by Livia Grant
It took thirty minutes to bring Rachel the relief she needed, but within minutes of the epidural being administered, the worry lines were gone from around her eyes. He watched as she relaxed enough to fall into a fitful sleep.
Derek stood guard for the next three hours, relieved about every minute of rest his wife got as she slept through the contractions. The sun was coming up, the room brightening, when a particularly long contraction finally woke Rachel up with a start.
The on-duty nurse examined his wife and declared her fully dilated. "Are you about ready to push?" The nurse pressed the call button, and within a minute another nurse arrived.
"I called Dr. Taylor. He's in his car already. He'll be here in about ten minutes, and then the action will really start."
While they waited, several personnel came and went, making sure everything was ready for the upcoming main attraction. Through it all, Derek stayed focused on Rachel. He'd learned he could do diddlysquat to help medically, but he took solace in knowing he was the most qualified person to keep the new mother calm.
"How are you feeling, baby girl?" he asked.
"Scared." Her voice quavered.
"Don't be. Everything is going fine. It won't be long now."
"Thank you."
"For what?" he asked.
"Everything. I know how hard this is for you."
He grinned. "Me? You're the one about to push a baby out of your body. I think you win in the hard category."
"That's not what I mean."
"I know. I'm fine," he said.
The next hour went by in a blur. Derek took orders from the doctor and nurses as they helped Rachel pull off a miracle.
At 7:03 a.m. on a chilly November morning, Derek and Rachel Parker became the proud parents of a perfect six-pound, seven-ounce baby boy. Michael Andrew Parker arrived ready to show off his impressive lung capacity, filling the room with the most wondrous sound in the world; the cries of a healthy baby.
Tears welled in the tired Dom's eyes as the nurse handed him the snipper to cut the umbilical cord. Within seconds, they had Michael placed in Rachel's arms. Something happened to Derek Parker in that minute, when he first looked down on his wife holding their baby son, happy tears streaming down her face. He'd been so apprehensive, and yet they'd made it through the delivery with a perfect outcome.
The room was full of people who delivered babies every day as their job, and yet they all stopped to enjoy the sight of the new family bonding. It was easy to see why they had chosen their profession, because it seemed they never got tired of witnessing the miracle of new life.
Despite the full room, Derek was surprised when Rachel turned to him with bright eyes. "He's perfect, Daddy. He has your nose."
Derek couldn't resist. "Poor thing. I'm so proud of you, baby girl."
As if he felt left out, Michael chose that moment to open his eyes. His young son stared into his father's eyes as if he could see inside Derek's soul.
"Welcome to the world, Michael. You're the luckiest kid in the world. You've got the most amazing woman as your mommy," Derek said.
As if he understood, the left corner of the infant's mouth went up in a lopsided smile, most likely brought on by gas, but Derek took it as a sign.
Maybe this fatherhood thing isn't going to be so bad after all.
Chapter Four
Rachel
"Did you remember the diaper bag?" Rachel hated the harpy sound of her own voice.
"Yeah, it's on the credenza over there." Her husband pointed to the corner of the hospital room that she couldn't wait to get out of.
"Did you remember the car seat?"
"Yes, dear." Now he was patronizing her.
"How about the winter romper my sister got him? It's so cold out. I don't want him to catch a chill."
Derek stopped packing up the items the hospital was sending home with them. "I have everything. Relax, baby."
Rachel couldn't shake the panicked feeling she was forgetting something important. "There are just so many things to worry about. I don't want—"
Derek pulled out his best Dom voice. "Rachel! You don't need to worry about anything. I have everything, and what I forgot, we can buy later."
She wasn't sure why she was so nervous. As she prepared to leave the hospital, she felt like she was going to jump out of her skin. Michael was officially one day old.
Rachel glanced at the thick stack of discharge instructions she'd been given by the nurse an hour before. Yep. That was around the time she'd started to panic.
When I leave this hospital, Michael is going to depend on me for everything. I don't take care of myself. How the hell am I going to take care of him?
Thank God for Derek. He had been her rock throughout both the pregnancy and birth. He leaned in to give her a kiss. "I'm going to bring the car around. The nurse said she'd push you and Michael to the front drive. I'll meet you there, okay?"
Rachel was angry with herself for fighting back tears. This was supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life, yet she didn't want to be apart from her Daddy for ten minutes. She tried to mask how panicked she felt. "Okay, we'll meet you there in just a few minutes." As an afterthought she added an insecure, "Don't take too long."
Derek stopped to look back from the doorway. He knew her so well. For a second she thought he might not leave, but he glanced at the nearby nurse before flashing her a supportive smile, and left.
Michael was asleep in the bassinet just a few feet away. For the hundredth time since he'd been born, Rachel stopped to watch his little chest going up and down with each breath. She had counted his fingers and toes multiple times, just to make sure he hadn't sprung an extra toe while he slept. She knew her fears were irrational, yet she couldn't stop. She prayed that once they got home, she'd be more comfortable.
"Ready to head home, Mrs. Parker?" It was a patient advocate with a wheelchair.
Boy was she ever. "Oh, yes." She picked up Michael, cradling him in her arms, trying to keep from waking him. She wanted to get home before she had to feed him again. No one had warned her just how hard breastfeeding was. She'd always thought it was simple. The mother had milk, and the baby latched on and drank. She and Michael hadn't found their groove yet.
Once on the move, they passed by the nurses' station and all the staff wished them luck and said goodbye. Rachel was relieved when they reached the door to the maternity ward and were finally leaving.
She was not prepared for the onslaught of well-wishers waiting outside the maternity ward. Despite it being a Monday morning, Lukus, Tiffany, Markus, and Brianna were all waiting to greet the newest member of their extended family of friends, balloons and a big box of diapers in hand.
Brianna had tears streaming down her cheeks as she pushed to the front. "Oh look, Markus. He's absolutely beautiful."
Her husband accommodated her. "Of course he is. Look at his mother." Markus grinned as Rachel blushed from his uncharacteristic praise.
Tiffany and Lukus pushed forward next. Rachel could tell Tiff really wanted to hold the baby, and was happy that Master Lukus was telling his fiancée it could wait. Rachel loved her fellow submissives, but she just wasn't ready to share Michael yet. Thankfully, Tiff understood.
"What's the hold up in here? My car's gonna get towed." Derek's booming voice broke through the friends' discussion. Rachel met his eyes; she could see how happy her husband was that their best friends had stopped by to wish them well. She watched his chest puff with pride as everyone congratulated him on the adorable new member of his family. Derek pulled two fat cigars with blue wrappers on them from his coat pocket and passed them out to his friends.
Michael stirred in her arms. She knew he'd be getting hungry soon, and she hoped again he'd wait until they had made it home.
Lukus was filling them in. "We stopped by your place on the way over. You have a fully stocked refrigerator at home. Tiff and I went by the market and got some of your favorites, since we know you didn't have time to plan ah
ead."
Rachel saw the blush on her husband's face. He wasn't used to having people do things for him. He reached out to shake his friend and business partner's hand. "Thanks, Lukus. That means a lot. It feels like I haven't slept in a week."
Brianna was leaning over, just staring at the perfection that was Rachel's son as she answered, "Well, I hate to tell you, but you won't be getting much sleep in the near future, either. This little guy is gonna want to be fed every few hours, aren't you, Michael?" She brushed her fingers over his soft cheek, careful not to wake the newborn. "If you need a babysitter, I'd love to help."
Markus was pulling his wife away. "Sorry, but no babysitting for you today. It's time to go, Bri. I need to get to the office before eleven. I have a conference call I can't miss."
"No fair! Tiff gets to stay."
Lukus countered, "No, she doesn't. I have to get back to Titan. We're short-staffed again, not to mention that I need to start interviewing for another Master Dom to do the shows."
Rachel didn't miss the disgusted look on Master Lukus's face. He had hired—and fired—two Master Doms in the last six months. Neither had worked out for more than a few weeks. The first had been way too wimpy, unable to properly punish even the naughtiest of submissives on stage. She hadn't seen much of the second guy, since she hadn't gone to the club much as her pregnancy had progressed, but she knew he had been way too strict—to the point of being accused of abuse. Lukus and Derek had fired him a week ago, after another Dom had threatened to sue them.
Their friends walked them down to the front drive to see them off. She and Derek were intelligent people, but it still took them almost ten minutes to get the baby secured into his car seat for his first ride in a car.
With each block they drove away from the hospital, Rachel began to feel more stressed. She felt as though they had left their lifeline behind, and were venturing out on their own in this scary thing called parenthood. She snuck a peek sideways at her normally confident husband. His stiff posture and tight grip on the steering wheel told her he felt the same way.
What a pair we make. I hope we don't screw this up.
A mix of emotions hit her when they pulled into their driveway. They couldn't get close to the back door because of the three SUV's already parked in the drive ahead of them. Her mom and sisters were here.
She should have expected this. They had phoned, texted, and even visited Rachel since Michael had been born. Relief at having experienced help with the baby warred with frustration that they would presume to come over without asking her first. A glance at Derek showed he felt the same.
"Stay put. I'll come around for you, baby," he said.
"Thanks, Daddy... er... Derek." They had agreed she would call him by his name during the day, but they would reserve alone time each evening to reconnect as Daddy Dom and baby. It would take her time to get used to the new routine.
Over a half-dozen people rushed out of the house before they could even get Michael out of his car seat. Nieces, nephews, sisters and parents crowded around for a peek. Uncle Derek took charge.
"What a welcome! Michael appreciates it, but you all are going to catch a cold without a coat on out here. Into the house, everyone! You'll all get to see him when we get inside."
Their four-year-old niece, Laina, wouldn't be deterred. "I want to hold him first, Uncle Derek!"
"No one is gonna hold him until we're inside, warmed up, and you've washed your hands."
The scene that was playing out was so familiar, yet oddly different. Rachel had thirteen nieces and nephews. She'd been there to welcome most of them home from the hospital—as an aunt. It felt so much more permanent as the mother. How did her sisters do it with so many kids?
She didn't have time to analyze it as they were pushed into the kitchen, where her dad hugged her and Michael loosely. He looked down at his newest grandson. "Let me get a good look at this young man of yours, Rachel. He's number fourteen."
Her father had a habit of numbering his grandchildren.
The next hour flew by in a whir. She'd been so panicked about being home alone with the baby and Derek, she was relieved to have her mom and sisters there to help get things settled. Still, each time she glanced at her husband, he seemed to be standing further outside of the fray—further away from his wife and son. She wanted him to come and hold her in his arms. Or, better yet, pick her up and carry her to bed to put her down for a much-needed nap. Instead, he pulled out the not even halfway full garbage bag from the bin, and headed out the back door to take out the trash.
He still hadn't come in twenty minutes later, after she'd breastfed Michael and her mom suggested she go upstairs to her bedroom to take a short nap before she'd have to wake again to feed the baby. The relief of having experienced help lulled Rachel into accepting the offer. Her oldest sister, Sarah, helped her navigate the steps, and Rachel fell into the unmade king-sized bed too tired to even worry about where her husband might be.
Rachel
"Rachel, he's crying. Wake up, baby."
Michael's shrill cry broke through Rachel's weary slumber. It was his I'm hungry cry. In the three weeks since he'd been born, she'd started to sort out his I'm wet cry from his I'm hungry. The easiest to figure out was his I want attention cry. That one was half-hearted, and always stopped the second she peeked into the bassinet beside their bed.
She glanced at the clock. Three-thirteen. She'd managed almost four hours of sleep since he last woke her.
I'd give anything for a full night's sleep.
Rachel threw the covers back, trying not to get angry at her grunting husband, who rolled over, settling in to go back to sleep.
Motherhood was sure turning out to be different than she'd thought it would be. Derek had been so excited about the baby before he was born, yet he had barely bonded with their newborn son, and it worried Rachel.
As she let Michael latch on to her left nipple she snuggled him close. Her heart expanded with love as she rocked her young son as he took nourishment from her body. She never tired of the miracle.
Derek's voice broke the quiet, startling her. She thought he had gone back to sleep. "I never get tired of watching you rocking him," he said.
It was hard to see his eyes in the dimly lit room, but she heard a melancholy tone in his voice. She hated the wedge that had been shoved between them in the weeks since the baby was born. It wasn't unlike how she'd felt several months ago. She had gone to The Punishment Pit to confront her Daddy the last time. The problem was that tonight she didn't have the first clue how to go about recovering their intimacy. So much had changed in their marriage; she hated feeling as though they were strangers in their own house.
"I never get tired of rocking him, either. It's a miracle when you think about it."
"I do think about it. All the time." His words hung in the air, a heavy blanket of dread in the quiet, pre-dawn hour. She wasn't sure if she wanted to pry open the closed door between them, she was afraid of what she might find when it opened.
Be brave, Rachel.
"I could start pumping, you know. That way you could feed him, too," she offered.
"Nah, I'd screw it up. He needs his mommy."
She took a deep breath before plunging forward. "What if I need my Daddy?"
Damn, she wished she could see his eyes. "No, you don't. You're a great mom, Rachel. I'm so proud of you. I was... " His voice trailed off before he finished, quietly, "I was worried you might not be able to handle the stress, but you're doing everything perfectly."
His words of praise were precious to her, yet there was something deeper, almost sinister, in the compliment.
"Thanks, but you're his father. I want to share this with you, but you don't seem to even want to try."
The edgy tone in his voice barely disguised his anger. "How can I? Between your parents, sisters and nieces, I can barely get close enough to see him, let alone hold him."
Rachel fought the urge to defend her family. They did what they did out
of love. Still, as she thought back over the three weeks since they'd brought Michael home from the hospital, she had to acknowledge that not one single day had gone by when at least one of her family members hadn't stopped by to help for several hours.
In the beginning, the normally confident Dom had stood by awkwardly, trying to help take care of his family, but only now did Rachel realize he'd started spending more and more time back at work, leaving her to care for their son with her family as her primary help.
As she listened to her husband's soft snores, indicating he'd succumbed to sleep once more, Rachel reflected—until she knew what she needed to do.
I want my Daddy back. All of him.
Rachel didn't have to wait long to put her new plan into action. She was at the kitchen island eating a bowl of cereal when Derek came in, dressed, ready to head into Titan Security for his Friday.
He's not going in today if I have anything to say about it.
"I'll be home late tonight. I told Lukus I'd take the early show." He had his back to her and was pouring a hot cup of coffee into his stainless steel travel mug.
"I don't want you to go in today. Come to think of it, I don't want you to go in for the next week." Her voice sounded strange, even to her. She rarely talked to her Daddy with her 'I mean business' tone of voice.
Rachel stared at his back. She wished he'd say something. Anything. She'd expected fireworks, not silence.
She upped the ante. "I already called Master Lukus and told him you wouldn't be in today."
That did it.
He swung around, ready to go to war. "Excuse me? You called me in sick without talking to me? Why the fuck would you do that?"
The second he let the 'f bomb' drop, she saw regret in his eyes as he glanced over to his sleeping son who was rocking in an infant swing. Derek had been walking on eggshells for weeks, and it seemed as though his pent-up frustration was about to explode.