FullDisclosure

  It felt incredible, and it only got better when Noah withdrew from her to lie on top of her, bracing his weight on his elbows but the enticing ridge of his erection nestled firmly against her still-wet pussy.

  “So, was that okay?” he asked, after kissing her gently.

  “Noah,” she breathed. “I think that is the most ridiculous question anyone has ever asked me.”

  He laughed, but despite her light words, already there were nibblings of guilt and confusion on the edge of her consciousness. For now, however, she chose to ignore them and enjoy the moment.

  For now.

  Evan raised his fist to knock—and stopped. His hand dropping to his side, he took a step back. He paced to the other side of the hallway, turned and glared at the door to Jake’s apartment as though it were the entrance to some alternate dimension.

  Laughing at himself, he leaned against the wall and raked his fingers through his hair. He was nervous for God’s sake—nervous about seeing Jake, and that was ludicrous. But then he corrected himself. It wasn’t just Jake behind that door anymore. Sadie was there too. And seeing her…

  He took a deep breath, willed his heart to slow. Seeing her had always done things to him, made him feel things. Things that he didn’t care to acknowledge. He didn’t like to acknowledge those feelings because he had never been in a position to act on them before. Whether it had been a wedding band or a set of iron bars, there had always been good reason to stay away from her. And there still was. Her name was Rachel. He couldn’t just forget about that part of his life because she happened to be away this weekend. He couldn’t pretend that there was the possibility of a future with Jake and he couldn’t pretend there was with Sadie. His future lay with the child he’d never dreamed he had—never dreamed he could have. That was a relationship that transcended all others and he had to do everything in his power to make it work.

  And that included not jeopardizing it with outside relationships that could prove damaging to her opinion of him. Things were tenuous enough as it was. He couldn’t take the risk.

  But even as he considered walking away he acknowledged that he couldn’t. He owed Sadie more than that. He owed Jake. He just had to be careful. He couldn’t give in to his desires, couldn’t lead her on or let her think she could be anything more to him than a friend—one whom he cared for deeply.

  He couldn’t take advantage of her like that. Couldn’t be another in a long line of people who had used her.

  So at the very least he owed her the truth. And he owed Jake something too. If only he had a better idea what that something was.

  He blew out a long, slow breath and decided that the only way to figure it all out was by diving in headfirst and praying he found the surface before he ran out of air.

  He crossed the hallway and gave the door a crisp knock. Jake had offered him a key numerous times but Evan had always turned him down. The temptation would be too great.

  It took only a few moments for the door to open, and what he saw on the other side of that door blew all thoughts of restraint and responsibility and parental sacrifice from his mind.

  “Sadie,” he breathed. “My God, you look amazing.”

  She blushed instantly, tugging the lapels of her white satin robe a little closer together in a show of modesty that was so sincere it was heart-wrenching.

  She had obviously showered recently. Her hair was dry but had the tousled look of a woman who had allowed the breeze to run its silky fingers through it rather than the harsh heat of a blow-dryer. It tumbled around her shoulders in unruly waves and gleamed with fresh shades of gold and copper that set off the gold flecks in her eyes. Gold flecks that had always had the ability to hypnotize him.

  She smelled good too. Fresh like lily of the valley and the spring breeze off the lake that he’d enjoyed as he entered the building. She wore no makeup, but the blush in her cheeks and the wide-eyed look she was giving him, combined with the delicate vulnerability of her features, reminded him of a nymph peering out at him from behind the leaves of a graceful willow.

  He gave himself a mental slap. Scolding himself for his ridiculous fantasy, he finally managed to hear her words. Or perhaps it was the hand she had just laid on his arm that sent tiny lightning bolts through his veins.

  “Evan?” she was saying. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah.” He laughed it off—somewhat unconvincingly no doubt. “I’m fine. Sorry. I didn’t sleep well and I guess I didn’t have enough coffee this morning.”

  She smiled. “Well, I just made a fresh pot. Would you like some? We could have it on the balcony.”

  “That would be lovely, thank you.” He followed her inside, his eyes scanning the room for signs of Jake.

  “I’m so glad you came,” she was saying as she pulled a stoneware mug from the cupboard and proceeded to fill it from the stainless steel carafe. “It’s really good to see you.”

  He accepted the mug. “It’s good to see you too, Sadie. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I just—”

  “No.” She held up a hand. “No explanations are necessary. You don’t owe me a thing, Evan. You’ve already done so much. I’m just glad you’re here now, that’s all.”

  He was a little confused as to what she meant by “done so much”. She couldn’t possibly know about Karey, and beyond that he’d really done nothing. But he let it pass, following her in silence out onto the balcony.

  They both sat, facing each other across the small glass table that still held the dishes from her breakfast. The tip of a flaky croissant and a few strawberry stems were all that remained.

  He looked up to find her gazing at him.

  “So where is Jake today?”

  “He had to step out to pick up some things at the store. And I think he said he had some deliveries to make as well.”

  Evan nodded. “Well it looks like he’s been treating you well enough.”

  She blinked, looked away. “Yes. Um. He’s been wonderful.” She cleared her throat. “I’ve never been so spoiled. You’ve really done too much.”

  That took him aback. “Me? What have I done?”

  She smiled. “Don’t be so humble, Evan. I know you couldn’t be here, but I also know you put Jake up to all this.”

  A rock formed in the pit of his stomach. Of course Jake would have told her that, if for nothing else but to put her at ease. Otherwise Jake was just some stranger.

  Before he could figure out how to respond she asked, “So how is Nadine? Is she playing tennis today?”

  He blinked in surprise at the mention of his ex-wife. “Nadine? Why would—” And then it hit him. “That’s right. You wouldn’t know. I left Nadine. The divorce was final six months ago.”

  Her eyes went wide. “You did? That’s wonderful!” She reached out as if to hug him but stopped herself, abruptly leaning back in her chair and covering her mouth. “I’m sorry. That was a horrible thing to say.”

  He laughed, strangely feeling more relaxed than he had since setting foot inside the apartment. “No, no. You’re right. It is wonderful. And it was a long time coming, I’m afraid.” He reached across the table, found her hand and squeezed. “Far too long in coming.”

  They shared a look that sent electricity zinging through his chest.

  Her hand felt so delicate in his, so soft and yielding. He stroked the back of it, tracing her knuckles as if each one were a treasure. He couldn’t help himself. He laced his fingers with hers and drew her close.

  But when he looked in her eyes he saw more confusion than desire. “I don’t understand, Evan. If you’re no longer married, why couldn’t you be here? Why couldn’t you talk to me yourself? Why involve Jake?”

  He licked his lips, unsure how much to say. “It’s complicated, Sadie. There are other…considerations now. Believe me, though, when I say that I wanted to. And I still want to. I just…” He erupted from his chair and turned to the rail, gazing out across the water as if he could find the answers there.

  “You just
what?” She was beside him, her hand covering his on the railing. “Is it the scandal, Evan? The fact that I was in prison? If it is, I don’t blame you at all. You’re a businessman. Your reputation means everything to you. What people think matters.”

  He grasped her shoulders and turned her to him. “No. It isn’t that at all.” Then he rethought that. It would be lying to deny that the possible detrimental effects of her history hadn’t crossed his mind. “I’m sorry. You’re right. That is a factor, but that alone wouldn’t be enough to stop me from seeing you.”

  “Well then, what is it?”

  He didn’t know what to say. At that moment thoughts of his daughter were being pushed aside by a whole host of other thoughts. Thoughts of her full lips and silky skin, and how much he wanted to feel that skin slide beneath his fingers. How much he longed to feel those lips against his—just one more time.

  And before he knew it they were. His mouth was pressed to hers and her arms were wrapped around his waist and all he could think of was how perfectly they fit together. How perfectly they had always fit together, and how long he had waited for the moment when he could explore their fit completely.

  Her breasts pressed to his chest, small and firm and so tempting with nothing but the cotton of his shirt and the silk of her robe separating them. He wrapped one arm around her waist as his other hand cupped the back of her head and his fingers threaded through her hair.

  She tilted her head back, inviting him to deepen the kiss, and the soft moan in the back of her throat was all the consent he needed.

  He kissed her cheek and moved along her throat as her hand fisted in his shirt and she whispered his name.

  “My God, Sadie. What the hell were we waiting for?”

  Then she was gone. She pushed him back, holding him at arm’s length as she stared at him, her eyes wide with trepidation. “What am I doing?” she whispered, her voice laced with fear.

  “What? What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “Jake. It’s Jake.”

  “Jake? What about him?”

  “I’m afraid—”

  “Hey, Sadie!” As if he had heard his name, Jake chose that moment to burst into the apartment. They heard him clearly through the open patio doors. “What’s going on? Is somebody here?”

  “I’m sorry!” Tears brimming in her eyes, she ran from him, rushing past Jake as he came through the kitchen and fleeing toward the bedroom at the back of the unit.

  Stunned, confused and angry, Evan stepped inside. He stared after Sadie’s disappearing form, turned to Jake and lashed out. “What the hell is going on? What did you do to her?”

  Jake stood in wide-eyed disbelief. Evan. Evan had finally—finally—chosen to acknowledge his responsibilities with Sadie, and this was how he chose to do it? “What?”

  Evan pointed toward the back room. “That! Sadie. She was fine until you came in. What the hell have you been doing to her?”

  Jake’s mouth dropped to the floor—and his blood pressure hit the roof. “Doing to her? Doing to her?” He took a deep breath, took a step back and shoved his hands into his pockets. At that moment he was dangerously close to striking Evan—the only man he’d ever truly cared for. Of course that magnified the betrayal all the more. “What I’ve been doing for her is all the things you should have been doing! I’ve been looking after her, caring for her. Helping her to feel like part of society again.” Unable to curb the urge, he stepped in close and rammed a finger into Evan’s chest. “I stepped up to the plate when you quit the game, Evan. I have nothing to feel guilty about.”

  Obviously trying to calm himself, Evan took several deep breaths. But the fire in his eyes and the color in his cheeks barely diminished. The ire Jake saw smoldering in Evan did nothing to cool his own.

  “Are you saying I do?” asked Evan, fists clenched.

  “Damn right I am! You’ve got a lot of nerve coming in here and tossing accusations at me about a woman you threw away like an old pair of underwear.”

  “I did not throw her away!”

  “Then what the fuck do you call it?”

  Through gritting teeth, Evan ground out, “I did what I could. I had other responsibilities. You know that.” But he was no longer meeting Jake’s gaze and Jake noticed.

  “Yeah, sure. You keep telling yourself that. Frankly I’m sick of hearing about it. Those responsibilities are just a big fat excuse.”

  “Excuse? Excuse for what?”

  “An excuse for not committing. An excuse for not letting yourself get close…to people.” Because he couldn’t stand to be close to Evan anymore—and because at that moment he didn’t fully trust his own emotions, he stormed out onto the balcony where the remnants of his breakfast with Sadie stared up at him from dirty plates. They’d had such a blissful morning. Sensual, happy and perfect. How could it all go to hell so fast?

  He’d loved their time together, enjoyed every moment and didn’t know if he’d ever felt quite so connected to a woman. But he’d be lying if he didn’t admit that a tiny part of him had continually whispered that this was wrong. That he was somehow cheating on Evan—on a man who had as much as said he didn’t want him. His guilt didn’t make sense. And neither did Evan.

  Evan followed him, barely allowing Jake a moment to collect himself before he was back in Jake’s face.

  “I’m committed to Rachel. You have no idea what that means to me, how I’ve longed for a child. I always dreamed of having children, but was never smart enough to pick a wife who wanted them too. And now I have one. I have a daughter. She fell into my lap like a package from heaven. But she’s delicate, fragile. If I do or say the wrong thing, she could fall right back out again.”

  “And you’re willing to throw away everything else in your life that you care about? You’re willing to gamble all that away? For her?”

  For the first time Evan seemed chastened. The color drained from his cheeks and his eyes ceased to burn. “If I have to. Yes.”

  “But you shouldn’t have to.”

  “There’s a lot of things in life that we do even though we shouldn’t have to. Life isn’t fair, Jake. You know that.”

  “This isn’t about fair. That’s not what I’m talking about.”

  “Then what are you talking about?”

  Jake sighed, considering his answer carefully. “You love her then. You love her no matter what she believes or who she is. You love and accept her as she is because she’s your daughter, right?”

  Evan nodded.

  “But you don’t trust her to love you.”

  He blinked. “Of course I do.”

  “No, you don’t. Not the real you. Not the Evan who sleeps with Jake Maynard. Or the Evan who fooled around with a married woman.” It was a risk, but something told Jake it was a risk he needed to take.

  The panicked look in Evan’s eyes and the strangled whisper of an answer confirmed it. “Nothing ever happened between us.”

  “But you wanted it to, didn’t you?”

  Evan moved to the railing, braced his hands against it and hung his head. “Yes. I did. I never wanted anything so much in my life. But it didn’t happen because it couldn’t happen.” Jake joined him and was standing very close when Evan raised his head. “I seem to have a knack for loving things I can’t have.”

  Jake’s heart twisted. There was so much to say, so much that needed to be said, yet he had no idea how to say it. Where to start. So instead he acted.

  He kissed Evan—cupped his jaw in his hands, held him firm and joined their mouths with as much passion and sincerity as he could muster. And Evan let him.

  Evan didn’t hesitate, didn’t pull away. He fell into the kiss as if it were a tall glass of cool water and he was a man dying of thirst. There was a passion there and perhaps a sense of relief.

  Jake understood that because he felt it too. This felt right. So right. It always had.

  Evan’s fists bunched in Jake’s shirt as if he didn’t want to let go, but eventually, because they had to draw
breath, they did.

  Jake whispered, “If she doesn’t love the real you, Evan—if she doesn’t know her real father then what’s the point? It’ll just be another relationship built on lies and false hopes. And you know what happens to relationships like that, don’t you? You’ve been there before.”

  Evan held his gaze, and for a moment Jake thought perhaps he’d gotten through. That he’d made Evan see the truth.

  But his words shattered Jake’s hopes. “I can’t.” Evan stepped back and Jake’s heart fell. “I can’t do this.”

  And before Jake could argue, Evan was gone. The next thing Jake heard was the door to his apartment slamming closed.

  Sadie slipped back into the bedroom, very quietly eased the door closed and leaned against it. Be quiet, she told herself. Breathe.

  But the self-admonitions did nothing to calm the wild beating of her heart or cool the heat in her cheeks. Her eyes still swam with the image she’d seen through the clear glass balcony doors.

  She’d finally roused her courage to come out and speak to the two men, come clean about what had happened between her and Jake and try to sort out her feelings when she had witnessed something that changed everything.

  Evan and Jake had kissed. Deeply. Passionately. They had kissed like they had done it many times before. They had kissed like lovers. More importantly they kissed like two people in love.

  On wobbly legs, she moved over to the bed and sank gratefully into its welcoming softness.

  What did this mean? She didn’t know what to think. When Evan had shown up she’d immediately felt guilt over what had happened with Jake. Logical or not, she’d had this vague sense that she’d been unfaithful to Evan, betrayed him somehow. She’d scolded herself for it, told herself that they could never be together anyway and that she owed Evan nothing—nothing beyond the friendship they’d once shared. But that hadn’t changed a thing. The chemistry between them—the electricity that had immediately sparked to life—was a vivid reminder of how much more than friends they truly had been. Although nothing had ever happened between them—nothing beyond one, solitary, mind-numbing kiss in a moment of weakness—merely being together had felt like infidelity. Their attraction had been that strong. That visceral.