The Land of Stories: The Enchantress Returns

by Chris Colfer

  “It’s beautiful!” Alex said and placed a hand over her heart.

  “Not bad,” Conner said.

  Shelves stretched to the tops of the very high ceiling, with ladders and balconies on various levels. A group of armchairs and sofas was placed in the center of the room near a large fireplace with a gigantic wolfskin rug (that had once been the Big Bad Wolf himself) spread across the floor in front of it. A beautiful chandelier hung in the center of the room, giving an abundance of light perfect for reading.

  There were many portraits of Queen Red hung around the library, but an especially large painting was hung over the fireplace of Red reading a book in one of the armchairs. The twins had to do a double take, because just below the portrait was the real Queen Red Riding Hood seated in an armchair reading a book in the identical position as in the portrait.

  She looked up as soon as she heard the doors open. “You’re back!” Red said when she saw Froggy. She tossed aside the book, which was thin and mostly pictures, and ran to her beau. They collided into a giant embrace.

  Queen Red Riding Hood was a beautiful young woman with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was always dressed to the nines in red gowns and a hooded cape, but the twins noticed something different about Red. She wasn’t wearing nearly as much makeup or jewelry as she had been before. Perhaps her relationship with Froggy had simplified the young queen’s need to impress.

  Froggy tried kissing her but Red pulled away. “No kisses, remember?” Red said. “I love you to death, darling, but I just find you repulsive at the moment. There’s nothing worse than a cold and clammy kiss—you two!”

  Red’s full attention was diverted to the twins once she spotted them. She stared at them as if Froggy had brought a poisonous snake into the castle.

  “Red, do you remember Alex and Conner?” Froggy asked.

  “Remember? How could I forget?” Red said, not looking away from them.

  “Hi, Red,” Alex said politely.

  “How’s it going?” Conner said nicely.

  “Forgive me, I don’t mean to be rude,” Red said to the twins. “It’s just every time I see you two I’m heartbroken, kidnapped, or homeless.”

  The twins couldn’t argue. She was right.

  “No worries,” Conner said.

  Red eyed them nervously for a minute before saying anything else. “So what brings you back to this world?” she asked. “Vacation? Visiting your grandmother?”

  “Not exactly,” Alex said.

  “We were lost in the woods,” Conner said. “Surprise, surprise.”

  “Thank goodness we saw Froggy in the forest, otherwise who knows where we would have ended up,” Alex added.

  Red glanced back and forth between them and then to Froggy. “So you brought them here?” she said through a forced smile. “Lovely.”

  “They had nowhere else to go,” Froggy said. “I couldn’t let them wander around alone at a time like this.”

  Red looked back at the twins, still anxious. “No, I suppose not,” she said.

  The twins tried to break the awkward tension. “Your new castle is beautiful,” Alex said.

  “I feel so at home—at many homes, actually,” Conner said. “Was there a theme you were going for?”

  “Inspiration, mostly,” Red said blankly.

  “Ah,” Conner said. “Well, it certainly feels… inspired.”

  The handmaiden knocked on the door and entered the library carrying tea for Froggy and the twins.

  “Oh, wonderful, why don’t we catch up over some tea,” Red said. Her tone didn’t match her enthusiastic words.

  The handmaiden set the tea tray down on a table by the armchairs and left the room. The twins took a seat across from Froggy and Red and the impromptu tea party began. Froggy held Red’s hand lovingly.

  “Is this all right?” Froggy asked her.

  “Of course it is; I’m wearing gloves,” Red said.

  It was silent for a couple of moments, with only the sounds of their spoons clanking against their teacups filling the awkward tension in the room.

  “So how old are you two now?” Red asked. “You look like you’ve grown.”

  “We’re thirteen,” Conner said.

  “Oh, that’s nice,” Red said. “That’s how old I was when I was elected queen. Of course, I had my granny to help me.”

  “How is your granny?” Alex asked.

  “Retired, actually,” Red said. “She lives at the Shoe Inn now. So I’ve taken over all responsibilities as queen.”

  “How’s queenship treating you?” Conner asked. He sipped his lily-pad tea and then spit it out immediately.

  “It’s been difficult,” Red said. “There’s much more to being a queen than people realize—it’s not all about jewels, fabulous dresses, and an abundance of affection. There are lots of decisions to be made every day about peasants and farmers and their needs and whatnot. Luckily I’ve had Charlie to help me.”

  “That’s nice,” Alex said. “Have you passed any new laws or anything worth mentioning recently?”

  Red looked up at the ceiling trying to recall what her latest act as queen had been. “I raised taxes,” she said happily, but then her smile faded into a frown. “But the people didn’t like that at all so I quickly lowered them—my mistake, didn’t realize they would take it so personally. Apparently my kingdom has a strong ecology, so there was no need to anyway.”

  “A strong economy, dear,” Froggy corrected her.

  “Oh yes, economy, forgive me,” Red said. “We grow so much food and produce so much wool that our trades are very strong with the other kingdoms. The Red Riding Hood Kingdom is the breadbasket of this world, no pun intended.”

  The twins politely nodded along but were in shock someone like Red was still allowed to lead a kingdom. Froggy decided to save the twins from the conversation and escorted them to the corner of the room.

  “I want to show you something special,” Froggy said and pointed to a special shelf where all of Alex’s old books were kept. “Here’s where I keep all of your books, Alex.”

  “They look very happy there,” she said with a smile. Her eyes fell on the titles of the books just below them.

  “Around the World in Eighty Days, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Frankenstein…” She discovered with delight. “Froggy, these are all the classics from our world! Where did you get all of them?”

  “Your grandmother, actually,” Froggy said. “She wanted to thank me again for helping you the last time you were here. I must say, the people in your world definitely know how to tell stories!”

  Alex smiled at the thought, knowing most of the authors of her world had been inspired by the stories of his world.

  “I’ve read a few myself,” Red said, trying to stay relevant in the room. “What’s that heavy one that I enjoy so much, Charlie? With that funny little language? The Complete Works of Shakeyfruit, was it?”

  “The Complete Works of Shakespeare, my dear,” Froggy corrected her.

  “Oh yes, that’s the one!” Red said. “It was a lovely read—one story is so pleasant and then the next is so tragic—took me nearly a year to get through them all. I hope he’s still writing in your world; he has a lot of potential, if you ask me.”

  Conner laughed but made it look like a sneeze. “Don’t worry, he’s around,” Conner said. He wondered what Shakespeare would have thought about Red’s endorsement.

  Alex was looking through all the other books in the library. Some of the titles that caught her eye were Royal Romances Through the Ages, History of the Age of Magic, Mammals of the Northern Kingdom, and The Extinction of Dragons. She knew she could easily spend a month in Froggy’s library reading everything in it.

  “Look at this one,” Froggy said, pulling a book from a high shelf. “I think you two would appreciate it.”

  He handed it to the twins and they read the title together. It had a dark red cover and illustrations pasted on pages inside.

  “Myths, Legends, and C
ollecting Spells,” Alex read with surprise. “Is it about the Wishing Spell?”

  “That and many others,” Froggy said. “There are all kinds of gathering folklores in there. I had no idea there were so many, but who knows which ones are real and which are not?”

  They flipped through the pages, skimming past chapters about various legends of the fairy-tale world. A few caught their eye as they searched: The Sorcerer’s Sword was a weapon believed to have gone missing during the Dragon Age and allegedly could cut through anything. The Wand of Wonderment was a magic wand built from the most treasured items of the most hated people in the world and made whoever possessed it invincible. The Vanity Crown was made of the most valuable jewels in all the kingdoms and was rumored to transform whoever wore it into the most attractive person alive.

  They came across a section devoted to the Wishing Spell, and Alex read aloud as Conner followed.

  The Wishing Spell is a legendary spell, mostly told to children to inspire a work ethic, that grants one wish to whoever collects a series of special objects. Several people have died trying to test the theory of the Wishing Spell, but due to all that is unknown about the spell, it is highly unlikely that the spell exists, and it is thought to be only a childish story.

  “If I had a nickel for every time we proved a childish story was true…” Conner said under his breath.

  There was a knock on the door and the handmaiden poked her head inside the library.

  “A message from the Charming Kingdom has just arrived for you, Your Majesty,” she said.

  “Oh?” Red asked. “Let’s see it.”

  The handmaiden walked in and handed Red the letter. It was in a white envelope that had a golden glass slipper wax seal on the back.

  “I wonder what this is about,” Red said as she opened it. “I doubt Chance and Cinderella are throwing a ball at a time like this.” She read the letter and her eyes grew wide. She placed a hand over her mouth. “Oh my…” she said.

  “What is it, my dear?” Froggy asked.

  “Pinocchio Prison has been attacked by the Enchantress,” Red said, looking up from the envelope. “The Charmings are hosting a meeting for the Happily Ever After Assembly.”

  Red handed him the envelope and Froggy read with the twins looking over his shoulder.

  To Her Majesty, Queen Red Riding Hood,

  We regretfully inform you that late yesterday evening, the Enchantress attacked Pinocchio Prison, consuming it with her enchanted plants. There is still no word of any survivors.

  Your presence is requested tomorrow evening at the Charming Palace, where a meeting will be held with all heads of state and the Happily Ever After Assembly to discuss the current situation. Your attendance will be expected unless other word is received.

  Sincerely,

  Their Royal Majesties,

  King Chance and Queen Cinderella

  Red sighed and nodded her head. “I’ll need to leave at once,” Red told the handmaiden. “Please prepare a carriage for us to travel in and another carriage for my overnight luggage.”

  The handmaiden nodded and hurried out of the library with her instructions. Alex and Conner looked to each other, knowing they were thinking the same thing.

  “We have to go to this meeting, Froggy,” Alex said. “We have to know what’s going on.”

  “And why is that?” Red asked.

  “The Enchantress has our mother,” Conner said. “We need to figure out a way to save her.”

  “Well, what does your grandmother say?” Red asked.

  Alex and Conner looked at each other cautiously, wanting to break the news to Red gently.

  “She doesn’t even know we’re here,” Conner said.

  “She doesn’t want us to know anything,” Alex said.

  Red cocked her head sideways and glared at Froggy. “Hold on a second,” she said. “Are you telling me the Fairy Godmother’s runaway grandchildren are hiding in my castle?!”

  Froggy turned a shade of light green. “Like I said… I couldn’t leave them wandering alone in the forest,” he said with an apologetic laugh.

  Red turned the same color as her clothing. “Do you know how much trouble we could get into if the Fairy Council finds them here?!” Red yelled.

  “It doesn’t matter, because no one is going to tell her where we are,” Conner said sternly.

  “Excuse me, but who died and elected you my successor?” Red said. “I should have you both thrown out of here!”

  Conner raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. “But you won’t,” he said snidely. “Because you know what’s worse than involuntarily housing the Fairy Godmother’s runaway grandchildren? Voluntarily kicking out the Fairy Godmother’s runaway grandchildren!”

  Red made a couple high-pitched grunts as she looked between the twins and Froggy. She hated being compromised in her own home.

  “How are you going to get inside that meeting?” Froggy asked the twins. “It’s for the heads of state only—it’s very exclusive. Besides, your grandmother is going to be there. How would you hide from her?”

  Alex sighed, thinking of how they were going to pull it off.

  “We’ll need to hide in something,” she said. “Something large enough to fit both of us inside it, but not suspicious looking.”

  Conner’s eyes lit up and he looked around the room, searching for something he had seen when they came in. He walked across the room and pulled a portrait of Red off of the wall and brought it to her.

  “Hey, Red,” Conner said, “do you still have this dress?”

  Alex and Froggy walked to Red’s chair to take a look at what he was referring to. In the portrait, Red was wearing an enormous ball gown that protruded from her waist and flowed to the floor.

  “I believe so, actually,” Red said. “It was one of the only dresses that was saved in the fire—wait a second, you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking, are you?”

  Conner looked up at Froggy and his sister with a giant smirk on his face. It didn’t take them long to figure out what he was planning, and once they did, matching grins appeared on their faces.

  “It’s perfect!” Alex said.

  “I have to admit, it’s very clever,” Froggy said.

  Red was appalled.

  “Have you all gone mad?” Red said. “You expect me to waltz into a meeting with the Happily Ever After Assembly with two brats under my dress? Absolutely not! I will not have any part in this whatsoever.”

  Alex and Conner looked to each other and their grins disappeared. Each gestured for the other to do or say something to convince her.

  “Red,” Alex said, leaning down by her side. “Our mom is in danger. We need to know what’s going on so we can figure out a way to save her.”

  Conner leaned down on Red’s other side, taking his sister’s lead.

  “She’s all we have, Red,” Conner said. “If anything happens to her, we’ll be orphans.”

  Red was accosted by their pleading faces. She knew she couldn’t say no to that—even she wasn’t that selfish.

  “All right, all right, all right!” Red said. “I’ll help you out this one time, but after this, I’m done!”

  Large smiles appeared on the twins’ faces. Red rubbed the sides of her head, wondering how on earth she had gotten so involved so easily—it had been such a quiet day until the twins showed up.

  “Thanks, Red,” Alex said.

  “You won’t regret it,” Conner added.

  Red sank into her chair. “Can I get that in writing?” she asked.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  A NOT-SO-CHARMING EVENING

  The twins left with Froggy and Red shortly after receiving the letter about the Happily Ever After Assembly. The four of them rode in one carriage while all of Red’s “necessary” luggage was carried in a separate carriage behind them. The twins felt sorry for the horses pulling the second carriage—it seemed like a heavy heave.

  They had half a dozen soldiers surrounding them as they tr
aveled, which Froggy insisted was the perfect amount for safety but not enough to cause any unwanted attention.

  Halfway there they came to a stop so Red could change into the enormous gown their scheme required. They pulled into a tiny field between two large oak trees and Red transformed the first carriage into a dressing room. She kicked Conner and Froggy out and made Alex stay inside to help her dress.

  It was definitely a challenge, as the gown was much bigger than the inside of the carriage.

  “I’d just like to point out that Queen Snow White never has to change on the side of the road,” Red said, struggling to pull the heavy dress over her head. “I suppose that’s what I get for being an elected queen.”

  “It must be some consolation to know you were wanted,” Alex said, trying to help Red move through the dress. “They actually chose you to lead their kingdom. It wasn’t just handed to you.”

  “Not really,” Red said. “After the C.R.A.W.L. revolution, it was between me and the third Little Pig—and he didn’t even want the job. He was a total recluse. He barely came out of that brick house he was so proud of.”

  And with one last effort, Red pushed herself up through the center of the gown.

  “There we go!” she said, out of breath.

  The boys rejoined them inside the carriage and the procession continued to the Charming Palace. There was physically no room for anything else inside the carriage with the four bodies and the mound of endless red fabric crammed inside.

  “Oh no,” Red said after they had been on the move for less than five minutes.

  “What is it?” Conner asked with his face pressed against the window.

  “Now I have to tinkle,” Red peeped. Everyone else in the carriage groaned.

  The following evening, Queen Red’s party arrived at the Charming Palace. The twins couldn’t resist ogling all the storybook estates and villages they passed on the way to the palace’s front steps.

  Something seemed different about the Charming Kingdom, though the twins couldn’t put their finger on it. Even beyond the lack of villagers parading through the streets and trading in the shops, there was a very gloomy vibe that floated through the whole kingdom.