Cirna hesitated before saying, “deal.”
Leading her back to the gate of the Main Palace, I began to plan. Anais and Cirna had similar enough features to pass for relatives. They could travel as sisters. I could come up with a story to keep them safe on the road—that they’re going to see their sick father or to work for their uncle on a farm. Guards would be looking for Anais once everyone realized she was gone—just Anais. Not a pair of siblings.
A month wasn’t very long, though perhaps it would be to Cirna. I would have to send money to the inn to cover her stay, otherwise she might be forced to leave. Other arrangements needed to be made, as quickly and quietly as possible. Horses procured. A route to map. My heart gave a sudden ache and I rubbed at my chest. I wasn’t sure I was ready to never see her again.
But this was best for Anais. For everyone, really.
Chapter Twenty-One
With the entire palace in a whirlwind of activity, my pulse refused to slow. Day after day, I scoured every rooftop, dark corner, and blind spot. Bastian and I couldn’t walk more than a handful of steps without me being convinced something was amiss. It happened so often now that the prince had begun to ignore me, which had me constantly two moments away from dragging him back to the Prince’s Palace.
And, at night, I surveyed the Women’s Palace instead of sleeping. I hadn’t gone back inside, but patrolling the wall made me feel better. The perimeter of the palace building itself brought me too close and into the eyeline of guards—not that it stopped me.
It should’ve. This was dangerous. So fucking dangerous. If anyone even suspected that I planned to help Anais disappear, everything was ruined. But it would all be ruined if Faramond had her murdered too. No. He wouldn’t. Not when King Edric continued to arrange the engagement ball, and more and more nobles had arrived for the event. Guards had nearly tripled.
Which was why, right now, I wasn’t guarding Bastian or Anais. I tugged my hood forward, grateful for the thick wool as a bitter wind swept through the streets of the capital. I was putting a lot of faith in Cirna—a young girl who I didn’t know—but what choice did I have?
Valewood Inn was a rundown building, much like others on the street, but slightly worse. Half of a collapsed balcony hung from beneath the second-story windows, all of which were boarded up.
I slipped through the front door and did a quick sweep. No immediate danger, though the gruff, unwashed men were sure to be capable of creating some. Cirna was young and, some might say, pretty. And staying alone. My jaw clenched. If anything happened to her, I’d find the men who did it and gut them. I owed it to Pevran, if nothing else.
“Can I help you?” A heavy woman asked from behind the bar. Her curly, red hair was tied back with a frayed ribbon.
“I’m looking for my friend.” I stepped nearer the bar to keep my words private. “Cirna. She should be expecting me.”
The woman narrowed her eyes. “Is she now?”
“I’m from the palace.” I rested my arm on the bar, letting the craftsmanship of my bracers prove my words. “And I need to speak with her.”
“This about her aunt?”
I nodded, a small lie.
“I’ll have her meet you in the kitchen,” she said after a brief silence. “I’ve made her safety my personal concern, if you know what I mean.”
It didn’t matter where Cirna and I spoke so I followed the barkeep to a small, yet efficient-looking kitchen. A stone oven, pots hanging in fireplace, and a flour-coated table at the center. I ignored the large bugs crawling across the surface and perched on a tall stool.
Cirna didn’t take long to join me. She wore the same dress as before, but her expression was slightly more haggard. “You paid my bill,” she said as a greeting.
“I did.” I kept my hood up but raised my chin so she could see my face.
She crossed her arms and looked off to the side. “It hasn’t been a month yet.”
“I said my friend was leaving in a month. It’s been three weeks now, and I need to make the final preparations. Which means I need your answer.”
“Who is your friend?” she asked.
I hesitated. If Cirna agreed, she would know Anais by name and would think her a simple maid, but if she didn’t agree, that knowledge could become a liability. “A woman who works at the palace,” I hedged.
“Can’t the king secure her passage?”
I snorted. “The king doesn’t care if commoners travel safely. Even if he did, he can’t be responsible for ensuring everyone in the kingdom has an escort.”
Cirna seemed to think on it for a moment. “Fine, I’ll do it. But only because you’re paying me.”
“Thank you.” I sighed in relief. “Be ready to leave in eight days. I’ll bring my friend here along with two horses. Pack lightly.”
“Do I get to keep the horse?” she asked nervously. “Once we get there, I mean.”
I hadn’t thought that far ahead—or I had, but not about the horse. “Sure,” I told her.
At that, Cirna smiled for the first time. “Thank you!”
I slipped past her, tapping a knuckle against her forehead. “Keep yourself safe until then.”
✽✽✽
When King Edric informed Bastian they would be dining privately together tonight, my options were to dine separately with Volney and Nen or fend for myself. It wasn’t a hard choice. But it was made even easier because I needed to meet with Anais. To tell her the plan. Nothing more.
Instead of seeking out dinner, I snuck back into the Women’s Palace. Anais wasn’t allowed to dine anywhere else in case Bastian chose to eat with her. I hated that she had to sit and wait, eating alone, every night when he had to eat with the king, but it wouldn’t be much longer.
When I reached the small, intimate dining area, however, I found it empty. Her dinner plates still sat on the table, the food half gone. Usually, servants would’ve whisked them away immediately. I continued lingering in the shadows of the room, rapping my fingers on my thigh. Had she choked on dinner again and been rushed to the healer? Or was there an intruder who the guards hadn’t been made aware of?
“She’s gone again?” a woman whispered outside the room.
“The ladies’ maids are looking for her now. If they don’t find her before the duchess learns of it, we’ll be to blame.”
“I thought she stopped sneaking off?” the first woman asked, her distress clear.
“Didn’t you hear? The prince told the duchess to give her time to herself so she wouldn’t become overwhelmed.”
The other women replied, but they were too far down the hallway now to understand. With everyone looking for Anais in the Women’s Palace without any luck, it was clear she wasn’t there. I backed slowly out of the room, retreating the way I came, and raced into the gardens before anyone spotted me. It was stupid to think she would hide in the forgotten corner where we met, but my feet carried me there regardless.
“Saer?” Anais gasped when I stepped through the overgrown grass. She hugged herself where she stood beneath the tree’s bare branches, wearing only her thin, black satin gown and red agate beads across her chest.
At the sound of her voice, I crossed to the tree, stepped over the bench, and cupped her face in my hands before she could utter another word. My lips found hers, desperate and hungry. The cool evening air had chilled her skin, but it quickly warmed beneath my touch as she returned the kiss. Anais gripped my bracers, holding me there.
“Lady Karina?” a distant voice called.
Fuck. Right. People were searching for her. I broke the kiss, and traced her cheekbones with my thumbs. “What are you doing here?” I whispered.
“Breathing.” Her eyes locked onto mine, searching. “Where have you been?”
I looked up at the now-bare branches of my tree. “Doing my job.”
“You’re avoiding me.” Her grip tightened slightly. “I’m sorry about what I said in the bathroom. I was scared, but I didn’t mean—”
“
Don’t apologize.” I pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “You were right. I wish things were different too, but they’re not. And it’s too dangerous.”
Tears filled her eyes, hovering along her lower lid. “I can’t marry him.”
I opened my mouth to tell her she wouldn’t have to when something about how she clung to me made me pause. Bastian would never hurt her—not intentionally and never physically. But his experience with romancing women was as lacking as my own. “Did something happen between you two?”
“No.” She pulled my hands from her face but continued to hold on. “The prince is wonderful and any woman would be lucky to be his wife. That’s why I can’t do this. I would have to lie to him every day for the rest of my life and… and love someone else when he deserves someone who loves him.”
An ache bloomed in my chest. Bastian did deserve that. He deserved a lot better than he had—a mistrustful father, a deceitful best friend, and a lying fiancée—but that was all the more reason for me to stick to the plan. With Anais safely in the south, he could marry someone else. Someone who could give him their heart and—wait. Did she just say she loved me? Fuck. I wasn’t worthy of that.
“You leave next week,” I whispered. “I’ve secured the horses and prepared a map. You’ll go south with Governor Pevran’s niece. While she’s young and, I suspect, unworldly, she’ll offer you protection without knowing it. The two of you will travel as sisters which will help throw off any guards you come across.” As long as Cirna was smart enough not to mention they were traveling from the capital.
Anais released my arms to grab at my shirt. “Can’t we go together instead?”
Unlike Cirna, if we both went missing, my presence would only garner more attention. A young couple traveling together, matching our descriptions, would get us caught in no time.
Run, Pevran told me. But how could I? I might be able to avoid the Red Asters for a while, but not the rebels and the royals. And definitely not if I was seen to have kidnapped the prince’s fiancée.
“If things were different, I would leave with you,” I said honestly.
“Please,” she said, her quiet voice cracking.
“In eight days, I’ll come to your room and sneak you from the palace. I’ve secured common clothing for you, so only bring anything of sentimental value. You’ll have enough money to replace anything else once you reach the south.”
Panic flickered across her face. “My family—”
“Would want you to survive. I’ll send them whatever they need.” I pulled her against my chest and embraced her. “I’m sorry you’re in this position, but this is all I can do to save you. If the Asters tell you to do something, even if it’s to kill Bastian, you’ll have no choice. They’ll expose you otherwise.” And, either way, the king would kill her as a traitor.
“How do you know?” she asked.
“Know what?”
“That they would threaten to expose me. Have they done it to others who the king killed?”
I released a deep breath. “Those he’s killed and those he hasn’t.”
“He’s pardoned rebels before?” she asked, sounding a little hopeful.
“No,” I said, quickly squashing her optimism. There was no pardon for people like me—disloyal pieces of shit were rewarded with a traitor’s death.
“Then—” Anais stiffened and pushed out of my arms. “Are you one of them? Are you a Red Aster?”
I slammed my palm over her mouth, holding her against me with my other arm around her lower back. “Watch what you say,” I hissed. When I met her wide eyes, I softened, but not enough to release her. “I have as much say over my life as you do in yours. Did the rebels place me beside the prince when we were toddlers? Yes. Have they been threatening me and coercing me to do horrible things ever since? Yes. But am I one of them? No. My allegiance is to the prince, but I can’t protect him if the Asters turn me over to the king, so I have to keep doing terrible things. Do you understand? I have no other choice.”
When Anais said nothing, when the only sound was my pounding heart and frantic thoughts, I let her go. She couldn’t turn me in without risking herself, even if she wanted to now.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” I asked. Her chest heaved as she looked me up and down. My eyes lingered on her mouth, where my hand left a red mark, and I wished I could soothe it away. “Don’t tell me you’ve finally learned when to hold your tongue.”
Her eyes slowly lifted to mine. “I understand.”
“Do you?” I stepped toward her and she held her ground. “Then you’ll understand why you need to leave. The countess is working with the Asters and they will ruin you.”
She nodded mutely.
“And…” I looked down at her and sharp pain twisted in my chest. “And you’ll understand why I can’t leave with you. That I have to protect Bastian.”
“Yes.” She pushed up onto her toes and brushed her lips against mine. I melted into the kiss, twining my fingers into her hair, but she leaned away far too soon. “If what you said is true about the Asters, you can’t stay here though. What if they tell you to kill the prince?”
“Then I will fall on my sword,” I vowed.
“In eight days, I’ll leave. I’ll go wherever you send me and do whatever you say, but only if you promise to find me again.” She tugged me down by the knotted hair at the base of my neck. “Protect the prince while you can, but when the time comes that you can’t, don’t stay to die. Find me and live instead.”
Emotions clawed at my chest. Guilt, as always, but longing, sadness, and fear also dragged their talons across my heart. And something else. Something I didn’t recognize. It made me want to fall at her feet and weep. To make her that promise and mean it. But I couldn’t. I would die here, protecting Bastian.
“I’ll see you again,” I told her. Not in this life, but perhaps the next. “Now, you need to get back to the Women’s Palace before someone tells Duchess Fransabelle that you went missing again.”
She huffed. “I’ve been granted liberties.”
“Yes, but something tells me they don’t extend this far,” I said with a smirk. “Go. Before I need to break you out of a dungeon next week.”
Anais hesitated, looking from me to the gap in the hedge that would lead her out of our haven. “In case it wasn’t clear earlier, I’ve fallen in love with you.”
My breath caught. “Anais…”
“I don’t expect a reply. You just deserved to know.” She leapt up to place a chaste kiss on my cheek and raced away. Back to the palace and her maids.
While I… I couldn’t move. Love wasn’t allowed for me. I’d known that since childhood. There were no parents to love me, no hope of a wife one day. Bastian and I loved each other as brothers but this warmth in my chest now was nothing like that. Was this what the stories talked about? Could I be in love with her too?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Bastian stood at Anais’ side, one hand on her elbow, guiding her arm. She rolled a heavy ball and it smacked against his, knocking it out of the way.
“You did it,” he encouraged with a wide smile.
Anais smiled but it was too tight to be real. She’d been avoiding my gaze since we arrived at the Women’s Palace so Bastian could teach her how to play different garden games. It was almost too cold to be outside, but he’d bought her a fur cloak for the occasion. More like the game was an excuse for the gift. But what could I say? He was being a good fiancée.
“Good morning, Saer.” Duchess Fransabelle came up beside me where I stood at the foot of the palace steps. “They make a handsome couple.”
“Yes,” I agreed. Very handsome. Very royal. And it was fucking me up inside. Who was I to destroy what could be a happy marriage? A Wing, I insisted to myself. Helping Anais get to safety outside the palace had nothing to do with my feelings for her. It was about saving both their lives.
The duchess’ eyes were daggers as she scoured me from head to toe. “I’m glad you took my a
dvice.”
“Your advice?” I shifted uncomfortably and watched Bastian throw another of his balls at the one Anais just tossed. Let it go, duchess.
Fransabelle made a low hmm in the back of her throat. “I’m also pleased the prince has visited Lady Karina so often. She seems to be enjoying court as well.”
I clenched my jaw. “Wonderful news.”
“Her lessons aren’t coming along as well, of course. Now that her schedule is busier. Much like your own, now that you’ve been welcomed back into the Main Palace.”
I narrowed my eyes and looked down at the duchess. She was bundled in her own fur cloak, complete with a matching hat and hand warmer. “Palace life has sorted itself out once again,” I said in a low voice.
“Palace life.” She turned and looked straight up at me with unnerving focus. “But what about your love life?”
My lips parted. “My what?”
“Exactly. Keep it that way.” She turned without another word and walked back into the warmth of the greenhouse attached to the rear of the Women’s Palace.
“So damn observant,” I grumbled. It wouldn’t matter after tomorrow though. Anais would leave and I would perform my best act yet. The concerned Wing, the dutiful guard, the outraged rebel. To two opposing audiences. While I knew I should feel some way about that, only numb resignation existed.
Bastian laughed and I snapped my attention back to their game. Anais looked pleased with herself as he scooped up his final ball. “If I knock yours out of the ring this time, you’ve lost.”
“I’m optimistic, Your Highness.”
“What will you give me if I win?”
Anais stiffened. “I’m afraid I don’t have anything you’d want.”
“A kiss.” He said in a higher-than-normal voice and when she paled, he added, “a chaste kiss, on the cheek.”
It felt as if someone had kicked me in the chest. I struggled to drag in a breath, my eyes flashing wildly between their faces. The open, hopeful expression on Bastian’s face was a stark contrast to Anais’ blank stare. No. He can’t fucking kiss her. She didn’t want it any more than I wanted to see it happen.
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