by Chris Colfer
“What are you doing?” Alex asked him.
He didn’t respond. He took a portrait of Red off the wall and added a couple candlesticks to his pile. He walked to the fireplace and promptly dumped everything into the fire.
“Conner!” Alex said.
“Those are mine!” Red said.
“Have you gone mad?” Froggy asked him.
Conner stood in front of the fireplace with his hands on his hips. The fire slowly consumed the pile of stuff behind him.
“You won’t need them anymore,” Conner said. “Don’t you get it? If we just sit around and wait, the Enchantress is going to take over! Everything we love will be gone!”
Alex wanted to share her brother’s passion, but she couldn’t get her head past the odds. “Conner, it’s just too dangerous. It’s practically a death wish,” she said.
Her lack of faith was about to make Conner jump out of his skin. “Doing nothing is a death wish!” he said. “If building this Wand of Wonderment thing offers us a chance at saving the world, we’d be idiots not to try it!”
Conner was practically in tears trying to convince them. Everyone looked back and forth between him and the objects burning in the fireplace. A decision had to be made. However, one thing was certain; whatever they did, they risked losing it all.
Froggy stood up abruptly. “I agree with Conner,” he said with his head held high. “We know the outcome of doing nothing, so I’d rather die fighting.”
Froggy’s words had a rallying effect.
“I’ve never been good at just sitting around,” Goldilocks said, standing with Froggy. “Besides, you’ll need someone who’s good with a sword out there.”
Jack stood next to Goldilocks. “If the Enchantress thinks she’s taking over without a fight, she’s mistaken,” he said.
Their determination made Alex’s heart skip a beat.
“This is a really big decision to make,” she told them. “Once we make it, there’s no looking back; we can’t give up if the stakes become too high. We won’t be able to do it unless we agree on that. No matter what, we can’t give up.”
Froggy looked to Jack, Jack looked to Goldilocks, and Goldilocks looked to Conner. The same confident smile appeared on their faces.
“I’m up for the challenge,” Conner said, looking to his sister.
Alex nodded and stood, too. “Then count me in,” she said and smiled.
“Me too!” Red exclaimed, the last to stand. “I have no additional point to make, but I support this venture completely! No one takes my wall away from me and gets away with it!”
Conner went to a desk in the corner of the library and quickly retrieved a piece of parchment and a quill.
“Let’s make a list of the things we’ll need to make the Wand of Wonderment!” he said. “We’ve narrowed it down to the six most hated people in the world—now, what are those people’s most prized possessions?”
Everyone sat down and began planning out the expedition.
“Everyone knows the Snow Queen’s scepter is her most prized possession,” Goldilocks said. “It’s where her magic comes from.”
“Snow Queen—magic scepter,” Conner said and wrote the information down.
“I imagine the wicked stepmother’s most valued possession has something to do with her family. An heirloom for her atrocious daughters perhaps,” Froggy proposed. “She won’t be hard to get to. She still lives in the same home Queen Cinderella grew up in.”
“Wicked stepmother—family heirloom,” Conner said and made a note of it.
“The giant’s favorite item shouldn’t be difficult to figure out, either,” Jack said. “There weren’t many things in his castle when I traveled there as a boy. It’s difficult finding material things that size.”
“Giant—to be determined,” Conner said.
“The Evil Queen’s would have to be her Magic Mirror,” Red suggested. “Think about all she went through to free that creepy bald man from it.”
“Evil Queen—Magic Mirror,” Conner said. “And just when I thought our Evil Queen days were behind us.”
“It’s in pieces at the bottom of castle ruins but it shouldn’t be hard to retrieve,” Alex said, trying to comfort him.
“What about the Sea Witch?” Red asked. “What could she not live without?”
“Her jewels!” Goldilocks said without hesitation. “It’s what she collects in exchange for favors. Unless she bargains for something greater.”
“Sea Witch—loves her bling,” Conner said and scribbled it down.
“All we have left is the Enchantress,” Alex said and the room unanimously took a deep breath. “What is Ezmia’s most prized possession?”
Everyone drew a blank. They all knew the Enchantress loved power, but how would that manifest as an object?
“We’ll have to come back to it. I’ll put a question mark by her name for now,” Conner said.
Goldilocks looked over his shoulder at the list they’d compiled.
“These people live far and wide across the kingdoms,” she said. “How are we going to get around?”
Jack looked over the list, too. “Not to mention a group of travelers would look awfully suspicious at a time like this,” he said.
“And we’ll need to travel fast, too,” Alex said. “The Enchantress said herself she’s grown impatient.”
The room was filled with a low humming sound as Froggy thought on it. “We’ll need something to travel in quickly and discreetly across the land,” he said, rubbing his chin. “Let me propose we forget about traveling on land and suggest we travel above it!”
Froggy hopped to the other side of the library and returned with a book. Alex recognized the title and instantly knew what Froggy was getting at.
“We’ll travel by balloon!” Froggy said excitedly. “Just like the travelers did in Around the World in 80 Days! I have to admit, I’ve been waiting for a situation to arise that offered an excuse to build something like it since I read the book.”
“Froggy, that’s very… ambitious,” Alex said.
“But it just might work!” Conner said. “The Enchantress isn’t going to be expecting people in the sky! This world is centuries away from aviation!”
“Precisely,” Froggy said and flipped through the book. He quickly grabbed the quill out of Conner’s hand and began sketching something on the back of their list. “Now, in the story there were only three travelers, so all they needed was a large basket to travel in. But I propose we go even further—we need something to glide across the sky and sail across the sea—so let’s build a ship!”
Froggy finished his drawing and showed it to the room. His proposal was a modest boat-shaped vessel with sails on the sides of a large balloon above it.
“Can we build something that extravagant in time?” Goldilocks asked.
Jack took the sketch and examined it himself, rubbing the side of his head. “It’s not the construction I’m worried about, it’s the amount of supplies needed to build it,” he said. The twins remembered he was a very talented carpenter, so they took his words to heart.
Red took a closer look at the drawing. “Exactly what kind of supplies would be needed?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
Froggy looked down at the drawing. “Lumber, very sturdy fabric, and a lot of lamp oil,” he said.
Red squinted and quietly nodded, counting things off in her head. “Yup, I have all of those things here in the castle,” she said with a big smile.
Everyone did a double take at her. “Where?” Conner asked.
“We can weave the ship out of all the wood from my basket collection,” Red said. “I think my collection of summer dresses would provide enough fabric for the balloon and the sails—they were made with the finest fabric in the kingdom. As for the lamp oil, they keep barrels and barrels of it in the castle just to warm the water for my baths. And I take a lot of baths.”
“Didn’t you lose all your baskets in the fire?” Alex asked.
“Most of them,” Red said. “But I’ve had plenty of birthdays and holidays since then. My collection is practically complete again.”
The twins couldn’t argue. If the dress Red had worn to the Happily Ever After Assembly meeting was any indication, the queen definitely had enough supplies to go around.
“I think it may work,” Jack said. “I can have some better plans drawn up by tomorrow morning. Red, can you send for the best builders in the kingdom? We’ll need as many as we can get.”
“Absolutely,” Red said. “The third Little Pig happens to be one of the best builders in the kingdom, and he actually owes me a favor—he accidentally built part of his brick house on Bo Peep property and I pardoned him.”
“How long will it take to build?” Goldilocks asked Jack.
“Four or five days if we work diligently,” Jack said. “Three days if we work around the clock.”
“Terrific,” Froggy said.
“It’s really a great idea, Froggy,” Conner said.
Froggy smiled. “I think so, too,” he said. “It’ll make traveling a lot easier, not having to trek through the northern mountains to the Snow Queen or up a beanstalk to the giant’s castle.”
Jack cleared his throat. “Unfortunately, we’ll still need to climb the beanstalk,” he said.
“Why?” Alex asked.
“The beanstalk is what summons the giant’s castle,” Jack said. “It won’t appear unless the beanstalk grows to a certain height.”
Conner scrunched his forehead. “Where is the beanstalk, anyway? I don’t think we’ve seen it since we’ve been here,” he asked.
Red went silent and stared at the floor.
“Red, did you do something with Jack’s beanstalk?” Goldilocks asked, noticing her not-so-subtle bashfulness.
Red looked around the room with guilty eyes. “I may have had it removed,” she confessed.
“Removed?!” Jack yelled. “Why would you do that?!”
“Because it was an eyesore!” Red said defensively. “Besides, it was hard waking up every day and having that staring down at me—you know—after all of this.” She gestured to herself, Jack, and Goldilocks.
“Oh, great,” Goldilocks said. “Now what are we going to do?”
Jack sighed. “I’ll have to find the Traveling Tradesman again,” he said. “Hopefully he’ll have more magic beans or know where to get them. I’ll leave as soon as I get the builders set up tomorrow.”
“Then it’s settled,” Froggy said with a clap. “The five of us will leave as soon as the ship is ready.”
Red looked at him sideways. “What do you mean five of you?” she asked.
Goldilocks’s mouth fell open. “Don’t tell me you were planning on coming?” she said.
“Of course I’m coming,” Red said. “I’m supplying everything for it, aren’t I?”
“With all due respect, Red,” Conner said, “this trip may not be suitable for a queen.”
“Excuse me?” Red said, horribly offended. “If memory serves me right, the last time we were all together I had been kidnapped twice, thrown into a pit of demonic plants, and almost mauled to death all in the same day! Are you telling me my life can only be in danger when it’s convenient for you?”
Red crossed her arms even tighter and looked away from the others. There was no changing her mind.
“Darling?” Froggy asked. “Do you think that’s the best idea, given the history of everyone traveling?”
“I’m coming!” Red declared. “I’m not sitting around here and letting the five of you take credit for saving the world without me. I should start packing immediately! I’ve never packed for an adventure before!”
Red giddily got to her feet and ran out of the library. The others shot Froggy a dirty look.
“I’m going to go talk to her and explain the situation a bit more,” he said and quickly followed the excited young queen out of the room.
Jack went to the desk and began outlining better plans for the ship. Goldilocks stayed with the twins by the fire. A proud smile came to her face as she looked at them.
“What is it?” Alex asked her.
“Nothing,” Goldilocks said with a shrug. “I just recall a time when I told the two of you to be brave, and now look who’s doing the convincing.”
Alex and Conner exchanged a smile. They had grown a lot since their last trip.
“I should feed Porridge,” Goldilocks said. “I had to put her in the castle stables and she’s never gotten along very well with other horses.”
Goldilocks left the library, gently tapping the twins on their shoulders on the way out. It grew very quiet in the library, except for the flames flickering in the fireplace and the strokes of Jack’s quill as he worked on the ship’s designs.
“You almost lost me there,” Alex told her brother. “I felt so defeated—thanks for pulling me back.”
“Any time,” Conner said. “Thanks for helping me cheat on my tests in sixth grade.”
Alex let out a noise that was half gasp and half laugh. “How did you know about that?” she asked.
Conner looked at her. “The only C or B that belonged on my tests were my initials,” he said.
Alex laughed for the first time in two days. She missed the times when passing tests was their biggest concern.
“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Alex asked him.
Conner thought about it. “You mean another dangerous adventure through the fairy-tale world collecting various items with potential life-or-death stakes?” he asked with a sly grin.
Alex snickered. “Yes, that’s what I’m referring to.”
Conner thought about it for a moment and then nodded to himself. “Bring it on,” he said.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
BEAN THERE, DONE THAT
The balcony doors burst open and Queen Red Riding Hood emerged from the castle. She was dressed in her best gown and was covered in her finest jewelry. Red always dressed to impress when speaking to her people.
“Fellow Hoodians,” Red said with raised arms. “Thank you for joining me today!”
She glanced down at her observers and was disappointed by the lack of attendance. Although the entire kingdom had been invited to hear a message from the queen, only a crowd of roughly two dozen had gathered outside—including two sheep and a goat.
Red swallowed her pride and went on with her announcement.
“I’m assuming many people are too frightened to leave their homes, especially after the disappearance of our beloved wall, so please pass this message along,” Red said. “However challenging the current times may be, I have called you all here to encourage your strength and bravery—we have faced great threats in the past and have always overcome them together as a kingdom! And as I look around at your faces I can see that courage in your eyes! The Enchantress may have taken our wall, but she will never take away our spirit!”
Red posed for applause but there was none to accept.
“Furthermore,” she continued, “if there is one thing the people of the Red Riding Hood Kingdom know how to do—with the exception of the Boy Who Cried Wolf—it’s survive!”
Red caught her breath. She had forgotten the rest of her speech.
“What was the other point I was going to make, darling?” The young queen spoke out of the side of her mouth. Luckily for Red, Froggy was standing inside the castle just on the other side of the balcony doors.
“We’re going to rebuild the wall!” Froggy whispered to her.
“Oh yes, that’s right! Thank you,” Red said and then refaced her people. “We are going to rebuild our wall!”
Red struck another pose of grandeur. This time she didn’t continue until she heard clapping from the people below.
“But before we do that, I’d like to invite all the carpenters in the kingdom to my castle this afternoon to work on something else—I know it’s short notice, but it would mean so much to me,” she said. “Thank you for joining me today, Hoodians! I wish you al
l peace and poverty!”
“Prosperity, my dear! Prosperity!” Froggy corrected her.
“I mean peace and prosperity!” Red declared and then quickly went back inside the castle. As soon as the doors shut behind her Red began taking off her jewelry and passing it to her handmaiden.
“Tough crowd,” Red said with a sigh. “At least I got all the ‘queen words’ in there.”
The twins had been listening to Red’s speech with Froggy.
“ ‘Queen words’?” Alex asked.
“Yes—strength, bravery, courage, spirit—the four words essential to making a good speech as queen,” Red said and then quickly changed the subject. “Have all the baskets and dresses been taken down to the courtyard yet?”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” the handmaiden said.
The twins had awoken that morning excited to see that the castle’s courtyard had been transformed into a workstation. Red’s servants piled thousands and thousands of baskets from her collection in one corner of the courtyard and hundreds of her summer dresses in another.
Jack had spent the entire night drawing up detailed plans for their flying ship. The blueprints were posted on an enormous board in the center of the courtyard for all to see.
“That should do it,” Jack said with a huge yawn. “How soon can we expect the builders?”
“A few have already arrived but the rest should be here by noon,” Froggy said.
Goldilocks scanned the courtyard. “I think we have a problem,” she said and gestured to the pile of dresses. “Who is supposed to make the ship’s balloon and sails?”
Alex and Conner looked at each other, each hoping the other would have an answer.
“Don’t look at me,” Conner said. “I barely passed Home Economics. I almost set the school on fire pouring cereal, remember?”
“I’m not very good with a needle,” Alex said. “Do you know of any good seamstresses in the kingdom?”
“I’ve already asked Granny,” Red said, happily charging into the courtyard.
No one said a word at first, but they were all thinking the same thing.