And then I cried a little longer.
My resolve to wait her out had already been wearing thin, so when I brought the audio back online and heard her cry, I drove to her place with purpose. Letting myself in, I found her surrounded by darkness and curled up on the couch with an empty liquor bottle on the floor.
Standing over her, I look down at the woman who had quickly become my everything. I made a decision.
Elizabeth Hudson may be afraid of love and loss, but I was certain that together we could have a love few ever knew.
It was quite some time later, after she had damn near cried her soul out, and when she whispered, “I am so sorry,” I knew I still had a chance. Wiping her cheeks, I explained, “Never be sorry for having feelings, Lizzy.”
“It’s not feelings, Luke,” she said softly. “It’s allowing myself to use his death as an excuse not to get close to people. I’m not afraid of love, I’m afraid of losing it. I’m afraid I’m too much work for you. That I’m so set in my ways I can’t change. Be who you need me to be.”
“Lizzy.” I stroke her cheek. “I’m not asking you to change. You’re already everything I need and more, baby.”
“I need to tell you something,” she hiccupped. “It’s going to sound crazy and…”
“What is it?”
“I’ve struggled with his death because Jon has never felt dead to me,” she confessed. “I saw him die, I buried him, and yet it doesn’t feel like he’s ever truly left me.” At this, every alarm in my body went off. “I feel him, Luke, and I want it to stop. How do I make it stop? The only time the sensation is gone is when I’m with you. I can’t make sense of it.”
I wanted to tell her it’s why I was here too, but I couldn’t. Not yet. So instead, I pulled her tighter against me. “I’ll help you, Lizzy. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it,” I promised.
“But it’s crazy, right?” she pleaded, and fuck, I wished I could explain we had instincts for a reason.
“Nothing is crazy when it comes to you, baby. You are the most grounded person I know.”
“Who wanted the divorce? Her or you?” she changed the subject.
“We both did,” I admitted. “But she was the first to do something about it.”
“Do you miss her?”
“Fuck no,” I swore. “We were toxic, Lizzy. Both wanting different things out of life and never wanting to share it with the other. No love, no loss.”
“That’s...sad.”
“That’s life, baby.”
“You’re right,” she stretched out and sighed. “I probably should have asked sooner, but do you two have kids?”
Lizzy had no way of knowing this subject was a knife to my gut. But she deserved as much truth as I could give her. “I wanted kids, she didn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Luke.”
I was about to say the bitch did me a favor, but Lizzy yawned and her care was more important than my bitch of an ex-wife. “Tucking you in, Lizzy.”
“On one condition,” she mumbled into my chest.
“Which is?”
In my ear, she said, “Stay.”
And so, I did.
Wiping off my hands, I tossed the rag on the hood. When I couldn’t find my crescent wrench, I yelled at Lincoln, “Stop touching my shit, asshole!”
“Woman,” he yelled back. “I didn’t touch your shit!”
“Then why is my wrench on your box?” I pointed at the evidence currently sitting on his tool box.
“Fuck if I know,” he shrugged. “Knowing you, probably forgot you left it there.”
Grr... “Wrong. I left it exactly where I always leave it.”
Snagging the tool and slapping it on my box, he snapped, “Here. Happy now?”
“No.”
“Good, then we’re even.”
“When were we uneven?”
“Since you started messing with him.”
“Luke?”
God, it was hot in here. Unzipping the front of my coveralls, I waited for Lincoln to spill while I guzzled water. Shaking his head, he argued, “Yeah, Luke.”
“What does Luke have to do with you taking my shit?”
“He doesn’t,” he said pointedly.
“Lincoln, I’m not looking to play in the mud with you over Luke. We are none of your business.”
“We, huh? Well, I beg to differ. See, you are my business. This guy showing up, eating your food, drinking your beer, sleeping in your bed... What’s his food taste like? How cold is his beer? How soft is his bed?”
“My relationship—”
“Oh, so it’s a relationship? And what do you know about those? Nothin’. You’re too caught up with him following you around, fucking you regularly on your home turf to even ask questions. So, I’ll ask again, what’s his place like? Better yet, where is it? He got parents? You meet his friends?”
“Clock out,” I advised him, “before we both regret this.”
“Something ain’t right about him, and it needed to be said. You never saw it with Jon, and you’re turning a blind eye now.”
“Don’t go Freud on me, Lincoln. It won’t work.”
“I don’t even know what this means.” He rolled his eyes. “Look, I love you, and I know you better than anyone. You haven’t stopped mourning Jon. All these years later and you still live the guy’s death. Distracting yourself with Luke is dangerous. Because you’re choosing not to see the obvious.”
“And you see the obvious?” I countered. “Most days you can’t see past your own dick.”
“Least I’m not pretending to be something I’m not.”
“I’m not pretending with Luke,” I growled. “And I wasn’t pretending with Jon either!”
“You’re not hearing me. You can’t love them both. That’s not how it works!”
“Loving Jon doesn’t prevent me from loving—I mean caring about Luke.” Shit. That was close...
“It fucking does!” he yelled, startling me. “I may not trust the guy, but even he knows you’re not all in. Why? Because you live in the past. He will get sick of waiting for you to get over a dead man. Mark my words, it's a matter of time before he leaves you.”
“Fuck you,” I whispered while backing away. “This is some next level bullshit, even for you.”
“Get your head right, Elizabeth, or you will lose him, and it will fucking break you.”
“I hate you right now.” I can’t hold the tears back at this point.
“I can live with that,” he returned softly. “But I can’t live with seeing you busted up a second time. Jon may have broken your heart, Lizzy, but Luke will destroy it.”
And when Lincoln turned to leave I didn’t stop him.
Lincoln tearing Lizzy down would not stand. Plus, I had just gotten her to take a real chance on us, and I couldn’t risk him fucking it up.
Pulling up his address, I made my way to his place and parked in the driveway.
I wasn’t even at the steps when he met me on the porch.
“The fuck do you want?” he asked, leaning against the rail. Lincoln wasn’t a large man, yet, he truly could back up his mouth. Here was a guy who preferred to let his fists do the talking. “I know Lizzy didn’t send you over here.”
“No, she didn’t. I happened to be pulling in just after you left. Saw Lizzy upset,” I lied. “She wouldn’t tell me, but I can piece it together. So here I am.”
“What happens between me and Lizzy—”
“Is my business.”
“Beg to differ.”
“You’ve been in her life a long time. I get loyalty, and I’m fucking grateful she has it from you. I also get she hasn’t gotten serious with anyone since Jon, and how you’d be skeptical. But I came here to talk to you as the man who has no intentions of letting you or anyone else get between Lizzy and I.”
Stepping forward, he said, “I don’t trust you, and after the shit Jon pulled, I’m fucking bothered by the fac
t that she seems to trust you. Out of nowhere, you show up with a car, employment for Ram, and a hard-on for Lizzy. That woman doesn’t know what’s good for her, but I do. I’ll make sure she sees through your bullshit, guarantee it.”
“I’m not the man you want to fuck with,” I warned.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he gave a warning in return, “I’m street, Temple. You should think twice before crossing me.”
Since meeting hostility with hostility wasn’t going to work, I played my trump card. “I’m in love with her, Lincoln.”
Dropping his gaze, he muttered, “Fuck.”
“Maybe she didn’t tell you, but I was married for twenty years to a woman who made hell seem like a vacation. Swore I’d never let another woman tie me down, fuck me up, and screw me over. Then I saw her. Every promise I made to myself disappeared when I saw she understood hell, too. She’s living in it, Lincoln, and I can save her. But to do that you need to step aside and let me.”
“You love her like that?”
“Yeah, I do.”
Bluntly, he said, “I’ll give you a shot, Luke, and I ain’t saying this to sound hard because it ain’t hard if you mean it. You break her, and I’ll bury you. My life doesn’t mean dick to me if that woman ain’t happy. Make her fucking happy.”
“Understood.”
I climbed into my truck, knowing I’d be keeping an eye on Lincoln.
Two weeks ago, I let Luke in.
Since then, there was only one night I fell asleep when his cock wasn’t inside of me. A sneezing attack (which coincidentally he loved because I clamped down on his cock), forced him to pull out to get me a tissue.
Every morning, I woke up wrapped around him, doing just as he said I did, I curled into him.
During the day, he went to his office and did whatever security people do, but after work, he and I, along with the guys, worked on his Camaro. Foul jokes, beers, and conversation flowed freely.
At first, Lincoln was openly rude, but after a few looks from Luke, he knocked it off. And it’s been fine ever since.
We cooked together, he kept me company while I did laundry, and I was utterly shocked to see him clean just because.
For a short time, Jon and I cohabited, but we were young and learning the ropes just as my mom said.
Ram had chores growing up and was good about pitching in, but I’d never had this. I’d never had a partner.
It was exciting and terrifying.
Two days ago, Ram stopped by to visit before his next job, and Luke once again praised how well he was doing. He even said he was giving him a raise, to which Lincoln, Benz, Diesel, and myself all choked on our beers.
Ram though just winked at me. I found myself watching them interact, wondering why it caused me to feel emotions I couldn’t name. It was as if they’d known each other all of Ram’s life, they simply fit. Luke knew what Ram was going to say before he said it, and Ram looked to Luke for guidance. I won’t lie this stung. I had always been the one he came to, but I was not a man, and that’s where I would always fall short with my son. Over the years, he went to the guys from time to time, yet, I wasn’t expecting this to hurt so much. And it took real effort on my part not to let on that I struggled with letting go.
Because it wouldn’t be fair to either of them.
Ram also met a woman. Her name was Destiny. And through pictures I saw she was as pretty as her name. Unlike his stubborn mother, Ram wanted love, marriage, and a happily ever after.
And he wanted it now.
He did not sleep around just because he could, and believe me he was handsome enough to do exactly that, but he chose a different path. He and Luke seemed to be alike in this. And once again, it struck me this was right. It was a relationship my son needed, and it appeared as if Luke needed it, too. So when Luke wasn’t with me, he was either working next to Ram or on the phone with him.
Ram was an adult, had been for many years, but he treated Luke with respect and a lot of admiration. Outside of me and his uncles, he’d never done this with anyone. Which got me thinking about our undefined relationship.
The sex was off the charts, of course, and Luke loved he could fuck me bare without getting me pregnant. We laughed together, and even the silence wasn’t awkward. But while Luke made it clear he’s committed to me, I only nodded my agreement. I wasn’t verbal about it for no other reason than I was scared to attach a label to it. My son though was taking it, us, in stride. When he came by to find us making out or spooning, he just smiled. I could see the acceptance in his eyes. He respected Luke and loved me.
My son wanted me happy.
And while I was happier than I had been in years, I was still hesitant, and I wasn’t sure why.
Luke was being patient with me, and I appreciated it, but this wouldn’t last forever. At some point his patience will run out. When the guys commented about the future, a future they assumed Luke would be a part of, I could tell he did not like the looks I gave my guys. The look that said, let’s not be hasty. Luke was used to commitment, he was married forever. I’ve never been married. I had one boyfriend, and we all know how that ended. So yeah, I was scared, and it wasn’t my hormones talking, it was me. Because my hormones were all about Luke.
In my quiet times, I didn’t pray Luke wouldn’t break my heart. I prayed for my son’s.
I knew what heartbreak felt like.
No mother wants her child to experience it, even though it’s a part of life. Because Ram saw Luke as more than his boss, and us not working out would crush my boy. He wanted us together, as in forever.
Where was the prickling sensation of Jon’s presence through all of this?
Gone.
As if it never existed.
Because there was no denying it, I wanted forever, too.
And to have forever, I had to let Jon go. And ever since I did this, or at least began the process, the weight on my chest disappeared.
Tossing the rag on the bench, I was reaching for a socket when I heard my name being called. I looked over my shoulder to see Kink, who strolled in like he owned the place, causing me to roll my eyes. This was because he acted one way when in actuality he was the opposite. My advice to all women, if a biker tells you he was named Kink because he was into certain shit, use caution when believing him. Kink was hot, badass, and all around yummy, and truly had potential. But the one thing he wasn’t was into kink. Thinking he was, I slipped a finger in his ass, and he almost cried. I’d never seen a man dress so fast and take off running.
“What are you doing here?” I accused because most nights Luke would have been here by now, and I did not need him walking in on this nightmare. Seriously, there would be no explaining it.
“It’s a nice night,” he said, eyeing me. “Thought I’d come by and take you for a ride.”
Gag. I tried this once, and it was a short ride. A very, very short ride.
“Pass.”
“We had fun, Liz,” he grinned, showcasing a scar on his lip. “Take an hour off so we can have fun again. I can’t stop thinking about what you did and I…I’d like to try more.”
While part of me wanted to tell him that I was seeing someone, the other part didn’t want to drag it out by having a chat, so I went with, “Leave, Kink, I’m not interested.”
“Liz,” he said and approached me. But at this point, I had it.
“It’s Lizzy, for one,” I said, holding up a hand to halt him. “Two, hate to say it, Kink, but you’re a lousy lay. Three, you need a new nickname, and four, I don’t do repeats.”
“Bullshit,” he laughed. “You fucked Willy twice.”
“Who the fuck is Willy?” I actually had to ask.
“The bartender,” he reminded me gruffly.
“His name is Willy?” I asked myself more than him. I mean, I fucked a man named Willy? “Wait, how do you even know that?”
“Because he told me, baby.”
“Baby?” I lost it.
“Do not ever fucking call me baby. For the last time, turn around and go before I stuff you in this trunk.”
Just then the back of my neck heated, my palms got sweaty, and my face lit up. Fuck. Frustration was clearly another trigger. Noted. “You don’t want me to go,” he said while moving in. “You’re getting worked up, I can see it.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I growled. “I’m having a hot flash, you sorry-excuse-for-a-biker. I’m not hot for you now, and I wasn’t the first time either.”
“I want seconds,” he said grabbing my arm. “Willy had ‘em, I want ‘em.”
When I was done teaching Kink a lesson, I was officially kicking Willy in the balls for having a big mouth. I was too old for fuck and tell.
“Last time, remove your hand, asshole.”
“Unless you want this hand down your pants, I ain’t removing shit. I got a taste of you, and I want another. You owe me.”
Reaching to my right, I slide a pair of pliers from the tool box and palm it. Because I could wield this shit in my sleep, I opened it and clamped it one-handed right on his cock.
Ordering him to his knees, I said fuck it with being a big girl and let my hormones out to play.
PS: Kink was a screamer.
First thing this morning, Ram and I loaded up my truck, grabbed breakfast, and headed out to go fishing.
Spending time with Ram was a true pleasure. Every minute in his presence made me love him even more.
Rambler Hudson was the son I never had, and I didn’t give a shit if it was too soon. I loved the kid, plain and simple.
We fit.
Like his mom and I did.
I had found myself a family. The best fucking family any man could wish for.
Sitting on the dock with our lines cast, I asked him who taught him to fish and wasn’t surprised to hear it was Lizzy.
According to Ram, he had been three when she gave him his first lesson. But it wasn’t his last.
He was young when she taught him to cook, clean, hunt, wrench, and drive. He explained his mom even took classes to better understand her son’s interest in computers.
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