Everything will go back to normal after she’s gone, with a few upgrades, of course. First, Jack will finally be mine and his pack will be under my control. Then, the town will give me the credit I have always deserved. Finally, a proper program needs to be implemented to collect and house these animals so that they don’t run wild everywhere. They should have never been allowed to run free in the first place. I think I’ll start with the strays.
CHAPTER 20
Jack
I left Ashley lying in bed again. The sexual desire and the need to claim her is too strong and I can’t fight it anymore. Even in my sleep, I’m aware of what’s going on. I can hear her clothes ripping just as much as I can feel it. The last few mornings, I’ve gone outside while it’s still dark and let my wolf run until we’re both exhausted. I can’t go back in there when she’s still in bed.
My own torment aside, I hate what this is doing to her. When Brooks told me yesterday that she ran from the kitchen in tears at the mention of my name, I was furious. Not at her, but at me. I’m the alpha and I’m failing my mate, my pack, my wolf and myself. I don’t know how to fix this, and I hate not knowing what to do.
Why has this been so difficult? The words are on the tip of my tongue. I can hear them coming out of my mouth. As soon as Ashley’s in front of me, complete silence. The words just won’t come out. Am I afraid of what she’ll say or do? Can fear really be controlling my actions?
I’ve never been afraid of anything. An alpha can’t be afraid, and if he is, he sure as hell can’t show it. As much as I hate my father, that lesson is the one thing I took from him that I keep with me. I can’t believe my thoughts are going to him, but what would he do in this situation?
My father, Conrad Negrescu, runs his pack with military precision. No one in his pack is allowed to take a mate. He doesn’t have one and never will. Claiming a mate is punishable by death according to Conrad. His rules are harsh and are followed without question, or else.
Females, whether shifter or human, are property and nothing more. They’re there to serve one purpose, well two since they go hand in hand. Service the males and provide more shifters. Conrad’s goal is to build a massive army. If a female can’t produce offspring, then he gets rid of her. I try not to think about how he does that.
Conrad’s system is simple. He uses the natural law of pack life to his advantage. A pack can only have one alpha. When alphas are born into the pack, eventually they have to leave the pack and go out into the world to form a new pack. This usually happens when the alpha reaches maturity. Conrad teaches the new pup, beginning at birth, that you’re always under his control and your pack is now an extension of him, making his army that much bigger. The stronger alphas are usually trained by him personally, becoming generals.
He told me once that I was the most powerful alpha he’d ever seen, and he couldn’t wait for me to stand beside him. Very few have been able to truly break free from his grasp. For me, getting away from him was easy, too easy. That has always bothered me.
I stopped Conrad’s beta from killing Grant by taking off with him in the middle of the night. Conrad knew I was leaving the pack. It was my time as an alpha to go. But I didn’t go to the designated town. I backtracked and zig-zagged my way across the country until I felt confident we weren’t followed. Grant doesn’t know the whole story and we never talk about it. We both know that one day, there will be a knock at the door that we’ll both have to answer.
I don’t know why I’m thinking about all of this now, but the truth is clear. Conrad would never be in this situation, period. Maybe it’s all coming up because of Conrad. I’ve never agreed with how he ran his pack or treated females. Even as a child, it seemed wrong. I wanted to help the women, but I couldn’t. Taking Grant with me when I left was all I could do.
For a long time after I left, whenever I had a decision to make, I would think of what Conrad would do and then do the opposite. It took years to get him and his way of thinking out of my head. I sure as hell don’t want to be thinking of him now.
The one thing this trip down memory lane has done is solidify my feelings for Ashley. She’s my mate and I will be claiming her. Today! I want every member of this pack to find that happiness.
I’m proud of my pack and proud to be their alpha. As the alpha, I owe it to all of them, including Ashley, to face this fear head-on. I have let the fear of losing her control my actions for too long. It ends today.
I hear a wolf in the woods behind me. I can smell that it’s Grant. I’m about a mile from the house, under some trees down by the lake. I call out for him to join me.
“Hey, Jack. What are you doing out here?” Grant has shifted and joins me under the tree.
“Just thinking. I’m going to tell Ashley today. I won’t last another night. The slightest touch from me anywhere on her body triggers an orgasm. She has even started begging. How we’ve lasted this long is beyond me. I hate what this is doing to her, and I can’t even explain what’s happening until I tell her the truth. By not trying to fuck it up, I’ve fucked it up.” We’re both looking out over the water as I’m talking.
“You sound calmer about it now than you did before. Anything else on your mind?” Grant’s a good listener and I’ve always trusted him.
“Man, everything about this woman has turned my world upside down. She’s smart, funny, sexy, and absolutely perfect for me. She’s also perfect for the pack. I couldn’t have found a better alpha female anywhere. So why does she confuse the hell out of me?”
I look away from Grant and continue. “I can’t think straight when I’m around her and when we’re in bed, I can’t get enough of her. And she can’t get enough of me, which makes it even better. The way she responds is fantastic. Forget about me, I’m not going to be able to hold her back much longer. And truth be told, I don’t want to. I can’t fucking wait.” I fall backwards onto the leaves. A smile on my face as I look up at the sky through the branches.
“Maybe I’m missing something, but all that sounds pretty good to me. Aren’t women supposed to be confusing? That can’t be what’s holding everything up, you sure there isn’t anything else?” Grant stays focused on the water.
“I talked with Brooks yesterday. He was mad that I made her cry and is worried she’s going to kick us out. It took me twenty minutes to calm him down. Listening to him, you’d think they’d choose her over me. I’ve lost control somehow and need to get it back. I can’t let go of the feeling that I’m missing something. It should be simple. I found my fated mate, done. But for some reason, I get the impression that there’s something after that.”
I put my hands behind my head then I continue. “That ‘something’ is what I can’t figure out. It’s part of the reason for delaying. I’m the alpha and I have to have all the answers. I need to have all the answers for her. She’s a human and if she chooses me, she’ll be entering a completely different world than what she’s used to. It’s my responsibility as the alpha to prepare her the best I can. Not just her but the whole pack.” I look over at Grant, hoping he can provide some insight.
“Wow. There is some real fucked-up shit swirling around in that head of yours. Seriously, that’s what you’re obsessing about?” Grant throws his head back laughing.
“Jack, no one has ever said that the alpha has to have all the answers, all the time. And no one expects you to. Yes, she’s human, but she won’t be alone in the pack. Just like you’re not alone. We have always taken it one day at a time. One answer at a time. Together. You haven’t lost control, Jack. From where I’m sitting, it looks like you’re making room for her to stand beside you in your life. Let your pack support you. And more importantly, let your pack support their alpha female. Now, get out of your own damn way and go claim your mate.”
“You are so right. I have fucked this up so bad by overthinking everything. Fate picked her to be my mate, and that should’ve been enough for me from the start. I need to stop seeing her as just a human and start accepting her a
s my mate and the alpha female.” I sit up and watch some ducks on the water.
“We’re all going to have growing pains, Jack. Females coming into the mix changes the whole dynamic of the pack. Each of us will have to adjust. I’m looking forward to it, myself. Just think, pretty soon there will be little pups running about under our feet.” Grant smiles at the thought.
“I need to survive this part first. Let’s go back to the house. I’ll race you.” I’m already on my knees and shifting before Grant starts to move. We both take off at a full run through the trees toward the house.
Preston, Chase, and Runt join our race as we get closer to the house. I love when we all run together. We haven’t done it in a long time. Slowly, over time, we’ve become disconnected. The job, work, and life’s distractions have all played their part. Running like this and just being wolves helps us feel like a collective unit. A pack. Regardless of what fate has in store for us, we will definitely be doing this more often.
CHAPTER 21
Ashley
I’m lying in bed staring at the ceiling, again. Another sleepless night. More clothes ripped to shreds. Jack isn’t in the shower. I don’t know where he is. I really want to stop caring, but I can’t. I think Brooks told him I was crying yesterday. I knew he would. Last night was stressful, and I think everyone felt it. The emotional walls I erected aren’t working. I’m in too deep.
Jack has people to talk to about all this. A way to get advice. I have no one. I haven’t told my sister anything. She would freak. Definitely no mention of the gorgeous man sleeping in my bed.
I wonder how long I can stay in bed without anyone noticing. I really don’t want to go out there and pretend everything is OK. I have to force Jack to talk to me at some point. We can’t have another sleepless night. Aside from the relationship part, the horniness is reaching its breaking point. I’ve never really been into sex. I don’t know why. Maybe it was just bad partners. But this is on the verge of addiction except for the fact that I haven’t had him yet. I crave him. And I know that in the middle of the night, I’m begging him.
I finally get up, shower, and get dressed. It’s quiet when I go into the kitchen. No one seems to be around. I make some coffee, and as it’s brewing, I notice that there is a fire in the fireplace. We didn’t have one last night. The tension between us ruined the whole evening. After I fix my cup of coffee, I sit in the armchair by the fire. This is a great fireplace. The stone wall gives it presence. I definitely like this one better than the smaller one in the bedroom.
What time is it? It seems late. I hear the front door open. I remain where I am and focus on my coffee. I’m not ready to socialize just yet. Jack walks into the kitchen and gets something out of the fridge. He looks at me. I can’t help my emotions, and tears slowly begin to fall.
Jack comes over and kneels on the floor in front of me. He takes the mug out of my hand and puts it down. He moves in closer so that he’s between my legs and rubs his hands up and down my thighs. “Something wrong, Ashley?”
“Yes. We’re what’s wrong, Jack. I’m so confused. If you were just using me, we would have had sex already. Do you want a relationship with me or not? You keep telling me you want me to know you, but we’re never together. We never talk. And you avoid me all day. The only time we’re together is at night, and then you can’t keep your hands off me.” I stand up to continue my rant.
My volume has gone up, and I’m close to yelling. As an added bonus, some of the guys have come into the kitchen and are watching from the island.
“Every night you rip my clothes to shreds to get them off. Don’t you get it? I want you to ravage me. I want you to lose control. I tell you yes. I beg and plead. You push me away when I try to touch you. Why can’t I touch you? When you growl, I get the impression you want to devour me. Jack, please devour me. I want you to.”
I drop to my knees and put my hands together, pleading. “But you keep telling me the same thing. You want me to know you. How am I supposed to know you if we never talk? What do you want me to know? Just tell me. Nothing is that bad, Jack. Do you not want me? Do you not like my body? Am I too fat? You seem just as turned on as I do, but what do I know? You come back to my bed every night, is it just to torture me?”
Jack stands up and walks toward me. He stares into my eyes. “Ashley, you’re perfect. There is nothing wrong with you. There are some things about me that you need to know first.”
Jack calmly tries to lift me off the floor and into his arms, but I pull away.
“Not this crap again, Jack. Just say it. What do you want me to know that’s so important?” I wave my arms in the air, trying to push away the frustration. “You know what, Jack? It doesn’t matter. Right now, I choose you. I don’t have to know everything. Whatever it is, I’m by your side and we can face it together. This is bigger than the two of us. Don’t you feel it? I want it, Jack. All of it. No matter what. If you don’t, now is the time to speak up.” I stand now, my hands on my hips. I’m not backing down, and I’m not letting this go unfinished.
Jack does not move or say anything. More people are in the kitchen, including Nicholai, but I stay focused on Jack. He’s just looking at me, and I can’t decipher his expression. My tears start to fall again. I can’t breathe. Holy shit! He’s not choosing me. I can’t think. My heart is breaking. The room is spinning, and I have to get out of here. I turn and start toward the bedroom almost frantic.
“Where are you going? Don’t walk away.” Jack reaches for me and turns me around.
“I’m going to pack a bag. I think it would be best if I stay at the motor lodge.” I try to turn back around, but he doesn’t let me. “Jack, please let me go. Do you get what this is doing to me? My heart is breaking right now. I just bared my soul to you, and you were silent. If you don’t want me then please, just say it.” The tears continue to fall, and I focus on the floor because I can’t look at him. I’m shaking and struggling to hold it together.
Jack puts his finger under my chin and turns my head so that I’m looking at him. He’s so close, and I’m furious that my body is responding to him. He smiles just enough for me to know that he’s aware I’m turned on from the touch.
“I want you and I choose you, Ashley. No question about it. The last thing I want is to hurt you. But before we can move forward, you have to know these things. Believe me, there is nothing wrong with you or your body. You are perfect in every way. I’m the one who’s afraid to tell you. My fear is holding us back. And believe me, I’ve never been afraid of anything.”
Jack holds me close and stares into my eyes. “I’m afraid that after I tell you, you’ll walk away. The fear of losing you and not having you in my arms at night. That fear is holding me back. I know I need to tell you, and I will. Please, Ashley. Give me just a little more time to figure it out.”
“Jack, we won’t survive another night. You growl and your eyes glow.” I stop instantly, pull back just a little.
I’m confused. His eyes. They glow just like the wolf from my dream that brought me here. Holy crap. How is that possible? That’s where I know his eyes from. He has the same eyes as the wolf in my dream. Why have I not noticed before?
“Ashley, what just happened?” Jack looks concerned.
“Nothing. Just for a second, I thought I recognized where I know your eyes from. They’ve seemed familiar to me ever since we met, and I couldn’t figure it out.”
I pull away and look at him with resolve. “You know what, I’ll tell you. No more secrets, and I’ll go first. Everyone wants to know what brought me here. Why I came to this town. Why this house. Well, the truth is I followed a wolf. A wolf that has glowing eyes just like yours. There, I said it. I’ve been afraid that you and everyone else would think I was crazy, but there it is.”
Jack looks shocked. “What did you just say?”
Everyone in the kitchen gasps loudly. I can hear them whispering back and forth.
“I followed a wolf, Jack. Every night for months, this wolf
would show up in my dreams, standing by a road. It wouldn’t stop. Finally, I quit my job, sold my house and most everything I owned, and took off to find this wolf. The night before I left, he was next to a New Hampshire sign. The night before I got here, he was next to a Wolfton sign. My first night at the lodge in town, he was sitting on the porch of this house with a For Sale sign.
“The first night in this house, the night before the walk-through…” I point toward the bedroom and keep talking. “He was lying in that bed with me. That was the last time he appeared in my dreams. If that’s not crazy enough, here’s the icing on the cake. I actually started to believe he brought me to you. That wolf’s right front paw was black. Your company is called Blackpaw Construction. You asked me if I believe in fate. That’s why I said yes, Jack. I believe fate used a wolf to deliver me to you.”
I wait for a response. I’m breathing hard and I can’t move. I feel exposed after saying all of that out loud.
Jack looks like he’s been punched in the stomach. “Holy shit! How is this possible? What the fuck is happening?”
He runs his fingers through his hair and then scratches his jaw. He looks at Nicholai, who shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders. All the others look just as shocked as Jack.
He rushes to me, completely happy. He lifts me in the air and spins us around. “Ashley, this is almost done. I promise I’ll tell you everything as soon as I get back. But first, I have to go take care of something. I promise, tonight is the night. You and me. Don’t leave, OK? Don’t go to the lodge. Stay here and give us a chance, please.” He’s smiling as he pulls me into his arms and kisses the side of my head. His exuberance is confusing me.
“OK. I’ll be here when you get back.” I don’t know what else to say. I just stand there.
Delivered: (The Blackpaw Prophecy, Book 1) Page 13