“You thanked him, Jack, and then you walked out the door. And that was almost two years ago. My father has lived with the guilt of that conversation every second of his life. And you?” She leaned forward and ran her hand up his arm and found the scar behind his left biceps. “You have lived with it, too.”
Elise moved to the stone hearth and sat down across from Jack. She folded her hands in her lap and waited, respectfully shifting her eyes away from him as he wiped the tears from his cheek and weighing her words, allowing the truth of them to sink past the dam he’d built within him. The one that kept him upright during the day and anxious at night. They sat in silence for ten or fifteen minutes. It seemed like forever, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Jack didn’t think of what to say next or how to act. He simply allowed himself to be present, to accept and feel the hurt of the reality she’d brought him—and that alone was a huge step forward.
“I got married, Jack, and I have a daughter.”
Jack lifted his head again. This time a smile rose on his lips. “A daughter?” Linda had wanted a family so badly, and so had he. Seeing Aiden had reminded him just how much he wanted a family and how far away he’d pushed that desire.
Elise nodded. “Linda Marlene Rollins. She turned one last month.”
“Linda.” A small laugh escaped his lips. “Linda Rollins.”
She nodded again. “I married Harry Rollins. I’m not sure if you remember him.”
“I do. You had just started dating him a few months before…”
“Yes, that’s him. He’s a great father and a wonderful husband. You’d like him, Jack. At some point, if you’d like, I’d love for you to meet him.” Elise came back to the couch and sat beside him again. “Do you mind that I named her Linda? I tried to contact you before she was born, but no one could reach you.”
“I love that you named her Linda. Does she look like you? Like Linda?” Elise has a child. Her father’s dying. Life was moving on for everyone, ending for others, and Jack remained in the same ugly, angry state that he’d been in two years before. His mind drifted back to Savannah, and he realized that over the last few days, he’d begun to see light at the end of the angry tunnel he’d been stuck in.
“No. She looks like Harry, but she has our eyes. Brown hair and blue eyes and louder than any child I’ve ever met. Totally not me or Linda.” The pride in Elise’s eyes was unmistakable.
Jack nodded. “I’m so happy for you. I’m sure you’re a great mother.”
“And someday, Jack, I hope you’ll allow yourself to be the wonderful father Linda always knew you would be.”
AN HOUR LATER, Jack loaded the bags of Linda’s clothes and the unworn baby clothes into Elise’s car.
“Promise me you’re coming to see Dad tomorrow? No excuses? He’s so fragile right now. I don’t want to tell him and then have you not show up.”
Elise looked at him with such hope that it tugged at Jack’s heart. “I promise. I want this, Elise. I want to deal with all the stuff I’ve buried. I really, really want to move forward. I can’t bring Linda back, and living in an angry state won’t do it either.”
“You know that Linda wouldn’t ever have let you remain in that state for more than—”
“Ten minutes. I haven’t thought about that since before….” Sadness gripped him again, but somehow, the anger that usually came on the heels of it had been cleansed by their conversation. “Remember the ten-minute rule?” Jack said with a smile.
In unison, they said, “You have ten minutes to be angry, ten minutes to be sad, ten minutes to be anything other than thankful that you have an eleventh minute to look forward to.”
“Do you think she always knew something might happen?” Elise asked as she started her car.
“No. I asked her about that once, and she said it was just a waste of energy to be anything but happy.” He looked away, realizing how disappointed Linda would have been if she knew that not only had he broken her sacred rule, but he’d lived with his anger for two years.
“Speaking of angry, have you spoken to your family?”
“I’m working on it. I’m gonna make this right, Elise. Thank you for coming out here and for not turning your back on me when you had every right to.”
She turned smiling eyes up to him. “I’m Linda’s sister. How could you expect anything else? I love you, Jack. I can’t tell you what it means to me to see you without your teeth clenched so tight that I feared they’d crack. I’m proud of you.”
“Don’t be. Besides marrying Linda, I haven’t done anything to be proud of since my military years.” He thought of how proud he’d been back then and how just putting on his uniform had made his chest swell. The man he’d been never would have cowered away behind a cold exterior and hundreds of acres of woods. How have I fallen so far?
“I forgot to ask. Where have you been living? I mean, everyone knows you haven’t been here.”
Jack thought about telling her the truth, but he just wasn’t there yet. That cabin in the woods was still his security blanket, even if he was trying to outgrow it.
“Around.” He leaned into the car and kissed her cheek. “I love you, too, Elise, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She nodded and pulled the car forward, then stopped and stuck her head out the window. “One more thing. Don’t give up on Rush. He’s as stubborn as you are—he learned from the best.”
Jack watched her pull away and felt a little lighter as he crossed the driveway and headed back inside. He’d never cried so much in his life, and he felt as though he’d been drained of everything inside of him— his blood, his energy, and surprisingly, his anger. He closed the door behind him and waited for the ominous feeling that usually followed him into the house to return, but it didn’t come. He glanced cautiously toward the kitchen, expecting Linda’s image to be looking back at him, and when it wasn’t, he felt a tiny shock of sadness and a larger pulse of relief. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He needed air.
He cranked open the casement windows in the living room, and then he opened the glass doors in the dining room that led to the deck, and the brisk night air swept through the small house. The smell of autumn filled his senses and brought a smile to his lips. He closed his eyes again and recalled the feel of Savannah in his arms, her breasts pressed against his chest, her soft lips on his. He’d fought the urge to think about her since he’d left her the message earlier in the evening. He’d wrestled with guilt over what they’d done and where he was in his life, and since she hadn’t returned his call, he worried that he’d blown the only chance he’d get at being with her. The world had passed him by hour by hour for months on end, and he hadn’t even noticed, and now, every second he believed he’d never see Savannah again felt like a lifetime.
The cordless house phone rang, startling him out of his thoughts. Jack carried a cell phone, but he rarely used it, and he never gave out the number. As he listened to the house phone ringing for the third time, he wondered what Elise had forgotten to tell him, or if she was calling just to be sure he really was still there.
“Hello?”
“Jack?”
Before he could stop himself, he gasped a loud breath. “Savannah.” Her voice was so sweet and tentative that he wanted to crawl through the phone and see her beautiful green eyes and wrap her in his arms.
“Hi. I got your message,” she said.
Jack’s eyes darted around the room. He didn’t know what to say. He just knew that he needed to see her, to be with her. “Sorry I rambled.”
“I like rambling. How are you?”
He heard the smile in her voice, and his heart soared. “Good. A little better, even. Savannah, can I see you?” He didn’t mean to be so blunt, or to say it so forcefully, but he had no control when it came to Savannah. Her allure was too strong.
“I thought you had to deal with your life.”
Jack paced. “I am.”
“In a day?”
He pictured her arching her perfectly manicured eyebrows, and
it made him smile. “I didn’t say I was healed. I said I was dealing with it. Savannah, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She lowered her voice to a seductive cadence. “That’s because we did all those dirty things, and it’d been so long since—”
“No, Savannah, it’s not, so you can just stop right there. I’ve never been a guy who gets off on sleeping around, and that part of me hasn’t suddenly changed. There have been plenty of women who tried to bed me. It doesn’t take much to find a person to fool around with if you want to.”
“To bed you?” She laughed, but Jack could tell she didn’t think it was funny.
“You’re so frustrating. You know what I mean. There have been opportunities, and if that’s all I was looking for—hell, if I’d been looking at all—I’d have hooked up with them, but I wasn’t looking.”
“Are you now, Jack?” Savannah asked.
The question threw him for a loop, and before he could configure an answer, honesty slipped from his lips. “No, I wasn’t looking then and I’m not now. Jesus, Savannah. I have no idea why or how you got to me, but you did, and that’s something, isn’t it?” Isn’t it? Or was he so out of touch with his emotions that he didn’t even know what was real anymore?
“I wasn’t looking either, Jack.”
He shook his head and covered his eyes as a different type of tears filled his eyes. What the hell is wrong with me? Jack’s stone-faced facade cracked, and he didn’t know how to handle it. He lowered himself onto a chair, and with a shaky voice, he said, “You weren’t looking, and you called back. I couldn’t stay away. Maybe we were fated to meet.”
“Fated,” Savannah whispered.
“I want to see you.”
Her voice took a seductive turn. “I want to see you, too.”
“Forgive me for being lame, but it’s been a long time since I’ve done anything like this.”
“Called a woman?”
“Well, yes, that too, but I was thinking more along the lines of even setting up a date.” Jack sat up straighter. With Savannah, even the most uncomfortable things were easier to handle.
“A date? Like, a Friday-night-date type of thing?”
The idea of waiting that long to see her was torture. “It’s only Tuesday.”
“Where are you?” she asked.
“Home.” The word resonated in a way that it hadn’t in a very long time. “Bedford Corners.” Jack rose to his feet, and four determined strides later, he had his keys in his hand. “An hour ten away if I go fast.” He stood with his phone in one hand, the keys and the doorknob in the other, while he waited for her answer.
“Go fast.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
SAVANNAH HAD NEVER been so nervous in her life. She pressed her palms against the window and stared into the darkness, watching the street below. There were so many butterflies in her stomach she was afraid they’d fly out of her mouth if she tried to speak. She’d showered and changed her clothes five times, finally deciding on a pair of designer jeans and a black, sleeveless V-neck blouse.
The roar of a motorcycle engine crawled down the street below, sending a thrill right through her. She watched as the driver maneuvered the bike into a parking spot, and she scanned the street for another open space for Jack. The driver’s powerful arms clutched the handlebar, and as he turned to look behind him, Savannah caught a clear view of his broad, muscular back, and her eyes dropped to the familiar sexy vee of his waist. Jack. She gasped a breath. A motorcycle? That’s so hot. His powerful thighs clenched the bike. The same powerful legs that had held her up in the stream and rubbed against her thighs at the boulder. She watched him climb from the bike and remove the helmet, then shake his thick hair free. She turned away from the window, her body humming with anticipation.
A few minutes later, Savannah opened the door. Jack’s broad shoulders filled the doorframe. His legs were planted hip distance apart, straining against his Levi’s. In one hand, he held his black helmet, and the other arced out from his side, the veins in his biceps ripe from the ride over. On the mountain, there was nothing to give perspective to Jack’s size. Now, with his head nearly hitting the doorframe, he seemed much taller. A smile lifted the edge of his lips as he took a step forward, and his free hand engulfed the curve of her hip.
“Hi,” he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her.
One word from his smooth, rich voice was all it took to steal her breath and any chance she had at making small talk. The rough stubble of his cheek brushed against her face, and the combination of his soft kiss and the rough scratch sent her heart racing.
He closed the door behind him, and Savannah took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, trying to regain her composure. He smelled clean and earthy, a smell she’d come to think of as simply Jack.
“How was your ride over?” Savannah said, to stop herself from saying, Kiss me again. Please kiss me again.
“Too long.” Jack didn’t smile. He didn’t move toward her or even look for a place to set his helmet.
He locked his eyes on her, and it was Savannah who took a step forward, placed one hand on the waist of his pants, and curled her fingers around his leather belt. She placed her other hand on his shoulder and stood on her tiptoes, but still the distance between them was too great. Jack met her halfway, settling his lips over hers. His lips were tender, his breath minty. Every swipe of his tongue was sensuous, erotic. He pulled back long enough to set his helmet on an end table, then pulled her to him once again in a long, delicious kiss. Savannah’s knees weakened and, as if he’d felt the shift in her energy, Jack pressed her to him with one large hand on the center of her back, while the other found the back of her neck as he had the first time they’d kissed. Being enveloped by his strength while he loved her mouth was so sumptuous that a needy moan slipped from her lungs into his. He drew back, and Savannah gasped—not for air, but for him to return to her.
“I’m sorry. I can’t seem to stop kissing you.” He lowered his mouth to her neck, grazing her with his teeth before stroking the tender spot with his tongue, hard and continuous.
Savannah arched her neck back, and he dug his hands beneath her hair and cupped the back of her head, then brought his lips to hers again.
“Savannah.” Her name was one long, hot breath.
No man had ever taken control of her body with nothing more than a kiss before. She could barely think, much less find the words to respond. Instead, she took his hand and led him down the narrow hallway to her bedroom. She took a step into the room, and he stopped on the other side of the threshold. She reached up and touched the cheek she’d been thinking about all afternoon and felt the tension beneath her palm.
“Jack?” she whispered.
His eyes caught hers with an ardent stare, but Savannah felt something else coming from him like a wave—nervousness, fear, sadness? She couldn’t be sure.
“Your bedroom.” He looked down at her and swallowed. “Savannah, I’m not sure I can go in there. I don’t trust myself.”
“Jack, I think we’re past that. I know it’s been a long time since you’ve been with a woman, but when a woman asks you into her bedroom, you don’t need to trust yourself.”
“That’s not what I mean.” He pulled her close and brushed her hair from her shoulder. “I haven’t even slept in a real bedroom for ages, much less been with a woman in one. I’m not sure if any weird stuff will go through my head. Savannah, I’m sorry. I know that this must sound strange coming from a man, but I’m just on the brink of dealing with everything, and I want to be close to you more than I want to breathe, but I don’t want to risk my past sneaking in.”
She wondered, briefly, if Linda’s ghost would always be between them. Then guilt swooped in, trailed by Danica’s advice. If Jack turns out not to be ready—and there’s a hell of a chance that he’s not—then what have you lost? She knew the risks. Jack was still bathing her with his dark eyes. The worry and want in his eyes coalesced, drawing Savannah closer. She re
alized that she wanted any amount of time she could have with him. An hour, a day, a week. Self-preservation stopped her from thinking any further into the future.
“I probably shouldn’t have come, but I couldn’t imagine another second without seeing you,” he said.
“Don’t be silly.” She led him back to the living room. “I have a glorious sleep sofa that has never been opened. It’ll be new for you and me. We can make our own memories.” There was no way she was going to wait another day to be next to him again, and from the way his eyes followed her as she crossed the floor and turned off the lights, then lit candles on the dining room table and on the windowsill, she could tell that he didn’t want to wait either. Jack pulled out the couch, and Savannah dressed it with the decadent satin sheets Josh had given her the previous Christmas. At the time, she’d thought they were a ridiculously lavish purchase that she’d never use. Now she couldn’t wait to feel the silky softness against her skin when she was beneath Jack’s hard body.
MOONLIGHT STREAMED THROUGH the window and danced off of the flame, casting a romantic flicker of shadows across the luxurious sheets. Jack had never wanted any woman the way he wanted Savannah, and as he watched her come to his side, then felt her feminine fingers slip beneath his shirt and across his abs, he thought he might lose it from just her touch. He had to taste her again, had to feel those sweet lips on his, and he lowered his mouth to hers. He’d almost forgotten how good it felt to kiss a woman, and as he learned the contours of Savannah’s mouth, it was as if no other woman had ever existed. His eyes blinked open at the thought, and he drew back. Savannah’s lips were ripe from their kiss; her eyes filled with desire.
This is right. So very right.
Savannah reached for his belt buckle, and he grabbed her hand. “Not yet. I don’t want to rush. I want to savor every second with you.”
Her eyes opened wide, then narrowed as a smile lifted her lips. He ran his hands along her silky shoulders. “God, you feel good.”
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