by Vicki Savage
Chapter Four
Carina
The next few days passed in a blur of activity. Mr. Juarez—Rafe—had come over every morning and every night to check on the man in my bedroom. He’d change bandages and help him dress, then they would talk I hushed tones behind closed doors. When he was finished, he’d come find me to give a report. His words were kind, if not a little awkward, and I got the sneaking suspicion that talking to a woman wasn’t easy for him. He was extremely polite, which I found charming, and on those rare occasions where I could rattle his stiff exterior, I caught a glimpse of humor that was refreshing and rather attractive.
He was fantastic with Angelina as well. Instead of ignoring her like most of the men in this section of town did, he spent time with her and listened to her endless prattling. I hated to say it, but Rafe was becoming more and more of a fixed presence in both of our lives. I felt safer around him, and when he let his rigid guard slip, he could even make me laugh. Over the past several days he had really lightened the mood around the apartment.
I knew it couldn’t last. Eventually his visit with his grandfather would end and he’d have to go back to his old life in London. I refused to think about it. I was going to enjoy his company for as long as I possibly could.
Take this evening for example. Angelina had been rather insistent that Rafe stay and play tea party with her before dinner. Now the two of them sat on the floor, sipping pretend tea and talking about the weather. It was sweet, and as I watched them from the kitchen, and my heart warmed at the casual, uncomplicated sight.
“They make quite the pair, don’t they?”
I jumped up from my chair, spilling the sand I was filling into the small glass bottle.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Our patient, who told me his name was Miles, leaned against the doorway and watched Rafe and Angelina play with a look of longing on his face.
“You shouldn’t be out of bed.”
He waved his hand in the air. “I’m fine. Rafe is just a worrier, always had been. The concussion is gone and all I have left is a bruised rib. I’ll be right as rain in no time.”
“Regardless, you should take care of yourself.” I hurried over and slipped underneath his arm, lending my support. As I helped him into the chair, I couldn’t help but think of how good he smelled. It was a combination of the citrus soap I had made last month and something purely masculine. If Rafe had been playing into my sense of security these past couple of weeks, Miles had been appealing to my sense of adventure. He was a natural storyteller, a wild child of sorts, and his tales had kept both Rafe and I entertained for hours on end.
It was during these times that I learned that Rafe and Miles had gone to school together back in England, and hearing them retell their exploits made me long for something more than the hard life I had been dealt.
Each man appealed to me in different ways, both physically and emotionally. Not since my husband’s death two years ago had I been with a man, and their combined masculine presence was beginning to do things to my libido.
I started to pull away from Miles, but he held on, waiting for me to look up into his gaze.
“I’m sorry to be such an imposition.”
“You’re not—”
He shook his head. “I am. Both Rafe and I have invaded your life and have given you more mouths to feed. You don’t need that kind of burden.”
“It’s no burden.”
He smiled and slid his finger down the side of my cheek. “You are so sweet and unspoiled. Such a rare treasure compared to the women back home.”
“Home?” Visions of Miles with a wife and children appeared in my head, causing jealousy to grip my core. While I knew that Rafe practiced medicine in London, I had never considered Miles might have a life outside of my apartment, too.
He held up his finger. When he spoke, something flashed through his amber gaze. “Ah, ah. You know the deal. No questions about anything outside of my university life.”
“You’re not even going to give me a little hint?”
“Trust me, it’s better this way.” He dropped his gaze to my mouth. “Besides, I’m the type of guy who likes to live in the moment.”
There was something about the way he said the word ‘moment’ that made my skin heat and a dull ache to form between my thighs. The man was incredibly handsome, and it didn’t take much of an effort to imagine what it would feel like to have his naked body pressed up next to mine.
“Carina.” He tilted his head slightly, as if he had heard my thoughts. It was improper, but for the life of me, I couldn’t pull away from his hypnotic gaze. He inched closer, and I could feel his warm breath on my skin. I closed my eyes and tilted my head, ready and waiting for his touch.
“Mommy, Mommy!” Angelina came rushing into the kitchen, Rafe on her heels. I pulled away from Miles as my daughter dropped her dolls on the floor and pulled on my long skirt. “Is it time for dinner yet? We’re hungry.”
My cheeks heated as I realized that Rafe stood in the doorway, his gaze firmly locked on us. I expected to see anger at how intimately close Miles and I were standing. Instead I saw a dark hunger in his features, almost as if seeing us together turned him on.
It was unsettling, how much those eyes were affecting me. Clearing my throat, I glanced down at his hips before I could stop myself, and confirmed that the man I had been flirting with for the past several days had been aroused at seeing me with someone else.
Confused, I pulled away from Miles’s grasp and straightened my clothes.
“Why don’t you put your dolls away, Angelina? Then you can help me with dinner.”
I began to set the table, unwilling to talk or deal with what had just transpired. Part of me felt as if I had betrayed Rafe by wishing Miles to kiss me, but another, deeper part of me felt a certain thrill at seeing him visibly aroused.
I didn’t want to think about what that meant. When my husband was alive, he had been very traditional. We had only had sex in the missionary position, and it was only when we were trying to conceive Angelina. To him, sex had been a means to an end, nothing more. There was simply no time for such frivolities. We were both too exhausted and too afraid of what another child might do to our dwindling resources.
As I continued to prepare for dinner, Rafe and Miles moved to the living room and spoke in hushed tones. Miles voice was insistent, Rafe’s unsure. I tried not to listen to them, but couldn’t shake the feeling that their topic of conversation was me.
“I’m here, Mommy. What do you want me to do?”
I picked up a stack of dishes and started to hand it to her, but strong, male hands intercepted me.
“There’s no need to help you mother tonight. I’ll do it.”
I looked up at Rafe’s hard, angular features and blinked. “You don’t—”
“I insist.” He turned to Angelina and smiled. “You run along and play. I’ll let you know when dinner is ready.”
“Yippee!” She skipped out of the room, causing both of us to smile.
“I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward back there with Miles. That was not my intention.”
“No! I should be the one who is sorry. I didn’t mean… I mean, there was nothing…”
He put down the last plate and turned to me. “Miles can be very persuasive.”
“Yes.” I let out a long breath. “But I was only helping him into his chair. Nothing happened.”
“I believe you.” He turned, placing the silverware next to the plates. “That does not mean that something will not happen in the future.”
“It won’t.” I don’t know why I felt the need to reassure him, but I did.
He chuckled. “You know that Miles and I attended university together.”
“Yes.” I stirred the soup, not quite willing to look at him.
“So you can believe me when I tell you that I have firsthand experience when it comes to that man. He is charming and very good-looking. It is difficult not to fall for one such as
him.”
I pressed my lips together and continued stirring the stew on the stove, unwilling to voice my agreement. To do so seemed odd, especially in present company.
“He can be like a whirlwind and pick you up off the ground before you realize what is happening. He did so with me, back when we were only freshmen.”
“You were a couple?”
He hesitated. “In a manner of speaking, yes.”
“In a manner of speaking?”
“We were never an exclusive couple, if that’s what you mean.”
“Oh.” I put my hand to my chest. “I didn’t mean to insinuate… I mean, it’s okay if you were…”
Rafe’s smile immediately put me at ease. “Let’s just say that Miles and I went through a rebellious phase. We wanted to do everything the world had to offer. We experimented with different activities, and when we found something we liked, we made it into a habit.”
“Like what?”
“We went ballooning once.” He cleared his throat. “That was a disaster.”
“You’re afraid of heights?”
“No, but he was.” Rafe laughed. “It took him weeks to recover.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “What were some things that you liked?”
“Indian food, roller blading, dating the same woman…” When I raised my brows he averted his gaze. “Yes, Miles and I used to share the same woman.”
I suppose I should have been appalled by his outburst. Two men courting the same woman was rather strange and unorthodox. Instead of feeling scandalized, I found myself intrigued.
“You weren’t jealous of each other?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Not really. It was more or less casual dating, nothing serious.”
“Were you ever intimate with each other?”
Rafe chuckled. “Sometimes, if it felt right and if it helped arouse the woman we were with. At first we just wanted to experience a threesome. Then we were searching for a good time. It was never about the girl. It was more about finding pleasure in life.”
Living for the pure sake of pleasure. I had to admit that the concept was new. “All of my life, I have been working for others. First it was my parents, then taking care of my husband. Then there is Angelina…”
Concern etched his features. “You never found any pleasure?”
After a long moment, I shook my head. “I wouldn’t say that, necessarily. More like I have never done anything for the pure pleasure of it.”
“Wow,” he murmured under his breath. “You have never been selfish about anything?” He took a step toward me. “Not even a little bit?”
Something about the tone of his voice changed, and my body reacted by tingling with awareness. As he approached me, I dropped the spoon into the stew and stepped back until my back touched the wall and shook my head. “No, not even once.”
“How about now?” He moved close, too close. I felt his body heat radiating off him, and I inhaled his sweet masculine scent. “If you could be spontaneous, and do something just for the sheer pleasure of it, what would you do?”
His hypnotic gaze seemed full of possibilities. It drew me closer. “I’d…”
My head began to swim, and butterflies buzzed around in my lower abdomen. He gripped my arms, holding me steady as I tried to find the right words.
“You’d what?” he asked. “Name it, and I’ll make it happen.”
He was so handsome, and his desire to make my selfish wish come true made him that much more attractive. For once in my life, I wanted to have what he and Miles had. I wanted to be impulsive, and to pursue something simply for the pleasure of it.
“I want…”
“Yes?” He shook my arms slightly, forcing me to focus on his lips. “What is it that you want?”
“I—I want this.” Before I could talk myself out of it, I slid my fingers up over his cheeks, stood on my tip toes, and pressed my lips against his.
The kiss was soft, yet firm. For a moment he seemed surprised. Then, with a groan, he threaded his arms around my waist and tilted his head to the side. The motion deepened the kiss, and as I parted my lips, he invaded, filling me with his masculine taste.
The kiss was possessive and passionate, everything I wanted a good kiss to be. I sank into him and pulled him closer, never wanting the moment to end.
Eventually we ran out of air. He pulled back, and I did my best not to gasp as I leaned against the wall.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he took several steps back.
“I’m not.” It had been a long time since I had kissed a man, and Rafe’s arms felt far too good around my shoulders. I thought of him sharing a woman with Miles. What did they do in the bedroom together? What did she do to them?
He averted his gaze, but not before I could see the heat flash through his eyes. “You don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Do you and Miles share women now?” I don’t know where my boldness came from. Perhaps it was the conversation. Selfish pursuits seemed appealing, especially after living my life for others for so long.
“No.” He started back toward the living room.
“Why?”
He glanced at me over his shoulder and fisted his hands at his sides. “It is not important. Besides, even if we did share women together, we would never share you.”
I scowled and lifted my chin. “Why not? Am I not good enough?”
He pressed his lips together, as if choosing his words carefully. Then he relaxed his hands. “No, it is not that you aren’t good enough. It is that you are too good. When Miles and I shared a woman, it was for the pursuit of pleasure. For hers, for ours. No thought was given to love or a long-term relationship.
“I don’t see how that matters with me.”
“Oh, it matters, Carina.” He slid his gaze down my body, like a caress. “It matters very much.”
Before I could ask what he meant, he turned his back to me and left the room, taking all of the heat and passion with him.
Chapter Five
Rafe
I didn’t want to admit it, but the conversation I had with Carina bothered me. I knew what she was thinking, and to be honest, the idea of Miles and I once again sharing a woman was intriguing. We could never do that with Carina, however. The women in our past were nothing more than a means to an end, a pathway to pleasure. They didn’t mean anything to us, and when it was over, there were no tears when we parted ways.
Carina was different. While we had only known each other for a short time, I had already begun to develop feelings for her. She was a kind soul with a warm heart. The way she took in Miles and cared for him was nothing short of amazing. People just didn’t do that anymore in this day and age. Then there was the way she refused to take the easy path like so many women in this part of town. She never did drugs, drank liquor, or sold her body to make ends meet. She said it was for her daughter, but I suspected it was more than that. Carina had a strong sense of pride and self-worth that was intoxicating to a man like me. It felt like a three-way would be some compromise on her moral standing. I didn’t want her to sacrifice her ideals for a degenerate like me.
I knew Miles had feelings for her as well. I could see it in the way his eyes twinkled when they were together. Her optimism and hard work was pushing him along the road to recovery. Part of me felt jealous over the closeness that seemed to be developing between them. I longed for a closeness like that in my own life. For far too long I had been living alone, focused more on my work than forming meaningful relationships. After Miles, I had been too emotionally exhausted to try dating again. This last week has taught me just how much I needed someone in my life.
Or two someones. There was no denying it. There was an undercurrent of attraction between myself and Miles as well. We had never acted on it, however. I think we were both afraid that it would destroy us like it did so long ago.
We had been drunk at the time. We had just finished some grand adventure and on impulse, Miles had kissed me. It was diffe
rent from the kisses we shared in the presence of women, or the casual fucking we did when we were bored and in need of distraction. This was a generous, all-consuming kiss that left my head spinning and my knees weak. There was so much passion, so much emotion. When we finally came up for air, I was too caught up in the moment to consider the consequences of my actions. I told Miles that I loved him beyond measure, as only a drunk lad of twenty could do. He responded by teasing, leaving me wondering if I had misread his intensions.
The next morning, when we were sober, we didn’t speak of what had happened, but my words had hung there in the air between us, driving a deeper and deeper wedge into our friendship until the day he finally left.
Miles never cared for me. He never cared for anyone but himself, and his endless pursuit of pleasure.
Shoving my memories aside, I knocked on the door to Carina’s apartment the next morning. Almost immediately, Miles opened the door, surprising me.
“Rafe.” His grin threatened to swallow up his entire face. “You’re here. Come in, come in.” He placed a hand on his side and gently walked over to one of the chairs in the kitchen. I followed, glancing around the apartment as I walked.
“Where’s Carina?”
“Oh, she took Angelina out to drop her bottles off at the tourist shop down the street. The guy there distributes her bottles to tourist traps around the city for a cut of the profits.” Miles sat down in his chair and waved his hand in dismissal. “They had just left a few minutes ago. I’m surprised you didn’t pass them on the stairs.”
“I took the elevator.”
“Doesn’t matter.” He patted the polished wood of the tabletop. “This will give us a chance to talk.”
“Yes.” I put the bouquet of wildflowers I had collected from a local shop owner onto the table.
“For me?”
I scowled. “Stop playing games. They’re for Carina.”
“I know.” He leaned back in his chair. “She is a real treasure, isn’t she?”