I didn’t ask him to be here. I don’t need his help. Not ever again.
“Like Donovan this morning?” I smirk, tossing the towel back.
Liam barrels over the middle console and halfway into the back seat, reaching for my neck, but Kai pushes him back as I slap his hand away viciously. Kai pats Liam’s shoulder as Liam emptily stares out the front windshield, anger roiling off him. His shoulders are hunched, the whites in his knuckles bright from strangling the steering wheel. The tension is so thick you’d have to chop it with an axe.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Grey?” Liam growls to the dash. “You’re self-destructing. Trying to take everything with you. Is that what all of this was about today? You think something fucking happened between me and Donovan?”
I stare at him, unable to fucking speak the words. I don’t ever want to say them aloud. He takes a long inhale and lets it out slowly, shaking his head.
“Nothing has ever happened past…” He pauses, and I know what he’s referencing. “Past kissing. I don’t know what you think you know, but you’re dead wrong. Unfortunately for me, brother, that girl only really loves one of us. And it isn’t me.”
My fists curl into tight balls. Even now he’s fucking lying.
“I saw her with you this morning…” His eyes meet mine through the mirror. “She was wearing your clothes. Don’t tell me what I know.”
Caught. Done. Go to hell. I don’t need you or anyone.
He turns to face me, disbelief gracing his face. “I can’t believe this. She came over to tell me about Paul…because you weren’t fucking speaking to her like the asshole you are. She spilled coffee, Grey. I gave her those sweats, so she didn’t have to sit in stained, wet clothes. What the fuck, dude? You’ve torn the walls down from the city. All over her? Because you thought you lost this morning?”
He says that like it’s not worth it. To destroy everything until she loves me back or I stop caring.
“Not lost. Lost her.” I fucking love her. And I messed everything up.
My body aches. That’s what I get for trying to go through Kai and Liam. Even Paul and all his lackeys couldn’t contain me, but these two, that was another story. They tossed me in my room and told me to sleep it off, refusing to let me out until I either exhausted myself by destroying it or the liquor ran through my system.
I’m still far from sober, but I’ve never been more clear. So now I’m here at one in the morning, having slipped away from Liam and Kai, locked in my brain and finally facing my reality—no future. No future with her. No fucking reason anymore.
Nothing to lose.
The plastic fuel can rocks in my hand as I empty out the contents, dousing the bark and the big thick roots that bulge up from the ground.
This is where it all began—our demise. So it’s fitting to come back here for closure.
This goddamn tree. The place she sits to watch me row, knowing my secrets and my dreams. The place where she hid to kiss my best friend because she wanted to deny me. The place where I picture her, long hair sweeping off her shoulder when the breeze hits, making her smile. Eyes hiding behind her big glasses as she blows me a kiss when she thinks I’ve done something to be proud of.
I hate this fucking tree. And I won’t look at it without her under it.
I toss the canister by the great oak tree and walk a few feet away to pick up the bottle of whiskey where I left it. Taking a swig, I reach into my pocket, slipping out a small matchbook. The strike rips over the abrasive back, sparking the light. I bring the match to the end of the cigarette I’ve been holding between my teeth. The sweet hit fills my lungs before I exhale the smoke and toss the burning match to the diesel-soaked tree.
“Fuck you!”
The fires combusts, heat spreading and lighting my eyes, as I step back and away. It spreads like a disease over the tree, coating it in orange, red, and silvery blue. The destructive light dances over itself, growing, compounding as it climbs and climbs, engulfing the entire tree as I step further and further away.
I take another drink of my constant companion today, watching as a branch cracks and falls to the ground. The smoke I exhale from my next drag drifts up, wafting up into the night air and mixing with the white cloud billowing from all my burned memories.
Good riddance.
I flick my cigarette to the ground and turn around, walking away, toward the top of the hill, but the closer I get, the clearer the picture gets. Fire horns sound off in the distance, as the tree cracks and bends from the destruction. My back is hot from the heat emanating off the fire, but my jaw’s tensed from the two figures that step away from the familiar car.
“You ready to stop being a fucking dick, now?” Kai calls out, crossing his arms over his chest. “Or are we dragging you back…again?”
Fuck these two.
I smirk, looking down at the whiskey, and toss it, then look back to them. “Are you here to stop me from getting to her? Because nothing will stop me from getting to what’s mine. You aren’t standing in my way.”
I don’t care what they say. How unreasonable they say I’m being. I will get to her tonight.
Liam steps out and cracks his neck. “You aren’t talking to her like this. She doesn’t need this shit from you. I think you’ve done enough today.”
I fucked up. I hurt her. And she won’t forgive me, I know it, but I’m not letting the sun come up without her knowing that I love her. That I lied about Laura and all the things I said we did. I need her to know. That will be enough. Only when she knows.
My arms spread wide as an invitation to fucking try and stop me.
“Then I guess the answer is no. I’m not ready to stop being a dick. Looks like you’re going to have to stop me.”
Donovan
AS SOON AS I WALK inside my home, I drop my bag at the door. It’s the middle of the afternoon, but I didn’t want to stick around school, so I left. My entire body feels exhausted, depleted. Grey took it all from me. I have nothing left. No more hate, no more anger. No more. All I feel is a void.
Footsteps come from around the corner by the pantry, and my eyes shift up, expecting to see Victor, but it’s my father who walks from the kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He stops suddenly, his eyes catching mine, and spills it over the top a bit, hot liquid hitting his thumb. “Damn it.” His brows furrow. “You surprised me. I didn’t think you’d be home until later this evening. Victor says you’re usually home by five.”
He keeps tabs? Or maybe Vic just reports back, like he does with the other household responsibilities. “The marble will be buffed at 7:00 a.m. today, the child is home at 5:00 p.m., and we’ll also need to stock more granola.”
I nod weakly. “Yes. I usually stick around to watch the crew team. My friends row—”
My friends. He hates me. I hate him. Not my friend.
My voice trails off as he raises his brows in an “Ah, I see,” expression, as I push off from where I’m leaning and head toward the stairs. I don’t expect him to care, so I’m not offended, more acclimated to his disinterest. God, I just want to sleep this day away. Maybe I’ll wake up and realize it was all a nightmare.
“Dinner tonight?” he questions casually as I pass him. Just a schedule check, not anticipation.
I give a thumbs-up and walk up the stairs, each step feeling heavier than the one before. Every thought in my head feels splintered, unable to connect, as I make my way down the hall with my arms wrapped tightly around my waist, picking at the new bracelet wrapped around my wrist. The tattered and worn gray bracelet.
The door clicks in my room behind me as I close it and walk to my bed, crawling on it, not bothering to remove my boots or my blazer. I pull the blanket back and tuck myself under, covering my face and hiding in darkness.
If I ever wondered if I loved Grey, now I know. You can’t have your heart broken unless it was theirs to begin with. And even in this moment, I wish he was here. Crawling under the covers and holding me, letting me
cry and kissing away all the tears he’s caused. Because I love him so blindly that I would take him even in misery.
It only takes a moment before a heavy breath leaves me, bringing with it a guttural sob. One after the other, they exorcise from my body, shaking my chest, unleashing tears to stain my pillow.
I don’t know what time it is, but telling by the sun, it’s still late afternoon. My swollen eyes blink open wider to Vic standing at the side of my bed. Have I been sleeping all day? Doesn’t matter. My head feels heavy, and my body’s still tired. Vic sets a silver plate with a delicate blue Tiffany teacup and saucer down on my bedside table.
“Miss, I’ve brought you some tea.” He smiles kindly and holds up my phone. “And your cell. It’s been making quite a bit of noise the whole afternoon.”
I can barely acknowledge it, so I nod and swallow down the dryness in my throat. “Please turn it off. I don’t want to speak to anyone. And no visitors either.”
He frowns, looking down at me, then relaxes his expression.
“Consider it done. If I may…” He pauses before adding, “If Mr. McCallister doesn’t see what a prize you are, then it’s really his loss.”
I wish our only problem was that he didn’t want me.
“Thank you,” I answer, warmed by his kindness. My chin starts to tremble. “Will you please cancel dinner with my father for me?” I can’t handle that today. I need to catch my breath first.
“Already taken care of. He understands, miss. More than he lets on. I believe he was looking forward to dinner tonight.”
I want to ask what he means, but I’m done talking now. My eyes begin to sting with my unshed tears, overwhelmed by my emotions and with gratitude as he looks down at me.
“Can I get you anything else?”
He’s being so nice, so caring, and he doesn’t have to be. It makes the dam break again.
“Oh, miss, have I said something to upset you?”
I shake my head, wiping my eyes. “No. I just really needed someone to be nice to me, Vic. So, thank you.”
He pats my shoulder gently. “You make it very difficult to not be nice to you, Donovan. You’re more than you give yourself credit for.”
My hands cover my face as I cry into them, thankful for what he’s saying. Nobody loved me. Not really. Not until Liam, Grey, and I were thrown together when we were children. But it wasn’t until now that I realize I was never loved until Grey. And now, my chest will stay cracked open, unable to beat without him. I did this. I refused to choose him even though I always did.
Victor brushes my hair from my face. “Would you like me to sit with you?”
I don’t want to be alone.
I think the words, but I don’t answer as I cry. The bed dips and his hand gently rubs my back. “Shh, now. Shh, now. Sleep, miss. You’re not alone.”
I do eventually sleep, but even in my sleep, I don’t escape Grey.
This time when I wake up, my eyes are dry and all the emotions that were rumbling around my chest have settled. I stretch my arms out, pushing off the blanket, and sit up, taking in a deep breath. I’m alone. The room is dark, but my opened curtains let in the night’s sky. Stars shine bright, shimmering against the black.
I slip my legs off the side of the bed, eyeing the silver tray Vic brought earlier. My legs feel heavy from the boots I’m still wearing, so I lean down and take them off, letting them stay where they fall. Hair from my fallen messy bun brushes my arm, and I realize my jacket is missing. I must’ve taken it off while I slept.
Standing, I pad over to my closet. After removing the rest of my uniform, I open my dresser drawer to grab a sleep shirt, but I’m held frozen, held prisoner by my heart, fixed to the shirt that’s folded on the top.
It’s the shirt I wore of Grey’s at the lake. The one I stole and slept in almost every night since. My fingers brush the fabric as I pull it out, slipping it over my shoulders, feeling the hem hit midthigh. I raise the collar to my nose and inhale, but it doesn’t smell like him anymore, just like detergent. I swallow, hating what a twit I am. This is so dumb. He treats me like shit, because he’s mad, basically throws a tantrum, and I’m in my closet about to cry again over a shirt.
I hate him. God, I wish that were true.
Leaving the closet, I let my bare feet sink into the plush carpet and head toward my window seat. Sitting down, I pull the extra-large T-shirt over my bent knees in an effort to make the world feel a little bit smaller, or safer, as I look out. My arms hug my legs, my chin finding a spot on my knees as I think.
The world looks the same as it did yesterday. It’s a strange thought, but I guess I assumed that without him somehow it would change, that the stars would become duller or something. But it hasn’t. It’s all still there in its grandeur. The only change is that I don’t want to look anymore.
I close my eyes, hugging myself tighter, when my door opens and calls my attention. My chin presses to my shoulder, and I smile at Vic as he walks in.
“I’m glad you’re awake, miss.” He looks flustered. “I realize the time…” My eyes glance at the clock, seeing it’s a little after 1:00 a.m. Shifting back to Vic, I take my knees from under my shirt and stand, taking in that he’s in pajamas and a robe.
“Vic,” I question, worried, “is my father okay?”
He holds up a hand, nodding. “Yes, I’m sorry. Earlier, you said no visitors, but there is a Miss Whitmore in the lobby, and she’s very displeased at being turned away. She’s quite a force. She managed to coerce the front desk to call up—says it’s an emergency. I thought perhaps you’d like to speak to her before I enforce security.”
Grey.
I should let her get hauled away, but she’s here in the middle of the night. Something’s happening because there is absolutely no way Caroline would show up on my doorstep if it wasn’t an emergency.
“Tell her I’m coming down.”
“Yes, miss.” He nods, leaving me.
Vic walks out, and I head to my closet, throwing on a Hillcrest sweatshirt over my T-shirt, some black leggings, and my sneakers. Grabbing my cell, I run my fingers through my hair, uncaring about how my face looks as I walk out of my bedroom and head downstairs. I pick up the pace as I make my way toward the elevator where Vic is already standing, holding the door open.
“Thank you,” I say, breezing in and turning, waiting for the doors to close.
It takes less than thirty seconds to make it to the bottom floor, but I’ve already talked myself out of strangling her twice. If she’s playing another game, she’s going to meet a much meaner version of me than she already has. The doors pull open after the ding, and I step out, immediately locking eyes with the brunette I despise.
“You look like shit. Almost as bad as him.”
I close the few feet between us, eyes locked with my arms crossed, noticing the staff looking in different directions.
“Are you serious? Did you come here to comment on my looks? I thought it was an emergency.” My hands motion toward security. “Time for you to go.”
She jerks my arm down. “Stop. I didn’t come to fight.” Keeping hold of my wrist, she pulls me toward a quieter spot. “I need your help.”
“Bullshit,” I level, snatching my arm away. “I would never help you. You know that.”
“I know.” She glares, lifting her chin. “It’s for Grey. He’s in trouble. He lost his mind after the cafeteria scene the two of you caused—”
I scoff. As if I had anything to do with that. But she holds up a hand to stop me.
“He was going to drive home, but he was drunk, so I called Kai over, and Kai misunderstood something he said and spilled about Paul.”
My back straightens. I’m listening now. Really listening. And I don’t trust this little snake. In fact, I’d like to cut her head right off.
“Did you orchestrate that? On purpose? It’s hard to believe any other way.”
She shakes her head. “No.” But I narrow my eyes. “No. I didn’t set it up.�
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I still don’t believe her. “Doesn’t matter. His bad behavior isn’t my problem. That bridge has been burned.”
The words shoot out, strong and harsh, and I mean them. Even if it kills me.
“God, you two are so much alike with the grudge keeping. No wonder you’re in love.”
“Love?” An empty laugh leaves my chest at the insinuation that he loves me. He set me up to hurt me. That’s not love. It’s…I don’t know, but fuck him. I start to turn around, but her hand lands on my arm to stop me, and my face shoots to the touch and back to her face.
“Sorry,” she breathes, backing her hand off me and furrowing her brow like she’s contemplating what to say next. I don’t know why I stand there, but I do, waiting for her to speak.
“I pushed Grey. Pushed and plotted, hoping he would be mean. Laura was my idea. But it was supposed to make you jealous.”
“Lie.”
She smiles like she’s been caught. “Fine. It was supposed to make you angry. Make you walk away. Also showing Liam you didn’t care about him as much as he’d hoped. I wanted you gone. I knew I could weather Grey’s hate, and he’d get over you, but I could never make it through Liam’s devotion to you if you stuck around.”
Holy shit. She’s diabolical. I’m equal parts impressed and disgusted. My face must give me away.
“I know. It’s practically sociopathic, but the only flaw in my little plan is that Grey won’t get over you. He’ll destroy everything, sink to the lowest of lows, hate, self-destruct until he becomes nothing…because that’s what he feels like without you.”
My voice is barely above a whisper, taking it all in as I ask, “What lie did you tell Grey to make him so cruel today?”
“It’s not what I said, it’s what he thinks he saw… He saw you with Liam this morning. And after I told him you were choosing Liam last night. He thought you had—”
She doesn’t have to finish. I know what he thought, what he’d be feeling right now. I let out a calming breath and lick my lips. “You said you needed my help. Explain, because you were willing to ruin his life twenty-four hours ago. Why should I trust you now?”
Filthy Little Pretties Page 27