but all I feel is regret.
This is the exact place I didn’t want to be. But here I am, alone in a car with people I’m not really friends with because I need to keep from bottoming out over the ones I’ve lost. That’s not wholly true—I still have Liam—but Grey, he’s bigger than any one person, or maybe I’ve just always built him up to be.
That place of deity gives him power. The kind he’s holding over me right now after saying what he said. I know he’s angry, and a part of me knows I’m to blame, but we’re all guilty of smudging the lines until it was impossible not to cross them. I’m at fault for not being stronger because I wanted them. Because I want him.
It’s like trying to hold your breath when you’re a kid. Eventually, you break and your body forces a breath—an involuntary reaction to a bad idea. Grey’s the bad idea, and my attention is the involuntary reaction. I could no more stop breathing than ignore him.
I pick at my bracelets, worried. He doesn’t mean what he said. He can’t mean it. Grey’s just saying it to call my bluff because he knows the idea of being void of him will make me admit to myself everything that I hate to feel—desperate and so fucking weak for him.
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