by Chris Colfer
“Friends!” Conner happily exclaimed. “Old friends, actually! Do you remember us?”
The Tradesman studied their faces.
“My boy, I remember every trade I have ever made,” the Tradesman said. “But my mind has grown weary in my old age, and the faces attached have been lost in my memory.”
Jack, Goldilocks, and the twins climbed down from their horses and walked closer so he could view them better.
“You helped us escape the Troll and Goblin Territory a year ago,” Alex said. “We met you in the dungeons and you traded your freedom for ours. You told us about the Wishing Spell.”
The Tradesman stroked his beard, brushing crumbs off of it. He must have been in the middle of a meal.
“Ah yes,” he said with one squinted eye. “I do admit a small sprinkling of familiarity sweeping through me. I wish I had a memory of you,” he said to Goldilocks. “But you—I think I remember you,” he said to Jack.
“It’s been a long time since we were last face-to-face,” Jack said. “Perhaps you remember a lad you traded magic beans to in exchange for a cow?”
The Tradesman’s eyes and mouth grew wide with delight. “Well, I’ll be darned as a legless goat,” he said and clapped his hands together. “If it isn’t Jack, my favorite customer!”
Jack happily nodded up at him. “It’s me, old man!” he said. “It’s good to see you again!”
“Come on in, my boy!” the Tradesman said and opened the lower half of the wagon door. “I’ve just made some pheasant pudding!”
He disappeared in his wagon and the others took that as their cue to follow him inside.
The small wagon was very cramped. A bed was pushed in the back, a tiny table was in the center, and the interior was lined with cabinets and shelves and cages. Canteens, brooms, buckets, daggers, and more were displayed on the shelves and in the cabinets. The twins knew the objects most likely held some gimmicky value and were waiting to be traded. Geese, ducks, and pigs were locked in the cages—no doubt what the Tradesman had profited from his recent trades.
“Have a seat, have a seat,” the Tradesman said. Jack, Goldilocks, and the twins forced themselves around the table. The Tradesman handed them each a plate of his pheasant pudding (which was bits and pieces of unplucked birds floating in mysterious gravy) and a loaf of stale bread. The twins had to hold their noses so they didn’t become sick.
“So what brings you to my neck of the woods, old boy?” the Tradesman asked Jack with a pat on the back.
“We’ve been searching for you, actually,” Jack said.
“And to what do I owe the honor of being the subject of such a quest?” the Tradesman said.
Conner had to replay this sentence in his head before he understood what the Tradesman was asking. Jack cautiously looked to the others before confessing.
“I was wondering if you had any more magic beans?” he asked. “Like the ones you gave to me as a boy.”
The Tradesman’s good eye darted around the room. He was honestly surprised by the request.
“Why would you need more magic beans?” he asked. “Surely the first batch gave you enough adventure for a lifetime.”
“Indeed they did,” Jack said. “It’s not an adventure we’re after but a way back to the giant’s castle. The beanstalk has been removed and we are hoping to grow another one.”
The Tradesman’s good eye studied each of their faces. “But why would you need to revisit the giant’s castle at a time like this?” he asked.
The group looked across the table at one another. Alex decided they didn’t have time to beat around the bush and got straight to the point.
“Have you ever heard of the Wand of Wonderment?” Alex asked.
“The Wand of Wonderment?” the Tradesman asked.
Conner began explaining. “It’s a Wand that you build out of the six most prized possessions of the six most hated people in the world.”
The Tradesman raised a hand to silence him. “Young man, I’ve known what the Wand of Wonderment is for longer than you’ve been alive,” he said. “I just find it hard to comprehend why that would be at the top of your agenda, things being as they are.”
“That’s just the thing, Mr. Tradesman—if I may call you Mr. Tradesman,” Alex said. “We’re trying to build it so we can fix the way things are now. We’re trying to stop the Enchantress, and it’s the only way we know how.”
The wagon went silent. Everyone sat on edge, questioning Alex’s decision to blurt out the truth. Would spilling the beans get them closer to obtaining magical ones?
The Tradesman sat back in his chair and stroked his beard, gazing back and forth between Alex and Conner. “I remember you now,” he said softly. “I don’t recall the exact whereabouts or whenabouts, but I do remember the faces of two youngsters on an extraordinary quest. They were so ambitious in their pursuit, but they were completely selfless in their attempt—it wasn’t glory they were after but harmony, rather. I decided to help them because I knew our paths would cross again one day.”
The twins didn’t know what to say. His saving them had been such a kind gesture it still humbled them.
“I guess your intuition was right,” Conner said. “Only now we’re trying to save the world.”
The Tradesman observed them for only a moment more. He stood up and went to one of the cabinets. He dug through it for a while, pulling out strangely shaped plates and goblets and tools and gadgets before finally removing a small brown bag.
The Tradesman poured the contents of the little bag onto the table, and the twins found themselves staring down at three beans. They were round and wide like lima beans but were black and bounced livelily on the table.
“Magic beans!” Jack said excitedly. “You still have some!”
“They’re the last I have in my possession,” the Tradesman said. “They aren’t easy to come across, either. Magic beans have to be plucked from a plant that grows in ground fertilized by unicorn manure and watered with the tears of a witch. But they’re my gift to you.”
Everyone sat up in their seats. “Are you sure?” Goldilocks said. “We were prepared to pay you.”
She pulled a handful of diamonds from out of the side of her boot.
“Goldie, where did you get those?” Jack asked.
“I stole them from Red when she wasn’t looking—she won’t miss them,” Goldilocks said. “I was assuming we would have to make a trade of some kind.”
The Tradesman scooped the beans up, put them back into the bag, and handed it to Jack.
“Consider it my little contribution to the people brave enough to take on the evil Enchantress,” the Tradesman said.
“That was easy,” Conner said. He couldn’t believe the luck they had so far. “Maybe making this wand won’t be so difficult after all.”
“There will be plenty of dangers to be found, I’m afraid,” the Tradesman said. “Especially when pursuing the Wand of Wonderment. I would know. I tried building it for myself when I was a young man.”
“You did?” Alex asked, unable to contain her surprise. “So does that mean it’s real?”
“Oh yes, it’s very real, I can assure you,” he told her. “Much like the Wishing Spell you were after previously, many fools have attempted to create it themselves and have died trying. It was during my own pursuit I became the tradesman you see today. I discovered selling trinkets of interest was more profitable than searching for them.”
“Do you know what we should expect, then?” Conner asked.
“I can only imagine,” the Tradesman said. “Just remember that even the tamest of places will surprise you with what is lurking in its shadows—and these beans are no exception! Although the giant is dead, there are still dangers waiting for you at his castle.”
Conner gulped loudly. “Do you care to specify?” he asked.
“Young man, if it was in my nature to be specific I wouldn’t be able to look in two directions at all times,” the Tradesman said and his good eye gl
ared at Conner.
“Well, we can’t thank you enough,” Jack said. “Kindness is a rare thing to come across in the forest.”
“But it’s I who should be thanking you,” the Tradesman said. “After giving you those beans my sales went through the roof! You gave me my career, old boy! You’ll always be like a son to me, Jack.”
Conner cleared his throat. “The kind of son you rip off in a trade that sends him on a life-threatening adventure?” he asked.
The Tradesman rethought his words. “More like a nephew, then,” he said. He looked through the wagon door at the darkening evening sky. “Where did the time go? You must excuse me now. I must be off before sunset. I never stay more than a day in one place—sake of the trade, sake of the name.” He winked with his good eye, although none could figure out who it was meant for. “Good luck, my friends.”
Jack, Goldilocks, and the twins left the wagon and found their horses. The Tradesman hitched up his mule and rode off into the forest just as the sun began to set. The twins wondered what very special circumstance would be required for them to cross paths with him again.
“What do you think he meant when he said there are other dangers waiting for us at the giant’s castle?” Conner asked. “The giant didn’t leave behind a crazy widow or anything, did he?”
“It’s been so long since I was there,” Jack said, climbing astride Porridge. “The giant was the only terrifying thing I can remember being in the castle. That, of course, and the golden harp’s singing.”
The twins and Goldilocks remounted their horses and rode off in the opposite direction of the Tradesman, heading back to the Red Riding Hood Kingdom. They rode the entire night and arrived the next afternoon to find amazing progress had been made on the flying ship.
Red, Froggy, and the third Little Pig were huddled around the blueprints.
“Did you find the Tradesman?” Froggy asked as soon as he saw them arrive.
Conner held up the small bag of magic beans. “Our first of hopefully many victories,” he said. “By the way, Froggy, after seeing what that guy ate, I’ll never pick on you about lily-pad tea again!”
“This looks incredible!” Alex said. More than half the ship looked ready.
“It should be completed the day after tomorrow,” the third Little Pig said.
Jack was hesitant to give his own praise. “It looks so much bigger than what my plans proposed,” he said.
“Yes, about that…” Froggy said with an apologetic laugh.
“Queen Red made a few revisions to your plans,” the third Little Pig said.
“Revisions?” Jack said and looked at Red.
“Well, I figured since I was going to be traveling with you I would need my own chambers,” Red said matter-of-factly. “I added a lower deck for me and my things—but don’t worry, there’s plenty of room for the rest of you on the upper deck.”
Jack sighed and rubbed his eyes. Goldilocks looked like she was going to strangle someone, so the twins decided to excuse themselves before she did. They could hear Goldilocks and Red arguing as they climbed the stairs to their bedrooms.
The sun was about to set on another day and the twins fell asleep the instant they made contact with their beds. They knew the days ahead would be difficult, but the Wand of Wonderment had finally been confirmed as a real tool for overthrowing the Enchantress, so they focused on that and let that triumphant feeling ease them to sleep.
At an hour or so after midnight, Conner awoke with a troubling sensation. He couldn’t fight off the feeling he was being watched as he slept. His eyes fluttered open and as they slowly focused his heart dropped. Standing at the foot of his bed, intently staring at him, was a woman.
She was beautiful and transparent. She had long, flowing hair with a single rose behind her ear. She wore a long nightgown under a robe that was tied at the waist. Although Conner was certain he had never seen her before, she looked oddly familiar.
“W-w-w-who are you?” Conner stuttered.
The woman didn’t respond. She glided to the window and pointed to the land in the distance. She looked back at him with a grave expression.
“W-w-w-what do you want?” Conner muttered.
The woman said nothing. She held her somber stare and slowly disappeared.
Conner’s jaw fell open. There was no denying it—he had just seen a ghost.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
FLIGHT OF THE GRANNY
Alex couldn’t find her brother anywhere. “Have you seen Conner?” she asked Froggy. “He wasn’t at breakfast this morning and he isn’t in the courtyard.”
“I haven’t seen him since yesterday,” Froggy said. “Have you checked his room? Maybe he fell ill?”
Alex hoped this wasn’t the case, as they were on the eve of their expedition. She climbed the stairs to his bedroom to check on him, praying he wasn’t sick.
“Conner?” Alex said and knocked on the door. “Are you in here?”
There was no response, so she twisted the handle and pushed open the door without an invitation. Conner was sitting straight up on his bed. He stared off into the distance, lost in thought. A small dribble of drool spilled from the corner of his mouth.
“Are you feeling all right?” Alex asked.
“What?” Conner said with a jump. He hadn’t noticed the door open.
“You don’t look well,” Alex said. “Are you sick?”
Conner had to think about it. “No,” he decided. “At least, I don’t think I am.” His gaze drifted off again toward his bedroom window.
“Then what’s the matter?” Alex said. “You look like you’ve just seen a—”
Conner’s face jerked in her direction. He looked absolutely horrified and didn’t make a sound. Alex’s figure of speech had accidentally uncovered the truth.
“Wait a second,” Alex said. “Did you actually see a ghost?”
Conner’s eyes darted around the room. He didn’t know how to explain.
“It happened last night—I woke up and it was standing there just staring at me!” Conner proclaimed with bombastic gestures.
“Who was staring at you?” Alex asked.
“A ghost!” he said. “She was right there!”
“I was being sarcastic!” Alex said. “Are you telling me you saw an actual ghost?”
“Yes!” Conner said and placed his hand on his face. “I mean—she was see-through, quiet, and disappeared into thin air—all signs point to it!”
“Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?” Alex said.
“You have to wake up from a dream,” he said. “And I’ve been wide awake ever since it happened! I’ve been too afraid to move.”
Alex tried to come up with a logical explanation but she couldn’t. His hysterics made it hard for her to doubt him.
“Maybe this castle is haunted?” she suggested.
“Who haunts a new castle? That’s like holding a grudge against a baby!” Conner said. “It was so strange. She waited for me to see her. And once I did she went over to the window and just pointed outside. It was the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“And you have no idea who she was?” Alex asked.
“No clue,” he said and shook his head. “But what’s even stranger is that she looked familiar. I could swear I’ve seen her before.”
Alex took a seat on Conner’s bed. Their days were already full of mystery; the last thing they needed to add to the mix was a ghost sighting. A moment later, Red’s handmaiden knocked on the open door and peeked her head inside.
“There you two are,” the handmaiden said. “Her Majesty is looking for you two. She wants to see you in her chambers.”
The handmaiden hurried away as soon as she was finished giving her message.
“I wouldn’t mention the ghost to anyone if I were you,” Alex said. “I think everyone has enough on their plates as it is.”
Conner couldn’t have agreed more. “Trust me, the last thing I want people to know is that I’m seeing dead people,”
he said.
Alex sat with her brother until he gained the courage to leave his bed. He got dressed and the twins walked across the castle to meet Red in her chambers.
Queen Red’s new bedroom was twice the size of the twins’ rental house. There was a diamond chandelier hanging from the ceiling; large, colorful, and cushiony furniture lined the room; and the biggest four-poster bed the twins had ever seen—large enough to sleep ten comfortably—was on its own platform in the back of the room.
“Yoo-hoo, we’re in here!” Red called from a doorway to the side.
The twins followed her voice and found themselves stepping into a long hall of mirrors. It was almost as big as the bedroom itself. The hall was incredibly bright and had several chandeliers and wooden floors, and weeping willow trees were painted on the walls.
“This is beautiful, Red!” Alex said. “Is this your ballroom?”
“Ballroom?” Red said with a laugh. “Good heavens, no. This is my closet.”
The twins did a double take. In between every two mirrors was a large chest of drawers built into the wall. A collection of golden chests lined the far side of the room. Thousands and thousands of clothes and accessories must have been kept in here.
Red was standing on a stool facing a mirror, with a large gray fur coat around her shoulders. Her handmaiden took measurements and put pins along the sides of it, fitting it perfectly to the slender queen.
“Nice coat,” Conner said.
“Thank you!” Red said. “It’s for our voyage. I figured it might get chilly flying around the sky, especially in the Northern Mountains, where the Snow Queen lives. Did either of you bring a proper coat?”
Alex and Conner shook their heads.
“Luckily I’m always thinking ahead,” Red said. “I had two coats whipped up for you with the extra material.”
The Handmaiden tossed two fur coats to the twins and they tried them on. They weren’t quite as stylishly cut as the one Red was getting fitted for, but they would do just fine. The twins couldn’t deny it was a very kind gesture on Red’s part—she kept surprising them.