“Yeah, my love, you showed that cardiologist who’s boss!” I wrapped my warms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, planting my lips firmly on his. He returned the gesture, his tongue doing a quick test of the waters as we shared a lengthy embrace. I followed suit, tracing his lips with the tip of my tongue before drawing back, winking and sauntering off toward our room.
That night, as Roger lay next to me asleep, his deep breaths comforting me as I stared restlessly at the ceiling, the sound of hospital equipment beeping in my ears kept me awake. Flashes of my body on a slab under bright lights as several, scrub-clad individuals surrounded me and worked feverishly to keep me alive flooded my mind. I tried desperately to concentrate on the present, the love of my life sleeping next to me as I lay safely in my own home. It did not help that the sound of Elaine Cooper’s voice echoed through my mind every so often, keeping me completely on edge.
Two weeks later, the day of my nuclear stress test appointment, an un-marked envelope appeared in my mail. Not a sign of who had sent it or where it came from. It was curious to me why someone would deliver something to me like that: without mailing it or having some kind of return address to get it back to the sender in the event it was undeliverable. I dismissed the thought and tore into the envelope, despite my own trepidation.
Inside I found a single piece of paper. The handwriting on it was neat, obviously feminine. As I read it, I realized that it was a warning. When I got to the end and realized the note had come from Nurse Cooper at Kellogg Premier, I froze. Based on what the letter said, she was concerned for my well-being, for my life even, but I was completely distracted by the fact that she had hand-delivered it to my mailbox. That was creepy, stalker behavior, even if it was to express her concern for me.
Roger didn’t believe me until I showed him the evidence and he read the words himself. He was as creeped out as I was by the fact that it had been hand-delivered, not mailed the old-fashioned way. That meant Nurse Cooper was there at our apartment building at some point, watching for our arrival or departure so she could observe whatever it was she wanted to see.
For whatever reason, however, Nurse Cooper had gone out of her way to deliver the message. The most prominent warning was for me to not let anyone at Kellogg Premier ignore my concerns. There was definitely something going on and, if I continued to allow them to just brush me under the rug, I would not fare well. The underlying message of her note was simple: they really don’t care what happens to me over there. Their mission is a joke and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was right. All along the way, things had been ignored, shined on and simply forgotten by the medical professionals that were supposed to care for me. Not one of them pinpointing the causes or even coming close to giving me an idea of what was happening. Months later, and I was still struggling to find out and it seemed, there would be no answers for me. At least not in this lifetime.
Elaine indicated that she wanted more than anything, to speak to me in person. Her note indicated that she would try, if she could escape their watchful eye long enough to do so. That part struck me as strange as well. Why would Kellogg Premier work so hard to keep her from doing so? What was it about Elaine Cooper that threatened them? She was a great nurse and I was sure an excellent employee. They should be so lucky to have more just like her. Instead, it seemed that she was scrutinized for keeping an eye on her patients and showing concern for their well-being, like a good nurse should.
A few hours later, as Roger drove me to my appointment, Elaine Cooper was still on my mind. Her kind face floated in front of my mind’s eye as we pulled into the parking lot and found a parking space. I knew I wouldn’t see her inside that day, she was not assigned to my specialist’s office. I wanted to seek her out, find her and give her a big hug and then find out just what the hell she was talking about. It had to be something, had to have some merit. Most people would not go out of their way to give someone like me, a virtual nobody, a warning like that. Most would just ignore my angst and leave me to my suffering, just like everyone else, but her, at Kellogg Premier.
-14-
Elaine
I sat outside the head nurse’s office, wringing my hands nervously, my eyes flitting about the space. It was a small waiting room, devoid of anything more than a few chairs, a small end table and a coffee table in the center. Laid out in neat stacks were a few popular magazines that looked like they had never been touched, although the cover indicated they were published nearly a year prior.
As I waited, I tried desperately to think of something I had done that would have warranted the meeting. Since my last run-in with Gregory Simpson, I had done nothing out of the ordinary that would have landed me under the microscope, at least that I could think of. I could have been mistaken, but there was only one thing I could think of that could have caught their attention again.
When I saw Ragan Jensen in the emergency department, wired up and in her weakened state, I became furious. I kept it inside, of course, but when I returned to my station to put in her latest vitals, I snuck a quick peek at what had been happening with her since I last saw her.
It seemed that Ms. Jensen had been getting the run-around from her cardiologist again. The evidence clear in her chart that something was amiss, although no one ever noted their concern. A report from a cardiac monitor was left unopened and unread, which seemed curious to me since that was the whole reason she had been seen in the first place. Things did not compute and, now that I had knowledge of what was going on, I wanted to save as many of them as I could. Of course, it was only little old me and I couldn’t possible do enough to take them down, but I would at least let the one person I knew who suffered at their hands and had started me down the road of no return know what was going on.
Trying not to be discovered, I had jotted down her address, the intention was to enlighten her, to give her the knowledge I now had and help her escape certain demise. My mind was in overdrive, so of course, it immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario. Someone had to do something, even if it was only to help one person, and that someone was going to have to be me.
I had been extremely cautious, making sure that no one was nearby before I scribbled bits of her address down and sliding the corner of the paper under my monitor so no one walking by would see it. There was no way that anyone had seen me do that, I was sure of it. That made my meeting with Nurse Saxon that much more of a mystery to me.
When the door opened and my name was called, I was already extremely keyed up, a complete bundle of nerves. I didn’t know what to expect, had no idea why I was really there, and my over-active imagination was running wild. I turned toward the entry and slowly stood from my seat. For several seconds, my feet wouldn’t move, I was glued in place. The petite woman peering out at me shifted her weight and tapped her foot impatiently as she looked on, obviously irritated with me.
Following her into the back, I was still contemplating what was going to happen. Nurse Saxon had been watching me closely since I was transferred to the emergency room but had never told me exactly why I was moved from my previous assignment. I knew why, of course, they had told me months ago to cease and desist and I had ignored the warning.
Brenda Saxon sat tall and upright at a large, oak desk in the middle of what was mostly an empty room. As if it was staged, Ms. Saxon didn’t really have her own office it was just made to look that way for our little meeting, I moved inside and the woman who had showed me in shut the door securely behind me. For a few seconds, I looked back the way I came, still unsure why exactly I had been called into my supervisor’s office.
The last time I was singled out, there were several people present to give me the what for. This time, it was just her. Nurse Saxon cleared her throat and regarded me seriously, indicating I should take a seat with a gesture of her hand. Without a word, I obeyed, lowering myself into one of the two high-back chairs that were set opposite of her. The leather creaked as I sat, the sound impossibly loud. When I was final
ly seated, Brenda lowered her gaze to mine and locked on. Whatever she had to say was something extremely important, at least that’s what her body language and facial expression declared.
“You seem very confused why you have been called into my office,” her voice seemed louder than it needed to be, echoing off the walls around us and making her seem that much more stern, “however, I have a feeling you know exactly what is going on. You should have listened and heeded the warning. You should have left well enough alone, but you just couldn’t do that, could you? I am very disappointed in you, Ms. Cooper. You are a very good nurse. Excellent at what you do and compassionate to the core. Unfortunately, the latter has been your downfall. I moved you to my division, where I work every day, so I can monitor you more closely. You apparently need much more oversight than the others anticipated. I’d hate to lose you; you are definitely one of the best.”
“Lose me?” I was a little lost. It sounded threatening, everything she said seeped with the danger I had found myself in but was still trying to fly under the radar. Apparently, I had not done a good enough job and the powers that be were on to me.
“Well, you know,” her face softened a bit. It was like she suddenly realized what she was saying was too over the top and had to reel herself back in. “I would hate to have to fire you simply because you can’t keep your nose out of things where it doesn’t belong.” Her smile faltered slightly, the corner of her mouth twitching as if it were tired of being forced to be in that position. The look on her face was enough to strike fear into anyone in my situation. She seemed to know but was still struggling to find out, exactly what was happening. As if she herself were left somewhat out of the loop but still expected to uphold the orders of those at the top of the food chain. “I don’t really know what you mean,” I lied, of course. I knew exactly what she was talking about and she clearly knew that I did. She almost laughed out loud at my defense, feigning innocence would definitely not be good enough. I had been caught red-handed, those who were assigned to provide me oversight, had done their due diligence and reported enough information to force her to move me to her own department where she could watch me with her very own eyes.
“Elaine, please stop. Everyone knows what you have been up to, it’s just a matter of what to do with you because of it. I haven’t seen anything particularly alarming in the last twenty-four hours, but that doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. You will continue to work directly for me, until such time as they make a decision to…let you go or not.” The way she said her last sentence sent a shiver down my spine. At that moment, I knew they would never just fire me and let me move on with my life. There was something darker under the surface of her words and I knew that I would not get away with what I had done. Even though all I really did was keep tabs on a patient who was quite concerning to me, and it turned out, with good reason, they would obviously deal with me as if I had shouted their secrets to the world.
“I don’t understand, Brenda,” I didn’t usually use her first name, it was a respect thing, but I felt it would soften whatever I had to say to her and keep her from putting her guard back up, “all I did was keep watch over my patient. I thought that was what nursing was about: to monitor patients and report.” “Yes, well, you were also told to stop, to mind your business and just do what you are told. There is no room at Kellogg Premier for independent thought, Elaine. We do what we are directed and nothing more, it’s that simple. Now, it’s time for us to get back to the floor. I want there to be no funny business today, I grow weary of following you around everywhere you go.” Brenda Saxon stopped, looked over my shoulder at the door as it opened and the young woman who had shown me in suddenly appeared in the entry. I was being dismissed, just as the patients were, and I was supposed to just fall into line. It was ludicrous, not how I was trained at nursing school, but that is what they expected of me.
The tone of her voice toward the end of our conversation had me on edge. It was enough to keep me from asking any further questions and mindlessly follow the other nurse out the door. I moved slowly, wandering back to the emergency department where my station waited for me. I clocked in on my way, after realizing I had been so busy trying to get to my meeting, I had completely forgotten.
Things went on that way for quite some time. I went on about my day, took care of the patients who presented and stayed mostly to myself. After I ran into Ragan Jensen again, it was difficult, to say the least. Knowing what I knew, I was aware that they were not going to do anything more for her but make her comfortable enough to forget her ailments. They would brush her concerns under the rug and stabilize her as much as possible in hopes that she would just fade back into the distance with the rest of the patients who were actually on the edge of chaos.
I made up my mind a couple of weeks in, if I did nothing else while I was still there, I would warn at least one patient. Ragan Jensen was the perfect person. She was experiencing serious medical concerns, but not one person at Kellogg Premier did a thing for her. I intended on putting an end to that. Ms. Jensen would be the one patient that redeemed me, if it was the last thing that I did.
Riley argued with me at first. She was already part of it, there was no backing out of that since it had been me to welcome her in. Since she knew what was happening, I eventually convinced her to deliver a message to Ragan. I had her address and all I had to do at that point was get to her and let her know that she was in danger of being ignored until her own body failed to rebound as it had done in the past. If I could figure out a way to speak with her, she would be the first to stand her ground against the others. She would be the one to challenge their directive and refuse to be ignored. My plan was nearly perfect.
When she returned from doing as I had asked, I did my best to keep her calm. She was full of anxiety, worried that we were both doomed and there was no escaping our fate. If I had my way though, we may in fact be at the end of the line, I was going to blow their story wide open before I went. I held her in my embrace and thanked her for doing as I had asked, stroking her soft hair to soothe her. I felt her heart beating and silently sent up a prayer that God would protect her at least from the evil that surrounded us at every turn.
Riley was innocent, she just happened to be caught in the crossfire, and it was my fault. I felt bad for her and would do anything to protect her. As I held her, I whispered that in her ear, assuring her that as long as I had one breath left, nothing bad would happen to her. I swore to her, promised her that I would stand in between her and those who may try to harm her, especially considering it was all my fault in the first place.
A few days later, I stood behind a column trying to hide but still see the table where Ragan was told to meet me. In the middle of a busy food court at the local mall, we would be relatively safe. If anyone was going to attack me, it wasn’t going to be in a crowd like that, I was sure of it. I waited for her to take her seat before working my way carefully across the space in her direction. Before I approached her, I looked around, doing my best to identify anyone that seemed out of place, anyone who was there just to spy on me as I completely breach the rules to meet with a patient outside of the health care setting where I had met her.
I stepped out from behind the pillar I was hiding and stalked toward Ms. Jensen. When her eyes found mine, she looked both relieved and extremely anxious all at once. I had given her enough information in the message to pique her interest and get her there, but not enough to give up the entire circumstance in the event that someone stopped her or discovered the message before Ragan found it. I tried to smile, but it felt awkward, so I opted to not even try to make her feel comfortable. Considering that the entire ordeal was anything but, once she was told, she would completely understand.
“Ms. Jensen,” I extended my hand in greeting. Ragan simply stared at it, not at all interested in pleasantries. I ignored the fact that I stood awkwardly with my hand out and lowered myself into the chair opposite of her. She continued to stare at me, not a
word in return as she waited for me to get down to business.
“What is all of this about?” Ragan was pretty blunt, no beating around the bush for her. She looked on, demanding answers with just a look. I was determined to do it, to let her know what she was up against, but was still on edge. My gaze searched the crowded mall around us again, trying to pick out anyone that stood out, anyone who did not belong there. Finding no one, I turned my attention back to Ms. Jensen who sat waiting patiently for me to continue.
“Ok, well, Ragan…may I call you Ragan?” I wasn’t sure if she was ok with me using her first name, so I figured I would ask. Considering who she was to me and why we were there, I felt it was respectful to ask and make sure she was accepting of me using her first name. In return, she nodded. She didn’t say a word but agreed as I opened my mouth to continue.
I went on to spill the beans, everything I knew laid out on the table between us. At first, her face reflected disbelief, anger even. As I spoke, her expression transitioned from that to doubt against me, that perhaps I was just trying to spread fear using my own, personal conspiracy theory. She was right to feel that way, at first that was the same way I felt, at least until I came across Gregory Simpson. That part of the story was pretty outlandish. I could definitely understand her doubt. It seemed as though I was just reciting the plot of a suspense movie, the storyline completely out of left field. As I described what I knew, however, realization dawned on her, manifesting as a look of complete disgust on her face.
Operation Subdue Page 10