by Chris Colfer
“It’s the ghost!” Conner whispered. “That’s the one I was telling you about!”
The ghost’s gaze grew more serious as she approached them.
“Say something to it!” Alex elbowed her brother.
“What am I supposed to say? I don’t speak ghost!”
The spirit stopped and hovered a few feet in front of them. She never blinked or looked away from the twins. Whoever she was, she was a very serious spirit.
“Who are you?” Alex peeped.
The ghost remained silent and still as ever.
“What do you want from us?” Conner squeaked.
The ghost raised her hand and simply pointed into the distance. And as the Granny passed through a weak cloud and a veil of mist brushed past them, the ghost vanished.
The twins’ hearts were racing. “Who was that?” Alex asked.
“I wish I knew,” Conner said. “Why is she following me?”
Alex thought about it. The spirit had looked so familiar to her, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. “She’s trying to tell us something.”
The Granny settled into the countryside of the Charming Kingdom just before sunup. Luckily, only a few grazing cows witnessed the large ship descending from the sky, and they weren’t the least bit interested in it.
The twins kept the second ghost sighting to themselves, not wanting to cause any further worry.
“So what’s our plan?” Conner asked the others. “How are we going to discover and steal the stepmother’s most prized possession?”
Goldilocks and Jack looked to each other and both shrugged. Froggy stepped forward and cleared his throat with a small croak.
“If I may, I believe I’ll be quite useful at organizing this scheme—I am from the Charming Kingdom, after all,” he said.
“By all means,” Alex said and gestured for the frog to take the floor.
“The stepmother,” Froggy declared with a finger raised, as if he were giving them a history lesson, “has always been obsessed with titles and social status—remember how desperately she wanted her daughters to marry my brother? If we want to get into her home and discover what her most prized possession is, we’ll have to do it in a very formal manner—and I think I know just how to do it.”
Froggy turned to Red. “Me?” she asked. “What do I have to do with anything?”
“You’re a queen, my dear,” Froggy said. “The stepmother would never resist the chance at having a royal in her home.”
Red rolled her eyes and folded her arms. “Oh, now I’m a queen? Now you’re all respecting my rank?” she said.
“Precisely,” Froggy said. “You’ll go to her home and request a sitting with her. Have a look around and pocket whatever you see she values the most.”
“Request a sitting for what?” Red asked. “What could I possibly need to talk to her about?”
Conner was quick to come up with an answer. “Tell her you’re designing a country home and Cinderella told you to look at her old house for inspiration,” he said.
Alex patted him on the shoulder. “Good one,” she said.
Red looked from side to side. They could tell the idea was marinating in her head. “Yes, that is a rather good idea… a splendid idea, in fact! I’ve always wanted a country home, actually. This may not be such a lie after all,” she said and happily clapped her hands. “Am I going alone?”
Froggy looked around at the others. “I’m afraid everyone here would look a bit suspicious if any of us were to go with you,” he said.
“We can go with you, Red,” Alex said. “We’ll pretend to be your cousins.”
Red looked the twins up and down and her face scrunched up disapprovingly. “Can we be second cousins? Our bone structures are just so different I’m not sure anyone would believe it.”
A dagger flew through the air and stabbed into the wall a few inches away from Red’s head. She screamed and fell to the floor. Everyone turned to Goldilocks—her hand was still extended from the throw.
“Sorry, it slipped,” Goldilocks said with a shrug.
Once Red recovered from Goldilocks’s “accident” she dressed herself for the day’s mission. She wore a red fascinator and an exceptionally fluffy red dress. Apparently Red had been saving this outfit for a special occasion on their trip and figured this was the best place to show it off.
Jack and Goldilocks stayed to keep an eye on the ship. Froggy escorted Red and the twins through the Charming countryside. He wore one of Red’s scarves around his head to conceal his amphibian skin. Red complained about her shoes the entire time as they walked, but the twins had grown so accustomed to her complaining it didn’t bother them.
Large storybook estates began popping up on the sides of the path as they walked farther into the kingdom. Some were made of brick; others were covered in ivy; and many had pointed straw roofs, just like the twins’ grandmother’s cottage. Farther off in the distance they could make out the tops of Cinderella’s palace towers. It was the nicest neighborhood the twins had ever walked through in the fairy-tale world.
“This is making me so excited to plan my country house!” Red said.
The twins rolled their eyes. At least Red didn’t have a cover to blow.
“What’s that over there?” Conner asked and pointed ahead of them.
A large display was gated off to the side of the path. They walked to the edge of the gate and looked inside. A very old and large decaying pumpkin was on the ground—it was like a jack-o’-lantern that had been left outside for far too long after Halloween.
“Read this!” Alex said, and pointed to the plaque placed in the ground.
THE ROYAL PUMPKIN REMAINS
THESE ARE THE REMAINS
OF THE CARRIAGE THAT
ESCORTED QUEEN CINDERELLA
TO THE RENOWNED BALL
ON THE NIGHT SHE MET
KING CHARMING.
THE PUMPKIN WAS MAGICALLY
TRANSFORMED INTO A CARRIAGE BY
THE FAIRY GODMOTHER,
BUT AT MIDNIGHT
THE SPELL WAS BROKEN
AND THE PUMPKIN TURNED
BACK INTO ITS ORIGINAL FORM.
IT HAS RESTED HERE EVER SINCE
CINDERELLA’S LEGENDARY DASH.
“Our grandma would be behind the most famous curfew in history, wouldn’t she?” Conner said to his sister.
Red squinted at the rotten pumpkin. “She swept floors, rode in a pumpkin, and was friends with mice… and somehow Cinderella sets the bar for all the other queens,” she said to herself. “I’ll never understand that.”
“This means we’re very close,” Froggy said. “The stepmother’s estate should only be a little ways farther down the path. I don’t want her to recognize me so I’ll wait for you here. Best of luck!”
Red air-kissed him and she and the twins continued down the path. After a few minutes they reached the stepmother’s estate—and it was not what they had been expecting.
Had the twins not known any better they would have thought the estate was abandoned. The house sat on the top of a tall hill and was in desperate need of repair. It was very dark, with tall windows, a steeple, and pointed gables. All the windows needed to be washed and most of them were broken. Half of the steps leading to the front door had caved in.
Everything on the property was either dead or overgrown. The entire estate was surrounded by a tall iron fence. Two suited guards patrolled the only entrance at the front.
“Whoa,” Conner said. “This may be trickier than we thought.”
The trio walked up to the guards in a very friendly, non-thief-like manner.
“Excuse me,” Alex said to one of the guards. “Is this where Cinderella’s stepmother lives?”
The guard glanced over to the other guard with an irritated look on his face. “This is the residence of Lady Iris and her daughters,” the guard said. “And yes, she is the queen’s stepmother.”
“Why is it so protected?” Conner asked.
The other guard made a face at him. “You’re not from around here, are you?” he said. “Lady Iris is not liked around these parts. The fence is for her protection from people who vandalize her home. Lady Iris doesn’t even bother fixing things anymore—there’s no point.”
Alex looked up at the house with a heavy heart. Even with knowing how poorly the stepmother had treated Cinderella, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. One of the higher windows was open and she saw white drapes flicker inside—someone was watching them from the house.
“Can we meet her?” Alex asked.
“What did you say? Meet Lady Iris?” the guard asked with a rude laugh. “No, I’m afraid not. Lady Iris never takes any visitors.”
“Run along now back to wherever you came from,” the other guard said.
Conner nudged Red—this was her cue. She cleared her throat and looked up at them with large, bright eyes.
“Gentlemen, I know it’s hard to recognize me without a proper hood over my shoulders, but I’ll give you another chance before I grow weary,” Red said with a haughty smile.
The guards said nothing. They didn’t recognize her at all. Red became frustrated and her cheeks turned pink.
“I’m Queen Red Riding Hood of the Red Riding Hood Kingdom,” she said.
A guard raised an eyebrow and looked at her sideways. “If you’re Red Riding Hood, where’s your staff and sheep?” he said, half laughing as he spoke.
“That’s Little Bo Peep!” Red yelled and stomped her foot. The twins were growing frustrated, too. They hadn’t planned on this setback.
“Let them in,” said a frail voice from the high window at the house.
The guards were surprised by the command. Clearly this had never happened before.
“All right, the lady says you can go inside,” the guard said. He opened the screechy gate behind him and Red and the twins went through it. They carefully walked up the front steps and Conner knocked on the door with enormous spade-shaped knockers. They heard frantic whispering and hurried footsteps inside. It took a moment for anyone to answer the door.
The large door swung open and two awkward women cautiously peered from behind it.
“Hello?” Alex said. “May we come inside?”
The two women decided Red and the twins were safe and stepped out from behind the door. They were both very plain and plump (although one was shorter and heavier than the other). Each had curly brown hair and thin lips. They were the kind of women who had the potential to be pretty but had let themselves go over the years.
They fidgeted with their lacy dresses—as if they had gotten ready in a hurry. Alex nudged Conner; they both knew without a doubt they were facing Cinderella’s ugly stepsisters.
“Please come in,” the taller of the two said with an over-dramatic gesture.
The twins and Red took a step inside to the house’s entrance hall. A large staircase curved up and above them. The entire house was an absolute mess. The floors were dirty, the windows were dusty, and a foul odor lingered in the air. The twins wondered if Cinderella had been the last person to clean the house.
“Forgive the mess,” the shorter of the two said. “We weren’t expecting company.”
“Shocking,” Red said under her breath.
“No worries,” Alex said. “It’s just very—lived in.”
A loud creak came from above them. “Girls, girls, don’t be rude,” said a voice. “Introduce yourselves.”
Red and the twins looked up to see the infamous wicked stepmother herself standing at the top of the stairs. She was very thin and her hair was graying and done up in an impressively high bun. Her makeup was splotchy and smeared as if she had freshened herself in a rush. She held a cane as she wobbled down the stairs.
“Welcome to our home! I’m Lady Iris and these are my daughters, Petunia and Rosemary,” she said, and the taller one curtsied, followed by the shorter one. The stairs creaked so loudly beneath her it was hard to hear what she was saying.
“Hello, Lady Iris,” Red said. “I’m Queen Red Riding Hood and these are my second cousins, Hamlet and Ophelia.”
The twins cringed at the sound of their aliases. “Pleasure,” Conner said and gave Red a dirty look.
The stepmother nodded cordially but her eyes held many questions. “Yes, I recognized you from Princess Hope’s first birthday celebration at the palace,” Lady Iris said.
“Oh yes, of course!” Red said, surprised to share the memory. “I remember meeting you there as well!”
“We didn’t stay very long,” Lady Iris explained. “It’s hard leaving home when people boo and hiss at you wherever you go.” She laughed even though no one found it funny. “Won’t you please join us in our sitting room, Your Majesty?”
Red and the twins followed the stepmother and her daughters into the next room. The stepsisters tried picking up the house as they went, but there was so much clutter the twins didn’t see why they bothered.
The sitting room had blue walls and white seats. It would have looked like a bright blue sky had it not been covered in a thick layer of grime; as it was, it resembled an overcast day. They all sat down and dust filled the air. Conner held a cough the best he could.
“You must forgive the state the house is in,” Lady Iris apologized. “My girls and I are useless when it comes to housework and it’s hard to find help when you have a history like ours.”
“I imagine,” Conner said.
“So what brings you to our humble abode, Your Majesty?” Lady Iris asked.
Red had no idea where to start. Saying that she wanted to build a country home that resembled the one they sat in would have been an obvious lie.
“Well, I… I… I…” Red said. “Ophelia? Why don’t you explain?”
Red and Conner turned to Alex, completely putting her on the hot seat. Alex looked up at the stepmother with a lie forming in her head, but she was distracted by several paintings of animals that lined the walls.
“What beautiful paintings!” Alex said, changing the subject. “Whose work are they?”
Petunia’s mouth fell open; she wasn’t used to being complimented. “I painted those,” she said with large, excited eyes.
“Petunia is quite the gifted painter,” Lady Iris bragged. “She does animal portraits mostly but she’s been working on landscapes.” Her voice was smooth and dreamy, as if she were a saleswoman.
“I like animals,” Petunia said enthusiastically, so happy to talk about herself. “I usually paint the ones I see outside my window—sometimes they’re pets, sometimes they’re pests—animals have always liked me, too; there’s something trusting about me, I guess. Anyway, it gives me something to do.”
Red and the twins nodded politely.
“Well, that’s exactly why I’m here!” Red said. “I’ve recently adopted a wol—excuse me—a dog, and I was hoping you could paint a portrait of him.”
Alex and Conner were sort of relieved and sort of mortified by Red’s sudden ad lib. Petunia’s bottom lip quivered. “Really?” she asked. “I would love to!”
“I LIKE TO BAKE!” Rosemary yelled—desperate for attention herself. The outburst caused the others to jump in their seats. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout! I just like to cook and would love to cook for you if you’d let me.…”
“Rosemary is an exceptional baker,” Lady Iris boasted. “She cooks all our meals at the house.”
“Well, someone has to, otherwise we’d starve,” Rosemary said with a laugh, although it wasn’t funny. Laughing through misery must have been a family trait.
Both of the stepsisters were so excited to show off their talents they could barely sit still. Lady Iris, however, was still looking at her three guests skeptically.
“What do you usually bake?” Conner asked Rosemary.
“Rosemary, why don’t you go prepare a batch of your mushroom biscuits for our guests? And Petunia, why don’t you go to your room and gather other samples of your paintings to show Her Majesty?” Lady Iris s
aid.
The stepsisters leaped to their feet and collided into each other, running opposite directions in the house. They could hear the stairs creaking as Petunia ran up to her room. Rosemary disappeared behind a swinging door into the kitchen—for a split second the twins caught sight of the stacks of dirty dishes piled inside.
Once her daughters had left, Lady Iris dropped her cordial face and glared at Red and the twins with a suspicious stare.
“You have such lovely daughters,” Red said with a tight smile.
“Save it,” the stepmother said sharply. “I’ve lived in this house alone with my daughters for years—I know Petunia is a lousy painter and Rosemary is an even worse cook. Why have you actually come here today?”
They didn’t answer her. Red and the twins didn’t have to look at one another to know they were all sporting the same doe-eyed expression.
“I see,” Lady Iris said after they didn’t respond. “You’ve come to mock an old woman and her daughters, then, have you? Come to laugh at the black sheep of the kingdom? How dare you, especially at a time like this.”
Lady Iris struggled to get to her feet so she could escort them out. “I’ll show you to the door,” she said.
“Why did you do it?” Alex asked abruptly.
Lady Iris turned back to her. “Excuse me?” she said.
“I bet that’s not a question you hear very often, but I’ve always wondered why you were so cruel to Cinderella,” Alex said. “Why did you dislike her so much?”
“Alex, how is this helping our cause?” Conner whispered to her, but she waved him off. Lady Iris stared her down, searching for a malicious motive behind her question, but Alex didn’t have a malicious bone in her body. Lady Iris went to the side of the room to a small fireplace. A very dusty portrait was hung over it. Lady Iris took a deep breath and blew the dust off the painting. It was of a very attractive and dignified man with auburn hair and a full beard.
“Who is that?” Alex asked.
“My late husband,” Lady Iris said. She stared up at him with her back to the twins. “Does he look familiar?”