“Why don’t we just say I’m crazy and let it go at that? I think this is where you ride off into the sunset. Good-bye, Rand.”
Rand reached for his wife and dragged her off the chair. She was like a rag doll in his hands. “Just like that, it’s over. With no explanations. Not even a drop dead or go to hell. What the hell did I do?”
“Have you ever been unfaithful to me, Rand?”
The lie rolled off Rand’s lips so smoothly, he was stunned. “No!”
“I don’t believe you,” Maggie said quietly. “I’ve seen infidelity all my life. My father, my husband, Cary, and now you. I recognize the signs. It’s that simple.”
“Because you witnessed infidelity in others, you’re judging and condemning me!” Rand bellowed, his voice full of guilty rage.
“And found you guilty,” Maggie said, anger rising in her. “How dare you! How dare you muck up our marriage like this!” She turned so she wouldn’t have to see the awful guilt on her husband’s face.
“Maggie—”
“Go away, Rand. Don’t make this any harder than it is.”
“Maggie, I love you.”
“You know what, Rand? I love me too. I don’t deserve this. I knew. I knew the minute I heard your voice on the phone.... I could hear it in your voice. I felt it. You betrayed me and then you lied to my face. Go, Rand, I can’t bear to look at you.”
The moment the ground around her was silent, Maggie turned to stare across the prairie. Now she could cry with no one to see or care. I didn’t accuse him, Mam. I asked him and he lied to me. If he’d admitted it ... no, I can’t forgive that. He took something wonderful, something I treasured, and mucked it up. You never forgave Pap for being unfaithful to you. Why should I be any different? I did what you said, though, I asked. I know in my heart what you said to me is ... is going to be ... you won’t be giving me advice anymore. I followed it, Mam.
Maggie looked at her watch. She took a deep breath before she got up from the porch swing. She had to make things right with Cary, and she didn’t have much time left.
“They all think I’m the strong one, that nothing ruffles me,” Maggie muttered as she spurred the horse onward. “Ha. I feel as if my guts have been wrenched out of my stomach.”
It was half past twelve when Maggie clicked her way down the sterile hospital corridor in search of Cary’s room. Her stomach churned. She swallowed hard as two nurses in starched white crackled by her, medicine trays in their hands. Inside the room she could see Susan sitting on a hard plastic chair, an open book in her hands. Three daily newspapers were piled on the metal table that separated her chair from Cary’s. Obviously, Maggie thought, Susan was going to read them all to her charge. How protective she looks. How happy. Maggie’s shoulders started to shake the moment Susan noticed her.
“So many flowers,” she whispered to Susan. “Would you mind leaving us alone for a minute, Suse?”
“Sure. I’ll go get us some coffee.” She was gone a second later, the delicate scent of her perfume wafting behind her.
“Cary, it’s me, Maggie,” Maggie said. She reached for Cary’s hand. It felt dry and hot. For some reason, she’d expected it to be sweaty. “I came to apologize. Sorry is just a word, one we all use too often. I want to ... I need to explain. I’m not sure if . . . what I’m trying to say is I might hurt you even more . . . . Oh, Cary, I . . . Rand . . . Rand slept with Valentine Mitchell. I saw you sitting there and I remembered Amelia and a talk we had and how devastated she was. I reacted badly and I’m sorry. It all sort of slapped me in the face. I had no right to say what I did. I wanted to hurt someone the way I was hurting. Mam ... Rand . . . your offer to help Sawyer, the look on my son’s face. Please, Cary, forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Maggie. I believe.I am part of this family. I knew where you were coming from. I felt it. I sensed Rand’s . . . guilt. It was so easy to recognize. Don’t forget, I’ve lived with mine for so long, it’s part of my skin now.”
Maggie nodded and then remembered that Cary couldn’t see through his bandages. “I know. I can’t be that noble, that selfless. I’m not saying Amelia was wrong, I’m just saying I don’t think and feel like Amelia. Betrayal has to be the hardest thing in the world to bear,” Maggie whispered.
“I’d say it’s right up there with guilt,” Cary said quietly. “I live with it every day. Part of me will always love Julie, but I had to send her away. What we had ... it just . . . I couldn’t live with it. What are you going to do, Maggie? What are your options? Wheel me down to the sun room so we can have a cigarette. We can’t smoke in the rooms. Don’t worry about Susan, she’ll find us.”
“I am returning to Hawaii tonight. I told Rand to move out. Right now I guess I’ll just hang out for a few days and feel sorry for myself. You know, beat my breast and cry a lot. I’m taking over Billie Limited, so that means I have to map out a plan, start up operations, go to Hong Kong and Taiwan.”
“It sounds like a good starting place for you. What did . . . Rand say?”
“He denied it. He was never a good liar. I felt it, Cary, just the way Amelia did.” Cary squeezed her hand reassuringly. Bolstered, Maggie said, “Cary, I need to ask you a question. Please, for my sake, tell me the truth. If Amelia had asked you, would you have admitted your affair with Julie?”
“Yes. At one point I had, at the very least, one hundred and ten versions of why I did what I did, and not one of them worth the breath it would have taken to utter them. Every single day I waited, expecting Amelia to ask me, but she never did. It’s so hard for me to believe, to accept that Amelia knew all along and never said a word. There was nothing about her, no indication. She liked Julie, she approved of her as her successor. Till I die I will never understand that. Anyway, I’m glad you came to me.”
“Thanks for listening, Cary. Please, I need to hear you tell me you forgive me, that you understand. I think it’s a wonderful thing you’re doing for Sawyer and the family. Amelia must be smiling from ear to ear. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I walked up the hill this morning, and when I got back I . . . I had this feeling she was touching my shoulder, telling me she was going to look after Mam. Don’t laugh at me, Cary. It’s important for me to believe this. Anyway, I told her I’d say hello.” Maggie leaned over and kissed Cary lightly on the cheek.
Cary smiled. “She’s always there when it counts.”
Maggie kissed him again. “I know I’m leaving you in good hands. Susan, Ivy, and Riley will watch over you. Susan told you about Cole’s new daughter, didn’t she? Billie Otami Amelia Tanner. It has a ring to it. Mam was so pleased. I’ll be in touch, Cary,” Maggie said softly. “Hey, your personal nurse is here, and may I say I love powder-blue,” Maggie said, referring to Susan’s light wool dress. “Susan, take care, I’ll call. You’ll be at the condo in Miranda?”
“For a while, Maggie, I—”
“Shhh,” Maggie said, hugging her sister. “Take care of Cary.” How bright her eyes are, Maggie thought. How wonderful Cary’s smile is.
She felt cheated when she made her way out of the hospital to the parking lot.
Four hours later she was airborne. In ten hours she would be home. Minus a husband.
CHAPTER NINE
Rand stood alongside Riley and Ivy, who held little Moss, under Sunbridge’s portico, his face grim, his shoulders rigid.
“I don’t know what to do,” he said dejectedly.
“Do you want to come inside and talk about it?” Riley asked. “Neither Ivy nor I know what’s going on. Aunt Maggie made peace with Cary. When she got back, she said he was more understanding than she deserved. If Cary forgives her, I don’t understand what your problem is, Rand,” Riley said with an edge to his voice. He loved Maggie like a mother. She’d stepped in and welcomed him to Sunbridge when he first arrived in the States. More than once she’d taken his side over her own son’s when squabbles erupted. In his eyes Maggie could do no wrong.
“You two go along. I think this little fella ne
eds a bath and supper,” Ivy said cheerfully. “Jonquil made a buffet, so anytime you guys want to eat, just let me know.”
“Sure, honey.”
“Do you feel like a walk?” Rand asked.
“How about a trip up the hill?”
“No, not the hill,” Rand said. “Let’s walk around the garden.”
They strolled, each busy with his own thoughts. Riley thought he would burst with the silence.
Rand finally spoke. “I think I’ll go back to England.”
“Now, you mean? Why?”
“Your aunt Maggie told me not to bother going back to Hawaii. She told me to move out and to take my daughter with me. Earlier she mentioned something about coming back here and either renting Billie’s studio from you and Ivy or setting up shop in Adam’s house.”
“I’m in the dark here, Rand. I don’t understand any of this. What I do understand is I’ve never seen my aunt so miserable, so determined. Are you just going to talk or are you going to explain? If you feel it’s none of my business, I can deal with that,” Riley said briskly.
“Maggie thinks I slept with Valentine Mitchell,” Rand said curtly.
Riley’s eyebrows shot upward. He thought about his upcoming meeting with the attorney, and then he remembered the three and a half days Rand and Val spent in Minnesota. A vision of the fast-track lawyer flashed before him. He bit down on his lower lip.
“Aren’t you going to ask me if I did or didn’t?” Rand asked defensively.
“If I did, would you tell me the truth? Aunt Maggie must believe you did if . . . She usually thinks things through pretty carefully before she makes a decision. She used to hammer that into Cole’s and my heads. If that was what she was carrying around inside her last night, it would at least explain her outburst about Cary. Maybe she wanted to go back alone to have a cooling off period, to think about things.”
“She’s already thought about them. Her leaving alone was her decision.”
“You didn’t put up much of a fight,” Riley said coolly.
“So that makes me guilty, I suppose?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth, Rand. However, I do remember another time when you and Sawyer were an item, and you didn’t have the guts to tell her it was over. That’s when she was so sick and almost died. Then you up and married Aunt Maggie a little while later. Hey, I can add, and I can come up with four like everyone else. To this day, you have no idea how you hurt her. Cole and I know, though. Maybe Aunt Maggie is remembering that too,” Riley said tightly, his eyes defensive.
“It wasn’t like that. The thing with Sawyer was over before Maggie and I got to know one another,” Rand snarled. “That was a low blow, Riley, and you damn well know it.”
“It’s no such thing, Rand. It’s a damn fact. You can’t change facts. Like Aunt Maggie, I believe in fidelity.” He wanted to ask Rand whether Valentine was worth all that he was going through now, but he didn’t. How was he supposed to act around Val when he went to her office tomorrow? he wondered. “So what’s your game plan?”
Rand shrugged. “As I said, England, I guess.”
“You’re welcome here. Stay as long as you like. If you want privacy, you can use Grandmam Billie’s studio until you decide what you want to do. I’m not judging you, Rand. If it sounded that way, I’m sorry.”
“There’s always a but,” Rand said. “But you aren’t comfortable around me. And you still haven’t asked me that all-important question.”
He’s too defensive, too cocky, Riley thought. “No, and I won’t. I don’t want to know. This is between you and Aunt Maggie. Did you talk to Thad about this?”
“No. Thad has enough on his mind. And I didn’t say anything to Cary either, if that’s your next question. But I think Maggie may have said something to Sawyer.” Riley propped one of his feet on the same milk box his aunt had sat on earlier in the day. “I rarely give advice, Rand, but if I were you, I’d go to Maggie and do whatever you have to do to make things right.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Rand said in a neutral voice. “I think I’ll skip dinner. Do you mind if I use your truck later?”
“Not at all. I’m in for the night. Is there anything I can do, Rand?”
“No, but thanks for the offer. I’ll see you later,” Rand said, and strode off in the direction of the house.
The room Rand was supposed to have shared with his wife was decorated in soft, earthy garden colors. The only thing out of place was his suitcase, which was still packed and still in the same position it had been in yesterday, when he carried it here himself. Maggie had spent several days in this room, but there was no sign of her at all. The brown and moss-green spread on the bed was free of wrinkles. There were no telltale flecks of face powder, no stray hairpins, no tissues. In the bathroom the towels were folded neatly, the soap looked untouched, and there were no watermarks on the vanity or sink. The lid on the toilet seat was down. Rand puzzled over the fact that there were no tissues in the waste basket. Maggie required at least half a box when she applied makeup. Then he remembered that she wasn’t wearing makeup when she left. Her nose had been shiny and her freckles had shown clearly through her tan.
How many times over the years had she repeated the words, “Be a good houseguest so you’re invited back?” What that meant was to remove the bed linens, empty the trash, hang up the towels, and if there are fresh flowers in the room, change the water. Maggie had taken care of everything. He felt like bawling.
Angrily, he pitched his suitcase at the bed. Now the spread was wrinkled. Good. He undid the straps and peered down at the messy array of clothing. Most of the contents were soiled. He upended the suitcase and tossed it on the floor. At the bottom was a pair of wrinkled but clean khaki trousers and a shirt, also wrinkled. He felt victorious when he noted a clean pair of jockey shorts and one pair of rolled-up socks. Then he felt like bawling again.
In the bathroom mirror, he noticed his two-day-old stubble and winced. He looked like a bum. Jesus. He took off his clothes and pitched them in the general direction of the upended suitcase and pile of clothing on the bed.
Thirty minutes later he was shaved, clean, and wrinkled. “Now what do I do?” he muttered. His gaze settled on the chocolate-colored phone on the nightstand. He noticed the flowers then for the first time. Bright red tulips, which looked limp and tired. So Maggie didn’t practice what she preached, he thought irritably. It pleased him no end to carry the vase of flowers into the bathroom to pour out the water and add fresh. He was careful to wipe off the bottom of the vase so it wouldn’t leave a watermark on the night table. He felt a little better immediately, as though he’d done something worthwhile, something that really mattered in the scheme of things.
He picked up the phone, punched out his number in Hawaii, and listened to Maggie’s voice on the answering machine say, “Rand and I aren’t here right now, so leave your name and number at the sound of the beep and we’ll return your call as soon as we can.” He cleared his throat before the beep and spoke loudly and clearly. “Maggie, we need to discuss this. You can’t just end things without talking to me. I’m calling from Sunbridge, but I’ll be leaving shortly. My plan at the moment is to go to a hotel in town. I don’t want to burden the family with our problem. They have enough on their minds as it is. I just wanted you to ... know I care and that I’m thinking of you.”
Rand broke the connection and replaced the receiver.
It was dark now, and the only light shining into the bedroom was from the bathroom. Rand snapped on the overhead light and for the first time noticed the sapphire-blue chair by the window. It looked out of place, more like a woman’s chair, or at least a Billie color. He wondered if his wife had sat on it. Was it okay to smoke here in the bedroom? Ivy had never said if it was or wasn’t. Riley smoked occasionally, Ivy not at all. He opened the window before he lit his cigarette, spotting a small ceramic ashtray on the wide windowsill.
Where should he go? What should he do? What exactly were his options
? What were his legal options? He groaned. Regardless of the. mitigating circumstances, Maggie would bend over backward to be fair if it came down to legal defenses. What goes around comes around. That’s what Sawyer had said to him. He wished now that there had been bitterness in Sawyer’s voice instead of sadness. He’d stepped over the line, and Sawyer knew it. She would never forgive him. They’d all forgiven Cary when he fell off the fidelity wagon because Amelia had forgiven him, had given her seal of approval to Julie. They weren’t going to forgive him, though. He wondered how long it would take before they all knew he’d crossed over the line. The lie he’d told his wife had made things worse. Amelia had raised him to be truthful, to stand up and take his medicine when he screwed up. His shoulders slumped as he realized what he’d done. He’d been unfaithful and he lied to cover up his wrongdoing.
Goddamnit, just because Maggie said he shouldn’t go back to the house in Hawaii didn’t mean he had to listen to her. He had as much right to be there as she did. Do what she wants, wait it out, an inner voice cautioned. The right time will come for you to sit down and talk. Maggie won’t stay in Hawaii alone. She’ll come back. She doesn’t do well alone. And then another voice accused: Maggie loved you heart and soul, you bastard. Now you’ve lost her. You’re a low-down, stinking, miserable bastard and you deserve whatever Maggie dishes out, Lord Rand Nelson.
Rand squeezed his eyes shut. The burning sensation he was feeling made them water. Too much cigarette smoke.
What goes around comes around.
He felt like a thief when he tiptoed down the steps, through the house and out to the courtyard. Since dinner was a buffet, he more or less assumed Riley and Ivy would be eating in the great room. His thought proved right, and he didn’t encounter them. He drove around the house and out the three-mile drive to the main road. He never felt more an outsider in his life.
On the highway, driving at a sedate seventy miles an hour, Rand turned on the radio. He almost ran off the road into a ditch when he heard Rod Stewart singing “Maggie May.” Shaken, he eased up on the gas pedal and concentrated on the road in front of him. He ended up in the underground parking lot of Assante Towers.
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